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Poppy Seed Tea Withdrawal Is Hell

iamgollum-
just read your posts start to end. You have an inner strength that is amazing. I thought that what I went through was rough, but I think you topped me by a long shot. Congratulations on your progress!
You wrote that the good ones (Days) will eventually outnumber the shitty ones. You're right. You'll feel better more often before too much longer. Insomnia is one of the last symptoms to go away. It seems to work the same way - a good night, a bad night, then two good nights and one bad one - then three good ones... Believe me, it does get better and you will feel good again.
You really impress me - I believe you can get through this. Believe in yourself and your ability to make your future brighter and happier.

"Before you judge a man, first walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares - he's a mile away and you've got his shoes" :)

Dale

Absolutely. The strength and resolve shown by the original poster here is truly impressive. Inspiring even. Unless you've been there and know what it's like I don't think it's possible to fully appreciate just how impressive it is.
 
@SoCal424, @JessFR: Thanks guys. I have been truly amazed by all of the supportive thoughts I have received. I was not really sure what to expect when I started posting on Bluelight, but everyone has been extremely encouraging and not the least judgmental. It has made a huge difference in making it this far. Best decision I could have made was to document the journey--and, hopefully it may save someone else some misery down the road.
 
Day 20. Feeling better each day but insomnia continues which is really frustrating. Trying to stay positive and focused, but sleep deprivation sucks. I can see why it is an effective torture method for prisoners of war. Did a lot of tossing and turning the past 2 nights, but I am probably averaging 4 or 5 hours a night in 1 or 2 hour sessions, which is enough for me to function, but not at 100%.

Have not tried the sleep meds yet but may tonight since I don't have to do anything tomorrow. The last time I tried Ambien/Lunestra they made me feel especially anxious/nervous the next day and I want to avoid that if possible. I would rather feel really tired than have anxiety.

Congestion/drainage finally dried up but still having a lot of sneezing fits. Does anyone know how long that typically lasts? Maybe I do have allergies...

Another thing I am starting to notice is a lot of aches and pains that were obviously being covered up by the opium (if anything, it was a great pain killer.) Legs, knees, shoulders, back all hurt more lately--old sports injuries are starting to remind me they are still there. But, it could also be because I have been working out and getting a lot of exercise lately. Regardless, small price to pay to have my life back--better to feel some pain than nothing at all, I suppose.
 
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iamgollum- If you feel up to it, take a look at my thread here: http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/843852-What-is-a-good-taper-to-get-off-25mg-methadone

If you read through it, you'll find that you are mirroring exactly the same process I've been through: Insomnia, Sneezing Fits, Restless Legs, and those aches and pains. This is the reality of withdrawal, but it gets better and it will for you too. I have more better days than bad ones and you will too. As to when there will be no more insomnia or bad days - I wish I knew (for you and me both), but I do know I won't go back and end up having to do this all over again.

I always felt like aspirin and Tylenol were "do nothing" drugs, but they do help with back pain and general aches. They are no opiate, but I hope you'll give one or the other a try and see if it helps you. I take a single multivitamin every day too so I'm sure I get the vitamins I need. If you don't, it might be a great time to start.

I send a heartfelt congratulations on your Day 20! You took the hard road and I think you're almost at the end of it. You should feel good about yourself. Your posts will help others that come here desperately looking for help long after you've done your time - because you've shown that a person can beat this and come back better than ever.

Those aches and pains are going to drag you down if they are genuine health issues and you don't resolve them. Consider seeing your doctor about your back pain. Please beware of doctor's giving you opiates, as it feels more okay to take them if the doctor gave them to you - but it's just another addiction potential. Sometimes just a single cortisone injection can put things back in order.

