I'm using a lot of cocaine again, and although I don't crave it when I stop,

[cacachanel]

but I feel horrible. I recently, after 1.5yrs unemployed got a job in finances in a high-profile company and moved to Sao Paulo, the biggest Brazilian city. Before that, I finished college and couldn't find a job, so I was living with my dad. It was really easy and cheap to buy cocaine there, the dealer lived 3 blocks from my house, I used what was considered "heavy use". I experienced cravings in periods when I wasn't using, I know how they feel. But they didn't last long and were rare. The main problem is that I'm only a normal person which can experience pleasure using cocaine. And I was exactly like that before cocaine.
When I moved to this new town and started my new job I stopped cocaine completely (I didn't know how and where to buy here), I was supposed to feel happy, and I actually felt different and excited for the first week. Then, after two weeks, anhedonia, unmotivation, extreme fatigue and lack of any interest in social interactions came back (I think I do a very good job at the company, but I don't socialize much and my smiles are obviously fake, when working I'm always with a noticeable "sad" face, creating a negative vibe for people around me. I think this a huge problem for my career). I was sleeping like 12h/day. I only went to work and came home every day, did everything I needed there as the place is in a big business building linked to a huge shopping center with everything I need. I didn't crave cocaine, I didn't even think about cocaine during this entire time.
This weekend, my friend (I actually didn't even knew her IRL, she's a friend of a friend from my hometown) who lives near here gave me 6g, and we "binged" Saturday night to Sunday morning. I came home and was feeling good and energized like I didn't in a long time and decided I wouldn't sleep. I finally cleaned my apartment, wrote an article for a finances magazine I work for as a freelancer, got to bed at 2pm Sunday to wake for work at 6am Monday (with the help from benzos and quetiapine). Well, I still got ~3.5 grams left... of course, I used today, at work, the whole day. I use with a nasal spray, but I noticed I mixed 1g of coke with a LOT of water (like 25 ml), so I needed a lot of sprays to be equivalent to one thin line (like at least ten). That didn't work out very well, as after the 4th spray it dripped to my throat. And because my nose veins were extremely vasoconstricted. I may have absorbed 20%, at most, of each "dose" nasally. I damn sprayed around 200 times and that was only like 30% of the volume. Still, I felt in a relatively well mood and probably smiled the number of times a normal person smiled, started conversations, etc. I don't know if this is placebo or not, but I don't know what to do. I'll probably use again tomorrow (especially as I have an important meeting) and until it's over (because I don't have any willpower to not use cocaine as long as I have it with me) as I still don't know how and where to buy it here.
Yes, I've been to every antidepressant. Yes, I do therapy. And yes, my English is laughable.
Yes, I'm using RN. Finally feeling euphoria because I'm snorting lines directly.
Of course I like euphoria, but I don't want to feel euphoria because I know the consequences, but I'd like to feel like normal people do. Normal people are not in a bad mood and tired all the time, right? Not even most of the times.

 

[cacachanel]

Also, another drug I find that helps me is Baclofen, but the tolerance builds too quickly from everyday use and, although it's OTC here, it's a habit more expensive than cocaine.