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    New job and terrible anxiety 
    #1
    I was laid off from my job over 6 months ago and got unemployment. Now after being of for over this 6 month's my anxiety has gotten way worse and I can't imagine having to go back to the 9-5 grind. And my anxiety seems to be holding me back from wanting to ever get a job due to it making me feel physically Ill and I'm not sure what to do at this point...
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    #2
    Bluelighter yompf's Avatar
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    I feel you I'm in the same boat . I just quit my job. Now I have to find another this month.
    I'm so sick of customers and having to please people .
    I'm tired of this matrix where we are forced into slavery . It's not natural to any of us , it's not who we are , that's why we hate it so much . IMO.
    I don't want to be addicted to anything ever again . Self medicating has too many consequences and makes your problems worse in the long run .
    What are your options as far as jobs go? I was thinking of getting a guard card to do security since it pays good. Or find an overnight stocker job or something so I don't have to be around many people.
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    #3
    I like yompf’s idea to seek employment in a different work environment.

    I read one one of your threads asking about experiences with Buspar (it gave me massive stomach pain so I couldn’t stay on it). What does your doctor think about your ability to work? I’m not suggesting you can’t work...but it sounds like your health has definitely impacted your employment.
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    #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by powerpunk5000 View Post
    I was laid off from my job over 6 months ago and got unemployment. Now after being of for over this 6 month's my anxiety has gotten way worse and I can't imagine having to go back to the 9-5 grind. And my anxiety seems to be holding me back from wanting to ever get a job due to it making me feel physically Ill and I'm not sure what to do at this point...
    What sort of work did you do? Perhaps it is simply that type of work that is causing this anxiety?

    I can really relate, I am currently not working after being losing my dream job through intoxication. Was a total disaster period, and I have struggled to find ongoing work since, a few temp roles but nothing more, and not much as a result either. But, I had been experiencing terrible anxiety going to my dream job, I was waking early feeling sickto the point of vomiting and almost panicked- totally hard to contain anxiety, so of course I was self-medicating heavily- what a fucking great idea that was(n't) My last job, which went for about 3 months (contract role) started well, no anxiety in the mornings and relatively calm during the day but just went downhill towards the end, and for no reason: the job was simple, and the place was calm with few disruptions. Always feeling sick and sweaty, I felt out-of-place and awkward and started making mistakes due to the confusion that anxiety kicks in for me. I do value the role anyway, because it helped me realise that I totally needed to get help for this problem giving how deeply it was effecting me physically, and I've been seeing a therapist ever since. Practising things like meditation, and deep breathing, refocusing the mind, grounding oneself and addressing cognitive distortions. I've found it really useful, mainly the breathwork tbh. OP, have you considered it? I think that once anxiety makes you physically ill, its probably time you tried to address it somehow. I hope that me relating my own story and possible resolution has helped in some small way. I'm curious to see how useful it is whenever I can get back to work

    Short version is think about doing lots of meditation and practise deep breathing, and maybe consider therapy.

    All the best, hit us back when you can and if you have any questions or anything, have at it
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by yompf View Post
    I feel you I'm in the same boat . I just quit my job. Now I have to find another this month.
    I'm so sick of customers and having to please people .
    I'm tired of this matrix where we are forced into slavery . It's not natural to any of us , it's not who we are , that's why we hate it so much . IMO.
    I don't want to be addicted to anything ever again . Self medicating has too many consequences and makes your problems worse in the long run .
    What are your options as far as jobs go? I was thinking of getting a guard card to do security since it pays good. Or find an overnight stocker job or something so I don't have to be around many people.
    I can understand why you feel that way, but I think you should just realize that's your opinion and not a fact.

    Sure, it has its problems, and I think psychologically it can be an issue cause I myself do wonder with my meds if I can do my work without them, but many people are able to do jobs they wouldn't otherwise by using certain substances and it just becomes a fact of their lives and they might actually be better off for it if the other alternative is not being able to do the job at all but remain substance free.

