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Thread: So I tried to save a friend.

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    So I tried to save a friend. 
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    I got a random skype call in middle of the night that woke up my family. It was a call from a pretty well known Bluelighter, I will save his name for now as he might just be psychotic and a loose cannon. Any way he walks aroud then looks directy into the the camera and says my name - ''You will never see me again I am killing myself. He was pacing back n forth I have known him for over 10 years. I asked on here what was best to do after trying to call him over and over. Bluelighters helped advise me on the right thing to. So After caling the hospital who told me to call 911 (Yes he did this to me while I am half way across the world.)
    The next day he says I am forgiven.
    Then he says he coulda been arrested.
    He says he was alone downstairs so it was impossible to hear the phone.
    Then he says everyone was home which doesn't answer why know one could hear the phone.
    Then he blames me for nearly getting shot... This is pathetic. When I called the police. They simply said they would do a Welfre check eg. Knock on the door and ask if he is alright.
    Then he blames me for him loosing one of the girls he strings along. How is that even possible.
    How can he nearly get shot if he suicided???
    quick welfare check. Which is all that happened. Then he says they have his name now (He has been arrested previously so I don't nknow why simply taking his name down for the report is any big deal. (He shoulda just left me alone I have a life and a family.)
    So still no apology he is just getting ruder and more unstable.
    So now he is abusing me still this is a week later on my FB (Really trying to sound like a thug - One thats terrified of police presence) He even claims he needed his lawyer Brother to save him! It as a welfare check Not even enough of a problem to need a lawyer. I'm sure some people reading this know what I was going through at the time. My family are lawyers and Judges so he shoulda just left that lie out.
    Could you leave your thoughts below.
    Should I bother or is he a lost cause/waste of time/liability? 12 years of friendship. Well I guess it was a 12 year lesson. The worst part is while I was worrying like shit My partner and I had agreed on sending him 1k from each of us to help him move on. I never got a chance to tell him because he tried to turn it all on me straight away.


    Peace n Love, Starwinx
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    #2
    Bluelighter CosmicG's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. If a close friend told me that they were going to kill themselves I would of reacted the exact same way, as I am sure any friend would have that is worth a damn, so you are definitely not at fault here. If they are saying they are going to end their life, serious or not, they are obviously not mentally well so I would take everything they say to you with a grain of salt.

    Personally I would distance myself in every way possible until they apologize. When they will get well they will realize it and make things right. Until then keep your money and save your love for someone that deserves it. The only way the police would draw their weapon is if he had a weapon in his hands. Not sure of the details but it doesn't really matter. Some people just aren't worth it.

    I hope they come to their senses. You sound like a good friend.
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    #3
    You can't reason with madness, if he is as unstable as he sounds, chances are he is not thinking rationally so trying to reason with him would be impossible.

    I've had friends that have "gone crazy" and it can be very difficult to stick by their side and remain a reliable friend. All you can really do is try to focus on the long term and maybe guide your friend into some habits on the short term that will ultimately lead to better health. Things like sobriety and stability.

    As someone who has gone through drug-induced psychotic episodes myself, I am grateful that the world has people like you in it, and in time hopefully he will come to the same realization. It may not be the smartest thing to hand over cash to someone who is unstable, but if you want to give to help him, things like rent, food, and counseling/therapy all cost money and may be essential to recovery/well-being.

    And ultimately, we all have our limits as well. You'll have to define yours, or reach your breaking point. There is only so much that really can be done.
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    #4
    Thank you Cosmic C. You have helped me clear things up. I really did my best and he put me and my family through hell for 6 full hours.

    I am now going to distance myself He is either psychotic or just being really mean,
    Bless you, I feel much stronger now. I didn't need that awful interruption.

    I will take our advice you also seem like a very reasonable person and I am grateful to hear from you.

