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I'm alive

Wisdom = experience + intellect. Intellect with no experience = opinion. I have extensive wisdom when it comes to ORT having been through multiple years of both Buprenorphine and Methadone maintenance. Thank you for continuing to share your experience. I will continue to share mine. If you aren't there yet you aren't there yet...
 
I had my appointments today. Got put on ativan 1mg a day and 300mg Wellbutrin xr a day. I feel it's a good start. It's at least some relief that I'll have benzos when I need em instead of resorting to self harm or suicide.

The counseling was a little more contentious. She seems to think vivitrol is a wonder drug when I know it's not. Like I can see the wisdom in tapering off sub but I'm just not sure if I am there yet in my head. It gave me alot to think about.

In my heart of hearts I don't feel I'm ready to be off maintenance but I am also so ready to move on with my life. It's starting to seem like I have only a limited number of options and they all suck. So I'm going to start the first part of the sub taper. Getting down to 8mg a day. That's going to take a month I imagine. I'm going to start trying that and then reaccess when I get there.

I'm going to close this thread as it has run it's course. But before I go I would like to ask a favor. If anyone knows a halfway house or sober living that will take a client who's on Suboxone let me know in a pm. It doesn't matter where it is. I figure there has to be one somewhere
 
cj said:
I had my appointments today. Got put on ativan 1mg a day and 300mg Wellbutrin xr a day. I feel it's a good start. It's at least some relief that I'll have benzos when I need em instead of resorting to self harm or suicide.

The counseling was a little more contentious. She seems to think vivitrol is a wonder drug when I know it's not. Like I can see the wisdom in tapering off sub but I'm just not sure if I am there yet in my head. It gave me alot to think about.

In my heart of hearts I don't feel I'm ready to be off maintenance but I am also so ready to move on with my life. It's starting to seem like I have only a limited number of options and they all suck. So I'm going to start the first part of the sub taper. Getting down to 8mg a day. That's going to take a month I imagine. I'm going to start trying that and then reaccess when I get there.

I'm going to close this thread as it has run it's course. But before I go I would like to ask a favor. If anyone knows a halfway house or sober living that will take a client who's on Suboxone let me know in a pm. It doesn't matter where it is. I figure there has to be one somewhere
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Most sober living facilities in CA are fine with people taking buprenorphine. Can't speak for out of state, but it's more unusual now for them not to allow people to be on buprenorphine. Methadone is still generally frowned upon, but buprenorphine is pretty kosher with them now.
 
How are you holding up CJ? I have an Ativan fill sitting at the Publix Pharmacy for me so I can detox but I can't get motivated to pick it up. It's easier to just go get wine at 7-Eleven. FML
 
Well to add insult to injury I've been diagnosed with Hep c. I'm going to be laid up here in the hospital for a couple days recovering. Geuss the odds finally caught up too meet at
 
Well to add insult to injury I've been diagnosed with Hep c. I'm going to be laid up here in the hospital for a couple days recovering. Geuss the odds finally caught up too me after all
 
I've cut my Suboxone dose down to 8mg from 16mg over the course of the last week. Did a few days at 12mg in between and it hasn't been too bad. I'm hoping it's not just the half-life playing tricks with my brain and that I won't hit a wall soon.
 
Hello dear cj,

Happy to hear you cut your dose and you are doing well. Take care my friend, here for you anytime.

Ash.

cj said:
I've cut my Suboxone dose down to 8mg from 16mg over the course of the last week. Did a few days at 12mg in between and it hasn't been too bad. I'm hoping it's not just the half-life playing tricks with my brain and that I won't hit a wall soon.
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Thanks Ash. I think things are looking up. I've been in therapy 2 days a week. I think I've built a workable plan to jumpstart my life. I'm going to taper off sub over the next 2 months then try and get into sober living. I just feel like that's the only way forward for my life. I need a leg up some kind of transitional housing. Unfortunately getting off sub seems to be the only way to access those kind of programs
 
CJ, that is an awesome plan and I am proud of you. You being proud of you is what matters though. Give yourself time and that will come. If you need support through the taper outside the forum I will be more than happy to give you my phone number. I have gone through that taper and would be glad to support you.
 
Wow, that sounds great cj, really proud of you!!! I am here for you always, message me anytime my friend.

Ash.

cj said:
Thanks Ash. I think things are looking up. I've been in therapy 2 days a week. I think I've built a workable plan to jumpstart my life. I'm going to taper off sub over the next 2 months then try and get into sober living. I just feel like that's the only way forward for my life. I need a leg up some kind of transitional housing. Unfortunately getting off sub seems to be the only way to access those kind of programs
Click to expand...
 
Ugh I think I went down a little fast on this last dose. I've taken 3mg of Ativan today but I'm still feeling rough.
 
cj said:
I've cut my Suboxone dose down to 8mg from 16mg over the course of the last week. Did a few days at 12mg in between and it hasn't been too bad. I'm hoping it's not just the half-life playing tricks with my brain and that I won't hit a wall soon.
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8mg is still a solid dose per day, you shouldn't feel any WD yet. Below that it'll feel incrementally "a little" worse. Going totally without it is what really sucks, as I know we both understand and have been through before.

Stay strong buddy

cj said:
Ugh I think I went down a little fast on this last dose. I've taken 3mg of Ativan today but I'm still feeling rough.
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There's some studies that seem to indicate benzodiazepines do not work for PTSD, but I think the take away message is that it doesn't typically work "for everyone", and it largely depends on how the individual responds to the drug with/without the disorder.
 
Good morning and Happy Friday to you my dear friend cj!!

How are you doing today? Thinking of you.

Here for you anytime,
Big hugs,
your friend,
Ashley.
 
It's been a rough few days. Depression has been really bad for whatever reason. Trying to just keep it all in perspective but it's hard. I feel like I'm in prison or something like solitary confinement.
 
cj said:
It's been a rough few days. Depression has been really bad for whatever reason. Trying to just keep it all in perspective but it's hard. I feel like I'm in prison or something like solitary confinement.
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Are you currently doing therapy man? It can really help. I suggest trying EMDR, I think it could really help you out.
 
Yeah I'm in therapy. It's supposed to be DBT but in reality it's just like all the other therapy I have done. Talk about my problems and such. I like her as a therapist but I don't really know how much it helps tbh
 
It's great you're in therapy and that you actually like your therapist cj. I'm sure it will help it just may take some time.
How are you doing today my friend?

Hugs,
Ash.

cj said:
Yeah I'm in therapy. It's supposed to be DBT but in reality it's just like all the other therapy I have done. Talk about my problems and such. I like her as a therapist but I don't really know how much it helps tbh
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