I?m way to young for this shit, im one and a six. I?ve done oxy hydros cocaine heroin and all kinds of shit... I?m only doing alcohol and kratom at the moment that?s my background. I?m 3 years behind in school everyone my age has a license and I?m to lazy to schedule an appointment with my dentist for the cavity I have... reason being is because I?m heavily withdrawling from adderall and kratom at the same damn time, what?s next? I?m already depressed beyond imagination, my single mom is starting to understand that I?ll end up like my crystal meth addicted dad and I?m believing it too, I never thought I?d end up like this at this age, I need help, but I?m already getting help from counseling rehab and all sorts of shit, I don?t know what?s next, if I get threw this without killing myself this will be some testimonial shit to tell when I?m older. I don?t know if im typing this I?m the right place but oh well I?ll get removed so what, but maybe I?ll get some help here who knows.
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What is my life?
- Thread starter Drug vet
- Start date
BehindtheShadow
Bluelight Crew
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Words ----> TDS
sonicwhite
Bluelighter
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Bro you have so much potential. You see it at your age which is great.
I couldn?t see the forest from the trees at that age.
I gave my life to Christ. That profound grace, joy and peace was beyond anything I could ever imagined.
Trust me I?m chosen by God to be a minister.
When I cane to Christ I didn?t think I would receive the warm welcome I did, but I did and it thrusted me into a life long burning desire to show ppl the cross.
Like I said you have so much going for you. Seeing all you see is a proud insight. Keep your head up.
I couldn?t see the forest from the trees at that age.
I gave my life to Christ. That profound grace, joy and peace was beyond anything I could ever imagined.
Trust me I?m chosen by God to be a minister.
When I cane to Christ I didn?t think I would receive the warm welcome I did, but I did and it thrusted me into a life long burning desire to show ppl the cross.
Like I said you have so much going for you. Seeing all you see is a proud insight. Keep your head up.
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
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- Jul 26, 2011
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- 14,942
Vet, I never knew you were so young. You may be behind in school but you are obviously smart so you can make that up when you choose to. I was a high school drop out (too many reasons to go into here) but I ended up going to college "on time" with a GED. There is no one right way to live life. All the set-out timetables are doable for some but not for others. Try really, really hard to fight the tendency to shame yourself when you are just trying to figure out your own path.
Being an adolescent in our culture is damn hard. And you may not realize it now but that holds true for everyone--even the other kids you see that look like they have it all together, the ones that make it look easy. I can't tell you how many kids I've known that whiz through school, excelling at everything laid out for them to perform in like sports, academia and even their social lives, only to crash and burn in their thirties when they realize no one cares if they jump through hoops or not. Every single person has to peel all the layers of meaninglessness back to one thing: creating a real relationship with him or herself. That's it. That's what you should be working on. Do not worry about anything else.
I took a lot of drugs when I was your age and some hurt me and some actually helped me. But I eventually stopped everything because I could really sense that most of it was trying to fill a giant void that not only never filled but just seemed to get bigger. Psychedelic trips had shown me a bigger world, a world beyond the world of family, school, society, etc. In a way I was just reconnecting with the natural spirituality that every little kid feels before it gets squeezed out by all the various dogmas kids internalize. I guess you could describe that spirituality as simply a sense of wonder. If you find yourself depressed and anxious and becoming fatalistic about your life you need to re-kindle your connection to nature, to a larger world outside of yourself. That world is as open as it was to you when you were first toddling out into it on your own two feet.
I've known a lot of kids whose parents had addictions. It is not a given that you will follow that path. It's a vulnerability. You can choose to do things to lessen that vulnerability. Have compassion for your Dad and for yourself. If your mom says things like, "you're going to end up like your Dad", let her know how totally unhelpful that is to you and how more than anything you need her support.
I hope you will keep writing in this thread because you are in a community of people who span ages from teens to elderly but every single one of us has probably felt exactly like you are feeling now. One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is trust in others. You have had a rough childhood and that makes it difficult but not impossible. I know you probably know my story enough to know that my son died from feeling the despair you are feeling now. The main thing that took him down was fatalism. Isolation from others was the tool that fatalism loved best.
Being an adolescent in our culture is damn hard. And you may not realize it now but that holds true for everyone--even the other kids you see that look like they have it all together, the ones that make it look easy. I can't tell you how many kids I've known that whiz through school, excelling at everything laid out for them to perform in like sports, academia and even their social lives, only to crash and burn in their thirties when they realize no one cares if they jump through hoops or not. Every single person has to peel all the layers of meaninglessness back to one thing: creating a real relationship with him or herself. That's it. That's what you should be working on. Do not worry about anything else.
