• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Venting, Ranting and Bitching vs. Don't Tell That to Your Mama

MrRoot

MrRoot

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Apr 15, 2011
Messages
2,121
This is an official venting, ranting and bitching thread for TDS community.

Please no drug glorifying or triggering content.

Feel free to blow some steam!

I'll go first:
God damn those cabin neighbours who don't understand that there may be some noise and weird behaviour going on on Midsummer's Eve.

We were having our own rave night and we were dancing naked in our cabins backyard and there is 1.3km to next neighbour and they called the cops as they were horrified of what was happening. Come on you need binoculars for that range to determine if people wear clothes or not.

When the police came we all were candyflipping and they noticed that we had been consuming something other than booze too but they didn't mind it all. They were cool with what we were doing and the younger cop even danced for a while to the psytrance beat which was hilarious. Too bad I didn't take video of that :)
 
thanks a lot for opening this thread MrRoot!

its saturday - i wake up at noon.
there's a competition between my head and my lower back at aches. the head wins by a nano point.
barely able to stand i wait for the water to boil, i add two pregnant spoons of black coffee to the pot. brewing
the fresh turkish coffee just how i like it. i'm hungry - something new to me in the mornings (probably because i try quitting crack).
so i vacuum some yogurt and stuff my face with nuts and bitter chocolate.
the coffee is aromatic and ready. i roll a cigarette awaiting for the coffee grains to settle down.

my fucking back hurts and my head is pounding. once i made a promise to never take subutex before drinking coffee.
i drink half of the coffee and finish the cigarette. i haste myself to the drug table (a small table for drugs) and
open the subutex casing trying not to rip the "lid" but like always i fail. i'm supposed to take 4 mg in the mornings but the
fucking pain and the aches are too much so i crush the whole pill with a plastic card, using my thumb as a crusher (crusher?).
with another card i scratch and swipe the powder from the first card and make my self a fat long line.
i always hunch and bend while snorting and afterward i tilt my head backwards, allowing the powder to go down.
only this time i snorted and fell on my ass and the ritual was hilariously broken.
in the course of two minutes the aches subside a bit but not enough for a hog like me -
so i pop 2 orange rokacet plus (codeine and caffeine) and like an old man at the beach at dawn -
i stretch my back to the sides, frontwards and backwards.. i roll another cigi and thinking maybe another strong turkish coffee is needed
but decide to wait a bit.

im constipated terribly to the point i dread the ol' banio like a newly incarcerated noob at a supermax federal prison.
"hello, my name is jona and its been four days since i last took a shit", im alone though and no one says we love you jona.

my back feels ok but my head still hurts. maybe i should have it removed i thought and bizarrely it sounded like the right thing to do
but the thought of phantom headaches frightened me so i decided to keep this unnecessary dented, wounded melon.

p.s
sorry if i accidentally offended anyone with my plumping issues, subutex use etc. etc.
 
i am so stupid!
and also a greenlighter..
i can only send 1 PM in three hours and always manages to fuck it up some way like replying to myself
or sending the message i received to the sender. such bulshit. if and when i will become eem (a bluelighter?) a bluelighter would i be able to send more then
1 every 180 minutes?
i am a grumpy and stupid manchild...
fuck me man.
ayt, peace
 
So this is a substitute for the vent/rant thread.

It's a pity that the one who seeks to parasite of you, does so, with no real life acknowledgment of your being - interesting.


I wonder if they would benefit?

...by being disingenuous.

Maybe noone will notice.

=D
 
hey Asclepius!

as i said before i think i'm pretty stupid and therefore -
i didn't understand what you meant in your somewhat mysterious post..
could you elaborate please?

thnx in advance
 
i'm back to my old ways,
smoking crack twice a week which is not good at all.
again i lie and manipulate and being an asshole but i dont steal at least. not yet anyways.
like dr. jekyll and mr. hyde i am torn. basically in my essence i think i am an ok guy.
at work i love to help out ppl and everyone says i'm a good and decent guy but when the "junkie me" gets out -
i'm just a two faced MF, i use people trust and lie my ass off.. i hope i'll get it under control soon.
i have no desire to go back to minor criminal activity - stealing mainly.
oh well... i just hope to remember what a shitty world the crack world is and steer clear..

thanks for reading,
jona
 
Well I just went to get my mails today and noticed that my UA few weeks ago has been "dirty" and my driving license will be suspended.

Funny thing is that I was prescribed zolpidem four months ago before taking that UA and only thing in it was zolpidem and metabolites so I am guilty of taking zolpidem which was prescribed for me by the Dr. at the same place that does UAs.

Just plain bullshit that prescriptions can't be older than three months in order to drug to be allowed in UA.

Going to give some angry calls at them at monday.
 
