• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

Relapse Is this all there is to life?

cyberius

cyberius

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Mar 11, 2013
Messages
1,571
I've been getting wasted alone for 5 years now. Hiding in my room away from everyone has just become the norm. Nothing really interests me and I'm just anxious lonely bored and tired all the time. I've never grown up and I'm still the same person around the same people I was when I was sixteen.

Why can't I just want to get sober? At this point I'm just using because I don't know how to do anything else. Being social is an exhausting waste of time thats never rewarding but I feel more hollow when I don't. I want life to be rewarding but its just confusing and painful. just wish I could associate any positive feelings with sobriety (that aren't negative related)
 
Hi cyberius-

You're gonna have to venture outside your comfort zone in order to see what great things are out there in the world. Drugs dull our senses just enough to mute the love, the friendships, the joy and beauty in the world. Why do you find it's never rewarding being social? Could it be that being wasted is actually making it harder for you to invest in and enjoy being social?
The longer you stay like this, the harder it will be for you to overcome it. If I were you, I would make an extra effort to get out of the house. Do you stay in touch with your family? If not, that can make you feel lonely.

What was your life like before you started getting wasted? Do you remember good times in your life. Do you remember being social and enjoying it? If yes, then maybe your being wasted is the cause instead of the effect?

You have taken a positive step by reaching out here on BL. I'm glad you're here and I hope what I write will be of some help to you. You are not alone my friend.

Dale
 
SoCal424 said:
Hi cyberius-

You're gonna have to venture outside your comfort zone in order to see what great things are out there in the world. Drugs dull our senses just enough to mute the love, the friendships, the joy and beauty in the world. Why do you find it's never rewarding being social? Could it be that being wasted is actually making it harder for you to invest in and enjoy being social?
The longer you stay like this, the harder it will be for you to overcome it. If I were you, I would make an extra effort to get out of the house. Do you stay in touch with your family? If not, that can make you feel lonely.

What was your life like before you started getting wasted? Do you remember good times in your life. Do you remember being social and enjoying it? If yes, then maybe your being wasted is the cause instead of the effect?

You have taken a positive step by reaching out here on BL. I'm glad you're here and I hope what I write will be of some help to you. You are not alone my friend.

Dale
Click to expand...

I wasn't better off sober though. I was just another socially inept sixteen year old struggling with lonliness. I'm seeing the shrink again but it just feels more sensical to stay high sometimes because I don't think I'm missing much of myself.
 
I totally feel you, cyberius. For years now I've wanted very badly to want to be sober. Eventually I've managed to arrange things so that I can abstain from my DOC (most of the time, anyway). But I still want it; I still fantasize about it. It's such a fuckin drag.
 
You should probably try getting into 1 on 1 therapy. Are you currently doing this?

Meth can cause people to become more anxious and depressed. The way you feel “sober” isn’t the way the rest of us feel man. You can feel better too. It will just take time.

It was easy for me to quit meth

But when I gave up bupe, I went through terrible withdrawal. Long lasting PAWS. I thought I was better but I just got worse over time. I can’t handle PTSD on my own and I had to get help.

Addictive drugs can cause us to be more unbalanced than when we started.
 
I think that rehab in a therapeutic community would do good for you as you would have to socialize with other people in recovery and would have some creative time doing chores etc. as well as getting help in the form of group therapy and 1 on 1 counseling.

I spend two months in rehab this spring and it really has helped a lot to stay sober and I was able to stop stimulant abuse and continue abstinence from opiates.

I don't even get cravings for those anymore.
 
MrRoot said:
I think that rehab in a therapeutic community would do good for you as you would have to socialize with other people in recovery and would have some creative time doing chores etc. as well as getting help in the form of group therapy and 1 on 1 counseling.

I spend two months in rehab this spring and it really has helped a lot to stay sober and I was able to stop stimulant abuse and continue abstinence from opiates.

I don't even get cravings for those anymore.
Click to expand...

Group therapy was more counterproductive than anything. Addicts are less accepting of my quirks. I'm getting 1 on 1 therapy soon though. I have an extremely hard time talking to therapists
 
Yeah addicts are not self-accepting of their own behavior. Often despise others, etc.

1 on 1 has helped me quite a bit.
 
1 on 1 therapy mixed with outpatient rehab could be a good option. It eliminates the artificial closeness of inpatient rehab. I'm an introvert so the forced socializing isn't good for me
 
before PTSD I used to be a balanced introvert, who could still enjoy socializing regularly, etc

I was a lot happier and more secure with myself then

I'm trying to go back to my old self and be happier. It's a tall order but I think I can do it.
 
Hey cyberius,what is your drug of choice and how long have you been able to stay sober?

I know you said you've been using for 5years but where you able to take any breaks within those 5years or has it been constant use?
 
As difficult this really is, the answer can be sort of simple. It really just takes time of prolonged sobriety and trying to forget or replace the old ritualistic/automatic drug behaviours. With time, the desire settles down, becomes less intense, something you can feel without also feeling the great anxiety that can accompany it. You start to find new things that t=you love and enjoy and create positive associatons with these things. Nothing will come close to the feeling of being high but in time you start to forget about it and realise that its bullshit, phony and damaging. However, from my experience that desire can be easily reignited- I'm personally emerging from my second very damaging and overwhelming opiate habit and am still feeling tempted. I'm also using other drugs instead :\ But nothing to the extent of opiates and I intend to keep it that way.

Being sober and straight is really tough, and initially does not feel at all worth it. At first, I would simply feel depressed and anxious- really black thoughts and feelings of uselessness and suicide, but over a few months the intensity of this shit seems to have decreased. And I know from past experience that this will continue to decline over the next few months; for now, I just need to hang the fuck on and not get high on opiates.

There is more to life then drugs. Its just that not many other activities tick all the boxes that the really good stimulants or opiates do. However, it is a good idea to explore a range of different diversions or hobbies; personally, I've been exercising quite a lot, playing guitar, trying to write album reviews, yoga/meditation stuff, and I feel at least partially satisfied. A small dose of dexamp helps on days I feel those strong cravings.

Do you have a job cyberius?
 
Oh ok I don't have any real experince with methamphetamine so I apologize I cannot help..
I mean I did have a powdered cocaine habbit then I got off that by getting hooked on downers like oxycitin and Xanax which inturn was also a train wreck that I'm just getting off of..
Bro I hope you can beat it and just listin to some of these people on here,read some threads..your bound to run across a thread that can help u.
 
I find it really hard of when say you are working and you haven't touched anything for a few weeks but in my head and as a write this I'm looking forward to getting some gear and getting fucked up. Like I'm saving my money to get fucked up and that's my aim in my head. I cant go through life and not think like this if I do well christ I dont want to. I'm living for what then ? Why ?? Cause I too am hollow an empty vessel of a person. I just don't want to think about the future and maybe I want to push myself far enough that I don't comeback. I even prefer doing drugs by myself now. I use to be an individual now I'm shattered and I really dont think theres anyone there I can talk with about this. I too find the high is itself not as it once was. I think its my failings as a man and that because I fucked up my life and I am going keep doing what I want to do. I go in a few weeks on holiday and going smash myself. Not the right mentality but hey I cant medicate alone on alcohol. Life is pretty boring and day to day living is the real struggle.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top