• H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

I'm getting there I think.

Hey Dale.

Yeah I have/had a great group of friends, sadly I chose drugs and isolation over friendship. I won't beat myself up over it to much as I'm sure those friendships can be rekindled. I also got a text from my dad today, inviting me to dinner. It was nice to text back "yes" instead of, "I'll let you know in the week". I'd have to plan ahead to have enough dope to get to my parent's, enough so I wouldn't get sick at their home and enough for the journey back. Dope destroyed even the most basic human behaviour. Eating with family. It's quite pathetic.
 
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GreenDark- You wrote on my thread
I'm happy to see that you didn't let yesterday's "creeps" deter you or break your focus

TBH: There were a couple of times when the thought crossed my mind that your tough symptoms would be too hard for you too. I bet most of us go through that in our own way. I hoped you'd keep posting and stay positive, and here you are going strong with one of the best attitudes I've read in a post. Excellent progress. Pat yourself on the back.:)
As for me - I am a stubborn guy (seriously) and no matter how crappy I feel getting clean, I'm not going to do this over again - ever.
Have a nice evening,
Dale
 
Day 10

It was much harder to sleep last night but I wasn't to bothered as there was hardly any discomfort WD wise. I managed to catch around 4 hours in the end. What is bothering me is the no energy and constantly wanting to sleep. So, I decided to a little research and found this.

When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain. Endorphins also trigger a positive feeling in the body, similar to that of morphine

I went for a mile walk and felt great while I was moving. Sadly, once I was back home I was instantly tired again, dragging my feet and wanting to lie down. So I tried press ups, and bench pressing an old mountain bike of mine. I kept going until I was literally screaming in pain. And it seemed to make me feel better. My eyes didn't feel as heavy and I felt a little more awake. This might just be a placebo effect, so once I start feeling tired again, I'll do more push ups and more Mountain Bike bench pressing (Make sure you lock off the wheels first) and see how I feel. If I feel good again, this will become an every day task.

The only lingering WD symptom is, feeling cold.
 
GreenDark- Yeah, exercise helps me too. I have a treadmill I use and I go 40 minutes at 4mph every day. That does help me feel more energetic. And....get ready... I used to walk my dog in the park, but I had to stop because the ducks kept trying to bite him. I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog eh? :)
Forgive me - it's Monday....
Dale
 
Yes, I'll forgive you, lol.

I've always walked or rode bikes, even when I was using. So my leg muscles are quite strong. My upper body strength however is pathetic, I found the pain burning through my arms earlier today made me laugh and actually feel good. I felt like my old self for a time. It's now 3 hours after my workout and I'm not feeling tired or having any urges just to lie on my couch or bed. I also had a pamphlet posted through my door earlier today about new a swimming pool and gym opening up just down the road from me. So I think I'll sign up.
 
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Woah GreenDark - you've slid way down the list here on Bluelight. Let's get you back up at the top where you belong :)

I think we're twins of sorts - I can run quite fast from all the treadmill use, but if I had to run using my arms and hands, there'd be a messy crash scene. I hate lifting weights - well except for a can of soda.

On a more serious note: I forgot to ask about your diet - are you eating enough to keep up your energy? I lost 8 pounds since I started my thread and I got quite weak from not eating enough due to lost appetite. That's something we all need to be careful of.

I'm really glad to hear you talking about feeling good again. I hope you feel that more and more. You got clean all by yourself. That is serious motivation - serious inspiration to others too. People that find your thread in the future will learn from it that it is possible to turn their lives around because you shared your own experience. There is a saying that "You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one." That is so true.

urges just to lie on my couch or bed
I know that feeling well - and my long time tested solution is to go lay on my couch or bed :)

Til next time,
Dale
 
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Hey Dale,

I'm eating again, but mainly crappy food as I'm low on money as I decided to pay off some bills in advance. I've also been drinking protein shakes and things like that. I'm going to go stay with my parents for a few days, I leave this evening. I'm hoping a change of scenery and some decent food will do me some good. It'll be nice to just hang with people I love too.

Day 11

I tried working out again but my upper body is in agony after going crazy with the push-ups and bench presses yesterday. I managed to do some exercise, but my body needs a few days rest as it's not used to upper body exercise. I'll try again tomorrow. I also had a restless arm last night, not the soul destroying type, just enough to let me know that it hasn't gone away completely. I couldn't stop thinking about drugs late last night and early this morning. There are no cravings to use, it was more looking back at good and bad times while using. I'm still very lethargic but I'm very hopeful I'll make it out of this hell.
 