    What about people who have hard labor jobs but need a stimulant to do them like the farmers or laborers in other countries who use Coca or Kratom to get the work done? Nothing necessarily wrong with what they are doing, it's a personal thing about how you yourself feel.

    Sometimes you can also start a job using substances and then stop using them.

    I think you frame things as if they aren't just your opinions but are 100% facts which isn't necessarily true.
    Last edited by Mycophile; 29-06-2018 at 23:45.
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    #6
    I'm putting my post from my thread in here cause it seems related and maybe someone will respond cause no one else has. I'm even paranoid about mentioning the type of job it is in case somehow it comes back to me, but I probably will say what it is I'm doing later cause that's a bit TOO paranoid haha:


    I'm trying to get good at a new stressful career that involves public speaking and obviously I don't want to say where or what I'm doing, and I have stage fright and anxiety.

    Two things work for me, but one much better than the other.

    I take Klonopin prescribed daily and have for so long there's not even a thought of trying to do something like this job without it, and it's doctor approved so I feel all good using it and I'm used to it, so I don't feel conflicted about it.

    But then there's Kratom, which works WAY better for my anxiety.

    So I'm still just learning to do this job, and had my first practice session recently and used both Kratom and Klonopin.

    Of course I had ZERO anxiety...and that's the problem:

    I don't want to, and never will use Kratom more than 3-4 days a week as I don't want to get addicted...(and yeah I know...Klonopin is worse and I'm addicted to that...so lets skip that part.)


    I knew if I took it the first time doing this job it would just seem too easy and i don't want to feel like I need Kratom to do the job, but now that I still haven't worked this job without being on Kratom, I feel like there's an "asterisk" next to my facing my anxiety, like I didn't REALLY face it cause I took the Kratom, and I know I'm not gonna feel like I really faced it till I go in while NOT on it.

    (lets forget the fact that the job would consider it socially unacceptable for ZERO good reason and I could get in trouble...)

    So you can see my diilemna:


    I feel like at some point soon I have to FORCE myself to go work this job while not on Kratom, but only on my Klonopin, and while I know I can do it, it will be harder.

    There's no "answer" to this, I'm just voicing this and seeing what people think, cause the only answers are 1) just take Kratom every time I work which I think is a bad idea 2) go in and face the fear while NOT being on it, and I feel like I need to do as much of #2 as possible so I don't become psychologically dependent on Kratom and know I have what it takes to face the job anxiety without it.

    So what would you do?

    How would you feel in this situation?

    Anyone ever have a stressful job or life situation that they first did while on a drug that made it a breeze and killed the anxiety, then suddenly realized they hadn't REALLY faced that anxiety yet, and had to make themselves go in cold without it before they could feel secure in themselves and look in the mirror knowing they'd truly faced the anxiety??






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    #7
    Bluelighter yompf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mycophile View Post
    I can understand why you feel that way, but I think you should just realize that's your opinion and not a fact.

    Sure, it has its problems, and I think psychologically it can be an issue cause I myself do wonder with my meds if I can do my work without them, but many people are able to do jobs they wouldn't otherwise by using certain substances and it just becomes a fact of their lives and they might actually be better off for it if the other alternative is not being able to do the job at all but remain substance free.

    What about people who have hard labor jobs but need a stimulant to do them like the farmers or laborers in other countries who use Coca or Kratom to get the work done? Nothing necessarily wrong with what they are doing, it's a personal thing about how you yourself feel.

    Sometimes you can also start a job using substances and then stop using them.

