Bluelight

Thread: My husband is an addict and I have drug related questions

Results 1 to 25 of 25
  1. Collapse Details
    My husband is an addict and I have drug related questions 
    #1
    First time poster here...I have no idea if I?m in the write forum, so PLEASE let me know if my questions would better posted somewhere else. Ok so here?s my story...

    i got married in September and it turns out I married alcoholic and addict of various types of drugs-Main drug of choice, heroin. I knew he had a drug past, but it was presented to me as if that was quite a long time ago. Anyway-Things slowly started popping up...Missong Percocet (which were hidden in various different places), money that not be accounted for, staying out long periods of time (eventually overnight)...anyway you get the point. (Again, please remember that I was under the impression he has a small drug problem yearsss ago-otherwise I would not have had Percocets in our home). Things kept getting worse and worse. November he went to a 7 day detox (all we could afford-super expensive), and was discharged on suboxone (worst mistake ever). We had a good month and things continued to get bad. Then it turned into him using all the suboxone in a 2 week period, starting heroin back, can?t wake up for work, looses job, repeat. I believe the last 3 months he has worked 6 days. He has not 6 jobs in 20 months-for the can?t same reason every time. Last Sat morning I came home from work (ICU RN) and he was out cold. He was not response so I sternal rubbed (grind knuckles into sternum-very painful) him for about 2 minutes. I could tell
    he was breathing and he has a pulse but was non response. They weren?t ?normal breaths? but they weren?t agonal/guppy breaths either. I went back and forth about calling EMS to get him some Narcan. I decided against Narcan unimportant reasons (to explain would just make this long post even longer). He slept for the next 80 hours, only getting up to pee which was rare. No food, no water, nothing. So now we are up to current time. I?m still finding needles (oh yeah when I found him sat morning he had 3 needles sitting in front of him, and bottles of lemon juice and vinegar (which I have read is related)

    Yeaterday we had a short talk about the Saturday morning incident, and said I was so sleepy from Xanax, I took 2 Zanax bars so I asked about the syringes and he said he was shooting cocaine, and that he wasn?t using heroin. So:

    1-would you use benzos and cocaine together? If so, would it make someone (known heroin addict) sleep for 80 hours?

    2-I keep finding pens taken apart all over the house...Is that to use to snort the supposed benzos?

    3-What do I do now? I don?t want to just abandon him, he literally had nothing, but this is not fair to me, and to be honest it?s killing me. Not to mention killing him?

    4-do you think the suspected OD from sat morning was actually from heroin? Or from this zanax/cocaine combo I?ve been told? Or more like a Xanax/heroin combo?

    5-slightly unrelated-He gets his suboxone in a zip lock baggie from CVS (seen it with my own eyes). He filled his rx yesterday, was gone most of the day with no explainaion, and then when I get home from work this morning and do my daily swoop of the house, I found an old beat up suboxone box (same kilogram as his)the couch cushion with whoever?s name it was for scrated off. Does it sound like he is buying more suboxone, or selling his (not really sure why he would have a box that doesn?t belong to him if he was just selling his-maybe someone out there might have an idea). And I would have thought twice about it except the stupid answers I got from him: why? THats a weird question. I don?t understand what you mean. Can you explain why you?re asking. Anyway now this is just turning into a venting session, and that wasn?t the point of this post-Sorry!! All in all I suppose it doesn?t matter why he has the box-is he misusing suboxone? Yes. But since all thi has been going on I?ve had to become such a detective that I?m teying to figure out every little thing hat seems suspicious, and I almost wonder if it?s so I have more ?evidence? to show if/when I decide to leave him.

    If you actually read to the end, thank you so much! I?m the hottest of messes lately and I need some HElP about where to turn and what I am dealing with!! Thanks for any input anyone has!!
    Reply With Quote
     

  2. Collapse Details
     
    #2
    Bluelighter Pickledlemons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    BC, Canada
    Posts
    780

    1-would you use benzos and cocaine together? If so, would it make someone (known heroin addict) sleep for 80 hours?
    yes... actually... I used end off some of my coke binges with benzos and sleep all weekend. So its possible.

    2-I keep finding pens taken apart all over the house...Is that to use to snort the supposed benzos?
    Again, its possible... people do not usually snort benzos because most of them are not water soluble. Some people are ignorant to this fact though, and some does still get into the bloodstream. Usually when I use pens its for smoking H off amuninum foil. So yeah its impossible to say for sure.