God I'm so frustrated... my ex, who is crazy (like as in legitimately, she had a nervous breakdown and psychosis towards the end of our relationship and she seems better than then, but she has basically no coping skills). She is on the deed to my house and I'm getting a mortgage refinance to fix my badly damaged roof. In order to get the refinance, she has to sign some papers. I've been back and forth and back and forth with her about it, she seems paranoid that somehow signing these papers will have people prying into her personal life, or something. I don't know, she's not making much sense about it. But in our last communication before today, she said she'd sign them and return them ASAP. The last thing needed is for her to do that.

But now today she calls me and says that she knows it's inconvenient for me, but that it's equally inconvenient for her to do this on my schedule and she has no time to read the papers and understand them "until September or October". It's such bullshit but I can't get anywhere with her. I also sent her a property settlement agreement so I can file for a no-fault divorce. She is terrified to involve lawyers, and she can't afford lawyers either, but for some reason she's been utterly unable to deal with this for the last 4 and a half years since we split up. I've been really patient because I know she's been dealing with stuff, but it's almost at the 10 year mark (in 23 days) at which point, were she so inclined, she could file in Illinois and I would automatically have to give her half of my stuff... sell my house and split the profits, and liquidate my retirement account and give her half.

I really believe she's just unwell and it's very difficult for her to deal with anything at all, and she's really paranoid too and signing papers has always been difficult for her, she tries to read and understand them and gets panicked or something and it all flies out of her head. But this is fucking with my life. I reached out to her mom today, she was my mother in law for 12 years and we were always very close. I have been avoiding it out of respect for my ex, but it's time. If that doesn't work I'm going to have to threaten to file for a contested divorce which would involve lawyers, unless she complies.

I just don't fucking get why it's so hard for her to sign some shit that she has repeatedly agreed she wants to do... she says it stresses her out to be on the house deed and she wants to get the divorce behind her. It would take her 20 minutes to go to a notary and get them signed and mailed back. She's telling me stuff like that she's been late to work twice "dealing with this"... not my fault you get stuck in stress holes. If she won't sign the papers until September or October, the mortgage refinance will fall through and I'll be out a couple thousand dollars as I'll have to repay the appraisal and legal firm fees, and my roof won't get fixed, and when I try again, I'll get a worse rate, and plus, what assurance to I have that she will "have time" then, and won't try to push it until December or something?

SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING! I can't wait til this person is completely out of my life, I can't believe that after all the physical and emotional abuse and literally nearly stabbing me to death once (she didn't try but told me later that she was a breath away from it), that 4 and a half years after she moved back with her mom, she's STILL fucking with my life. :|
 
Convince her to take the cheap way out. I probably spent 50k on divorce attorneys over two years. We were more interested in sticking it to each other than settling everything civilly and the only people who won were the three lawyers involved. Ironically we're now great friends.
 
Yeah she was crying to me the other day about being terrified of lawyers, her sister's divorce has been dragging on for 3 years and she's buried in debt from it.

Heh, 50k... I couldn't even come close to affording that over 2 years. The good news for me is she has very little money so I'm sure she'll find it in her "heart" to take the cheap way if forced to...

I'm so angry that I'm shaking a little though. What the fuck. Just fuck off bitch. Haven't you hurt me enough? I hated myself so much from her constant tearing me down and convincing me I was a piece of shit and going into violent rages at the littlest provocation that I was addicted to opiates for 10 years and wanted to kill myself. I didn't think I'd ever make it past that but I did, and now she's fucking with my life again.
 
Yeah basically all we succeeded in doing was bankrupting each other which seemed like a good idea at the time, but... Can you say Pyrrhic victory?
 
an unnecessary post

weekdays and weekends are such a scam.

monday morning - it's pure shit,
the week just began and it seems like it's never gonna end.
somehow you make it to friday and there's this excitement or at least some elevation.

in the weekend you do this and that, sleep and shit.
enjoy or suffer a little but like drinking too much vodka-
there's monday looming with its bitter smile, waiting for us around the corner,
repeating endlessly...

time is our enemy but not in the way that we age and get sick, die etc. -
but in the sense it's not real just like the most evil enemies are,
they're just made up by us or by other humans.

after all we are just little children,
terrified in the dark after reading a brothers grimm story or something..



p.s
bear in mind there's RANTING in the name of the thread.. (i would add RAVING also :))
 
Well I got way too drunk the other night with my friends, all day I had been filled with rage and some mixture of PTSD and disgust about my ex... got blacked out, didn't intend on leaving my friend's house but then his girlfriend came down and started screaming at him over some dumb shit for over an hour and I guess I got uncomfortable and left without telling anyone... don't remember it though. Crashed my car into a parked car 2 blocks from his house, got arrested, charged with a DUI and reckless driving. I remember that part just fine. Also totaled my car (didn't do serious damage to the truck I hit, fortunately). Spent yesterday feeling about the worst I can ever remember feeling. Went to see if my car was going to be a total loss and it is, and I cried uncontrollably for about 2 hours, I love my car very much and I killed it through my own stupid actions. My girlfriend came over and eventually I felt better... today I feel much less bad. I'm mad at myself though. And I still have to deal with my ex-wife and my father nearing death and other stuff. I guess this was a lesson.
 
