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6 Months into LTC/Anxiety+Depersonalization post-MDMA

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fettywap

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Jan 2, 2018
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6 months ago I took 350-400mg of MDMA whilst I was high on marijuana. I smoked marijuana towards the end and after the high. My comedown was 4-5 days of extreme anxiety and panic attacks, even leading me to the hospital. After this I was depersonalized fully for a week or two. I still don't feel 100% right, I always feel "Is this real?" and feel like my cognitive function has diminished. I'm not sure if I'll ever be the same again. I also have fear/anxiety about travelling or taking a plane.

I've cut out all intoxicants, including caffeine and alcohol
Running every day, progressively running more and more, and lifting 3 times a week
Cut out sugar and started a healthy diet
Started therapy/counselling
Cold showers and meditating daily

Do you think I'll recover? I feel like maybe I'm getting better very slowly but Idk, at some points I feel like there's been no change :( I've even been told to take a small amount of MDMA again, as this might change my psychology/thinking...I really don't know anymore lol
 
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fettywap said:
6 months ago I took 350-400mg of MDMA whilst I was high on marijuana. I smoked marijuana towards the end and after the high. My comedown was 4-5 days of extreme anxiety and panic attacks, even leading me to the hospital. After this I was depersonalized fully for a week or two. I still don't feel 100% right, I always feel "Is this real?" and feel like my cognitive function has diminished. I'm not sure if I'll ever be the same again. I also have fear/anxiety about travelling or taking a plane.

I've cut out all intoxicants, including caffeine and alcohol
Running every day, progressively running more and more, and lifting 3 times a week
Cut out sugar and started a healthy diet
Started therapy/counselling
Cold showers and meditating daily

Do you think I'll recover? I feel like maybe I'm getting better very slowly but Idk, at some points I feel like there's been no change :( I've even been told to take a small amount of MDMA again, as this might change my psychology/thinking...I really don't know anymore lol
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bump
 
Hello! Don't worry, you will recover buddy, this is long term process so just keep doing the right things.

I had the same symptoms (poor memory, poor cognition, social anxiety, depression, depersonalization).

I believe being victimized by a LTC is linked to neurotoxic dose of MDMA, therefore neurotoxicity to the brain's serotonin receptors.

Let me tell you it's hard and challenging. LTC to me was worse than meth or benzo comedowns/withdrawals...

It took me 1 year and half for my brain to recover from my MDMA abuse. I went through hell just for a few memorable nights of unbelievable magical euphoria.

Also I respect that you don't go the antidepressants route, SSRI medication only covers up the issues, they don't solve them. It's better to recover the hard and healthy way.

Here's a few things I did:

- Quit ALL drugs (MDMA, MDA, LSD, 2CB, Shrooms, Meth, Ket, Amp, Xanax etc.)
- 3 months Rehab/Therapy + 3 months volunteering / 1 year post-cure follow-up
- Take care of a dog/pet
- Cut off all the drug user friends + find new non-judgmental friends
- Stop hanging out in venues that triggers cravings (clubs, raves, festivals, tripping spots, drug friendly spots etc.)
- Find out new healthy hobbies (reading, hiking, jogging, camping, sports etc.)
- Find a meaningful job or study field
- Start a new life project
- Volunteer in harm reduction forums / drug addiction organisations

Hope this helps you out, stay strong!
 
fettywap said:
I feel like there's been neurotoxic damage done to my brain :( I don't think I'll ever be like how I was
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How many times have you used MDMA throughout your life?

Some body information and dosage would be perfect, Weight, Height ect.
 
Just once.

I was high on marijuana and took a 250mg capsule, and then redosed twice probably consuming 350mg-400mg of MDMA in the night. I smoked weed at the tail-end of the high as well. It was potent stuff (I think it tends to be of higher quality here in the UK than in America). I am approximately 80kg/185Lbs at 5'10 and 19 years of age.
 
scatterday said:
How many times have you used MDMA throughout your life?

Some body information and dosage would be perfect, Weight, Height ect.
Click to expand...



Just once.

I was high on marijuana and took a 250mg capsule, and then redosed twice probably consuming 350mg-400mg of MDMA in the night. I smoked weed at the tail-end of the high as well. It was potent stuff (I think it tends to be of higher quality here in the UK than in America). I am approximately 80kg/185Lbs at 5'10 and 19 years of age.​
 
You took it 6 months ago, however from how long you practice all the healthy activities?

Also do you have positive thinking? Do you consider yourself depressed or stressed?
 
Most importantly do you take any other illicit substances or prescription medication regularly?
 
fettywap said:

Just once.

I was high on marijuana and took a 250mg capsule, and then redosed twice probably consuming 350mg-400mg of MDMA in the night. I smoked weed at the tail-end of the high as well. It was potent stuff (I think it tends to be of higher quality here in the UK than in America). I am approximately 80kg/185Lbs at 5'10 and 19 years of age.​
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Do you understand how dangerous is it to consume close to a gram per night, You could have overdosed.

