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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

10 years with subutex now CT

Day 12?
Man,my anxiety,depression and insomia are killer.Im starting to feel also really bad boredom.When i was ODing lyrica i saw vivid dream that i was eating subutex like ccandy i mean tens and tens pills,then i woke up and theres no word what i experienced.
I mean im almost ready to give up..pains come and go.Knees are like after shotgun hit. Im tired,exhausted,floored.
Im so tired and angry.I go ballistic with smalest of things.Im starting to think i used it for my depression,anxiety and insomnia.Oh and those places i use to hit has started to pulse and i caught myself doing lines out of dust.man.im really struglin the pain is unbearable,if i get thru this opiods are done for me.Im smelling like chemical plant,must be the opiods coming thru my skin.
 
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Day 13
FINALLY. I was forced to do later yesterday some heavy lifting and hard work yesterday:With premium payment.Sauna,swimming and grilled steak with fresh salad.When i got back i just dropped.And got full 6 hours of sleep without any meds :D Finally this must now be going for better.13 must be now be my new lucky number.I think i must start going to gym again.Before subutex i usually hit gym 6 times week and 6-7 times 5-10 kilometers walk.When i woke up i still feel wd and really bad pains and sore musceles but it dont mater,if i get to sleep.How could i let that evil poison wreck my whole life.I mean i saw what it did to me but i didint care,its insane what addiction do to you.So hope you all have a happy sunday,iknow i will have.
So Something happened,me go ballistic,needle in arm,i wont try this again..delete this account,wont try again its just so much better.I mean fuck it feld good,like coming home.
 
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Man..I thought i was sick when i stopped first..but that was nothing to compared to this.Like Jack The Ripper fucked me up.Its summer and got nothing to do,so tomorrow morning im getting car ride to summer cabin.Sauna,swimming and everything else healthy.Arranged to get food,vitamins and beverages 2-3 times a week.No car.Cant score dope there.Closest place to get near 20km.Hopefully i can log in later in summer(60days or so) and tell im clean or at least made some progress.I mean it was so fucking disappointing,anticlimax,to hit dope after that hell.When i was high last time i realised i have been using everything close to 27 years...i think thats enough for one lifetime,atleast for me.Have a blast all,i know i wont.
 
Good luck man, that's really smart to go somewhere away from it all where you can relax and not be able to get drugs.
 
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