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to always finish what I start. So far, I've finished two bags of M&M's and a large chocolate cake":)

Dale
 
@SoCal424: I appreciate the support and advice. I read your thread--it does sound very similar, but congratulations on making it through. Knowing what I know now, I have a hell of a lot of respect for anyone who chooses to get clean and stay there, regardless of how they choose to do it. I have been taking Tylenol/Aleve as needed and they do take the edge off the pain. I am not a young guy anymore, so aches/pains are kind of a payback for all the stupid things I did when I was young. Back issues are the worst to deal with--I have arthritis on the facet joints in my lower back and steroid shots won't touch the pain. I had a procedure called a rhizotomy about 3 years ago that basically killed the nerves that send the pain signals to my brain (it was the most medieval thing I have ever had done to me BTW). But it worked and was supposed to last for about 3 years so I probably need to consider another one. The ultimate solution is to fuse some of the vertebra in my lumbar but the success rate on that is not that great and the recovery is 6 to 9 months, so screw that. It basically just sucks getting old...I do take a multi-vitamin, extra Vitamin C, Omega 3, and an iron pill so I think I am good there as well. Also, have been eating a lot healthier which is long overdue. Just need to get some decent sleep...
 
Day 21: At the end of the day I will have made it 3 weeks since my last drink of poppy seed tea. Hard to believe it has only been 21 days--time continues to crawl really which I think is the insomnia fucking with me. Giving up my addiction has caused a real shift in my daily life routines. I no longer have to worry about how much seed I had on-hand, when I needed to go get more, when I needed to mix it up, and when to drink it. And, when I did drink it, the high just made time irrelevant like everything else. Now, time is a reality I have to deal with directly. Days (and right now nights...) seem really, really long. And, as hard as I am trying to fill the hours with activity and diversions, the lack of sleep makes it very hard to do. Concentration is very difficult sometimes, I mostly feel the exhaustion in my legs for some reason--they feel very heavy, weak and it is difficult to keep them up and moving. Like I said above, I tend to try and personify challenges and I see my addiction using the insomnia is its last effort to break me and pull me back to using again. The exhaustion is a bitch, no doubt, but given the living hell I experienced in the past couple of weeks, the monkey on my back is going to have to do way better than that.

I did try the Silenor sleep med last night. The doctor said it was really mild and he was obviously right because it didn't do shit as far as I could tell--I may have actually slept worse than the night before. Luckily, I don't really notice any after effects this morning. Either it doesn't work for me or the chemical re-balancing going on in my brain is just more powerful right now. My doctor wanted me to schedule a sleep study with a specialist but that seems stupid since I know what is causing the problem. I think I will just stay on my original plan of trying to wait it out without support meds if I can handle it. Unless I have permanently screwed myself up, at some point my natural sleep patterns will kick back in. As bad as I want to get some decent rest, it seems counterproductive to artificially force sleep if my brain doesn't want or need it right now. I think I need to trust in my body's natural ability to eventually heal itself, if I can continue to hold it together.
 
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Insomnia is usually the longest lasting symptom of withdrawal. Your real early in the process so try and have some patience. If your still having trouble sleeping in 3 months I would try a medical type solution. Your doing really great though. Read up on Post acute withdrawal syndrome as it will raise it's head soon. Some people find SSRIs necessary to combat the depression it brings. All you can do is excersize and eat right to help your brain re-establish homeostasis.
 
Hey gollum seriously, congratulations on making it this far! That's a huge achievement! What you said about time passing differently (especially more slowly) is something that seems very common in the early stages of recovery. IMO without the drug to normalize things, the brain actually pays more attention to it's surroundings because it feels like something is off (it is, you don't have the drug in your system) which causes time to pass slowly. My addiction was cocaine, adderall and alcohol so I had a different experience than poppy seed withdrawal, but I can tell you 100% after long enough, sober life becomes normal life and time passes normally (if not even quicker)
Oh and plus once the insomnia gets fixed that like ~5-6 more hours you won't have to experience because you'll be asleep, so things will only go up from here!
 
You are a warrior for what you have accomplished. Everyday will get better, please believe that. I went cold turkey off huge amounts of pod tea for years and I know what your going through. The constant insomnia was the worst for me. Stay strong my friend it gets better everyday. Pretty soon you will feel good again and not have that monkey on your back anymore.
 
I just read the whole thread too. First off Gollum that is a very dramatic and life changing kick and to make it that far is awesome. Keep going and good work. One person with the strength to kick gives strength to other people. So your kick is helping others as you see.

