• TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Venting, Ranting and Bitching vs. Don't Tell That to Your Mama

What to know what I want to blow off steam about?!?!?
How about the fact that this moderator...a moderator on a so called "harm reduction" website has different standards for himself and the rest of the community and health care workers.
You are a damn fool MrRoot. I went to a conference lately that suggested that 1 in 8 health care workers has a substance abuse problem. Your opinions only serve to delay life saving treatment for people (read- human beings) that are suffering too.
I sincerely hope that the day you need a nurse - or better yet...the day someone you love needs a nurse that there isn't one there for you. You deserve that shit 100%.
 
Hidden_nurseaddict i dont understand why your upset because hes making angry phone calls?
 
hey Asclepius!

as i said before i think i'm pretty stupid and therefore -
i didn't understand what you meant in your somewhat mysterious post..
could you elaborate please?

thnx in advance

Hey,

I rekon the fact you seem so self-defeating is just an aknowledgement of your manipulation of yourself, tis all. ;)

You seem more concerned with how people perceive you; rather than you being genuine. We all have gone through it, so sorry for appearing harsh but its just a genuine perspective - better on here than irl.

Just my 2c - sorry for the ambiguous post. Other's ambiguousness tends to send me into that nonsense ;)
 
There are so much differences in how probation works around the world.

You seem to have plenty of rules concerning it but here you just shouldn't leave the country which still can be done as you can roam free in the Schengen area countries without having to show your passport at the borders.

Also the only way you are going to jail for breaking probation is that you commit another crime during your probation and it must be same kind of a crime too.

So if you are on a probation from economic crime you can assault someone and be sentenced to a probation.

Yeah idk I need to talk to my probation officer about the music specifically. I know everyone's terms can be a little bit different. I can be arrested for so much little petty stupid shit, partly because of a DUI from a few years ago as well. Can't legally smoke weed without a med rec still even though it is legal for 21+ in the state.

Whatever. I'm trying not to let these obstacles get me down. Just accept them as another challenge that I must overcome. It hasn't been easy lately though if I'm being honest.
 
Hidden_nurseaddict i dont understand why your upset because hes making angry phone calls?

Nah it is about what I posted on other thread about people who are actively addicted to opiates and work in a field that deals with other peoples health.

I said that in my opinion actively addicted person should understand why there are restrictions to work as a nurse when dealing with opiate addiction.

I know for myself that I wouldn't been able to work in a field that requires clarity of mind when I was actively using opiates.

hidden_nurseaddict disagrees with that opinion, not with me making angry calls about "dirty" UA.

I know it is hard to deal with a loss of job as for most of us it is a big part of our lives. I have had to stop working due health reasons too so I understand how it feels but still I wouldn't be angry about not being allowed to work because of those health issues.

I might cause someone's death if I would be allowed to work as a peace keeper in the condition I was when I retired and during that time there wasn't even drugs involved.

Edit:
Also it is essentially harm reduction to not keep on working in a field that deals with other peoples health while actively addicted and even when starting first steps of sober living.
 
^ Dude, this came up on whats new so Im gonna not share my rant as its private (Id love to but the nights not over so who knows what happens next) -respond to yours instead.

I strongly suggest you forget about the money and what you think you are entitled to or what she is entitled to. Forget it . Its just money, just make more and on your own. The longer she feeds off this mental health excuse the less youll have anyway. Not your problem anymore.

Get every single combined asset worth and superannuation whatever, chop it down the middle, offer her exactly half the lot plus a fuck off bonus but only when everything is sold and split. Just get the paperwork drawn up by a lawyer then file it yourself. You wont need a lawyer if you are giving her fuck off bonus.

Its cheaper than lawyers and quicker.

Worked for me, you think Im nuts well you should meet my ex husband.