    My life is very busy and I don't think I will have time for him in the future. In the few days he has been abusing me I have been working on my business and aready becoming more productive.
    Cheers. You're a lovely person. Thanks so much for understanding and helping me see it from another perspective.
    Much Love, Starwinx. (Previously Knightworrier -2002 Lost password)

    Btw A side note My old dancing name was CosmicK.
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    #5
    Your absolutely right there is no reasoning with madness and thats what Im dealing with. I don't feel like trying anymore. He won't take responsibility for what he did.
    He has pushed it so far I really don't need this. I have work and things to do. He literally called me while I was in labour last year. He kept calling. After I had the baby he demanded to talk saying ''hey you!!! I answered 15 mins after having my bub I had her in one hand and him carrying on on the phone.
    He needs to really apologize for all the shit he put me through.
    But at this stage I have lost so much respect for him.
    I don't think this friendship can be rebuilt. Unless he makes big changes. I have been there for him everytime he needs someone. He was barely ever there for me. He told me to stay off Bluelight. (I joined in 02 I was here everyday till he told me it wasn't worth it and he has al the answers.
    I have chronic pain and dissociation I survive best I can. He has not been a good friend for a while now. 12-14 years of friendship. I helped him in so many ways. He wanted money a year ago (I am a professional tipper and punter) So I gave him a good odds horse. He won and wasted the money straight away.
    It's time for him to buck up and own his responsibilities. Thank you for helping make this clear.
    Least I'm back here and talking to some nice people. Bless.
    Much love. Starwinx
    Last edited by Star winx; 11-05-2018 at 07:59. Reason: Spelling error.
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    #6
    A strange part is he says lol after a crazy rant. If he is laughing how traumtised is he? It really sounds psychotic. I wish him the best but I can't deal with his drama.
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    #7
    Find some better friends. I don't know why would you associate with a piece of shit like this for 14 years. And ffs, don't send him money. You're letting yourself be taken advantage of by this psychotic loser right and left.
    Last edited by nuttynutskin; 11-05-2018 at 12:29.
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    #8
    yeah the guys are right, just distance yourself from him and don't think that sending money will help him with the junkie mentality he will just waste it right away, and even if you pay directly for his rent or something and don't give him cash this ocassion will only give him the chance to spend his money on drugs and not rent,food etc. really just give up on him, you sound like such a nice person it's a shame that you have to go through strange times cause of someone like him, focus on your family and job. in 14 years be sure that you did all you could and it's time to move on, he does not deserve your friendship for sure.
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    #9
    Thank you. I have distanced myself. I am going back to the life I had. I will be stronger for it.. He has big poblems. I am so so pleased I asked. You are so right. Even the small amount he got he threw away. I don't eel much a loss... Probably because I lost 2 best friends in real life... From very traumatic accidents one was a Bluelighter we danced every week on my dancefloor. (He knew this was still having a big impact on me) I think he is either a sociopath or psychotic. I have a better life ahead. Thanks all. Much Love. StarWinx.
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    #10
    No problem star Good luck and stay safe! you made a good decision don't ever regret it.
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    #11
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    Hi mate. I have some messages from him since then as did try to contact him. I cant see them though as messenger is not on my phone.

    I think anyone would try to get help to him as you did. Thats what friends do.

    Bl is strange sometimes and odd friendships are forged. Its a place where ppl can connect where they couldnt anywhere else.

    You are a good person. Hopefully your friendship will heal in time but maybe has run its course. Some time away will help, from each other. He should be thankful he has ppl who care.
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    #12
    Thanks. Feeling better already.
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    #13
    Thanks for being there right from day 1 Zephyr. I am lucky to escape that and get back to real people. He has really tried to string me along and treat me like shit. No more.
    I even taped it on my phone as I thought it would be the last time I may see him. Ironically it probably is.

