My addiction story

[ner0sr0me]

I am a Canadian citizen in Europe.

Hi Rob,
I'd love to speak with you sometime.
Elizabethe

I became addicted to Fentanyl patches after a Belgium doctor reccomended that I take this (to, as he put it, get me away from taking opiates for chronic pain).

I take one Durogesic 100 microgram patch every 48 hours (and I have gotten into the habit of chewing and sucking out the remaining medication from the used semi-spent patch I replace (I know... it is shameful).

Now, I am addicted to this garbage and cannot afford treatment. I am even considering suicide as a way of dealing with my addiction (and the shame associated with it.)

I am so afraid and feel so alone. I see no light... no way out of this self-created horror. (I am a 54 year old man and I am crying as I write this because I am so ashamed about how I allowed myself to get into this position.)

I doubt that if I chewed five or more patches and wore twenty that it would be enough to end my life because if one has a high tollerance, I dont think they can overdose (maybe I am wrong... maybe not.)

I need help, but I doubt there is anyone who can help me.

This is my addiction story

 

[ner0sr0me]

Hi Rob.... Fentanyl has one the quickest withdrawals out there. I've been exactly where you are. I know it's an utter drag, but at their peak, the wd symptoms come on and are gone within roughly 72 hours. I've jumped into that abyss a half dozen times.
If you ever need to talk, I'm here.
Elizabethe

 

[user name1]

Hi ner0sr0me,

i'm truly hopeful you're feeling better. even a bit better is something..
i don't want to get into the fentanyl aspect, i think it's just the outcome of something much deeper..

i empathize with you a great deal. ofc the situation is different, everybody is different but we (here on BL) share your pain,
trauma and despair to some extent. i discovered that connection and interaction is helpful for me.

you said that you feel so alone and that's in my opinion is one of the main reasons you use drugs to begin with -
it's hard connecting with people - they are unpredictable and puts us in a vulnerable position.

maybe try and think why you really started abusing drugs, it might be helpful.

for me, absurdly after a painful breakup i started using and the using made me withdrew from friends and family.
being isolated i began to "connect" more and more with drugs.

what i'm trying (unsuccessfully) to say that i don't believe in "addiction" but in choices,
weather conscious or unconscious our brain thinks that using drugs is the best option right now -
but the brain is so elastic and constantly changing that its very likely to "change its mind" -
thinking the best option is something else.. i am sorry for being off topic but i find great comfort in this theory,
hopefully you would too.

remember that everything passes - pain, shame, guilt etc. i believe that in time you would feel better, all you need is to just BE.
don't do anything or try to force yourself into something you're not comfortable with, don't fight and dont despair.

i'm sorry if it all sounds like new age shit but that's my 2 cents

feel free to PM me any time mate

best,
jona