Thread: When your suicide isn;t a reslut of your own sddiction

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    When your suicide isn;t a reslut of your own sddiction 
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    New Mexico
    Let me begin by the fact that I;m a survivor of a generations long addidtion to acloholism From being a small child who witnessed the pain and and events that having alcohoilc adults affect and ruin my childhood I made myself a promised I would never invlict the suffering that an addiction to booze on my family or loved ones. Despite this vow I very nearly allowed it to happen anyway until I woke up. Now I haven't avoided this by absolute sobriety, I pride myself on being capable of having a few drinks and being able to put it down . In no way do I consider myself above anyone who isn't capable of this. I am no angel and have been guilty of experimenting with different things over the years.

    My main issue is my failure to know when to cut loose those who cannot control their particular demons. My brother became addictied to heroin in the 90s and I tried everything to "save" him but he simply refused to stop. He enrolled in a methadone program mainly to shut us "caring" family up about it which simply compounded the problem in countless ways. He lived with my mother who defended and enabled him while pleading with the rest of us to "not give up on him" even as she lied and manipulated us to keep giving them "food" money and keeping their utilities on.

    In the meantime I discover my own son is now addicted to heroin and his fiancee begged us to assist her in her "tough love" approach,dragging his name through the mud and convincing us to cut him out of our lives until he "woke up". The sick joke in this is when we found out she was an addict long before he got caught up in the lifestyle,she was using any money we gave to support our grandchildren to obtain her own drugs and blaming our son for the failed efforts of helping give them a good home. When we confronted her on this she proceeded to spread rumors of how my entire family was druggies and did all she could to discredit us and our efforts.

    As if this weren't bad enough my wifes sister shpwed up on out doorstep with tales of her husband losing their homes and custody of their kids due to his habits and involvement in a distribution ring in our area. When we offered to let her live with us to get her life back in order we discovered the hard way that she was using any and every drug she could get her hands on. By this I mean stealing anything she could get ger hands on,trading her TSA and food stamps for dope. Add her insane actions such as loud tribal dancing in our yard at all hours causing complaints to our landlord and we soon found ourselves facing eviction.

    Now all our help in the form of feeding them all,financially supporting them,being reported as both public nuisances,neglectors and/or abusers of our children,accusations of fraud and theft and any other self defeating behavior we were in the middle of losing all we had worked for in a successful marriage.

    When I believed it could not be worse my wife decided to mave a few thousand miles away to escape this madness. I assumed with then out of the picture I would be able to put together our lives minus the players in this downward spiral clinging like leeches. I miscalculated the extent of the damage already done to my reputation both as a person and businessman. People continued to believe the lies and shunned me. The fact that I was given a prescription for 4 bad discs in my back,which I had avoided for over 20 years by going to a chiropractor, seemed to brand me as much a junkie as the street level users accusing me as being a hypocrite.

    I managed to reunite with my wife but the town I came to holds no chance for restarting my life because it's a dead mining town forgotten by society and filled with both meth addicts and heroin junkies. There are no jobs to be had of my trade or any menial openings either. I have always worked hard honestly all my life but there simply is no demand for a 50 something construction worker. My wife manages to scrape by in a death trap job and I'm simply a burden to her survival. I am judged by "normies" as an addict because I once had a legal prescription and by actual addicts who don't trust or relate to me because i've no desire to be part of the dope underground.

    So I guess my point is that not all drug related suicides are the result of escaping the demon of addiction. If any of you have even the slightest possiblity of cleaning up please do it for the sake of those who refused to give up on you. My story has come to an end not because I couldn't control my own actions but because of those I loved but couldn't save.
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    Senior Moderator
    Recovery Support
    Drug Studies
    herbavore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    in a dream
    That is a depressing story--or many depressing stories, actually. I would imagine by now that your trust in anyone must be in tatters. Please don't give up on life just yet though.You know how people say to never make a big decision while in a crisis? Well, you are in a crisis of despair right now (quite understandably) but if you could just tell yourself you are going to give yourself--and life--some time. In my town, you probably couldn't easily find a construction job either but you could use those same skills and advertise yourself as a handyman and you would be in demand every day of the week. There are options and things could change. Have you talked to your wife about how desperate you are feeling?
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    Greenlighter ADHDMY4SS's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Lost on a road
    Move somewhere new. Try a fresh start out in a new community. Maybe attend rehab with your son and I personally would get physical and force his ass.

    I am very sorry for your struggles. They seem intense and never ending. What's a sunny day worth without the rain though? Suicide is never the answer. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You would be giving up on your son, your own blood. What shot would he have without you? His friends don't really care about him. Do it for him.

    Best of luck to you.
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