And wow did it bring me back to my poppy pod withdrawals. It remember even heroin not fully getting rid of the pain. As already stated there are many other alkaloids, I even believe one is called apemorphine. Talk about a monkey on your back.

At one month I was back to normal. But I think this thread shows just how hard a kick it is. I kicked a few times using from 1995-2009. Usually struggled at home. But one of those times I went into a detox when I didn't trust myself and told them it was heroin (didn't want to explain pods). I needed to kick start some days without the tea. But at 5 days when I got out of the detox I was still sick as a dog, and the other people who came in for heroin were smiling and playing cards at 5 days. So I got out and struggled a good bit.

20 days means just keep going. Take some gabapentin if you can get it for a day here and there (not every day) to get you to day 30. I never did have it. At 90 days I went on a vacation to Costa Rica and felt great. The 3 month mark after poppy withdrawal I would now suggest a vacation. :) It was healing. And something to look forward to as the days go by. And it is a nice reward for the hard work.

I really do believe everyone should experience poppy withdrawal. It is life changing. Dramatic in a real sense. A trip through hell while the body heals. But it will balance back to normal. I was sleeping and eating normally after 5-6 weeks. It seems to have the length of a methadone withdrawal but way stronger. It is unbelievable.
 
Day 23. Recovery is weird. Got about 5 hours sleep night before last and felt pretty good yesterday. Even though it was hotter than hell, I was outside all day working around the house. I felt absolutely exhausted before bed last night and thought "this is it--great night sleep on the way". Nope. I don't think I slept at all last night and feel crappy this morning. Tired/low energy, have a pounding headache, legs are very achy again, and have some congestion coming back. Who knows, maybe it has more to do with being active out in the heat yesterday that with recovery--I would probably believe that if it were not for the lack of sleep. The insomnia just absolutely sucks--no other way to describe it. Like many have said above, I am going to probably have good days and bad days for a while so I guess I need to just be patient and keep moving forward, but it makes it tough to stay focused and positive. Just glad it is a holiday and I don't have to go into work.

On a positive note, I was cleaning out the freezer in garage and I found 2 bottles of PST that I had made up for "emergencies" that I completely forgot about. I kept a couple of bottles in the freezer in case I ran out of seeds or didn't have time to mix the tea. Did not even consider drinking them and I immediately dumped them out. It felt good and definitely is progress.
 
Man you're doing so well. I'm almost jealous of your strength. I'm pretty sure you've got this in the bag and you're going to do just fine. I've already relapsed on tramadol for a few days because I lack that self discipline that you've got. I had it at one point before my injury and doctor shoveling pills down my throat but not anymore.

So very proud of your progress and love hearing your updates. Brings a smile to my face thinking one day it may be possible for myself.
 
Gollum--
We just passed memorial day. You will likely have physical n emotional ups n downs all summer but I imagine by labor day you'll be the guy you used to be

When is the trip to the cancer center with your sister?
 
iamgollum- I hope you have a great day today.

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Your friend,
Dale
 
@Runningfox: We are taking off in about 2 weeks. Probably still going to be dealing with PAWS-type symptoms & insomnia, but I just need to suck it up and be strong. Aside from feeling exhausted/tired, I am managing to function on a semi-normal level most days so I think I can hold it together for the trip--I really have no choice.
 
Day 25: Still fighting insomnia, but probably no surprise there to anyone who has been through this. Probably average 2-4 hours per night in 1 or 2 hour stretches. As I have said a number of times above, if I could get the sleep issue under control, I would feel amazing. As it is, I struggle with low energy/exhaustion and trouble concentrating most of the time. Also have kind of a dull headache and slight ringing in my ears which is new. Congestion still comes and goes, but is definitely getting better. Still sneezing a lot which I also did not expect to last this long. My new plan is to give the insomnia until Day 30 and if it is still screwing with me, I am going to ask the doctor for something stronger. I actually tried taking 2 of the Silenor the other night and it did absolutely nothing--maybe they are placebos, and my doctor is just fucking with me...

