Need advice

[Lost_FindingMyself]

Hello Everybody. I?m new and I just need to talk about something. I?ve been diagnosed with Bipolar type II and Add. I posted this on dark side because I feel kinda lost. I take 1,500mg daily of Gabapentin and 100mg seroquel (nightly) and in the morning 20mg Vyvanse. I am completely stable and have been for about 10-12 months. To be honest I?ve been a bit impulsive with my past use of Adderall. Not completely but half of the times I abused it and the other half I felt as if my tolerance became high and experimented with doubling the dose of my previous 10mg and 15mg Adderall. I feel ashamed of it but I suffer from lack of motivation and willpower since I was a kid. As of now I?m 19. I never really got high from it in the sense of euphoria except when I took it when I was taking Effexor a SNRI. I believe that the euphoria I felt when unstable is what caused me to become a bit more impulsive with taking the medicine. Also maybe I take more than I should because the dose is low and my doctor currently hasn?t Rose it in 2months and my previous doctor became extremely cautious due to my Bipolar even though I insisted that it didn?t cause instability and she advised me to find a new doctor for other reasons and because she didn?t feel comfortable prescribing a stimulant. But each time I tried a non stimulant the symptoms were to uncomfortable and it didn?t help. I perhaps have a dependency on drugs in general but only alcohol and weed really. I?ve taken a long break from weed so I?m supplementing it with alcohol because even if I?m stable my issue is that life is boring and shit no matter what I fill my time with. My Issue is that I?m lost. I don?t know what?s wrong. And I don?t know if I could live a life without some kind of drug. I?m currently unemployed but I?m trying to get a job. Maybe that would help. But I need my Vyvanse increased because it?s really low and I find it hard to really get anything serious done. I?m sorry that everything might seem so disorganized and that I don?t even think I have a solid question. I hate myself for having screwed around with Adderall earlier because now it doesn?t help as much. And I know I can?t do whatever has to be done on my own. I?ve tried so hard. I kinda miss depression also. It made me feel alive. And I?m stressed that I?m away from weed. I can?t even cry anymore. If I do cry it?s only for a second or two. Well... for anyone who reads this I would really appreciate some guidance. Some advice. Because I?m lost. Thanks!

 

[sonicwhite]

Well mate, I would highly suggest you try to find a hobby instead of filling that void with a drug.

Plus being bipolar will only increase your symptoms of psychosis if you take a stimulant.

My favorite drug was meth. Today I?ve been off of it for almost thirteen years with the exception of in 2015 I dabbled for a month in it.

I deal with anxiety so I never touch it.

I found my calling in my faith. I had a emptiness inside me until I gave my life to Christ. I?m not trying to preach, just show you there is a better way.

Please reconsider abusing it. I know the desire to do it is strong but it only leads to deeper unresolved problems.

 

[herbavore]

You know one thing I would like to stress to you before getting into your particular situation is how common and natural it is to feel lost in life. Our culture robs meaning from ordinary life in a way that is making us all crazy. Only one thing gets rewarded: making money and spending money on things. For young people in the transition into adulthood, this can be particularly unmooring. But the bright side is that no one really has to accept this definition of life. There is a great big exciting world out there and it isn't nearly as scary as the news make it look. If you start from the premise that you are exploring your self, and that there will be inevitable periods where you feel lost in that endeavor, you will begin to feel empowered by the process rather than defeated by the fear.

I recommend getting off the Addrerall altogether if you can. Learning to navigate Bipolar is tricky but totally possible. Again, it is getting to know your own brain and your own body and doing what is best for you physically and mentally. Limit your alcohol intake to moderate and eat a very healthy diet. People often forget that foods are just like drugs--they very much influence our moods and outlooks.

The best thing that you can do for your life at 19 is to envision it. Use your imagination and let yourself see and feel what your life would look like if you could have magical powers and simply make it so. Since none of us have those magical powers you will have to do the work to get it there but at least you have given yourself a roadmap. Do you need stability or do you crave the opposite? Do you know how to create intimacy with other people or is that something you still need to learn to develop? These are the kinds of questions you can ask yourself. Be your own best friend, your own parent. Look out for yourself, encourage yourself and do everything in your power to maintain faith in your own abilities.