    3-What do I do now? I don?t want to just abandon him, he literally had nothing, but this is not fair to me, and to be honest it?s killing me. Not to mention killing him?
    Well there's two things an addict needs in recovery IMO and that is the will to stop, and love. If he doesn't want to stop there's nothing you can do. If he does, love and support will help tremendously. Tell him he needs to be honest with you and if and when he does have a minor slip, try to be understanding. That is the best way to ensure he will be honest in the future.
    Rome wasn't built in a day. Suggest he seeks help from support groups and or a counselor.

    If he wont be honest with you, and he refuses to go to support groups then he isn't worth the effort. Just my two cents.

    4-do you think the suspected OD from sat morning was actually from heroin? Or from this zanax/cocaine combo I?ve been told? Or more like a Xanax/heroin combo?
    Its impossible to say, sorry.

    5-slightly unrelated-He gets his suboxone in a zip lock baggie from CVS (seen it with my own eyes). He filled his rx yesterday, was gone most of the day with no explainaion, and then when I get home from work this morning and do my daily swoop of the house, I found an old beat up suboxone box (same kilogram as his)the couch cushion with whoever?s name it was for scrated off. Does it sound like he is buying more suboxone, or selling his (not really sure why he would have a box that doesn?t belong to him if he was just selling his-maybe someone out there might have an idea). And I would have thought twice about it except the stupid answers I got from him: why? THats a weird question. I don?t understand what you mean. Can you explain why you?re asking. Anyway now this is just turning into a venting session, and that wasn?t the point of this post-Sorry!! All in all I suppose it doesn?t matter why he has the box-is he misusing suboxone? Yes. But since all thi has been going on I?ve had to become such a detective that I?m teying to figure out every little thing hat seems suspicious, and I almost wonder if it?s so I have more ?evidence? to show if/when I decide to leave him.

    If you actually read to the end, thank you so much! I?m the hottest of messes lately and I need some HElP about where to turn and what I am dealing with!! Thanks for any input anyone has!!
    Sounds like he could be selling his suboxone to buy other drugs. Why don't you ask him to give you his prescription and you can doll out his daily doses? My girlfriend has helped me with this before.

    Sorry for your pain... and best luck to you.
    Reply With Quote
     

  3. Collapse Details
     
    #3
    this guy sounds like a total mess man. save yourself and run away
    Reply With Quote
     

  4. Collapse Details
     
    #4
    the pens are probably to smoke fent/heroin and the vinager & lemon to shoot crack. shooting cocaine is more destructive than dope. can you get an annulment?
    Reply With Quote
     

  5. Collapse Details
     
    #5
    Bluelighter
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Border of Indecision
    Posts
    1,417
    First off, I am so sorry to hear what you both are going through! My heart breaks for you two. After reading the entire thread, it makes me wonder, in light of all the devastation your husband has caused and dealt with (maybe not the exact correct wording I am looking for), what the hell is "that" thing that makes an addict recognize they're at flat out rock bottom? I mean, hell, look at this guy's life. Absolutely in total shambles! The only obvious thing that could get worse is for his wife to leave. Aside from that, I got nuthin'.
    Reply With Quote
     

  6. Collapse Details
     
    #6
    Moderator
    Basic Drug Discussion
    Other Drugs
    bptubbs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    Down the rabbit hole
    Posts
    8,113
    Hi KHKH, I'm going to send this to the dark side for you, I think you may get some more answers over there and it's more suited to this sort of question.

    I'm sorry for your situation, I've been on both sides of this and it is truly a horrible feeling.
    Reply With Quote
     

  7. Collapse Details
     
    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by BeachBum4u View Post
    First off, I am so sorry to hear what you both are going through! My heart breaks for you two. After reading the entire thread, it makes me wonder, in light of all the devastation your husband has caused and dealt with (maybe not the exact correct wording I am looking for), what the hell is "that" thing that makes an addict recognize they're at flat out rock bottom? I mean, hell, look at this guy's life. Absolutely in total shambles! The only obvious thing that could get worse is for his wife to leave. Aside from that, I got nuthin'.
    Thanks so much. His life being in shambles is the exact correct word!!!
    Reply With Quote
     

  8. Collapse Details
     
    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Pickledlemons View Post



    yes... actually... I used end off some of my coke binges with benzos and sleep all weekend. So its possible.



    Again, its possible... people do not usually snort benzos because most of them are not water soluble. Some people are ignorant to this fact though, and some does still get into the bloodstream. Usually when I use pens its for smoking H off amuninum foil. So yeah its impossible to say for sure.



    Well there's two things an addict needs in recovery IMO and that is the will to stop, and love. If he doesn't want to stop there's nothing you can do. If he does, love and support will help tremendously. Tell him he needs to be honest with you and if and when he does have a minor slip, try to be understanding. That is the best way to ensure he will be honest in the future.
    Rome wasn't built in a day. Suggest he seeks help from support groups and or a counselor.

