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Thread: Life Is A Chore Sober.

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    Life Is A Chore Sober. 
    #1
    Been sober since July 19th, 2017. Life is a drag. Was so much happier on drugs. Have seething, pent up rage at not being able to get high anymore. Hate everyone. In an expensive halfway house. Stuck on Step 8 because I self-righteously believe I haven't done more than a few people wrong at most, but even if I have, I'm not sorry. Can't even afford cigarettes. Pick cig stubs out of the trash when I can. No job. No car. Very little money. No motivation without stims. I'll be damned if I die sober. It's my prerogative. I'm ready to go to war over this. All the good drugs--acid & ecstasy--disappeared with Haley's comet more or less. I have brilliant chemical ideas but am heckled by foolish, disrespectufl chemical neophytes on a daily basis. Have neurosyphilis but no one believes me. Am dependent on antipsychotics for sleep. Ready to die.
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    #2
    Damnit man.
    praying for u. Keep at what your doing. I imagine it will get better.
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    #3
    Bluelight Crew neversickanymore's Avatar
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    Look at it logically... did you fuck anybody over? Emotion is the main weapon of the area of the brain that promotes addiction. Emotion is desighned to promote the successful continuation of the human spiecie. Unfortunately we messed with this system and reprogrammed it. You have to look and see what is real.
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    #4
    Greenlighter ADHDMY4SS's Avatar
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    Dude X and molly can do damage on your brain. You probably knew this prior to having those best nights of your life. Not here to nag at you but just sharing my experience I still am paying for today. Sure they do their damage but that fades in a month or two. The times that you OVERDO it, 300MG+ of MDMA, when you redose your X throughout the night twice or three of four times, when you attend those 2 or 3 back-to-back day festivals: you are FUCKING YOUR SHIT UP. The initial tuesday blues and anxiety may seem like they fade after some time but it takes far more time for your brain to return to a similar state to where you started. I am 1.5 years out from my last roll and I still don't feel the same. Also, my last few rolls were shit anyways with A1 tested product. That's what happens when you overdo MDMA/X (way stronger). Those are NOT to be abused.

    Breathe long and deep. It is unfortunate you have living circumstances that you do not desire. Grab a coffee hit a few job fairs?

    Try exercising a few times a week. It's like manually shifting your mood into a happier gear. Speed walking would be fine but I find a little weight lifting therapeutic.

    Would LSD be like a gateway to you or what is holding you back from tripping? Just wondering.

    Wish you well and I will pray for you. You could run into a surplus of financial gains this very DAY. Life is a shocking, unpredictable, puzzling series of events.

    Keep it up bro you are almost at your year mark.
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    #5
    Bluelighter P0kemama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dresden View Post
    Been sober since July 19th, 2017. Life is a drag. Was so much happier on drugs. Have seething, pent up rage at not being able to get high anymore. Hate everyone. In an expensive halfway house. Stuck on Step 8 because I self-righteously believe I haven't done more than a few people wrong at most, but even if I have, I'm not sorry. Can't even afford cigarettes. Pick cig stubs out of the trash when I can. No job. No car. Very little money. No motivation without stims. I'll be damned if I die sober. It's my prerogative. I'm ready to go to war over this. All the good drugs--acid & ecstasy--disappeared with Haley's comet more or less. I have brilliant chemical ideas but am heckled by foolish, disrespectufl chemical neophytes on a daily basis. Have neurosyphilis but no one believes me. Am dependent on antipsychotics for sleep. Ready to die.
    I had a lot of depression when I went into recovery the first time, after using alcohol and cocaine, and this time, I had a lot less... I withdraw from opiates. I already have a tendency towards depression, so the drugs that helped when using them, messed things up worse once they were out of my system. However, my second time around, I posted a lot during my tapering experiences here on BL and it made all the difference. By processing my thoughts and emotions in writing I was able to move through them; more importantly, I found kind and supportive people here on BL who did not give me crap about being depressed or negative. They allowed me my process. I think that is what was key in this whole thing. As a species we are wired to connect, and this is about the only place I can express myself with like minded individuals and connect, via our posting and some private emails, and not feel alone or defective throughout the process. Keep posting, on your own thread, and when you are up to it reach out to other struggling addicts.
    See if it is helpful for you as well. This is not an easy road, and walking it with other BL kindreds is one of the ways I managed during the withdrawal/tapering process and in early recovery.
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    #6
    Gardenmeister
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    When you get sober you give up the tools you had to try to make an unbearable life feel bearable. There has to be deeper change or any rational person would more than likely arrive at the same conclusion you did. We all have to struggle to figure out how to be in charge of our own lives and it starts at a more intimate and profound level than most of us are used to; we have been conditioned out of even being aware of the deepest level of our own existence. If you strip away all of your mundane cravings what is left? It's usually the most human craving of all: the need to be known, to be seen, heard , acknowledged. But what if you take on the role of seer, listener, witness to yourself? Once you begin to nurture that self-sufficiency all the false paradigms that keep you unhappy with yourself have less power over you.

    I don't see anything wrong with wanting to change our consciousness from time to time. It's all about the relationship we have to that. Who is in control? Everyone has a different way of working out this ongoing question. I hope you can find a way to address your rage. Rage isn't a bad thing unless you get stuck in it.
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