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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

I'm going to overdose with the next month once I obtain the heroin

So, what are you here to accomplish? Just to let some anonymous internet folks know that you plan on killing yourself? Why not talk to the plenty of people you have IRL? I don't understand what the problem is with getting on methadone and splitting the dose? I'm just very confused by all of this.

Earlier someone gave you some solid advice and then you just replied with tl;dr and went into another block of your own text. Not sure if the tl;dr was directed at the post you replied to or in reference to your own stuff.

Here's the thing. You say everyone is selfish and only out for themselves, but you have nearly a full page of people trying to reason with you and discuss the issues, most importantly HELP YOU. But you just tell them that it won't work or it can't work and that you are the only one that knows what's best. Which, you may very well know what works best for you, but you don't have the means to do what you think is best. Unfortunately, we reside inside of a society and must play by it's rules (unless you want to go all Into the Wild and die on your lonesome in a schoolbus a stones throw from civilization and help).
 
tacodude said:
Wow fuck all of you. If dope was all I needed I could be fine taking the equivalent to 1.5 to 3-3 to 6 grams morphine equivalent with methadone as I need the equivalent of 210 mg morphine through the day (dosed orally) yet it doesn't help as it's not pain management nor do I want to just manage pain. I've been doing everything to treat this pain for 10 years now only making progress when I've had proper stable pain management. Seriously fuck all of you. I tried to be open, but it's just convinced me more to going through with overdosing and killing myself Wednesday.

I would've thought people here would know better. I'm fucking done.
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Hey mate I am not into opiates and dont know what its like to be a chronic pain patient.

I do know what its like to be treated like a piece of shit druggie and as much as it hurts and those who do that need a punch in the face, stop worrying what other people think about you and focus on what you think about yourself.

Fuck those people and their bullshit. You know your situation and dont have to justify your life to anyone.


Chronic pain needs management but youve hit the wall abd maybe you should take a step back from getting any professional treatment and clear your head.

There are other chronic pain treatments besides opiates but forget that now.


Dont fucking kill yourself fuck sake. Maybe try having a change of scene, if you have mates who live somewhere nearby visit them and stop thinking about pain management a few days.

Sure why not have some drugs, obv take time to research pain alternatives but later.


Youre in a rut, you need to pick yourself up when youre ready.


Youll be okay mate .
 
I literally have made every attempt to go without opioids trying to get the underlying pain treated or holding it off. Doesn't work. Scubagirl200 who I don't even recognize is being an especially heartless bitch. I've had to deal with tough love my whole life.... Doesn't help.
 
<snip> You lost all hope. Sorry mate. Game over then.

Or try to find any, and I mean ANY other way dealing with this without hurting/killing someone. Try other drugs, try weird spirituality things, strange teas and healthy mushrooms that chinese are taking for years with success, yoga, physical therapy, painting, scribbling, etc.. Anything that keeps you from not wasting this one chance of life you have. You can always kill yourself later. You can always do it tomorrow. The important thing is not to do it today. Good luck.
 
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Oh mate,


Shes trying to help you but its hard to figure out how or what to say that will make you feel better.



Opiates are the best painkiller, its just fact. Im not a doctor and dont know how some medicos live with themselves treating patients like shit.

Im sorry it happens. But it just does. If you were their mate or family you would be treated better and not just a statistic.

Finding the right people and management is important and I wouldnt know how to do that besides word of mouth.


Think short term right now mate and just get through each hour, each day until youre more settled. Wanna do drugs? Well whats stopping you, its going to have to cone to an end or at least strictly controlled anyway.


Theres other people who have had to try different treatment paths for chronic pain of varying types with aome succesz some failure.

Mate its hard. Hopefully others who have been through this will give you pointers.
 
That's the thing with my situation... There is nothing anyone could tell me to fix my situation besides I have the medical care necessary to treat my pain.... If they could manage it without opiods great! Yet they seem more focus on anxiety and depression as if it is the root of my pain, but it's more like I was hit by a car going 30-40 mph and no one treated me.
 
Docs are more concerned with their own careers right now it seems and its at a cost to pain patients.

Everyone knows opiates are addictive. Everyone knows that recovering long term after injury or with degenerative back diseases means long term opiate use, also benzos and everyone knows opiates and benzos are not long term viable due to addiction.


So long term (which will wait a few days, give yourself a break hey) means a monitored physiotherapy or cortisone injections and muscle building. But thats long term right?

Mate just think short term and get in a better head space. It doesnt matter what anyone else thinks. You're kick arse and they can get stuffed ok?

Just make yourself as comfy as you can afford to do. You cant make decisions about what direction to go in when you dont want to live.
 