    If he wont be honest with you, and he refuses to go to support groups then he isn't worth the effort. Just my two cents.



    Its impossible to say, sorry.



    Sounds like he could be selling his suboxone to buy other drugs. Why don't you ask him to give you his prescription and you can doll out his daily doses? My girlfriend has helped me with this before.

    Sorry for your pain... and best luck to you.
    Thank you so much for your response!! All in all he doesn’t seem to want to get help nor is he being honest AT ALL. This morning he was God knows where and texted me a picture of a purse and asked me if I wanted to buy it. It was MY PURSE!!! That was basically he last straw for me. Thanks again!
    Reply With Quote
     

  9. Collapse Details
     
    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by kakapipi View Post
    this guy sounds like a total mess man. save yourself and run away
    He is 100% a total mess!!! Deep down inside I know I need to run!
    Reply With Quote
     

  10. Collapse Details
     
    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by bptubbs View Post
    Hi KHKH, I'm going to send this to the dark side for you, I think you may get some more answers over there and it's more suited to this sort of question.

    I'm sorry for your situation, I've been on both sides of this and it is truly a horrible feeling.
    can you explain what that means? I assume it’s a different place in this site?
    Reply With Quote
     

  11. Collapse Details
     
    #11
    Moderator
    Basic Drug Discussion
    Other Drugs
    bptubbs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    Down the rabbit hole
    Posts
    8,113
    It's our place for discussions of the dark side of addiction, it's a great sub-forum that caters to both users and thier families.
    Reply With Quote
     

  12. Collapse Details
     
    #12
    Quote Originally Posted by KHKH View Post
    This morning he was God knows where and texted me a picture of a purse and asked me if I wanted to buy it. It was MY PURSE!!!!
    I'm sorry, this is terrible/horrible (as is the whole situation- and I definitely feel for you), but despite that, this tidbit is actually kinda fucking hilarious at the same time....WHOOPS! WRONG NUMBER! Lol what an idiot.

    -PA
    Reply With Quote
     

  13. Collapse Details
     
    #13
    1. Yes, I did all the time. Makes no sense to some, but many people drink and do coke but I don't drink, so. Yes, they can go hand in hand, especially if it is benzos after the cocaine. I've blacked out for days, even weeks at a time from benzos so yeah, could be.

    2. Possibly, but benzos are not water-soluble so snorting them is a very ineffective way to take them. But even still, I have seen quite a few people snort benzos. Some people just develop a fixation to snorting drugs.

    3. Never an easy answer to that question, but know you are not to blame either way. You must do what is best for you, and you can't be blamed for saving yourself. But if you are going to fight this fight with him then make sure you are not the only one fighting. You can not do the work for him, but things like managing money and medication for him, and having him submit to weekly drug tests for accountability. He is definitely hiding stuff from you.

    4. Could be either, can't say for certain without something like a drug test to verify.

    5. Common behavior for addicts who are reselling/buying/trading their prescriptions is to re-use the packaging. There isn't really any other valid explanation to be completely honest as well. The only times I have had someone else's prescription bottle/packaging is if I was buying drugs on the street.
    Reply With Quote
     

  14. Collapse Details
     
    #14
    Bluelighter
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Border of Indecision
    Posts
    1,417
    Quote Originally Posted by KHKH View Post
    Thank you so much for your response!! All in all he doesn’t seem to want to get help nor is he being honest AT ALL. This morning he was God knows where and texted me a picture of a purse and asked me if I wanted to buy it. It was MY PURSE!!! That was basically he last straw for me. Thanks again!
    OK, aside from the fact that that action is totally fucked up, I did actually chuckle. Hey dear, I really need some cash, you wanna buy your purse back from me? Damn!

    I do realize the fact of the matter is that he took it from you and was trying to sell it to raise some dope money. All in all, it does go a long way in showing how screwed up he is right now. Again, I'm so sorry you're going through this super tough time. After that last gem of his, I think I'd be leaning towards leaving as well. Good luck whatever you decide to do.
    Reply With Quote
     

  15. Collapse Details
     
    #15
    So obviously he isn?t happy with his new marriage. If he was he would at the very least be trying to have a morsel or a normal marriage...
    It sounds like you have a son that is going through drug addiction on the worst level. ( there is always worse ). Did you get a husband or a son? Obviously you do love him so there had to have been some moments of clearity for the both of you. Is he trying to escape the torment of being married?
    How do you see this playing out? Is there a future here for the both of you?
    Maybe confront him and tell him he needs to get help or things are going to drastically change. He may choose the change over help. Be prepared for that...
    Be prepared for years of continued issues and drug use problems if he doesn?t want help. Even if he does it may not change much but at least it?s a step in the right direction...
    Good luck with the babysitting... I mean marriage. Time for him to man up.
    Reply With Quote
     

