Hi guys,
I've been reading threads about long-terms comedown stories for the past 9 months today. I've been decided to write my own because I feel like I'm losing my fight to this and feel like things are not improving despite a relatively long period.
My story: Took half a pill of ecstasy for the first time and ONE line of coke (also for the first time) while I was high and on alcohol. Got anxious at some point (I wasn't feeling comfortable as I didn't know the people I was with very well). Two days after, I woke up feeling like my head was split into two, feeling liking i'm not myself anymore ,etc.
My initial symptoms: panic attacks, dp/dr, feeling like i'm not myself, extremely bad memory, verbal problems, loss of motivation,etc.
For some reason, I was convinced that I was developing schizophrenia and for some reason, I'm still scared of death that I might be developping schizophrenia despite constant re-assurance for my counselor, my close circle and my own reason that I'm not presenting any symptoms schizphorenia. Basically I feel so disconnected that any symptoms makes me think "that's it I lost it now, there is no way I can go through this while keeping my sanity", things such as brain chatter when I'm tired makes me anxious and make me afraid that "i might start hearing voices".
In any case, I had decided to fight despite all and to do whatever it takes to overcome this. This happened while I am in my last year in college , which is a very stressful time. I struggled with my classes and I managed to pass all of them, sometime with above average grades despite feeling like my cognitive skills were at 10% of their normal functionning. I started working out and quit smoking hash. I still had an occasional drink (though I drink much less since my comedown) and the day after even light drinking I felt like a total mess. I still smoke cigarettes as I'm heavily addicted and I dont see myself quitting any soon especially now that triggering withdrawal symptoms while I'm in this state feels pretty scary. I also dated girls and had some sexual experiences.
The problem is that during those 9 months I definitely felt like I was making some progress, I had my share of carefree and peaceful moments especially that I was focused on doing my best to live a normal life as much possible. But now, after getting through a lot of those external challenges I now feel like internally i'm back to square zero. I still don't feel like myself. My apathy is high and my motivation to do anything dropped to zero and I'm still constantly worried about my mental sanity. And the discouragin part is that I've been 9months at it, doing my possible to move on and still feeling like nothing is improving and that I'm not going to feel normal any time soon. I've trying acceptance, I've tried distracting my mind with something else and whie it seems to work for some time, I always come back to square zero: my speech feels limited and unnatural, I'm emotionally numb, my cognition and thinking feels very random and slow and my old self feels like a very distant memory.
The fact that I'm now done with college and that I moving to a new period in my life while in this helpless state is also quite scary.
I decided to create this thread as I feel highly discouraged as of now and would grealty use some advice and some encouraging word.
I apologize if my english is less than good.
Thanks.
I've been reading threads about long-terms comedown stories for the past 9 months today. I've been decided to write my own because I feel like I'm losing my fight to this and feel like things are not improving despite a relatively long period.
My story: Took half a pill of ecstasy for the first time and ONE line of coke (also for the first time) while I was high and on alcohol. Got anxious at some point (I wasn't feeling comfortable as I didn't know the people I was with very well). Two days after, I woke up feeling like my head was split into two, feeling liking i'm not myself anymore ,etc.
My initial symptoms: panic attacks, dp/dr, feeling like i'm not myself, extremely bad memory, verbal problems, loss of motivation,etc.
For some reason, I was convinced that I was developing schizophrenia and for some reason, I'm still scared of death that I might be developping schizophrenia despite constant re-assurance for my counselor, my close circle and my own reason that I'm not presenting any symptoms schizphorenia. Basically I feel so disconnected that any symptoms makes me think "that's it I lost it now, there is no way I can go through this while keeping my sanity", things such as brain chatter when I'm tired makes me anxious and make me afraid that "i might start hearing voices".
In any case, I had decided to fight despite all and to do whatever it takes to overcome this. This happened while I am in my last year in college , which is a very stressful time. I struggled with my classes and I managed to pass all of them, sometime with above average grades despite feeling like my cognitive skills were at 10% of their normal functionning. I started working out and quit smoking hash. I still had an occasional drink (though I drink much less since my comedown) and the day after even light drinking I felt like a total mess. I still smoke cigarettes as I'm heavily addicted and I dont see myself quitting any soon especially now that triggering withdrawal symptoms while I'm in this state feels pretty scary. I also dated girls and had some sexual experiences.
The problem is that during those 9 months I definitely felt like I was making some progress, I had my share of carefree and peaceful moments especially that I was focused on doing my best to live a normal life as much possible. But now, after getting through a lot of those external challenges I now feel like internally i'm back to square zero. I still don't feel like myself. My apathy is high and my motivation to do anything dropped to zero and I'm still constantly worried about my mental sanity. And the discouragin part is that I've been 9months at it, doing my possible to move on and still feeling like nothing is improving and that I'm not going to feel normal any time soon. I've trying acceptance, I've tried distracting my mind with something else and whie it seems to work for some time, I always come back to square zero: my speech feels limited and unnatural, I'm emotionally numb, my cognition and thinking feels very random and slow and my old self feels like a very distant memory.
The fact that I'm now done with college and that I moving to a new period in my life while in this helpless state is also quite scary.
I decided to create this thread as I feel highly discouraged as of now and would grealty use some advice and some encouraging word.
I apologize if my english is less than good.
Thanks.
Last edited:
