cj- Can I offer a suggestion or two? (yes, Dale - go ahead) Start a journal and write these things in it and everything else that comes to mind over time - even the easy to do things. Set a goal to make one of those things on your list happen one step at a time. I guess the methadone would be a priority. Is there a roadblock to getting on it? Can you get around it? If not, maybe it's time to say it a little louder.
I was pretty close to my mom after my teenage years, and I could tell her almost anything without being criticized (even when she didn't like what I said). Sometimes the barrier to that kind of relationship is showing love and respect even if you aren't getting it. No one can stay in "bitch" mode if they are shown love and told how important they are. If you do start such a journal, how would you feel about showing it to her, so she can see how much you are trying and struggling - that you do have goals for a better life? Sometimes parents (most of the time actually) think they know what's best for their older kids. You and I know that's not always true. Family counseling could work wonders with that problem.
I think one of your purposes is to get through this and overcome it, so that you'll be there to coach and help those who come after you. You've already started doing that here.
Everything you hope for can come true cj. Believe in yourself like others believe in you. That's half the battle.
Your friend,
Dale