    Way too much drama, games, playing victim. Thank you Xx
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    #14
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    You sound like a really good friend star winx.
    If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions please feel free to send me a PM. here
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    #15
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    I too found out the hard way that it's best not to get involved in these situations. I got a call from a friend's ex partner that she was threatening suicide and asked me to go over there. As soon as I got in the house, it was obvious she had been drunk for weeks. The house was a complete disaster. There were cigarette butts all over the floors and dog shit and piss everywhere and there was dog shit all over her too. I cleaned up the pet messes best I could and she asked me to help her bathe. I was hesitant to do that, help a woman bathe, but I did it anyway because I thought it was the right thing to do, stayed with her until I thought she was asleep. Then she calls the cops on me telling them I raped her. I'm pretty lucky I wasn't arrested on a rape charge and given what the bond would be, I'd probably be sitting in jail right now. I'll never involve myself in someone else's problems that way ever again. In hindsight I should have just called the cops and had her Baker Acted (involuntary commitment in Florida) but at the time, I didn't want to do that because the cops take you to the county-run psych hospital which is a total shithole (speaking from experience on that). I would advise anyone in the same situation to just steer clear.
    Last edited by aihfl; 11-05-2018 at 19:33.
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    #16
    It doesn't always pay to help people out unfortunately.
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    #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by aihfl View Post
    I too found out the hard way that it's best not to get involved in these situations. I got a call from a friend's ex partner that she was threatening suicide and asked me to go over there. As soon as I got in the house, it was obvious she had been drunk for weeks. The house was a complete disaster. There were cigarette butts all over the floors and dog shit and piss everywhere and there was dog shit all over her too. I cleaned up the pet messes best I could and she asked me to help her bathe. I was hesitant to do that, help a woman bathe, but I did it anyway because I thought it was the right thing to do, stayed with her until I thought she was asleep. Then she calls the cops on me telling them I raped her. I'm pretty lucky I wasn't arrested on a rape charge and given what the bond would be, I'd probably be sitting in jail right now. I'll never involve myself in someone else's problems that way ever again. In hindsight I should have just called the cops and had her Baker Acted (involuntary commitment in Florida) but at the time, I didn't want to do that because the cops take you to the county-run psych hospital which is a total shithole (speaking from experience on that). I would advise anyone in the same situation to just steer clear.
    That's horrible!
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    #18
    I really appreciate the help and advice from everyone. It has really taken some of the pain away. I am really sorry to hear this has been such a bad experience for others too. I have finally learned this lesson. It's not about not helping it's about being there as an option and ultimatley letting friends do make there own desicion. But calling me on video skype and say he will commit suicide then rushed and hung up Left me little option though I did try many options first.
    I have lost 3 friends to suicide but it was an awful thing for us all to go through but sadly it was their choice whether it be right or wrong. I may have lost this person as a friend but the world does have kind people in it. They are the ones I want to know now... Get back to the good people.
    I will always stick by my real friends. The ones I have left are precious to me. I feel very comforted here from everything I have heard from everyone. I will go back to living my life and looking after the ones I love. Bless. Again I cannot thank you enough for your understanding. Love SW
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    #19
    Thanks D's. It's nice to be understood.
    Quote Originally Posted by D's View Post
    You sound like a really good friend star winx.
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    #20
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    Sorry man... you did what you should have. Your friend is clearly psychotic, my guess would be meth based on my experiences with psychotic friends on meth. My best and oldest friend (since second grade and we're 35 now) got long-term strung out on meth and was eventually psychotic and occasionally suicidal. He never went THIS far with me, but he would ask me for money all the time after telling me about the people in his ceiling recording his keystrokes and stuff, and I'd refuse and he'd cuss me out and tell me we weren't friends anymore. A few times he would threaten to kill himself, and he lived 1000 miles away from me and 500 miles away from his parents... we'd call the cops, they'd do a welfare check, and their appearance would feed into his paranoia. One time he even threatened to shoot up a school. He never did any of that stuff, it would for attention. The reality was, he was incredibly lonely and isolated because he believed all this crazy shit was happening and no one would believe him (because it was obviously psychosis). Over time he started lashing out in any way he could to try to get someone to help, but then he'd refuse the help because he was paranoid and addicted to meth. Eventually he was convinced his parents and brother had organized some huge world-wide conspiracy to discredit and kill him. His parents were paying for his rent and basically everything because they didn't want him to be homeless, but it ALL went to meth, he'd call begging me to order him food sometimes, which I sometimes did. He'd get evicted from every place after a couple of months.

    Do NOT give this person money, it will be immediately wasted and will only enable them. It's sad and scary, but people like this need to help themselves. Something needs to force them to detox and then hopefully they decide to get help. For my friend, it took getting shot (in the arm). He went to the hospital and they detoxed him and he decided to go move back with his parents and go to 3 months of rehab. He's got a month left and he's doing SO much better, he has some PTSD from it all and he's not quite right yet, he still believes some of the stuff actually happened, but then, some of it could be true, I don't know. We've talked extendedly a few times and I'm visiting my parents, who live in the same town as him/his parents, in a couple of weeks and we're gonna get together.

