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Thread: 80 hours in, but who's counting? (Me.)

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    80 hours in, but who's counting? (Me.) 
    #1
    I've been taking anywhere from 40-60mg of Oxycodone or Hydrocodone for close to 5 years now. It went from weekends, to weekdays, to keeping one by the bed so I could take it before I got out of bed in the mornings just to start the day. I spend SO much money on these things that for the first time, it's actually starting to affect my family and it's scaring me. I took my last one close to 80 hours ago and the worst of it is already behind me. I can feel my body getting better by the hour. My mind though...it's killing me. I feel like i'll never be happy again. I'm diagnosed ADHD and my mind is already shifting to maybe I should go get my Adderall script again? Even though I haven't had it in 10 years. I didn't abuse anything back then and I mostly gave it out to friends. But now i'm wrestling with myself thinking maybe this would help with energy. And it wouldn't be illegal because it's prescribed. What kind of thinking is that? Addict thinking. I'm looking for any easy way out I can find because this is miserable. I have a birthday party to go to next weekend and i'm already trying to find a way to cancel because who could enjoy a birthday party without opiates? Then I think, maybe I should get them "just for that weekend" to enjoy the party? 'Cause that always works... I guess i'm just venting. At this point it's hard to see why i'm even putting myself through this in the first place.
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    #2
    So, I forced myself to clean my room today. Like, wipe down the walls and wash the sheets and everything. It sucked the whole time and I was out of breath just getting up and down. I still have chills and an inability to get warm, so when I was done I took a super hot bath. Now i'm sitting in my (clean) bed and I actually feel kindof...not horrible? It's nice to know that I did the whole room without any pills. I don't even know the last time I did that. Typically, in withdrawal I just lay there miserable in dirty clothes and a dirty space so this is a nice change of pace. I think the difference before was because I was just waiting until I could get more- whereas this time I have the option but i'm actively trying not too. I've been ignoring my phone calls because I feel like everyone is annoying right now. I don't want to talk to "normal" people. I don't want to go in public. I think i'll just stay in my clean room until I can't stand it anymore.
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    #3
    Well done on deciding to make a change, friend. We're roughly at the same point time wise in our detox.

    I've found that forcing myself to go outside actually helps my symptoms. The feel of the sun on my face feels amazing and helps me forget for a few moments. How are you finding sleep?
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    #4
    Thanks for replying! I just found this website and there is literally no one who knows my situation, so this feels good. I have been *sitting* in the sun, and you're right... It does feel good. One of the worst parts of withdrawal for me is that I am always freezing cold. It never goes away even as i'm dripping sweat. I have goosebumps when it's 95 degrees out.
    I didn't sleep at all the first two days and it was miserable. I found a few muscle relaxers last night and I took 2 and it knocked me out. Going to try again tonight. What about you?
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    #5
    Hi CEB225 - I'm coming off years of methadone. I think I'm at least half way though it as I felt some better today. I know that freezing cold feeling real well - it is awful isn't it. To help ease that feeling, I took Diphenhydramine (it's over the counter) and it helped. It can also (like it did to me) cause worsening restless leg syndrome at night - so I had to stop it, but that doesn't happen to everyone. Maybe it will help you? Another thing I tried that helped was I wore my jacket to bed and got under two blankets. I woke up sweating, but I was warm. With 80 hours under your belt, you've done a terrific job already. I wish you success and serenity.
    Last edited by SoCal424; 10-05-2018 at 13:33.
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    #6
    Hello again CEB225. For that freezing cold sensation, try putting on your full set of clothes (jacket included) and see if that also helps. It does help me. I woke up this morning after a mostly sleepless night and I felt worse = really worse. I figured it was the cooler evening air, so I got all dressed and it really did help. I hope you're feeling better by the time you read this
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    #7
    SoCal424- Thanks for that tip. I wore a big jacket and tube socks to bed it really helped. I'd rather be hot than cold any day. It's always my first sign of withdrawing and I hate that cold, tingly feeling. I sat up all night anxious because I was desperate for sleep and took 3 muscle relaxers and a hand full of Lopermide and convinced myself that I was having heart problems. I think i'm done with all medication but Naproxen at this point. I'm not doing my body any favors. I need to feel human again. On the bright side, this withdrawal so far has saved me almost $300. Feels pretty good.
    I hope you're feeling better today. I don't have any experience with Methadone, but every day you get through is huge.
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    #8
    CEB225- Thanks for sharing encouragement. Every bit of it helps. I do feel better right now - but very tired from not getting enough sleep - you know that feeling too. Have you thought about trying Melatonin to help you sleep? It does make me a little drowsy. It's OTC and might help you get more sleep than you're getting now. That's great news how much you've saved so far - what a price to pay for saving eh? And as you said, every day YOU get through this without using - is also HUGE!
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    #9
    Tomorrow is day 5. I always have a couple days a month that i'm out of meds, but never more than 48 hours. THIS IS HUGE. I haven't been off this long in years. The physical pain is wearing down. I have light chills, body aches, and just a general heavy feeling like my limbs take massive work to even move. I ate today. I took 4 baths just because it felt amazing. I listened to a bunch of whiny songs from high school (Dashboard Confessional? ) and that made me smile. Dare I say things are looking up?
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    #10
    Hey, it looks that way. I'm having the same symptoms as you now. My whole body feels heavy. I was moving around much better when the symptoms were more intense, day 3 and 4. I wonder how long these aches last, I've been going outside a lot and now it's almost impossible. Good job on eating, get plenty of energy and let yourself heel.
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    #11
    That heavy feeling goes away. It didn't last that long for me - less than a week. I remember thinking it was gonna be permanent - like maybe this is real life, but it will go away. I was on methadone, which takes longer to get through (but doable) - so I'm hoping you won't feel that more than a few days. Make sure you stay hydrated and if you like chocolate, this is a good time to indulge. I've been keeping the music going most of the time - mostly songs I really connect to. You are on the way to freedom my friend.
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    #12
    I don't know how I feel right now. My chills are back full force, but maybe that's because I stopped taking the Lopermide. I was only taking about 20mg a day, but maybe it was helping? I stopped because it's been 5 days on it and I didn't want to become dependent on them either. And i'm so freaking anxious. I keep thinking hour by hour and every day is an accomplishment- but is this my life forever? Celebrating getting out of bed or washing my hair? That sounds miserable.
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    #13
    Ex-Bluelighter
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    97
    Quote Originally Posted by CEB225 View Post
    So, I forced myself to clean my room today. Like, wipe down the walls and wash the sheets and everything. It sucked the whole time and I was out of breath just getting up and down. I still have chills and an inability to get warm, so when I was done I took a super hot bath. Now i'm sitting in my (clean) bed and I actually feel kindof...not horrible? It's nice to know that I did the whole room without any pills. I don't even know the last time I did that. Typically, in withdrawal I just lay there miserable in dirty clothes and a dirty space so this is a nice change of pace. I think the difference before was because I was just waiting until I could get more- whereas this time I have the option but i'm actively trying not too. I've been ignoring my phone calls because I feel like everyone is annoying right now. I don't want to talk to "normal" people. I don't want to go in public. I think i'll just stay in my clean room until I can't stand it anymore.
    Thanks for the reminder. Got this tool thing like a floor style cleaner that I have been meaning to wash down every wall in my house with.