Nah, no way. I'd have to sell my house and split my retirement account I've been working on for 13 years... giving up half of it would mean I was giving up around a quarter of a million dollars by the time I retire, just from that. She'd get around $80k-$100k and I'd be out a home. Fuck that. This is my house, she never put a single cent into it. She abused me for 10 years and threatened to kill me and isolated us from everyone and made me think all that shit was normal and I deserved it. She's also not asking for anything from me, she's just trying to control me right now because she's borderline personality disorder and her life is totally out of control and I was the last thing she had control of. She wants to keep us married so she can keep controlling us but for the whole time I've known her if you even talk about divorce lawyers it makes her cry... she was very traumatized by a really bad divorce of her parents when she was very young.

My options are to threaten her with filing papers. Then she'll most likely just sign the papers and we can file a $150 no-fault divorce which is what she keeps saying she wants, and it'll be over. If not, I will file in my state, I will have to pay for some lawyers, but she can't afford lawyers and my case is strong against her so I will maybe have to pay some alimony, and lawyer bills. Worst case scenario, somehow she manages to file at the end of the month in her state without me filing first (not even sure how that would happen as I'm going to file in my state next week if she doesn't send the papers) - if she does that, it will be 10 years since we were married and the state will automatically award us each exactly 50%, which would basically be the scenario you're describing, but it's the least likely scenario to occur. So no, I'm not going to give her half, no way. I appreciate your perspective though.
 
I'm upset because in a different thread, MrRoot stated that health care workers shouldn't become addicts, and if they do they shouldn't be allowed to practice with ORT. Myself, as a health care worker AND on suboxone (BTW on a voluntarily leave of absence) sober since May 15th 2018 cannot believe that a MODERATOR on a HARM REDUCTION website is permitted to stay shit like that.
As I said in my previous post - approximately 1 in 8 health care workers has a substance abuse problem. Stigma such as I received from MrRoot only serves to delay life saving treatment and should not be tolerated on a website that exists for the purposes of "harm reduction".
 
You've really twisted this. When I posted to that thread I said I wasn't working, but was frustrated with the processes "hoops" I had to jump through for the college.
I'm human. I'm allowed to be an addict. I'm allowed to be on ORT. I'm allowed to state my feelings.
I certainly said nothing about working while intoxicated or returning to work on ORT now did I?
If this is the kind of clarity you contributed to peace keeping missions I'm awfully glad you aren't doing it anymore.
 
Well no one has denied you the right to be addicted or to be in ORT.

I am well aware of stigmas related to ORT as I have been through ORT myself and have been without opiates for last six months or so.

I also attend to a national project which is trying to get rid of those stigmas related to ORT.

Anyone who has a opioid habit severe enough to need ORT shouldn't be working in a field that deals with people's health. That is just a simply no.

It doesn't matter whether you are using on your freetime or at work as your abilities aren't the same as when being sober.

In my opinion anyone who is decent enough should understand that and either seek help or quit a job that requires clarity of mind.

I truly do believe that a person who is in active addiction shouldn't be working in a healthcare field. Therefore I see the "hoops" one needs to go through as real requirement for showing that addiction isn't active anymore.

I simply wouldn't want any healthcare provider I deal with to be under influence or withdrawing while he/she does decisions about my health or is doing a procedure.

I have gone through some hoops to gain back my driver's license after starting ORT and while I didn't like it I understood why those hoops are there. I have just recently got back my license to drive anything bigger than minivan because it isn't allowed for people in ORT and while I love to drive my huge truck I still understood why I wasn't allowed to drive it while in ORT.

I know plenty of people who drive trucks or similar for their work and they have first been quite pissed when they have noticed that they cannot be doing their work because they started ORT or get caught using but after some time most of them have understood why they aren't allowed to do that anymore.

When I had been two months in ORT I was quite pissed at everything that has happened after getting professional help but it helped a lot after some more time passed.

Also if 1/8 of healthcare providers have SUD it still doesn't justify that they should be working while their addiction is in active phase. In my opinion a healthcare provider who continues working despite of active addiction doesn't respect patients.