    Point is, there's really nothing you can do when someone is so far gone.
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    #21
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    You know Star, it's a freaking bloody shame when every "human" emotion and instinct is telling you an individual is in trouble and needs help ASAP and the reality turns out to be a total cluster-fuck! You reacted the way a true friend who cares would. You did nothing remotely wrong, however as it turns out, someone else in the equation threw a monkey wrench on the situation. You can clearly walk from this with a totally clear conscious. I only hope that if a circumstance comes up where another friend of yours really needs your help, I hope you're able to accurate access the situation and lend your assistance where you see fit. In other words, try not to let this jade you too much. Good job!
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    #22
    I'm sorry you had to go through this, I myself was burned by a former friend when I went to rehab for myself self-injury. (I am five years recovered from SI thank God) She asked for money or she'd off herself. I being a caring person friendly wired her money, didn't hear from her and then she asked for more money. (eye roll) it was very hurtful, but a painful lesson indeed on people. I staied off Facebook for two years took a social media break. Now I'm more clear headed. I truly am sorry you had to go through that. (e hug)
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    #23
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    This is a tough situation. I guess since I am in similar shoes and have had friends that did similar, I would just ignore them and let them get it on. They will either have the balls to do it or they will have a change of heart. That's all you can really hope for in that type of situation imo. I just hope they all found their peace.
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    #24
    Quote Originally Posted by Xorkoth View Post
    Sorry man... you did what you should have. Your friend is clearly psychotic, my guess would be meth based on my experiences with psychotic friends on meth. My best and oldest friend (since second grade and we're 35 now) got long-term strung out on meth and was eventually psychotic and occasionally suicidal. He never went THIS far with me, but he would ask me for money all the time after telling me about the people in his ceiling recording his keystrokes and stuff, and I'd refuse and he'd cuss me out and tell me we weren't friends anymore. A few times he would threaten to kill himself, and he lived 1000 miles away from me and 500 miles away from his parents... we'd call the cops, they'd do a welfare check, and their appearance would feed into his paranoia. One time he even threatened to shoot up a school. He never did any of that stuff, it would for attention. The reality was, he was incredibly lonely and isolated because he believed all this crazy shit was happening and no one would believe him (because it was obviously psychosis). Over time he started lashing out in any way he could to try to get someone to help, but then he'd refuse the help because he was paranoid and addicted to meth. Eventually he was convinced his parents and brother had organized some huge world-wide conspiracy to discredit and kill him. His parents were paying for his rent and basically everything because they didn't want him to be homeless, but it ALL went to meth, he'd call begging me to order him food sometimes, which I sometimes did. He'd get evicted from every place after a couple of months.

    Do NOT give this person money, it will be immediately wasted and will only enable them. It's sad and scary, but people like this need to help themselves. Something needs to force them to detox and then hopefully they decide to get help. For my friend, it took getting shot (in the arm). He went to the hospital and they detoxed him and he decided to go move back with his parents and go to 3 months of rehab. He's got a month left and he's doing SO much better, he has some PTSD from it all and he's not quite right yet, he still believes some of the stuff actually happened, but then, some of it could be true, I don't know. We've talked extendedly a few times and I'm visiting my parents, who live in the same town as him/his parents, in a couple of weeks and we're gonna get together.

    Point is, there's really nothing you can do when someone is so far gone.
    I was just talking with one of my close friends about what it was like going through a psychotic episode. He brought up the movie Shutter Island, which is a pretty good depiction of what it is like if you have ever seen it. The delusions are your reality. I've pulled out clumps of my hair, wore all my fingernails down to the skin from scratching at the wallls, had conversations with myself, among loads of other crazy shit- some of which I'd rather not talk about, some I couldn't even tell you the full extent of even if I wanted to. Even still to this day my emotions attached to the memories of "what happened" are real and sometimes strong despite knowing that the event was fake.

    It's hard to explain.. I know it didn't happen but it still feels like it did.


    Star winx, glad to hear you are looking out for yourself. I hope your friend gets the help he/she needs. It's can be hard to watch people who are close to us struggle, but sometimes all that is left to do is walk away. You can't spend your life cleaning up other people's mess.
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