Bluelight

Thread: Why psychologist Steve Biddulph wants to change the way we raise boys

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    #76
    You're right, some opinions can't be sugar coated or rephrased in a way that can make them not offensive.

    It depends on the circumstances, but personally in those cases I try to accept that they will sound offensive, admit to it, and try and move on to explaining why they're still true. Obviously most people won't change their mind. And sometimes it's just not worth arguing. But if the goal is to really honestly try and convince someone of something. I try and get the person to understand the sincere reasons I believe it even if they don't agree. And this is why it's very useful to be able to understand why the person you're arguing with believes what they believe. If you know that, you can work out where you have beliefs in common and use that to try and relate to them and have them relate to you so they'll be more likely to give it real consideration. And of course, the other reason to try and understand what they believe and why they believe it, is in case they really are right and you're wrong.

    Most people won't listen if they think of you as the enemy, so you gotta get them to mentally switch to seeing you as a friend with a disagreement. Most of the time you still won't see them change their mind, but even then, sometimes you'll still have contributed to them changing their mind some time in the future when you don't see it. Sometimes you never find out you successfully convinced someone, or were one of the biggest influences in them changing their mind.

    Often I try and get the person to just try and think about what I'm saying on their own, when they don't feel under pressure to defend themselves and can really think it over. It's rare, but ive had a couple times where I've had repeated arguments or debates with someone, and then months and countless follow up arguments later have them start shifting to my belief.

    And likewise, occasionally ive had an opinion where some time later after thinking it all through or learning more about it I've realized I was wrong. I try not to express opinions I'm not already confident I understand and have a well thought out position on. But I'm still human, sometimes I make mistakes in the heat of the moment, and every once in a while I'll realize I've made a long term mistake in what my point of view was.
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    #77
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    UA'd. nutty, if you have an issue with modding here, start a thread in STH or pm staff including senior moderators CFC and toothpastedog, or spacejunk or alasdairm.

    Thanks.
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    #78
    WHY CAN'T WE ALL BE FRIENDS!

    This is another one of those "them" and "us" things, with "the enemy". There shouldn't be a them and us. Or there should be but it should be "Us" the bluelight collective vs "them" everyone else .
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