^ Dude, this came up on whats new so Im gonna not share my rant as its private (Id love to but the nights not over so who knows what happens next) -respond to yours instead.

I strongly suggest you forget about the money and what you think you are entitled to or what she is entitled to. Forget it . Its just money, just make more and on your own. The longer she feeds off this mental health excuse the less youll have anyway. Not your problem anymore.

Get every single combined asset worth and superannuation whatever, chop it down the middle, offer her exactly half the lot plus a fuck off bonus but only when everything is sold and split. Just get the paperwork drawn up by a lawyer then file it yourself. You wont need a lawyer if you are giving her fuck off bonus.

Its cheaper than lawyers and quicker.

Worked for me, you think Im nuts well you should meet my ex husband.
 
user name1 said:
i am so stupid!
and also a greenlighter..
i can only send 1 PM in three hours and always manages to fuck it up some way like replying to myself
or sending the message i received to the sender. such bulshit. if and when i will become eem (a bluelighter?) a bluelighter would i be able to send more then
1 every 180 minutes?
i am a grumpy and stupid manchild...
fuck me man.
ayt, peace
Click to expand...

THIS! I almost peed myself lol
I do the exact same shit never fails when I try to PM
Just know your not the only one
I guess that makes me a grumpy..stupid woman-child haha!

Sending positive vibes your wayyy!! :)
 
Last edited:
Xorkoth said:
Well I got way too drunk the other night with my friends, all day I had been filled with rage and some mixture of PTSD and disgust about my ex... got blacked out, didn't intend on leaving my friend's house but then his girlfriend came down and started screaming at him over some dumb shit for over an hour and I guess I got uncomfortable and left without telling anyone... don't remember it though. Crashed my car into a parked car 2 blocks from his house, got arrested, charged with a DUI and reckless driving. I remember that part just fine. Also totaled my car (didn't do serious damage to the truck I hit, fortunately). Spent yesterday feeling about the worst I can ever remember feeling. Went to see if my car was going to be a total loss and it is, and I cried uncontrollably for about 2 hours, I love my car very much and I killed it through my own stupid actions. My girlfriend came over and eventually I felt better... today I feel much less bad. I'm mad at myself though. And I still have to deal with my ex-wife and my father nearing death and other stuff. I guess this was a lesson.
Click to expand...

Yeah, that's a lot of bullshit to deal with. Been there myself... was the last time I went out drinking. Then I wrecked another car and 2 parked cars after doing a bunch of molly and then opiates and benzos. The accident was pretty crazy.. not sure exactly what happened but managed to roll my car on top of another car. Happened a few blocks from the police station. Never seen so many cops so quickly... must have been the entire damn police force. Literally 10+ cars, no injuries and I was just sitting there waiting to be arrested.

Probation sucks. Fucking punk ass neighbors keep calling the cops on me when I have band practice. We started playing at 3pm, cops showed up by 5pm. We weren't even playing at 50% volume either. I wouldn't give a shit if I couldn't be arrested for some stupid bs like this. The cop was cool, said that some "sissy's like to call in and complain rather than talk to their neighbors" but also stated that an arrest could be made if another noise complaint was received. I don't think the cop would actually press charges if he didn't have to, as we were being cooperative and he even mentioned he has a son who plays drums.. but I really can't afford to risk it.

So frustrating. It's really taking a lot of restraint not to say fuck it and seeing what comes of it. I just want to play music... maybe it's time to look into renting a practice space.
 
There are so much differences in how probation works around the world.

You seem to have plenty of rules concerning it but here you just shouldn't leave the country which still can be done as you can roam free in the Schengen area countries without having to show your passport at the borders.

Also the only way you are going to jail for breaking probation is that you commit another crime during your probation and it must be same kind of a crime too.

So if you are on a probation from economic crime you can assault someone and be sentenced to a probation.
 
^ just to clarify...it's about working through horror and tragedy (not dismissing it) but overpowering it with spirit.
 
^@ Xorgoth

Goddamn phone post inadequacy!��������

Ah man, go easy on you. Sometimes you can shove feelings down so much to cope and they can overpower - I know it's catastrophic but it's a catastrophic reminder of all the heavy shit you've been carrying and denying.

It will come right. You take care of your good self.
Always, a new dawn. ❤️
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top