LandsUnknown
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2014
- Messages
- 1,077
A few months back, I broke my beer glass and intentionally cut myself with it across the palm like a fucking maniac simply to make a "point" to my Mom about an argument that was very pointless and idiotic for me to even be upset and arguing about it, let alone to do something as batshit crazy as that 
. I had drank several shots and like eight beers at the time. I woke up and was horrified about what I had done, and I swore that I wouldn't drink again the next day (didn't stick with that or anything). I apologized to my Mom for that, and after a while, my hand healed up fine, but I have no idea what the fuck was wrong with me that I would do something like that as I NEVER would consider hurting myself like that normally.
Then, several months later, I drank nearly an entire bottle of vodka. This time, I did not hurt myself on purpose, but I was just messing around in my drunken state in my room and punched a chair. I was by myself and not exactly sure why I was punching the chair. It looked like it was cushioned, and I thought that. Though, on sober inspection, the back was hard and had a few metallic edges on it. As a result, I got a gash on my hand from catching the edge of it. Though, at first I didn't feel it much until I noticed it was bleeding bad. It was quite nasty, but I was very drunk and somehow barely even felt it as a result of the drunkenness. If I remember correctly, I drunkenly cleaned out the cat litter later (with the other hand, but it was still in the air). As a result, the hand ended up getting infected, and I got put on antibiotics. It is going away now, but it got quite swollen and it could have been very dangerous.
When I drink moderately, which is what I usually do, I have no real problems. Just catch a bit of a buzz and that's it. I don't do anything crazy and my personality doesn't change as a result of moderate drinking. However, sometimes I find myself going on these binges with it for little to no real reason. Often, I'll drink to extreme excess if I'm by myself. I do while out, but I have these occasions where I'll be by myself and just find myself getting completely hammered. However, when I do this, I nearly always do something extremely stupid, and on these two occasions I wound up hurting myself. The first time was particularly frightening as I did it on purpose, which is completely out of character for me. I'm not sure what the hell is going on here as in the past, I was able to drink heavily without having any "incidents" happen as a result of my drinking. Now, as I have grown older, it has become such that binging on alcohol is simply not something that I'm able to do anymore. Which honestly in a way is probably a good thing as even when I didn't have issues as a result of my drinking binges, they never really served any positive purpose for me of course. So, for me, my limit is simply having a couple/few drinks on an occasion and the thought of binging on alcohol now creates a very visceral reaction and the thought horrifies me, given the fact that it has caused my personality to change in a manner that honestly scares me...... and so much for the idea of the "real self" coming out while incredibly drunk as my "real self" certainly isn't a retard who starts arguments over almost nothing, does stupid things and gets hurt, cut myself, and generally acts batshit crazy. Fuck that. The me on a drinking binge honestly almost seems like a different person than the me that's me.
. I had drank several shots and like eight beers at the time. I woke up and was horrified about what I had done, and I swore that I wouldn't drink again the next day (didn't stick with that or anything). I apologized to my Mom for that, and after a while, my hand healed up fine, but I have no idea what the fuck was wrong with me that I would do something like that as I NEVER would consider hurting myself like that normally. Then, several months later, I drank nearly an entire bottle of vodka. This time, I did not hurt myself on purpose, but I was just messing around in my drunken state in my room and punched a chair. I was by myself and not exactly sure why I was punching the chair. It looked like it was cushioned, and I thought that. Though, on sober inspection, the back was hard and had a few metallic edges on it. As a result, I got a gash on my hand from catching the edge of it. Though, at first I didn't feel it much until I noticed it was bleeding bad. It was quite nasty, but I was very drunk and somehow barely even felt it as a result of the drunkenness. If I remember correctly, I drunkenly cleaned out the cat litter later (with the other hand, but it was still in the air). As a result, the hand ended up getting infected, and I got put on antibiotics. It is going away now, but it got quite swollen and it could have been very dangerous.
When I drink moderately, which is what I usually do, I have no real problems. Just catch a bit of a buzz and that's it. I don't do anything crazy and my personality doesn't change as a result of moderate drinking. However, sometimes I find myself going on these binges with it for little to no real reason. Often, I'll drink to extreme excess if I'm by myself. I do while out, but I have these occasions where I'll be by myself and just find myself getting completely hammered. However, when I do this, I nearly always do something extremely stupid, and on these two occasions I wound up hurting myself. The first time was particularly frightening as I did it on purpose, which is completely out of character for me. I'm not sure what the hell is going on here as in the past, I was able to drink heavily without having any "incidents" happen as a result of my drinking. Now, as I have grown older, it has become such that binging on alcohol is simply not something that I'm able to do anymore. Which honestly in a way is probably a good thing as even when I didn't have issues as a result of my drinking binges, they never really served any positive purpose for me of course. So, for me, my limit is simply having a couple/few drinks on an occasion and the thought of binging on alcohol now creates a very visceral reaction and the thought horrifies me, given the fact that it has caused my personality to change in a manner that honestly scares me...... and so much for the idea of the "real self" coming out while incredibly drunk as my "real self" certainly isn't a retard who starts arguments over almost nothing, does stupid things and gets hurt, cut myself, and generally acts batshit crazy. Fuck that. The me on a drinking binge honestly almost seems like a different person than the me that's me.
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