GreenDark- I've been thinking about going to see my brother in another state. I haven't seen him in years. I want to go now, but I know I shouldn't until I get to the point I can sleep at night better, but as soon as that happens, I'm going. I'm going to share with him too about what I've been through.

I'm still weight lifting here too (think diet coke again). Good thing happened to me yesterday. (first some history) - I slipped many years ago in some sand left on the sidewalk and messed up my shoulder. After the surgery healed, I couldn't life my arm beyond straight out sideways. So, yesterday while working in the yard, I felt something snap hard in that shoulder but it didn't hurt - and now I can raise my arm again. I can finally reach the upper cupboards. I am so jazzed over that. It pops each time I raise it, but that doesn't bother me. I think something had healed together that shouldn't have - and it finally broke loose.

Going home is a really good idea. Have a good time, take pictures and spread the love there.

Dale
 
Dale,

Go for it, go see your brother. I change of scenery has done me a world of good. My sleeping pattern is unconventional but consistent at the moment. I seem to fall asleep between 4 - 5 am and wake up between 11 and 11.30 am. It's been like that for the last 3 or 4 nights. I'm just happy to be getting between 5 and 6 hours a night now and I'm sure falling asleep at a reasonable time will come back to me.
 
Hi GreenDark-

Go for it, go see your brother.
I will do that for sure, but not yet. I need to get a little better first. He will want to take me all over the place during a time when I still mostly want to stay home and rest. I will probably book a flight in another month. It's a five hour trip through a very hot desert (each way) if I don't fly there.

I slept pretty good last night myself - more than in the last week. I think it was midnight when I fell asleep. Like you, I don't care when I sleep - I just want to sleep. Sleep is a therapy, a freedom even, from going through withdrawal.

You are staying so positive now that it even makes me feel more positive when I'd rather pout. I thought about your thread title "I'm getting there I think." I think you have "Arrived" - maybe with a few little strings still pulling back on you, but nothing at all you can handle. What a giant accomplishment this is for you. It's time for you to put on that t-shirt that reads "I've Got This!" I saw a guy wearing that shirt yesterday and thought of you.

Now on to the question of the day:
Ready?
A prostitute, a meth addict and a drunk are all in a car - who's driving?

A: The Police

Take good care of yourself buddy,
Dale
 
GreenDark- How's things going?

I had total insomnia night before last. What a big difference it makes in how I feel (like beaten and put away wet). Then, last night, I slept nearly 8 hours without waking up once: blissful wonderful sleep :) I feel a lot better today, but still having those "cold" skin sensations. Maybe it will take quite a while for them to stop completely. Do you get them in mornings too? Do your feet feel cold? I feel it on my upper back, shoulders and the top of my feet mostly every day. Then, as the day warms up, it lessens.

Let me know how you're doing buddy. I've been wondering.

Dale
 
Hey Dale,

It's day 13 for me now and I'm doing well. I got back from my parents today and it was a much needed break. Healthy food, working in my dads garden and proper sleep (6 hours+ a night) has done me the world of good. I still feel cold all of the time, it's more on my arms and upper body than anywhere else. I've had some strange looks as I been walking around in a coat and a wool hat during some very warm afternoons.

I'm starting to feel the boredom they talk about setting in. I'm guessing it's becasue I don't have acute WD's to occupy my mind. I've been making plans to keep myself extremely busy next week, meeting friends, going back to my parents for a night, home improvements and working out daily. I still haven't had any urges to use Heroin which is great but I'm also wondering if massive craving are all of a sudden going to hit me one day.

I'm glad to read you managed to get some sleep. Insomnia is no joke, especially when your body needs all of the sleep it can get to help repair itself. I've been encouraged by your progress and I'm glad you're still keeping strong and progressing. We've got this.
 
GreenDark-

I'm glad you made that trip to your parents. It probably did all of you some good. I think you are entering a new stage - one that has new demons you need to watch out for. You talked about keeping extremely busy and about boredom. Please take the time to read an article about this very subject. Here is the link: http://addictionblog.org/recovery/boredom-after-addiction-how-to-cope-with-post-addiction-boredom/

It's not too long, and I hope you find it helpful,
Your friend,
Dale
 
Thanks for the link, I'll spend some time reading through the rest of the site.