    Someone told me it is good for the energy of a place years ago. However these past few years of addiction I have literally gotten all kinds of stuff on them I should clean. There might still be a handprint with who knows what kind of liquid somewhere.

    I'll spare you the details.

    But thanks.
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    #14
    CEB225- Man I'm sorry you're having it rough now. I am not as good today and yesterday myself. I'm having some of that real cold feeling and skin tingling. Kind of sucks after yesterday went so well, but tomorrow is going to be better for you and me both. You will get through this and you'll feel so much better (and richer). Maybe play your favorite music again or put the TV on and do your best to stay warm. I think our bodies slow down at night (maybe so we can sleep?) and we get cooler which could trigger more symptoms.
    You just keep telling yourself this is temporary. I promise you it is, and you will start feeling better and stronger and I doubt it will be very long from now. Regarding the imodium affecting you, take a look at this BL thread: http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/...the-inevitable

    Also, if you feel up to it, take a look at the thread started by GreenDark -it's in sober living along with us. It is inspiring.

    Tell me how you are doing later on today if you're up to it - ok? Sending you healing thoughts.
    Dale
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    #15
    Hi CEB225- I'm checking in and hoping you are feeling better. There are a lot of people here on BL that have gotten clean and are back to normal. Getting there is so hard, but it is worth it. Don't give up ok?
    Dale
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    #16
    CEB225- Good Morning. It's Monday....... (the day we go to work to get over the weekend). By the way, I learned something new today: Apparently, you can't use the word "Beef Stew" as a password because it's not "Strogenoff" - and one question for you: If you have 10 apples in one hand, and 15 oranges in the other, what do you have? (answer: Really Really Big Hands)

    Good Day Sir,
    Dale
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    #17
    CEB225- How are you doing? Still making progress? Keep in touch. You wrote
    80 hours in, but who's counting?
    I'm on the team and am counting right along with you. There are far better things waiting for you in your future than anything you've left in your past. Believe in yourself.

    Dale
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    #18
    Hey Man,
    Thanks for all the encouragement. I don't deserve it though. I relapsed and used again 5 days in a row and now i'm back to 30 hours clean. Yesterday was hell as to be expected. Today, i'm more disappointed than anything. There was no need to do that. It costed hundreds of dollars for nothing. I have zero to show for it and no excuses. I just want to feel...not miserable.
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    #19
    CEB225- I'm glad you're back! You've been missed!
    I don't deserve it though.
    Sure you do. You are trying to make a positive change in your life. Most of us slip up, but the most important thing is that today is a new chance for you to try again (or 30 hours ago, whichever came first). Take things one day at a time. I'll be here when you feel like posting or (PM) messaging. I'm sorry if you have to go through withdrawals again - hopefully they won't last very long.

    "Every day might not be a good day, but there is good in every day."

    Take good care of yourself my friend,
    Dale
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