Having had several experiences with real MDMA/Molly, often of high quality, I wonder what it was about the stuff I get through one guy. That guy is always a last resort backup (kind of in the "hood" haha), and this is the third time I've gotten some stuff that I found highly disagreeable, with outright bizarre and negative experiences. His friends who also get it probably have no idea what real Molly is like, but they also don't seem to get as bad or negative symptoms as me. Is it possible that certain batches simply don't mesh well with a given person's personal body chemistry sometimes?
So here's what the symptoms are like, many making me feel rather the opposite of what MDMA does from other experiences, which were usually amazing. The overall feeling is characterized by high anxiety. Following a tense buildup of half an hour or so, I get into this state where my brain becomes so spaced out and disjointed that I can barely function. I don't know how to accurately explain or describe it; it's like I'm not able to think straight or really focus on what's going on in the moment or in the environment, and terrible at communicating things in a normal way (while still sort of there and understanding things at the same time, and able to at least fake giving answers and responses to things). My body language became noticeably "weird" and unnatural. Normally molly makes me less inhibited, able to dance awesomely and really feel the music at a EDM show or wherever, to connect with people and empathize with them better, you know the usual... This did the opposite, I become extremely awkward and stilted, and it effectively turned me into a retarded robot or autistic zombie for the duration of the "roll", if you can even call it that. Kept grinding my teeth, smacking my lips, and doing repetitive tic-like motions like swaying and pacing. Maybe the first half hour was more akin to a normal roll feeling but then it all went downhill.
Nonetheless the whole thing was characterized by an overarching and pervasive sense of anxiety. I couldn't pick up on anything in the music. A beautiful girl I was with was clearly into me and getting touchy-feely but I couldn't respond like a normal person would in that setting, and every action I did was "off"; I don't know how to describe it. The girl dragged me to the front row of a concert and while everyone else was grooving and going crazy to the music, like I normally would, I couldn't feel it at all and the part of my brain responsible for dancing didn't want to anything or had no interest in dancing. After just standing there for a while I decided to instead try to fake it and look like I was sort of dancing to it, but knew it was BS and I looked quite weird, with people beginning to stare. In fact, come to think of it, all my interactions with people were characterized by attempts to "fake it" and look like I'm behaving and conversing normally and understanding what they're saying, even though my mind wasn't in it, and I'm sure they could tell. I eventually left well before the show was over, and developed this sense of paranoia the rest of the night, like everyone, including bouncers or whatever, were onto me and that I could've gotten in trouble talking with anyone as zonked as I was. Despite how "out of it" and zapped I was, I still had this sort of self-awareness that I was very off and looked it, which further contributed to the feeling. And that my attempts to keep my shit together, act normal, and keep cool actually instead made me stand out and look even worse. Eventually I just bounced without telling any of my friends and bussed back home after wandering around the streets for a while in an oddly robotic fashion. A similar experience happened on two previous occasions, both from this guy's stuff, although not quite to the same extent... I guess I hoped it would be different, but no.
And it wasn't that I was around a lot of random people; I could've been with my best friends or close family and I think it still would have been the same... kinda trapped in my own head but unable to process thoughts clearly.
But all the other experiences I've had were stellar. For the record, I'm not really an awkward or heavily anxiety ridden guy normally (sometimes it happens in stressful situations), but that stuff tapped into something weird. For a while I thought it was almost akin to effectively temporarily lobotomizing myself, where the two halves of my brain weren't communicating the right way and all my thoughts were disjointed, like broken pieces of glass in a mirror distorting the overall image, or puzzle pieces not quite fitting together right. Although in retrospect that's probably not the best way to describe it. I also had the feeling that must be what autism is like, but I also think that's incorrect now, and probably somewhat offensive to some people.
I also had this tense tweaky feeling and couldn't sleep the entire night after, having left chest and arm pain that worried me until the feeling finally subsided 10-12 hours later. I felt awful mentally about the night and kept replaying the most embarrassing and disappointing moments over and over in my head nonstop. What was supposed to be a spectacular and magical night ended up being total crap.
Not to mention the havoc it wreaked on my digestive system, horrible diarrhea even with some blood and whatnot.. don't want to get into it too much lol.
Anyway eventually it did finally go away and I got over it, after drinking lots and lots of water. Gave me bad cottonmouth the whole time too.
The odd thing is... other people who have tried that stuff did not have the same totally negative experiences I did, and some like it a lot (although some of the more experienced users reported it being odd or off somewhat). So maybe it just didn't mesh well with my body chemistry. I don't think I had a problem with my serotonin or whatnot..
What do you guys think could have been in that stuff? I'm guessing it was more like E than real Molly. Could it have been speed or something? Has anyone else had an experience even remotely akin to this? The only reason I'm even on this site is to get some kind of closure or idea as to what may have happened and why.