But, as tired as I am, I can see that my life is better now than when I was chained to the poppy seeds. I have been pushing myself to exercise and eat better and have dropped 15 pounds (including the 10 or so I lost during CT...). I have been getting a lot of things done around the house and have been more involved at work (to everyone's surprise...). I can go out to dinner or movies with my family without having to worry about getting high first or it cutting into my "nodding" time. I cleaned up the past 3 years of dust from my wood shop last night which was motivating. For no apparent reason I used my miter saw to cut a board into about a hundred pieces--given the fog my brain is in right now it is lucky I didn't lop off a finger. Regardless, the smell of sawed oak was therapeutic for some reason. Just a reminder of the things I have been ignoring or missing for the past few years, I guess.

And, I still have no desire for the PST at this point. The other day I even drove by the wholesale food store that I used where I probably have a standing order of 25lbs of seeds waiting. Seemed odd to just drive by but the thought of stopping did not cross my mind. My guess is that with time, as the memory of the withdrawal fades, I will probably have thoughts/cravings, but so far nothing.
 
iamgollum-
I cleaned up the past 3 years of dust from my wood shop

You're doing great. I haven't even cleaned up the past 3 years of dust in my house :)

I get the insomnia issues also, but they are not happening nearly as often. Did you have insomnia before you used poppy seed tea? It is a common issue for lots of folks. I can remember sleeping pretty good every night way way back in time but I still had 'those nights' when I was awake most of the night for unknown reasons - maybe stress or caffeine?

If you use caffeine even early in the day, that can cause insomnia as some of us are really sensitive to it. Doesn't take much either. Also, if you take supplements, it might be a good idea to read up on each one to see if any of them can cause sleeplessness. An OTC drug called Melatonin can make you feel sleepy. I used it and it does help some. There's a prescription drug (not addicting) called Trazodone that will make you sleep (did I already tell you about this?). About 15-20 mins after you take that, be ready to go to sleep. It works really well.

"My dentist told me I needed a crown. Finally I said, someone understands me :)"

Peace
 
Day 29--over 4 weeks with no opium, opiate, alcohol, nothing addictive...Ok, I still drink a some weak coffee between 8 & 9am, but am down to about 10 ounces from the 32 I used to drink all day long. Probably not helping the insomnia but I am really not that sensitive to caffeine--and I still have to function. Honestly, I can't really say I have noticed much improvement in how I feel physically over the past 4 or 5 days. For a while, I could sense incremental improvement each day but seem to have hit a wall for some reason. I am still really struggling with the insomnia which absolutely zaps my energy and makes it hard to stay focused on anything. The sleep thing just does not seem to be improving as far as I can tell. I have my caffeine level way down, I have cut out almost all sugar, I am exercising each day, going to bed on a set schedule, have the room cool and dark, tried warm baths before bed, no computer/phone time, even warm milk (gross...) but noting seems to help. As I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, I have never been a great sleeper, but can function on 5 or 6 hours of continuous shut-eye. The 2-4 hours of sporadic sleep is wearing me down, though. Either I have really fucked myself up or I have a legitimate sleep issue. Or I am just not being patient enough with the recovery...guess I took 4 years to screw myself, so it probably is going to take longer that a month to undo the damage. I read somewhere that it one should allow one week for every month of addiction for complete recovery. That means I am looking at almost a year to get back to 100%. God, that's depressing.

Anyway, tomorrow I am going to call the doctor and see what he says. My blood work all came back fine, so no medical issues. I know he is going to want me to get the sleep study done before he will prescribe anything stronger, which is the right thing to do. I probably will just go ahead and do it to see what they say--I've got decent insurance so what the hell.
 
Iamgollum-

Congratulations on Day 29! That is huge making it this far, and I have no doubt that you are inspiring others to try to get clean - and inspiring ppl like me to keep going. I have been sleeping better, but I have the same insomnia - just mine is getting better. Ask your doctor about Trazodone to help you sleep. It works real well and is not addicting. It could be just the thing to help you get through another month or two while getting sleep each night. It really does work better than any OTC I've ever found.

An employee complains to his boss, “Sorry boss, but the salary doesn’t even remotely match the effort I put into my work.”
The boss knowingly nods, “I know, but we can’t let you starve to death.”

Dale
 
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