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You obviously understand zephyr, but I don't even have the means for short term even if I went through psych emergency who would rather tie me to a bed making it worse rather than manage pain so I can focus on my situation enough to discuss it. As you said they care about their jobs not the patient, which they have told me straight to my face.... Multiple doctors.
 
Well mate theres gotta be someobe or an outreach place as theres many patients who are suffering or maybe not as theres many suffering.


I would suggest poppy tea and lope but again im not an opiate person mate.


You could use a friend. Dont just write everyone off as not trusting or giving a shit about you. Mates are mates and would want you happy. Can you call your best mate?
 
Tried them... Tried talking to doctots.... Tried going to "friends" who now ignore me... Tried going through "family" who ignore me.... There's literally no one left for me to go to.
 
Well you got us, we areposts on the internet though.

Do you have a roof over your head currently?
 
I hope you find peace dude. I thought I was suicidal until I was down to one xanax bar this week with a heavy habit. All my connects were out, everything, was a fight to get through it.

Point being I've had a plan to kill myself but when put in a situation where death was a very real possibility, I was fighting through it with everything I had. I would not call myself suicidal anymore, have ideations a lot it's peaceful really thinking about it but I know I couldn't do it.

Don't give up just yet. Sounds like you're on a vacation to hell. There's a better way out, and I am not sure what your views on death and reincarnation are but my personal view is that there is no escape through death.
 
Death is just going to be blank emptiness... I'm fine with that. I don't believe in concious reincarnation. My life may be reincarnated through life, but I won't be aware.
 
Well my friend helped me get some dope so I can think a bit more clearly until I attempt if nothing changes in my health care or social support that allows me to live a stable life able to complete my activities of daily living. I'm not looking for pain free just reduced so I can take the steps necessary to treat it. I'm not asking for anything extreme so the health care system shouldn't deny my. Problem is they will... If no one helps... Wednesday I overdose
 
Mate change takes time and the healthcare system can drive anyone crazy. No they dont care about you as a person and they dont care about anyone but you care about yourself and you have to learn how to work the system.

I would suggest finding a forum dedicated to chronic pain in your area and get advice and stories from others and what was available and in what time.


Its going to be tough and no nothing will be magically worked out.

One step at a time mate. Meantime do what you can to stave off withdrawals .

Keep an open mind and be willing to try to get maybe a cortisone injection for your pain, physio, exercises to build strength and gently taper in due course.

You have a mate there can you talk to them ? Just talk to them.
 
It's not even the withdrawals... It's the physical pain.... If I could even get a massage when I need, but I ended up in an abusive relation seeking that, raped before that, and my first abusive relation that stole my identity for 7k$ while convincing me to wait for him to move out together as all my social security back pay went to waste after he spent 6 months convincing me he cared about me when that was far from the case.

I would go to a pain management forum, but really what advice can they give someone who has NO support and NO money with whatever little money going to the dope now so I can complete activities of daily living? I am supposed to talk to my friend later tonight and hopefully he considers helping me get the 200$ grams of dope as that would last me at least 10 days if not more while the local dope I assume to be 10%-20% at best that I go through 0.5-1 gram a day with the 10 mg meetings depending how active I am that day and whether or not I am using cannabis where I'm not even trying to use the cannabis now. There's no point it will just make me more anxious and depressed
 
Like I'm not kidding... It's the pain... I've been through withdrawals so many times it is not the problem.... When I can't look down because the pain on my spine right above the base of the neck.... When I can't keep my back straight as I'm trying to release pressure off my spine due to the pain in my spine right above the lower back more like low mid section. Both pains are auras of pain that is surrounded by pinching tightness making it worse... That's just a small fraction of what goes on, but can be the most intense easily at a nine almost ten if the pain got to the point I was crying in pain as it causes me to scream in frustration due to the pain being triggered by activity.
 
Have you had a mri lately?



Mate just do what you can to keep alive, baby steps. Short term goal. Maybe take the offer and get the rime in use to get some work.

Build up slowly. One day at a time.
 
I've never been given an MRI no matter how much I beg... They won't help until something happens. I'm not trying to survive a failed suicide attempt again as that seems the only thing they will take seriously, as well as me getting raped looking for a massage, or getting arrested committing crimes to attempt to manage my pain.

I'll call the doctor's outside the city limits so they don't know what police to call and I'll tell them unless they send my mother to me with the right script, garuntee I'll have long term care including a short-medium term opiod pain management run, and that they will null all the medical history from the involuntary psych evaluation my parents lied to the police to make happen up until the present and give me a fresh start. That won't happen though and if they don't give me an alternative that works I'll overdose on the phone with them making sure they know my every last thought and have a recording to send my family to never forget what they did to me with their neglect. I attempted to forgive them for the abuse, but they never forgave the self medicating I shouldn't have to ask forgiveness for while they continue to abuse me. There's just nothing left for me
 
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