I've had the same controlling routine for many years now. A routine I thought I was happy with when I wasn't happy at all. The only happiness I felt came from the reward of completing the routine, the use of drugs.

The article talks about the freedom of choice. I now have the freedom to do whatever I want. I no longer have to endure a repeating cycle of misery (finding drugs, waiting for drugs) in order to feel reward and happiness. (using the drugs) I found enjoyment in life before I became an addict, so I'm pretty sure my brain can begin to rebuild. It'll take time, but I'm positive it will get better.
 
controlling routine

I knew we were of similar mind. I used to be very controlling, but I calmed down as I got older, and I learned new ways of handling things. For example, now, I go jogging just to remember what heavy breathing sounds like :)

What I got from the article was that we need to find new ways to cope with boredom, and to learn that it's okay to be bored and do nothing about it. It's another step towards freedom from drugs that we all have to get past. I have faith in you that you'll be just fine, but I like to share articles sometimes if I think they can help - and I hope they do help.

I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Peace,
Dale
 
Two weeks free from heroin.

Today is the first time in the last 5 or 6 days I've only had myself for company and I hate it. I ended up going to sleep for an hour and half just so I could escape my own thoughts. It's crazy when I think back on how I'd deliberately try and isolate myself from the rest of the world. I'd lie about being sick, broke, already having plans, working and what ever else I could come up with just to avoid people so I could stay home alone and take my drugs. I thought I'd be ready to take on the loneliness and boredom of being sober and alone but I'm not. However, I'm glad I feel this way, I'm glad I'm yearning for human contact and to be sociable as it shows a lot of my self isolation was down to heroin and the false sense of security it offered.
 
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And....get ready... I used to walk my dog in the park, but I had to stop because the ducks kept trying to bite him. I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog eh? :)
Forgive me - it's Monday....
Dale

LOL! I read it on a Saturday and it's still funny!=D

You two are both doing great and I love the positivity going back and forth. It's amazing what encouragement can do. @Green Dark, I love your user name. I used to paint with pastels (pure pigments compacted) and I had an entire tray of greens. My favorite green to use was so dark it appeared black unless you looked really hard. Whenever I see your user name I think of that velvety, mysterious hue.:)
 
I'm glad I'm yearning for human contact and to be sociable as it shows a lot of my self isolation was down to heroin and the false sense of security it offers.
GreenDark- What kinds of things did you do before using? Do those things still have meaning to you so that you could pick up where you left off? Human contact is good for you (except for my ex-mother-in-law). It usually doesn't come looking for you though, so I hope you will find a way to get out of the house and meet new friends - or call up some old ones like you've already done, and ask them to help you meet others. One way to meet others is to take a class. Another is to invite friends to lunch in busy places, where you can accidentally bump into someone you find attractive. Church is another idea if you like going there.

Take care,
Dale
 
I feel better today. I had no energy this morning (day 15) as usual, but I still managed to coax myself into a small work out which stopped my eyes from feeling so heavy. I began to think about how I used spend my Sundays before I used heroin and I couldn't think of anything. Then I realised it was becasue on Sundays I never used to do anything, I'd chill out with a beer, watch TV and cook. So today I've bought a small beer, watched some TV and I plan on cooking dinner later on. I also got in touch with a couple of friends and I'm heading over to their place tomorrow for dinner. My friends have no clue about my drug use so tomorrow might be the time I finally tell someone other than my doctor. Either way, I'm looking forward to it.
 
GreenDark-

I'm glad you're feeling better today and trying to get back into a normal routine. Maybe it's time for a new Sunday routine though - do you like exploring - like walking down alleys to see what's there (sometimes is very interesting but don't go at night). Do you like dogs? (Am I repeating myself?) They can be very good pals. I'm as bonded to mind as they are to me. They never complain or tell you what to do. I go for walks and always take a different route just to see the interesting old houses and yards. If you do that, take pictures. I'd like to see them.

Since you're meeting with friends again, I have a tip for you: You know that tingly little feeling that you get all over when you meet someone that you really really like? That's common sense leaving your body :)

Dale
 
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