    I think you frame things as if they aren't just your opinions but are 100% facts which isn't necessarily true.
    I thought it was a fact that drugs screw your brain up . You know ? things are typically WORSE after because of depletion of dopamine or whatever, and your brain needs time to heal ,unmolested, and then things get better. Honestly you said it yourself in your other post that you gave yourself brain damage . Well I damaged my brain too. Drugs / alcohol
    Ya know I am in the mindset that ,sometimes in life we need drugs to help us through a painful experience. Sometimes they are the only thing . Sure it's personal how to feel about it.
    So I'm not gonna tell the OP to take up drugs to manage his/hers anxiety . I know you weren't suggesting it either , I'm just saying , I would not because the consequences of drug use exist.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by yompf View Post
    I thought it was a fact that drugs screw your brain up . You know ? things are typically WORSE after because of depletion of dopamine or whatever, and your brain needs time to heal ,unmolested, and then things get better. Honestly you said it yourself in your other post that you gave yourself brain damage . Well I damaged my brain too. Drugs / alcohol
    Ya know I am in the mindset that ,sometimes in life we need drugs to help us through a painful experience. Sometimes they are the only thing . Sure it's personal how to feel about it.
    So I'm not gonna tell the OP to take up drugs to manage his/hers anxiety . I know you weren't suggesting it either , I'm just saying , I would not because the consequences of drug use exist.
    When did I ever say I gave myself brain damage?

    I'm very curious as to where you think I said that, so could you point me towards what I said?

    I never once said I gave myself brain damage though, even if you think that's what I said.

    What I did say is I don't like psychologically relying on things like Klonopin/Kratom, but I never did myself brain damage that I'm aware of.

    Of course there is no question that drugs like Klonopin, alcohol etc can mess with things like GABA, kill brain cells etc (Klonopin doesn't kill brain cells as far as I know but alcohol does), mess with levels of serotonin and dopamine etc.

    But that is not the same thing as saying "I've done extensive damage to my brain with years of using Klonopin".

    I cannot prove or disprove that, nor can any doctor.

    I think only a brain scan could prove it, and I would assume my different drug use has most definitely effected my brain in certain negative ways, maybe some positive ones, but I do NOT think I have extensive brain damage from Klonopin lol.

    Also, I have done something called Neurofeedback, 40 sessions of it, and they hook your brain up to electrodes and give you different signals to alter brain waves and it's had a GREAT effect on lowering my anxiety, and has definitely healed parts of my brain.

    There are many studies that show neurofeedback actually can heal certain types of brain damage and is good for people with traumatic brain injuries, which I do not have, but it can help with that.

    So I'm sure I've done damage with different drugs and also healed some of it with Neurofeedback, but I don't think I'm gonna some day have alzheimers or serious memory loss from Klonopin.

    Probably the most Iv'e messed with my brain is with drinking which we all know does fuck up brain cells.

    Anyways, we all take our risks.

    I'm surprised about the bolded comment though since didnt you say you think you DON'T want to be dependent on anything and that drugs eventually hurt you when you use them to function??

    I think we probably agree on a lot though in that they can hurt and they can help.

    For me, if not for my Klonopin I don't think I could have faced many of the problems I have faced or come so far in life.

    The anxiety was fucking me up too much when I wasn't on it, and it's helped me a lot.
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    #9
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    ^ yes sorry you didn't say "brain damage" I was just coming back to edit that but you replied already. But you did say , your brain doesn't know up from down ,because of drugs , and you said you fucked your brain up with drugs . You didn't actually say "brain damage" I was confusing the wording with another thread.
    And I myself am brain damaged so there you go!
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by yompf View Post
    ^ yes sorry you didn't say "brain damage" I was just coming back to edit that but you replied already. But you did say , your brain doesn't know up from down ,because of drugs , and you said you fucked your brain up with drugs . You didn't actually say "brain damage" I was confusing the wording with another thread.
    And I myself am brain damaged so there you go!
    I doubt you are brain damaged lol.

    I meant that I made my anxiety worse with drugs, but I don't think Klonopin has made my anxiety worse or that it has caused me chronic damage.
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    #11
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    Lots of people stay on the same benzodiazepine dosage for decades.
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    #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Ho-Chi-Minh View Post
    Lots of people stay on the same benzodiazepine dosage for decades.
    Thanks yeah I think I'm ok.

    But what about feeling like I don't want to rely on Kratom for my new job but my feeling that since I've already used it the first time that I think I need to prove to myself I can work without it and deal with the anxiety??