You can disagree upon what I have said but I do hope that you do it in respectful manner.

This issue should be discussed more and maybe if you can point your view in constructive way I might even change some of my views.

If mod says something here it is just his opinion and not Bluelight's opinion unless he states otherwise.
 
I agree with mr. Root that health care providers and nurses should not be in active addiction, although this isn't aimed at just hiddennurseaddict.

I spent over 2 months in the hospital and when certain nurses came on duty my heart fell. I knew they were taking my medicine and putting all of it into my IV.

One nurse was caught in my room by the head of nursing with my syringe that was half full. She was fired, they tested all the nurses and started putting my medicine in thru a catheter in my heart. I did not completely understand the process since I had just woken up from a coma but they seemed to be doing it because of the high doses of pain medicine they had to give me after my lung surgery.

My 34 year old son became very good friends with three or four of the night nurses because he would come in at 10 or 11 p.m. to visit. He said that all of the ones he talked to asked him about buying pills and admitted that they did not give their patients the entire amount of medicine they were supposed to.

I can't explain or even express the disgust that I feel that someone would take medicine from a person who has been in a coma for over a month and has had serious lung surgery and three huge slashes down her side. I couldn't prove it, but I absolutely could tell the difference in dosages with certain nurses.

Don't take care of critically ill people if you are stealing or an addict. I was in agony and cried but the nursing manager thought my dose was fine. It should have been.

I never want to even be in the hospital for one day now after that experience. It's impossible to explain the frustration of being in a hospital room with nothing to do and be in absolute agony where all you can do is watch the clock and still when they come in and give you the shot you don't feel any better. So yeah, screw the nurses and doctors and other Frontline medical personnel who steal medicine from their patients or go to work High. I had a heart attack, my lung collapsed, I had three different surgeries and I also had an immediate type surgery in my room where something was just launched from my lungs Because of the surgery and they had to get in there and get it out. If any of the people scraping my lungs or handling the heart attack had been high I wouldn't be here.

Torturing your patients with a smile and "It's still 3 hours before I can give you anything" is the lowest of low.
 
Hey,

I rekon the fact you seem so self-defeating is just an aknowledgement of your manipulation of yourself, tis all. ;)

You seem more concerned with how people perceive you; rather than you being genuine. We all have gone through it, so sorry for appearing harsh but its just a genuine perspective - better on here than irl.

Just my 2c - sorry for the ambiguous post. Other's ambiguousness tends to send me into that nonsense ;)

Hi mate,

i guess you are right.

its hard to admit but i dont have much confidence in myself and as much i try to brush it under the rug -
i am concerned with how ppl perceive me..
i do try to be genuine the best i can though. also i am a pleaser btw.
when you're right you're right... :)

peace bro
 
You've really twisted this. When I posted to that thread I said I wasn't working, but was frustrated with the processes "hoops" I had to jump through for the college.
I'm human. I'm allowed to be an addict. I'm allowed to be on ORT. I'm allowed to state my feelings.
I certainly said nothing about working while intoxicated or returning to work on ORT now did I?
If this is the kind of clarity you contributed to peace keeping missions I'm awfully glad you aren't doing it anymore.

You're allowed to state your opinions? Quite right. Is he allowed to state his?
 
