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Thread: Wish I would have died on the operating table

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    Wish I would have died on the operating table 
    #1
    Greenlighter
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    11
    I had a hysterectomy last week and really wish I would have died on the operating table. I have no income. My father pays my rent and bills, but is becoming more angry and resentful each year that he has to pay my bills and is becoming more verbally abusive. The rest of my family is angry that I can't find a stable job that will pay my bills. I had a on call job that I quit because they were only giving me 4 to 6 hours a week, and that is NOT enough to pay the gas I used to drive to one campus to the other, much less pay for rent, bills and food.

    I wish I would have died because I am just tired of this shit. Every year is the same old shit and nothing changes.
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    #2
    Senior Moderator
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    herbavore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    in a dream
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    14,654
    Where do you live, OP? Sometimes you can find job-training at community colleges and if you are over a certain age you can get financial help. But you do have to be ready to learn and ready to work hard once you develop a skill. Are you in a place mentally where you could do that right now? Maybe the best thing to do would be to look for some mental health help. Being underemployed for a long time does a number on your self-esteem and then the low self-esteem hampers your ability to get a kjob so it becomes a vicious circle. Breaking the pattern isn't easy--especially with a family that is contributing to it but you can take charge of your own mind and how you think about yourself.
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    #3
    Greenlighter
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    11
    I live in Tucson, Arizona, which is in the Southern part of Arizona. Unfortunately, the Arizona legislature tends to resolve the state's money problems by screwing over Pima County, which Tucson is a part of. They cut funding to Pima Community College, which is the local community college. I had a job as a part time Note Taker for Disabled students, and I can't tell you how many internal emails the employees received talking about the money problems the college was having, and ways they were resolving them (cutting programs, cutting staff position etc). Based on local news, it sounds like Pima County is going to get screwed over again to give Arizona teachers the things the legislature promised to end the walk out.

    The reason why I mention the crappy state politics is because there is very little funding to get financial help for education, trying to get food stamps is an uphill battle because of the legislature screwing over the food stamp program, funding to the mental health agencies has been cut to almost nil. I am receiving mental health services from a local state funded agency, but the anti-depressants aren't working. Since I'm 1 week post surgery I can't drive yet, and my family refuses to drive me to my therapist appointment so I had to re-schedule it.

    I have a Master's Degree in Counseling, but as I mentioned before the mental health agencies are laying off because the legislature keeps cutting their funding. There are very few jobs available, and a lot of people out of work with more experience than I have. Don't get me started on the whole "you need experience to get hired, but how the hell do you get it if no one will hire you to get that experience" issue. They don't take volunteers, so that route is useless.
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