Look after your body, mind and soul, 120-140mg of clean reagent tested MDMA would have been ideal. Even if it was hypothetical MDMA for the take of this conversation there could have been many unwanted contaminants and adulerants present within the capsule you took.

There is no mention regarding reagent testing which is a dangerous practice. Always reagent test your products. For the sake of a few dollars it could save many lives throughout the night. If I had moderation privileges to this section of the forums I would remove the amount of your consumption because that's a dangerous practice and promoting that is against our guidelines.

We're here for "harm reaction purposes" and what you did was very irresponsible.

Have you considered the cannabis triggering an underlying psychological issue whether it be in your genetic makeup or hereditary?

What were you trying to achieve prior to your experience. MDMA should always be treated with respect like a trip. Your set and setting can influence the way you feel immensely.

Did you have any psychological issues prior to ingesting this unknown substance you took?

Not trying for this to come off as condescending or disrespectful but if you treat your body like an amusement park when you're young expect consequences when you're older. We're all here to care about you and look after you not to lecture you.

Assist recovery periods, provide safe and healthy practices if you choose to consume illicit or pharmaceutical substances. and identify compounds

I suggest you change your lifestyle and avoid those around you who can source narcotics and who could be impact and influential on your life/well being. Go spend some quality time with your family and join a gym.

PLUR scatterday.
 
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scatterday said:
If I had moderation privileges to this section of the forums I would remove the amount of your consumption because that's a dangerous practice and promoting that is against our guidelines.
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I wouldn't consider his post as promoting of consumption of high amounts of MDMA, but quite the contrary. I took about 300 mg of M and that was probably the worst mistake of my life. Saying things like this isn't the best advertisement for MDMA.
 
Hey Fetty, I know exactly how you feel. When I was 6 months deep I could hardly tell that I was making real progress.

11 months later, I can say with confidence that progress is being made.

Recovery is very slow, but you're doing all you can right now.

The hardest part is being patient.
 
You will get better trust and believe in me as long as you know the product you consumed was definitely mdma. 350-400mg of my mdma would wipe me off the face off the earth, hallucinate and be rolling in an uneasy situation.

I have taken doses similar to 300mg as an initial dose but it's a waste.

I experimented with 2mg per kg of bodyweight with no tolerance and it was perfect.

No brain zaps, A nice after glow and no depression. Less can be sometimes you know but by consumjng mdma after the window of no return has passed you start putting oxidsed dopamine into your receptors causing serious neurotoxicity.

If you want or feel the need to urge to redose to it but I recommend against it.

2mg perk kg of bodyweight would have been fine therefore 150-160mg with no tolerance would have been enjoyable

Positive thoughts and positive activities promote the growth of positive neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and many others.

If you're thinking negatively cortisol and other stress related amd negative related neurotransmitters will build up in your body. Cortisol can be permanently damaging to your body amd your brain is more powerful than you think it is.

I'll tell you a quick story about some washed mdma I took took one time.

The experience and afterglow was so therapeutic. Even though I was getting brain zaps and feeling a little depressed I forced myself to think about things I enjoy such as my hobby's which eere videogaming and fast motorcycles at the time. Then interestingly enough brain zaps disappeared immmediately.

Positive thoughts go out to go the whole bluelight family here cares about you.

It might no be directly promoting it but he's prromoting unsafe practices and any user who reads this thread wiill see he made it out alove therefore we could consider this thread as a indirect suggestion to the amount he consumed. Users would start thinking ,The amount he consumed would be "safe" for a 19 year old male, 80kg, 5ft 10' because he didn't overdose.

Unfortunately that isn't the case and that dosage could have caused major organ shut down or damage. Thankfully it hasn't.

PLUR scatterday.
 
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He also edited the part of his post regarding the redose consumption and how long/the quantity of the unknown susbtance he took which is bad if he wanted feedback.

I wouldn't even call it mdma because the user has described no mdma associated feelings in his report then redosed.

The hospital should have done a drug and alcohol examination.

What did the examination indicate and was it mdma?

It can take upto 3 months for neurotransmitter lebels to restore after an mdma experience.

Rest assured if the hospital thought there may have been permanent damage theu would have told you.
 
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scatterday said:
He also edited the part of his post regarding the redose consumption and how long/the quantity of the unknown susbtance he took which is bad if he wanted feedback.

I wouldn't even call it mdma because the user has described no mdma associated feelings in his report then redosed.

The hospital should have done a drug and alcohol examination.

What did the examination indicate and was it mdma?

It can take upto 3 months for neurotransmitter lebels to restore after an mdma experience.

Rest assured if the hospital thought there may have been permanent damage theu would have told you.
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I'm pretty sure it was MDMA, although of course I can't be 100%. It was impossible to urinate, feelings of intense euphoria, empathy and compassion. Music sounded better etc. I was an idiot for consuming so much 1st time, but I had no idea and just took what I was given. I've completely quit all intoxicants, even coffee and alcohol, and have started on a healthy eating and exercise regime. Can only move forward from here. It was the biggest mistake of my life, but if I ever return to my past state, it was the best thing that happened to me. Everyone needs a wake up call.
 
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