  16. Collapse Details
     
    #16
    Quote Originally Posted by PerpetualAnhedonic View Post
    I'm sorry, this is terrible/horrible (as is the whole situation- and I definitely feel for you), but despite that, this tidbit is actually kinda fucking hilarious at the same time....WHOOPS! WRONG NUMBER! Lol what an idiot.

    -PA
    I thought it was pretty hilarious too actually! I need a laugh, so I hope you got one too!
    Reply With Quote
     

  17. Collapse Details
     
    #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Vett View Post
    So obviously he isn?t happy with his new marriage. If he was he would at the very least be trying to have a morsel or a normal marriage...
    It sounds like you have a son that is going through drug addiction on the worst level. ( there is always worse ). Did you get a husband or a son? Obviously you do love him so there had to have been some moments of clearity for the both of you. Is he trying to escape the torment of being married?
    How do you see this playing out? Is there a future here for the both of you?
    Maybe confront him and tell him he needs to get help or things are going to drastically change. He may choose the change over help. Be prepared for that...
    Be prepared for years of continued issues and drug use problems if he doesn?t want help. Even if he does it may not change much but at least it?s a step in the right direction...
    Good luck with the babysitting... I mean marriage. Time for him to man up.
    While I appreciate everyone’s response and input, I feel as if your comment maybe wasn’t really necessary and quite counterproductive. You know nothing about his past with his drug addiction therefore you aren’t in a position to say whether he is happy in his marriage or not. So no, I don’t believe he is trying to “escape the torment of marriage”. If you have something productive or any suggestions for me, I would be happy to read them, however don’t comment on my post just to be an asshole.
    Reply With Quote
     

  18. Collapse Details
     
    #18
    agree with some points of pickledlemons. he's not a mess (i mean yes), he's an addict. most people have addictions (be it social media, heroin, hell even exercise, adrenaline) and his is messing with his biology in such a way that makes him do out of character stuff and seek the drugs out as though it's water or food. at this point it's not his fault. so yes, if you can have a full-on relationship talk with him where you tell him he needs to be honest with you about what he's using, and that you'll be in support of it. that support will get you on his team and him coming off of the drugs will be a thousand times easier. and if you can replace drug doing with something you want to and can do together (perhaps with some compromise). if he feels accountable to someone he cares for (because it's no longer a secret) it'll be way easier to move forward. i'm currently going through the same thing with an addiction (but i'm the addict, and to less physically-invasive drugs (maybe?)), and my partner is the one i'm trying to open up to. it's super hard, but every time I do open up it makes it easier - it's about committing to being honest 100% of the time. a lofty goal, but a worthwhile one. give him a chance, if you still have the energy and still want the (good version of the) relationship. because i'm going through a similar (ish) thing, keep me in the loop!
    Reply With Quote
     

  19. Collapse Details
     
    #19
    Moderator
    The Dark Side
    MrRoot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Finland
    Posts
    2,180
    As drug use is such a stigma I don't find it at all weird that he hides his drug use from you.

    I am a recovering drug addict and I used to hide my use from my wife and even in my current relationship I used to not tell everything about drug use and related stuff although my significant one was also still using when we met.

    People just happen to know each others in the addict world especially in small cities so many times she found out that I haven't told everything or even worse lied to her. This lead to many fights as she wouldn't have even bothered about most of the stuff and was more upset that I didn't tell her but still I had to hide stuff as I found it very hard to be honest about my use.

    I learned how to be honest and discuss about anything and our relationship improved but it has been improved more after quitting drugs, or atleast most of the drugs as I don't count using empatogens or psychedelics once in a few months as a problem especially when considering the amount of opiates, benzos, stimulants and such we have consumed in the past.

    Anyhow I just want to say that those who say that you can't do anything if the addict doesn't want to stop are just plainly wrong. There is plenty of things you can do to guide addicts to right way. There are even scientific theories about getting people into acting phase of their recovery from denial or doubting.

    Motivational interviewing is a good tool to promote willingness to quit and you could google out how to use it.

    You can also set limits how he can behave when he is with you and you should atleast stop enabling his use.

