Subutex reigns over my life

[KUSHKUSHBABY]

Here I am, at death's door once more. I'm one dose from finishing another subutex taper. I'm down to about .5 mg. I'll take my last dose 24 hours from now. I tried to cold turkey off of 16 mgs......MAJOR DISASTER!! Tried to cut it in half and go from 8 mgs.....MAJOR DISASTER!!!! Then tried 1mg......again, MAJOR DISASTER!! So I went from 1 mg to .5 mg. Then the pieces were just too small to break and not enough to even dissolve for longer than 5 seconds. I can't fail this time. I can't go back to the clinic. My wife is furious, so over my addiction. I have a week to get better. Next Monday, I need to be able to function. At least feel good enough to fake it. I've never quit anything outside of jail. I was heroin from the age of 16-26 years old. Anytime I had any sobriety was due to jail/prison. I never wanted to quit, until I caught my Trafficking Heroin felony at 26 years old. One of my "best friends" wore a wire on me. Anyways, I was released when I 29 years old. I completed 6 months of parole and moved 1500 miles from where I lived my entire life. I met my wife and things were great after 6 months. Then I got bored. MY DUMBASS HAD MULTIPLE YEARS CLEAN AND DECIDED I WOULD GO TO A SUBOXONE CLINIC. Went steady and dosed 16 mgs for about an year. So here I am. Feeling dumb, but most of all scared!! If I don't beat this NOW, my wife will leave. I'll be forced to go back to where I am from. And I know what will happen after that. I want to be clean. I love my life now, aside from subutex. How can I make this time different? How can I beat it and make it through the worst of the physical withdrawals? I need help.

(sorry I'm new to forums. well, posting on forums. I hope this all makes sense and I haven't violated any rules.)

 

[MrRoot]

Are there any reason you can't keep on going to the clinic?

You can get some comfort meds such as gabapentin (Neurontin) / pregabalin (Lyrica), clonidine and some OTC drugs such as loperamide and sleep aids.

What kind of support network you have?

 

[KUSHKUSHBABY]

Really just want off the drug. I feel constantly aggravated and snap all the time over the smallest things. I'm depressed more on subutex than when I first started. It's just time. I haven't dosed in about 36 hours. Withdrawals are here but not intense. I have a wife and two little kids i live with. My wife will do anything to help me get off but she will not put up with me going back it on it again. Especially now. I've tried and wanted to quit this drug for months now.

***I have OTC meds and sleep aids. Prescriptions aren't option. I have access to kratom and researched it. Just don't wanna trade one addiction for another.

 

[Xanaxian]

MrRoot is dead on. Gabapentin is a huge help when finally trying to break free from Subs grips. I wish you luck man and I'll be there soon.

 

[Heroin addict JK]

I was on Suboxone for years and the withdrawal takes up to 2 months the last time I wanted off I bought low dose Vicodin and stayed on it for 2 months it's easier to withdrawal from Vicodin than subs took me 5 days first 3 were over the weekend Friday thru Sunday took 2 mg of sub to go to work Monday and pushed through and felt fine by Wednesday morning