I'm a fucking idiot... got a DUI the other day. Long story short, I was really, really upset about my ex exerting control over me 4 and a half years later... ruining my mortgage refinance, like I described in a previous post. Can't even reach her mom or her now. Got really drunk at my friend's house, we both decided I would not drive home that night. But then I blacked out entirely, the last thing I remember is his girlfriend coming down to yell at him extendedly over talking to a friend's girlfriend in a group conversation (she is uncontrollably insecure and jealous)... I was very uncomfortable because I couldn't get away from it, and it reminds me so much of how my ex was with me. Next thing I remember is jumping out of my car wondering what had just happened. I guess while blacked out I decided to leave and my friend and his girlfriend didn't notice because they were yelling at each other. What happened was that I hit the curb and someone's parked car. Totaled my car (I cried for an hour when I found this out the next day because I love my car so much), got arrested and charged with DWI and reckless driving. Now I'm dealing with the fallout... my attempts at numbing my anger and frustration backfired very hard and now my problems are much worse. It's really hard not to kick myself right now every moment of the day. My license in suspended and since there was an accident involved, I am unlikely to escape a DWI conviction...which means I will have my license suspended for a year, might spend some time in jail (but probably not), might get probation, and I'll definitely have to go to alcohol/substance abuse classes (48 hours over 8 weeks), pay $700 for that, and pay lawyer and court fees, and probably community service too. And buy a new car. And if I get driving exemptions for grocery store and such, I'll have to install a breathalyzer in the car so it won't start unless I haven't been drinking. Which is fine, fuck alcohol, I don't even want to drink. Just a really stupid mistake. What gets me the most is I didn't even want to drive home that night while I was conscious. And now my life has exploded...
 
I drank too much on Sunday and was a real jerk to my wife and her sister. It?s tuesday, and my wife is still screaming at me. I just hope she can forgive me and let it go.
 
every winter i tell myself that i'll quit in the summer.
every summer i try to but not really though..

it's just that i don't like the way life gets in the way of my drugs all the time.
i'd hate to waste my drugs on this stupid life...
 
We are living in very perfectionistic, white-washed, right-wing times ( even the rebelion to this leads to left-wing reactionary activity that is trite and non-productive)- labeling, rationalisation and cynicism have drained so many in society of actual connectedness with what is real, or of their innate mental creativity to undermine the things that thwart opressive systems ( outside of acting online; many feel impotent). I find any of these socio-political undertones that affect/control peoples attitudes and perspectives, very disturbing - every generation experiences them, however it is only through subsequent generations that in retrospect some wise vantage is recognised - this is not good enough but everyone seems too jaded and brainwashed to challenge the order - unless it can be posted for some short-term narcissistic gain. I think it's intensely inappropriate that in 2018, we are more censored by insidious internalised social control than ever before. I guess its not surprising but I still find it barely tolerable to feel that this generation is being duped into submission and a type of stock-home syndrome through social-media and ubiquitous corporatism in it's 'progressive' guise - it's the 1950's again but pimped by tech.

Fuck that bullshit.
 
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I'm a fucking idiot... got a DUI the other day. Long story short, I was really, really upset about my ex exerting control over me 4 and a half years later... ruining my mortgage refinance, like I described in a previous post. Can't even reach her mom or her now. Got really drunk at my friend's house, we both decided I would not drive home that night. But then I blacked out entirely, the last thing I remember is his girlfriend coming down to yell at him extendedly over talking to a friend's girlfriend in a group conversation (she is uncontrollably insecure and jealous)... I was very uncomfortable because I couldn't get away from it, and it reminds me so much of how my ex was with me. Next thing I remember is jumping out of my car wondering what had just happened. I guess while blacked out I decided to leave and my friend and his girlfriend didn't notice because they were yelling at each other. What happened was that I hit the curb and someone's parked car. Totaled my car (I cried for an hour when I found this out the next day because I love my car so much), got arrested and charged with DWI and reckless driving. Now I'm dealing with the fallout... my attempts at numbing my anger and frustration backfired very hard and now my problems are much worse. It's really hard not to kick myself right now every moment of the day. My license in suspended and since there was an accident involved, I am unlikely to escape a DWI conviction...which means I will have my license suspended for a year, might spend some time in jail (but probably not), might get probation, and I'll definitely have to go to alcohol/substance abuse classes (48 hours over 8 weeks), pay $700 for that, and pay lawyer and court fees, and probably community service too. And buy a new car. And if I get driving exemptions for grocery store and such, I'll have to install a breathalyzer in the car so it won't start unless I haven't been drinking. Which is fine, fuck alcohol, I don't even want to drink. Just a really stupid mistake. What gets me the most is I didn't even want to drive home that night while I was conscious. And now my life has exploded...


