Thread: Would you rather lose a daughter of an accidental overdose or suicide?

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    Would you rather lose a daughter of an accidental overdose or suicide? 
    So, recently a friend of mine (not close tho) passed away from an overdose at her 34 years.

    I think it was accidental, she was shooting alone at her home and later her parents found her.
    Although she had been showing signs of depression from long ago, and I suspect it could have been a deliberate OD. I don't know anything about existing suicidal notes, maybe her parents and the police only know.

    As I know her father and I will probably see him and talk with him in the future, this got me thinking hard...
    First how awful to lose a child... I don't have children myself and I never had a parental instinct, so it's very hard to me to try to put me in their skin.

    And then rose the question: do you think would be harder to her parents to know her daughter died in an accident involving stigmatic drugs or to know she knowingly quit her life?

    It's kinda fucked up question I know, but anyway what do you think?
    (sorry for my english)
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    Bluelighter Larimar's Avatar
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    Jan 2018
    East Coast USA
    Def harder to know that they wanted to kill their self and you could have helped. Also when someone kills themselves deliberatly their is anger for the pain they put everyone through . Accidental overdose is just sad that you couldn't help them quit or be there to save them .
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    Senior Moderator
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    Drug Studies
    herbavore's Avatar
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    Jul 2011
    in a dream
    I will never really know whether my son's overdose death was intentional or not. I used to torment myself with the question but in the end I know that whether it was accidental or intentional it was his despair that killed him. I never feel any anger at the pain his death caused us--I guess because I knew how much pain he suffered. I cannot describe the depth of the devastation of losing a child from anything--an accident, cancer, murder. But knowing that your child died from the psychological and emotional pain of living is a whole added layer of misery.

    I think the best thing that you can do when you talk to your friend's father is to acknowledge the pain your friend suffered but also do not omit talking about all the things that made his child your friend. Knowing that there was love and friendship in my son's life gives me a lot of comfort. In the last year of his life--because of the stigma and the difficult realities of addiction, my son isolated himself. Even now, 7 years later when I see that one of his friends has perhaps remembered him on the anniversary of his death makes me not feel so isolated in my love and grief for him.

    I think it would be a wonderful thing for you to seek out her father and let him know that neither his daughter's life, nor her death should be reduced to her drug use, or even to the pain that led to it. She was no doubt a fuller person than that and for a parent that has known that all along it can be a great comfort to hear it from someone else. As you say she was not a close friend of yours, you might even try talking to someone that was closer to her and suggest they reach out to her family as well. How kind you are to think about her father and his feelings.
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    Sorry to hear about your loss. You have my condolences and support!

    And thanks for the extensive response. I'll seek for her father and I sure take good note of your suggestions; Couldn't ask for a better answer than that of a parent who has passed thru this experience.

    Big thank you!
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    The Dark Side
    MrRoot's Avatar
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    Apr 2011
    I didn't know Herbi's son too well but we used to hang out through the Internet and I was aware of his situation and much of the stuff he suffered from and in my mind it is really sad either way. He was a bright minded guy who thought about others and would have had a lot to give to others if his life had not ended too soon.

    If it would be about my own daughter I don't know which could be worse as if it would be accidental I would blame myself for not realizing what is happening and therefore not giving enough harm reduction information to avoid accidental overdose atleast if helping to quit wouldn't work and if it would be intentional I would blame myself again for not realizing what is going on or not doing enough for her.

    It is too sad that drugs claim many lifes in many different ways and I'll try to do something about it in a way I can do.
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