    If I can stop using drugs and life in a relationship I am sure he can too. If you are going to give him a change you can ask I and others about the methods how to deal with living with an addict in denial phase and how to motivate him to change but also in the other case you are equally welcomed to get support in your situation as living in a relationship with an addict can leave bad emotional scars.
    Reply With Quote
     

  20. Collapse Details
     
    #20
    Moderator
    Sober Living
    aihfl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Location
    El Pueblo Loco
    Posts
    2,363
    Maybe you leaving for a while (maybe forever) is the wake-up-call he needs to get his life in order. I imagine you make good coin as an ICU nurse and putting an end to his gravy train might be the jolt he needs to get his shit together.
    Reply With Quote
     

  21. Collapse Details
     
    #21
    Bluelighter
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Border of Indecision
    Posts
    1,417
    OP - I was scanning some threads and happened to notice we haven't heard from you in a little while. Just wanting to know you guys are OK.
    Reply With Quote
     

  22. Collapse Details
     
    #22
    Hi all...For anyone that was curious about how things are going, I have a few updates. On the 11th, my husband finally agreed to go to rehab. It was pure torture getting him there, but he went! He was there until the 16th (it’s a detox facility only). I probably spent at LEAST 5 hours on the phone calling other facilities/insurance company/etc. trying to get him Into an aftercare program (per his request). He only had a very limited amount of time on the phone, and the insurance is in my name, otherwise I would have made him do it. Around his 4th day there (detox) , things started to take a turn for the better, his thought processs seemed to be changing, he slowly started apologizing for what he has done (not specifics, just as a whole), and he was VeRY concerned about getting into an aftercare program. Anyway, Wednesday (16th) we finally got insurance approval for a 28 day program a few hours from where we live, which was around the same time he was being discharged. Since it was later in the day, the new facility said he could either come home for the night, or go straight here. He made the first adult decision he had made in awhile, and asked me if I would be upset i took him straight there. He assured me that he really wanted to come home, but thought it was safest for him to go straight there. We drove the 2.5 hour drive there, and really talked for the first time in quite awhile. He did most of the talking, and I did a lot of listening. I was very clear about a few things that were “musts” for him to return to our house. We got to the place, got him he checked in, and I came home. He was supposed to have a 7 day black out of no phone/visitors, however his counselor gave him 15 minutes to call me today. As soon as he said hello, It felt different. Without getting too mushy, he sounded like a mature, healthy, adult. He would start talking, and occasionally correct his wording (l’m going to try so hard, no, I will accomplish this...etc). He also said that every meeting, conversation, class, etc he has been a part of he has learned something from. He just sounded so positive, which is something I have not felt from him in a vey long time. Yes, I am aware we are only 10 days into this journey, but I remain cautiously optimistic. I know we have a very long road ahead of us, and obviously I remain guarded, but I just had to share this news. I’m so sorry this was so long and detailed, but I jut started typing and couldn’t stop!! Thank you all for the various comments, and responses to my post. For the first time In a long time, I see a light at the end of the tunnel.

    If anyone in the SC area (or not) is looking for a program, I highly recommend Waypoint Recovery Center in Cameron, SC. The staff in admissions was wonderful, and so helpful (which i can not say for the other 20+ places I spoke to). The place is beautiful, from what I saw, and They really do a custom program for each individual. So far it seems great-Will update if that changes while he is there. Anyway, good luck to everyone who is having similar struggles!!
    Reply With Quote
     

  23. Collapse Details
     
    #23
    Senior Moderator
    Basic Drug Discussion
    T. Calderone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    8,402
    I'm glad your husband made the good decision to get help! You must feel so much relief right now.
    Reply With Quote
     

  24. Collapse Details
     
    #24
    That's awesome to hear that things have taken a positive turn, there is hope even here in the dark side. Having someone to take care of things like phone calls and insurance when going through withdrawals is a world of help. Dealing with anything can feel overwhelming when going through the physical/acute withdrawals.

    In some ways, admitting you are wrong is always the hardest step to correcting a mistake, but there are also a lot of other challenges that come along the way. Sometimes it can be difficult to face some of the underlying issues and obstacles that were covered up with the drugs. For me, finding ways to socialize normally and cope with depression has been equally difficult. It was almost easier to fight and struggle for my life basically versus battling the daily mundane monotony that comes with routine. BUt hey everyone has their struggles. Such is life.
    Reply With Quote
     

  25. Collapse Details
     
    #25
    Bluelighter
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Border of Indecision
    Posts
    1,417
    I am so happy for you guys! Definitely reason to be cautiously optimistic, right? I realize it's very early in the process but everything you've written sounds like things are moving in the right direction. I wish continued success and I'm really pulling for you guys!
    Reply With Quote
     

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •