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Relapse 3 months from meth ends tomorrow

cyberius

cyberius

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Mar 11, 2013
Messages
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I'm three months sober and I really don't want to relapse but I don't really feel like I can stop myself from going back. Can I have some support? I finally have the means to get a lot of my drug of choice meth. I still think I have a lot of stuff missing from my life and I still really feel attracted to meth. I don't have a sponsor. I have a pessimistic view of recovery and although I'm not depressed or really substantially anxious as I've been, I don't really feel that connected with my life or that strong of a desire to get to that point. All I want to do is partake in hedonistic activities alone effectively destroying myself in the process.

I've never honestly gone this far from stimulants since I've began using them, they have always been my crutch since I was sixteen. What else can there be in life?
 
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If you feel like something's missing now, just wait until you've been using a few years, then things will really be missing.
 
cyberius said:
But its so fucking fun
Click to expand...

If it was actually fun, you won't regret doing it, and you won't feel unimaginably compelled to keep doing it.

If you came into some money, go on a vacation. It's so much better than a drug binge.
 
I am a firm believer that "I won't believe a word you say until I convince myself of it". So, read your own old threads. The mindless ramblings. The anxiety. The misery. The illusion of fun. The suicidal and homicidal ideations. Read them all. You have been documenting a great deal of the insanity. That misery will still be there for you. You could even wait a day or a year or a decade for it. It isn't going anywhere.
 
^ cyberius you don't have to justify your choices to anyone here and you will go clean when you are ready. Its just addiction man. Either way theres a price to pay so keeping the see saw youll keep paying the price every time.
 
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