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May 'Getting/Staying Clean/Sober Thread' v. showers turn to flowers

Ds

Ds

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Apr 26, 2006
Messages
31,877
Hey everyone, I see a new month has snuck up on us. So starting a new monthly sober/clean and recovery thread.

Talk about whatever is on your mind and heart. This is the place where you can talk about anything.

As for me, I am experiencing change this week. New shift, so instead of working 5x 3rd shifts, I will be working 2 2nd shifts, and 3x 3rd shifts. Am not real happy about spending 2 afternoons a week during my spring/summer to work.
Trying to look at the big picture that maybe on one of those days, my higher power will bless me with a new challenge in helping others.

=)
 
I am depressed that my friends are depressed. :O
 
We're sure having May showers here in Florida yesterday and today. But I'm just sitting on the couch with a cappuccino and a novel while listening to the patter of rain on the roof and the dog snoring next to me and having a wonderful, relaxing day.
 
I too feel bored and depressed lately. I don't know what to do with myself.
 
Haven't been able to focus at all the last 4 or 5 months, used to just be bouts of this, and my memory is shit. It literally took me 20 minutes to remember my brother's name the other day. Any trace of motivation I once had is long gone.
 
Been on a pink cloud for 5 years, 8 months, and 7 days. I met a guy early on in my clean time who said he had been on a pink cloud for 23 years so I know that is possible. Stopped trying to think my way out of depression and isolation and just began acting my way out of it through regular forced interaction. It is amazing how many times I have believed that I didn't enjoy something. The thinking about how much I didn't enjoy something stopped me from doing it. I used to think I hated writing...until I wrote daily for a period of time and then mysteriously I began enjoying writing. I used to think I hated sharing my deepest secrets and darkest thoughts with another human being...until I began sharing with others on a daily basis and now mysteriously I am an open book. I used to think I hated not using on a daily basis until I didn't use on a daily basis for a period of time...and then miraculously I began to enjoy and appreciate not using. Never was able to think my way out of any situation for any reasonable period of time. Living my way in to better thinking has worked wonders so far.
 
D's said:
Hey everyone, I see a new month has snuck up on us. So starting a new monthly sober/clean and recovery thread.

Talk about whatever is on your mind and heart. This is the place where you can talk about anything.

As for me, I am experiencing change this week. New shift, so instead of working 5x 3rd shifts, I will be working 2 2nd shifts, and 3x 3rd shifts. Am not real happy about spending 2 afternoons a week during my spring/summer to work.
Trying to look at the big picture that maybe on one of those days, my higher power will bless me with a new challenge in helping others.

=)
Click to expand...

Well It can be worst...Im working 12h a day 9 to 9 now... soon 7 day time to 7 morning with no day off until 31 of October.

Then I will blast this winter.
 
Trying to be grateful that I have a job. Got full health,dental,vision benefits along with afew other good full time job benifits.

Could be a lot worse.
 
D's said:
Trying to be grateful that I have a job. Got full health,dental,vision benefits along with afew other good full time job benifits.

Could be a lot worse.
Click to expand...
Yes indeed. "Rock bottom" has a trapdoor.
 
This month has definitely been a trying one. It has been up and down but so far into my day two of being off opiates once again I'm feeling alright. Bored, disinterested, and in migraine City but I've had it so much worse when I first came off them and was using more for a longer period of time. This last one has just been a week slip up that I'm trying to push past. I was at a month sober prior to this hiccup.
 
Hi guys, I have 5 and a half days clean from heroin now. I decided to go the cold turkey route. Just 2 more days and I can attempt to start fixing my life which I feel at this moment in time will be a bigger challenge than getting 7 days clean under my belt.
 
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So it's not just me that's down in the dumps looks like ?
I'm still clean , from dope since January and about 40 days since finishing sub taper ... every day feels exactly the same ... gray .

Tubbs do You have any idea what might be causing this ? I'm in the same boat , it's more than just focus for me , it's like I lost about 20 IQ points for no apparent reason , it's pretty cyclical for me , every episode last anywhere from couple week to couple months . It's extremely discouraging since i can't pursue any meaningful long term goals since no matter how much time and effort i invest it always goes to shit as soon as i get hit with it . I've been trying to get to the bottom of it with my doctor for a while but he is just as lost as me...

Captain , keep your head up brother !! this too shall pass right ? Sorry You're feeling down man , hopefully it'll turn around soon .

PEACE AND <3 ALL
 
artmo66 said:
So it's not just me that's down in the dumps looks like ?
I'm still clean , from dope since January and about 40 days since finishing sub taper ... every day feels exactly the same ... gray .

Tubbs do You have any idea what might be causing this ? I'm in the same boat , it's more than just focus for me , it's like I lost about 20 IQ points for no apparent reason , it's pretty cyclical for me , every episode last anywhere from couple week to couple months . It's extremely discouraging since i can't pursue any meaningful long term goals since no matter how much time and effort i invest it always goes to shit as soon as i get hit with it . I've been trying to get to the bottom of it with my doctor for a while but he is just as lost as me...

Captain , keep your head up brother !! this too shall pass right ? Sorry You're feeling down man , hopefully it'll turn around soon .

PEACE AND <3 ALL
Click to expand...

I've got a family history of neurodegenerative disorders and brain tumors, so that could have something to do with mine, it's been going on for years, just more pronounced lately.
 
I've been dealing with tinnitus and cluster headaches the past month or so. I'll mention it to the GP next time I see him to get my blood pressure and cholesterol meds refilled but I'm not going to make a special trip for it. He's pretty useless and I don't want to pay a copay just to hear him say nothing can be done about it, or have him refer me to a specialist and pay a left nut to hear the specialist say the same thing. If one or both become debilitating I'd go see my crazy Russian acupuncturist first.
 
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how do you snap out of the internal debate? sometimes i?m able to recount how many times i?ve had it before and how wasteful and stressful it is and accept it?s easier to just not use and move on. sometimes that doesn?t work and my brain keeps on telling me to do whatever it is i?m craving and even uses my strategy against me by telling me that it would be better to just use and move on than argue with myself about it all day. what are some other strategies to click out of it? it?s horribly wasteful even though i rarely end up caving (when i do cave that?s a whole other problem). i often have the debate until bedtime which ruins the day. of course working out, but i use that one up early in the day. hobbies, but there?s no hobby i wouldn?t enjoy intoxicated and doing something often doesn?t distract me. there?s gotta be some mind trick to snap out if it.

thanks in advance for any suggestions.
 
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