    (ok, I'll admit it's a teaching program where I do weekly sessions to prove I can teach, I just get paranoid someone will somehow find out who I am from my program and know I'm doing Kratom while teaching, but that's paranoid cause no one knows who I am or can link me to this site).

    I'm having my 2nd practice teaching session tomorrow, and I know I'll use Kratom again, not only cause it makes the anxiety easier to deal with than just Klonopin, but cause it gives me energy and my sleep schedule is fucked so I feel shitty waking up for it and it helps with that too (I'll correct that to make it easier).

    I don't want to feel like I need Kratom to work, I mean I'm already on Klonopin everytime anyway, so I just have to FORCE myself to start teaching while not on Kratom to get used to it right??

    Otherwise I just feel like I'm not confronting my anxiety, but I already took Kratom the first (and will have taken it the 2nd time tomorrow) teaching session, so the stage feels set for me to have to remind myself next week not to take it, and get more nervous in anticipation of knowing that i'll simply have more nerves to deal with you know??

    Like, as an anxious person it TOTALLY killed the anxiety last week in a way that Klonopin alone can't do, but now I feel like "yeah, but can I teach without it? Can I face my anxiety without Kratom?"

    Cause this is just a teaching program for school that I have to pass to get a job.

    I know I'll do well and get my certificate (actually I already have one, it's a long story why I'm repeating the program so I won't go into it), but then if they hire me, which I think they will, I literally CAN'T take Kratom most times I teach since I don't want to become addicted and usually only take it 3-4 days a week max.

    Not to mention I have a mentor-teaching watching me, and he's said how comfortable I looked, and I don't want to look less comfortable in the future and have him wonder why I was more comfortable in past sessions, but what else can I do right?

    I mean 1) I might not look more uncomfortable to him even if I am internally 2) if he does notice it, so what right? I doubt he'd say anything, and if he did I could just admit that at times I get nervous and I don't know why.

    So in this situation, don't you feel all I can do is just make myself bite the bullet soon, and go in to one of my practice teaching sessions while not on Kratom and get used to it??

    It's the only honorable solution since I don't want to be psychologically dependent on it right?
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    #13
    Well, I'm still waiting for a response...
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    #14
    Ok, so no one else has ever felt like they've used an anxiety relieving substance at work and relate to the feeling that they want to prove to themselves they can face certain anxieties at work and in life without using those substances?
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    #15
    This is exactly how i feel physically Ill from my anxiety. I can deal with most of the symptoms but I can't deal with feeling nauseous and wver since I heard I was gonna get thr job Iv been feeling sick ti my stomach. Im thinking its just my anxiety but I'm terrified if throwing up in public lol. I did talk to my doctor cause i was at the end of my rope and that's why i git the buspar. It seems to help a little with the physical symptoms like rapid heart rate but Iv been on it for about 6 or 7 weeks and it seems like its less affective. My dr wont give me any benzo to take daily either
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    #16
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    Mycophile,

    Please feel free to create your own thread, as you ultimately did. Thanks.

    powerpunk,

    Was there some booze or benzo abuse in your past? Generally, if so, doctors aren't going to give previous GABAergic addicts a benzo until they have a few years or more clean. They know it hurts, but this is their job, and the only sure way they can prevent having a direct role to play in some sort of (possible, understood) scenario during which you binge and something terrible and irreversible happens. Doctors can be sued for this kind of unfortunate happening, and their defense is rendered very weak if the affected individual has a clear log on their file about a GABAergic addiction.

    Have you been tested for adequate levels of vitamins?

    Why don't you ask your doctor if you're allowed, in moderation, to take some of the herbs that probably have GABAergic activity? There are many: lavender, skullcap, valerian, passionflower, chamomile, and more...

    Also, if you're a coffee drinker, maybe try switching it out for green tea. Green tea is much more calming.

    Tulsi tea has proven to be amazingly medicinal. It's an adaptogen. Hindus revere it as a prominent goddess. It is said to help heal the adrenal gland, and restore the balance of various hormones/modulators/transmitters in the nervous system.

    Good Luck!
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