I took a lot of drugs when I was your age and some hurt me and some actually helped me. But I eventually stopped everything because I could really sense that most of it was trying to fill a giant void that not only never filled but just seemed to get bigger. Psychedelic trips had shown me a bigger world, a world beyond the world of family, school, society, etc. In a way I was just reconnecting with the natural spirituality that every little kid feels before it gets squeezed out by all the various dogmas kids internalize. I guess you could describe that spirituality as simply a sense of wonder. If you find yourself depressed and anxious and becoming fatalistic about your life you need to re-kindle your connection to nature, to a larger world outside of yourself. That world is as open as it was to you when you were first toddling out into it on your own two feet.
I've known a lot of kids whose parents had addictions. It is not a given that you will follow that path. It's a vulnerability. You can choose to do things to lessen that vulnerability. Have compassion for your Dad and for yourself. If your mom says things like, "you're going to end up like your Dad", let her know how totally unhelpful that is to you and how more than anything you need her support.
I hope you will keep writing in this thread because you are in a community of people who span ages from teens to elderly but every single one of us has probably felt exactly like you are feeling now. One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is trust in others. You have had a rough childhood and that makes it difficult but not impossible. I know you probably know my story enough to know that my son died from feeling the despair you are feeling now. The main thing that took him down was fatalism. Isolation from others was the tool that fatalism loved best.
Your life is what you make of it man.. it may not always seem like it, but in those little moments the fast decisions can have lasting life long impacts.
I still can remember being 13, pacing around in circles in my room because I was mad as all hell. I swore to myself that I would never be like my dad- never do drugs, never drink or smoke... and I didn't until 6 years later, but once it started up I didn't stop until a decade later.
More than likely no one will be able to force you to quit and remain sober until you end up in jail. That was the truth for me at least. Withdrawals are never fun, but trust and believe that they can and will get worse. If you think they are bad now imagine how bad they will be in a year or 5 when your use has progressed and you are using heavier drugs in larger quantity more frequently... I've had seizures, psychotic episodes, and most everything else you can imagine. I consider myself lucky to still be breathing- there are a lot of scenarios that could have played out if things happened a little different and I wouldn't be here right now. Be grateful for every breath you have.. you may not see the end coming.
It's a vicious cycle, the drugs will take away your drive, ambition and motivation with the offer of a pleasant distraction, then leave you empty, alone and tore up, making that pleasant distraction even more desirable. You're going to have to suck it up and face the consequences sooner or later, and better sooner than later.. to some degree the withdrawals are unavoidable but that doesn't mean you have to face them alone. Take advantage of the resources you have... be completely honest with the counselors and take heed of what they have to say. This is the perfect time to really evaluate and work on yourself.
You can be a better person. You don't have to continue to be the person that you have been. You don't have to let your past mistakes define who you are. We all make mistakes, and tbh, I don't know anyone who has done anything worth while who has not failed at epic levels. In my mind, failure is inevitable part of success. If you are going to succeed in life, you will have to take some chances and you will not succeed at every opportunity. It's not a matter of never failing, but never quitting. Failure hurts and sometimes it sticks with you a long time.. but you have to keep going no matter what.
Don't let anyone tell you that your failures define who you are. I'm not encouraging you to drop out- a GED will come in handy getting work, but HS dropouts have gone on to do great things as well.
I still can remember being 13, pacing around in circles in my room because I was mad as all hell. I swore to myself that I would never be like my dad- never do drugs, never drink or smoke... and I didn't until 6 years later, but once it started up I didn't stop until a decade later.
More than likely no one will be able to force you to quit and remain sober until you end up in jail. That was the truth for me at least. Withdrawals are never fun, but trust and believe that they can and will get worse. If you think they are bad now imagine how bad they will be in a year or 5 when your use has progressed and you are using heavier drugs in larger quantity more frequently... I've had seizures, psychotic episodes, and most everything else you can imagine. I consider myself lucky to still be breathing- there are a lot of scenarios that could have played out if things happened a little different and I wouldn't be here right now. Be grateful for every breath you have.. you may not see the end coming.
It's a vicious cycle, the drugs will take away your drive, ambition and motivation with the offer of a pleasant distraction, then leave you empty, alone and tore up, making that pleasant distraction even more desirable. You're going to have to suck it up and face the consequences sooner or later, and better sooner than later.. to some degree the withdrawals are unavoidable but that doesn't mean you have to face them alone. Take advantage of the resources you have... be completely honest with the counselors and take heed of what they have to say. This is the perfect time to really evaluate and work on yourself.
You can be a better person. You don't have to continue to be the person that you have been. You don't have to let your past mistakes define who you are. We all make mistakes, and tbh, I don't know anyone who has done anything worth while who has not failed at epic levels. In my mind, failure is inevitable part of success. If you are going to succeed in life, you will have to take some chances and you will not succeed at every opportunity. It's not a matter of never failing, but never quitting. Failure hurts and sometimes it sticks with you a long time.. but you have to keep going no matter what.
Don't let anyone tell you that your failures define who you are. I'm not encouraging you to drop out- a GED will come in handy getting work, but HS dropouts have gone on to do great things as well.
I?m sorry, I could not read 100% of everything but I read most of everything, especially the first reply. Yes I have seen the light and rath of god. I have felt ?being in the presence of God ? and all IV wanted is being in the presence after I lost it but I don?t know how too. I?m so screwed up no one can understand... I really wanna kill musself but I know I won?t ever be able to do it, so I turn to drugs...
People can understand, you just have to let them.
Believe it or not, many of us have been where you are at, and there are a lot of us facing similar struggles, and as hard as it might be to accept, there are people far worse off still struggling every day.
Things can almost always get worse. Sorrow, regret, bitterness, and all the likes will not do much to better your future. It's something I am struggling with a lot lately- trying to focus on what is to come rather than what has passed, yet still remain present in the moment. Every day I wake up, often drenched in sweat from nightmares/dreams, and the first thing I feel is the racing feeling of regret heavy on my chest. I can't let that stop me from starting my day and working on my future. Embrace the struggle rather than run from it.
If god is what you want, maybe find a nearby church. It's not a bad place to meet people, I used to go to church a lot. It helped me through some tough times as well, just maybe be prepared for some people who have never known struggle to tell you to just give it up to god, as if problems will solve themselves. That never made sense to me, if anything I needed to ask god for the strength to deal with what has come my way, but to each his own.
But yeah, to sum it up, that's the reason a lot of people use drugs.. you are far from alone on that.
PM if you need to talk.
Believe it or not, many of us have been where you are at, and there are a lot of us facing similar struggles, and as hard as it might be to accept, there are people far worse off still struggling every day.
Things can almost always get worse. Sorrow, regret, bitterness, and all the likes will not do much to better your future. It's something I am struggling with a lot lately- trying to focus on what is to come rather than what has passed, yet still remain present in the moment. Every day I wake up, often drenched in sweat from nightmares/dreams, and the first thing I feel is the racing feeling of regret heavy on my chest. I can't let that stop me from starting my day and working on my future. Embrace the struggle rather than run from it.
If god is what you want, maybe find a nearby church. It's not a bad place to meet people, I used to go to church a lot. It helped me through some tough times as well, just maybe be prepared for some people who have never known struggle to tell you to just give it up to god, as if problems will solve themselves. That never made sense to me, if anything I needed to ask god for the strength to deal with what has come my way, but to each his own.
But yeah, to sum it up, that's the reason a lot of people use drugs.. you are far from alone on that.
PM if you need to talk.
sonicwhite
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2012
- Messages
- 2,433
Ya I understand church not understanding. I?ve been there. It may take ten years for you to be delivered of drugs
That fight against the old man and new man will be there. But I promise you you?ll never regret coming to Christ.
That fight against the old man and new man will be there. But I promise you you?ll never regret coming to Christ.
MrRoot
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2011
- Messages
- 2,121
Luckily all christians don't read bible. Matthew 10:4 If any household or town refuses to welcome you or listen to your message, shake its dust from your feet as you leave.
Just kidding. Sonicwhite, you are a good addition to our lovely people.
Just kidding. Sonicwhite, you are a good addition to our lovely people.
Deemgd
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 27, 2018
- Messages
- 135
I also got clean by coming to Christ. It was my absolute last option after everything else failed but the only one that worked. My addiction (and first rehab visit!) started at 12, and by the time I was 24 I had been to over 14 rehab, psychologists, jail, doctors, psych wards, AA/NA, tried therapy and self control and none of it worked- even after I lost my kids, was facing 10 years in prison, turned to a life of crime, found my boyfriend's body hanging from the rafters in our basement after a binge, lost all my friends and family and ended up homeless- it still wasn't enough to stop. Not on my own.
Addiction truly is a spiritual problem. We our powerless to try and overcome it ourselves. Only God can do it. The thing is that the more we use, the more we let the demonic take over (there is actually a spirit called Pharmakia- which is where we get our word pharmacy from, but it's basically the spirit of drugs), which causes us to do things in our addiction that make us ashamed and feel guilty and dirty and the enemy uses that to lie to us and tell us that we are NOT WORTHY ENOUGH TO COME TO JESUS and that he would want nothing to do with us, which makes us more ashamed and we use more and push God farther away.
Jesus came for SINNERS. Addicts, murders, thieves, prostitutes- not this religious crap that we have in America that makes us believe we have to be good people to "earn" Jesus. No one is good- he makes us good- and no one can earn it. The church likes to have "supersins" where they make certain sins seem horrible (drug addiction, abortion, homosexuality ECT) and others are socially acceptable (gossip, cheating on your taxes, gluttony). All are the same to God, and all are forgivable. We have to come to that conclusion first- that God could possibly love us and forgive us as messed up as we are- before we can truly seek him and be set free from addiction. Never in the bible did Jesus hang out with the religious church people. He hung out with the worst of the worst. That's who he came for, not people who think they are good on their own. Sinners know they need him, because they know how bad they are.
I cried out to God when I was at my lowest and told him that I didn't know if he was real, but if he was to please help me, and I told him that I would give him 3 days and after that I was committing suicide. I didn't think he was real and if he was I was sure he wanted nothing to do with me. The only Christians I had ever seen were "good people" who pay their bills and follow laws and give to charities and have perfect families. But I cried out and asked him to help me out of pure desperation.
That was 10 years ago, he showed up and never left. I have my struggles and ups and downs, but he was able to save me from a heroin addiction that I could not have beat on my own. Now I'm a pastor's wife- my husband is a former crack addict- and we met at a church that outreached to drug addicts and was run by former drug addicts- from the pastors on down to the congregation. All former addicts, pimps, prostitutes, liars, gangbangers, thieves, murderers, thugs, threats to society, lost causes. All saved, healed and redeemed by God. They just needed to believe he would want a relationship with them and ask Him into their heart and to save them. And he did.
It took hearing these people talk about the horrible things They had done and how God had wanted them Anyway to believe that just MAYBE he would want me too, and could restore my life the way he had theirs. Those people I could relate to. They had actually been forgiven of horrible things. A churchy preacher talking about how God could forgive you when the worst thing he'd done in his life was get a speeding ticket, I couldn't. Of course God could forgive HIM. He hadn't done what I'd done, but these people had. And He forgave them. It gave me just the tiniest silver of hope and belief that I could be saved too. It helped me see the truth of who God really is- unabounding love. You don't need to be good or get your life together to come to God- just COME.
And I'm here to tell you the same thing. God loves you. He wants you. He will forgive you. You just need to want Him too. Just ask Him to help you, and keep asking. Don't believe the lies of the enemy that you're hopeless and doomed to this forever. That you're not good enough- not one of them. Ask Him to help you and tell Him you want Him to come into your heart and be Lord of your life and to take your addiction away. He will. Talk to Him. He's there, and He's listening- He's just waiting on you.
The bible says over and over again that God will allow himself to be found when he is looked for/searched out/ desired above all else. Keep looking for Him. He will let himself be found (2 Chronicles 15:2). The trick is to KEEP searching Him out. Even when you mess up, just KEEP GOING BACK TO HIM. Keep talking to Him. He will keep you. And eventually you will experience Him and through His power your addiction will be broken, and you will have a brand new life in every possible way. It might not happen overnight, but it will happen. And before you know it you will experience Him and He will empower you to battle your demons with HIS power- because we have none of our own.
I have seen Him do miracles, and just like in the bible- he does them in the lives of the worst of the worst. That's where He gets the most glory from and where His power is shown. By taking lost causes and doing things in their lives no one thought was imaginable. By making a sinner a saint, not by making an already "good person" good. No one is too far beyond his reach.
Please don't give up on God. That's the only way he will not help you- when YOU stop looking to HIM for help. No matter what you do or how far you fall, you can always go back. The only way to lose is by giving up and not looking for Him anymore. He is the only way out. Whatever you do, don't stop talking to Him.
Anyways sorry for the long rant but as you can tell I'm very passionate about this subject because I know what He's done in my life and want others to have the same freedom. I'll be praying for you. You can private message me if you want to talk.
"In my distress I called upon the LORD, And cried to my God for help; He heard my voice out of His temple, And my cry for help before Him came into His ears"- Psalms 18:6
"Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
14 He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,
and broke away their chains."
- Psalms 107:10
sonicwhite
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2012
- Messages
- 2,433
Amen. I see God infecting this site with His glorious light!