Xorgoth, I've heard you post a lot about how traumatic things were with your ex. Imma going to leave this link here - he does talk very basic, sense about the pragmatic trajectories that such relationships have taken- just ignore the shitty polyphonic music (in many of his videos and they are awfully dated ;))...nevertheless, thats not important, what is important is to strive to keep a space for the simple in ourselves and not scoff at it, or feel that it makes you dumb or not 'over-it' - this is a fallacy - you need to pay attention and this to be nourished by you - this is a good time to make space for yourself to really face this issue, genuinely in yourself, for yourself ) . It's just about the dynamic of co-dependent/narc relationships etc., and I rekon we need to be reminded to maintain the clarity required to get on with life without the baggage/or to integrate it to make sense; to get some space to enable to think more clearly about yourself and concentrate on what you need to do for yourself, outside of the detritus of the past; seperating the confusion is an ongoing discipline.

<3

* edit. if you are focused on financial contoversy over this, then so be it. Life will go on, the drama will continue. Cut your losses - finances as a necessity to living are important but if it is over that, I would suggest you cut your losses and move-on, for long term-healthy gain; this is sanity.
 
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I agree with mr. Root that health care providers and nurses should not be in active addiction, although this isn't aimed at just hiddennurseaddict.

Chronic pain, your grievances are totally justified and yes, professionals are obligated to hold decent ethical standards by law - I think no reasonable person would not agree with you, mate. <3 There are standard ethics in HC and anyone who contravenes them, and is caught, will risk being dismissed from their pay and it will be noted on their record - this is a hugegamble/ price to pay - no person, in their right mind, would dally with this.

However, and this is why...

Ideally, no one should be in active addiction ( it is understandable that hiddennurseaddict was outraged to see a moderator who judged him/her so harshly on this forum) - I think most would agree but yes, this is the paradox of addiction. However, this website is for everyone who struggles with addiction/has been affected by addiction to post their grievances; especially in TDS which is a sanctuary for addicts- we addictics will always rationalise our circumstances but that does not mean we are proud or, choose to be addicted.

If nurses cannot post on here without some empathy toward their circumstance - then, that is cruel(as it inhibits the right for that person to find support toward their recovery and hope toward making willing steps out of their addiction- which is why they come to TDS). We can discuss our opinion of the situation without holding any addict to shame of a situation they are trying to get out of - this is possible with proper thought, respect and consideration of the individual and their circumstance, imho. Most dont choose addiction willingly, but it finds them, often due to the desperation to escape that which seems/is psychologically intolerable.

It is often difficult to discern between being empathetic to the person that is addicted to a substance and validating their addictive behavior. Addictive behaviour is often unethical ( which is somewhat under an addicts control and sometimes not) - the fact that our conscience is compromised by chemical activity is what leads many to post on here - as this struggle is what can perpetuate the addiction/give impetus to it's cessation and the outcome may be precarious at worst, and succesfull at best ( with help and support)- the addict is aware of this - what a fucking burden to carry. Hopefully, hiddennurseaddict realises this paradox( that most BLers are struggling to even deal with themselves; hence the harsh judgement; finger pointing grandiosity) and understands that most on here, can empathise but want her to recover, as despite her struggles, she seems to have a lot of smarts and despite rationalisations can see the truth of the situation and the greater implications; if not for h/im/erself. Which is most important.<3
 
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Hi mate,

i guess you are right.

its hard to admit but i dont have much confidence in myself and as much i try to brush it under the rug -
i am concerned with how ppl perceive me..
i do try to be genuine the best i can though. also i am a pleaser btw.
when you're right you're right... :)

peace bro

Just be intra-genuine, eh. Peace back, mang ;)
 
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