Honestly I'm thinking I may not do this stuff again from now on. Don't want to go out on a bad note, but that was enough to make me want to avoid it...
So here's what the symptoms are like, many making me feel rather the opposite of what MDMA does from other experiences, which were usually amazing. The overall feeling is characterized by high anxiety. Following a tense buildup of half an hour or so, I get into this state where my brain becomes so spaced out and disjointed that I can barely function. I don't know how to accurately explain or describe it; it's like I'm not able to think straight or really focus on what's going on in the moment or in the environment, and terrible at communicating things in a normal way (while still sort of there and understanding things at the same time, and able to at least fake giving answers and responses to things). My body language became noticeably "weird" and unnatural. Normally molly makes me less inhibited, able to dance awesomely and really feel the music at a EDM show or wherever, to connect with people and empathize with them better, you know the usual... This did the opposite, I become extremely awkward and stilted, and it effectively turned me into a retarded robot or autistic zombie for the duration of the "roll", if you can even call it that. Kept grinding my teeth, smacking my lips, and doing repetitive tic-like motions like swaying and pacing. Maybe the first half hour was more akin to a normal roll feeling but then it all went downhill.
Nonetheless the whole thing was characterized by an overarching and pervasive sense of anxiety. I couldn't pick up on anything in the music. A beautiful girl I was with was clearly into me and getting touchy-feely but I couldn't respond like a normal person would in that setting, and every action I did was "off"; I don't know how to describe it. The girl dragged me to the front row of a concert and while everyone else was grooving and going crazy to the music, like I normally would, I couldn't feel it at all and the part of my brain responsible for dancing didn't want to anything or had no interest in dancing. After just standing there for a while I decided to instead try to fake it and look like I was sort of dancing to it, but knew it was BS and I looked quite weird, with people beginning to stare. In fact, come to think of it, all my interactions with people were characterized by attempts to "fake it" and look like I'm behaving and conversing normally and understanding what they're saying, even though my mind wasn't in it, and I'm sure they could tell. I eventually left well before the show was over, and developed this sense of paranoia the rest of the night, like everyone, including bouncers or whatever, were onto me and that I could've gotten in trouble talking with anyone as zonked as I was. Despite how "out of it" and zapped I was, I still had this sort of self-awareness that I was very off and looked it, which further contributed to the feeling. And that my attempts to keep my shit together, act normal, and keep cool actually instead made me stand out and look even worse. Eventually I just bounced without telling any of my friends and bussed back home after wandering around the streets for a while in an oddly robotic fashion. A similar experience happened on two previous occasions, both from this guy's stuff, although not quite to the same extent... I guess I hoped it would be different, but no.
And it wasn't that I was around a lot of random people; I could've been with my best friends or close family and I think it still would have been the same... kinda trapped in my own head but unable to process thoughts clearly.
But all the other experiences I've had were stellar. For the record, I'm not really an awkward or heavily anxiety ridden guy normally (sometimes it happens in stressful situations), but that stuff tapped into something weird. For a while I thought it was almost akin to effectively temporarily lobotomizing myself, where the two halves of my brain weren't communicating the right way and all my thoughts were disjointed, like broken pieces of glass in a mirror distorting the overall image, or puzzle pieces not quite fitting together right. Although in retrospect that's probably not the best way to describe it. I also had the feeling that must be what autism is like, but I also think that's incorrect now, and probably somewhat offensive to some people.
I also had this tense tweaky feeling and couldn't sleep the entire night after, having left chest and arm pain that worried me until the feeling finally subsided 10-12 hours later. I felt awful mentally about the night and kept replaying the most embarrassing and disappointing moments over and over in my head nonstop. What was supposed to be a spectacular and magical night ended up being total crap.
Not to mention the havoc it wreaked on my digestive system, horrible diarrhea even with some blood and whatnot.. don't want to get into it too much lol.
Anyway eventually it did finally go away and I got over it, after drinking lots and lots of water. Gave me bad cottonmouth the whole time too.
The odd thing is... other people who have tried that stuff did not have the same totally negative experiences I did, and some like it a lot (although some of the more experienced users reported it being odd or off somewhat). So maybe it just didn't mesh well with my body chemistry. I don't think I had a problem with my serotonin or whatnot..
What do you guys think could have been in that stuff? I'm guessing it was more like E than real Molly. Could it have been speed or something? Has anyone else had an experience even remotely akin to this? The only reason I'm even on this site is to get some kind of closure or idea as to what may have happened and why.
Honestly I'm thinking I may not do this stuff again from now on. Don't want to go out on a bad note, but that was enough to make me want to avoid it...
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