Relapse

[Snitts]

Simple question. I have been clean off heroin for 20 days. I smoked 1-2 points last night and was wondering if anyone on here has done this and what was there experiance with withdrawls . I?m. Extremely
Scared I?ll be back in full wds. Will this happen? Any experiance would greatly help because I have a Suboxone to take in case of an emergency but I don?t want to use it if the wds are way shorter and less extreme. As of right now I feel fine and it?s been about 12 hours. I hate myself for this..... thanks for the advice

 

[sonicwhite]

You?ll be fine. You may feel some withdrawals but you?ll be fine.

You made it 29 days bro. I know your conscience is killing you right now.

I want to encourage you to resist. Eventually the temptation will subside. You?re doing good bro keep up the good work.

 

[Holeindaddysarm]

I second ^ sonicwhite. I'm also exactly 20 days clean off dope. I got a gnarly infection in my arm and had a golf ball sized hole surgically removed. Sounds like you're probably young and maybe haven't started using needles... yet. Stay on the wagon and don't give in. Go to a methadone clinic if you have to but don't ever use needles, and stay off the opiates if you can. I've seen people lose limbs, die, go to prison, yadda yaddah. Hope you make the right voice and remember soberiety is better than any nod. Hope that wasn't too preachy, I'm just trying to say to you what I would want someone to say to me back when I was smoking, able to quit and pick up and quit whenever. It doesn't last forever. Once you're really On for a while it does only take one use to bring back full scale WDs. I can't even look at a needle w out jonesing so fucking bad. Much love-
spend that money on some good weed and munchies and forget about the nasty dope.

 

[jhjhsdi]

I second ^ sonicwhite. I'm also exactly 20 days clean off dope. I got a gnarly infection in my arm and had a golf ball sized hole surgically removed. Sounds like you're probably young and maybe haven't started using needles... yet. Stay on the wagon and don't give in. Go to a methadone clinic if you have to but don't ever use needles, and stay off the opiates if you can. I've seen people lose limbs, die, go to prison, yadda yaddah. Hope you make the right voice and remember soberiety is better than any nod. Hope that wasn't too preachy, I'm just trying to say to you what I would want someone to say to me back when I was smoking, able to quit and pick up and quit whenever. It doesn't last forever. Once you're really On for a while it does only take one use to bring back full scale WDs. I can't even look at a needle w out jonesing so fucking bad. Much love-
spend that money on some good weed and munchies and forget about the nasty dope.

Good fucking advice there. What caused the infection in your arm bro? Im just coming off the needles myself i know what u mean about even looking at the cunts

OP the only other advice i would give you is if you are 20 days clean and want to stay clean make sure you dont hang around people who still use (way easier said than done )

 

[Holeindaddysarm]

It was a freak random accident. I'm always super careful and use clean works and sanitize injection site/hands/cook super hot. I prob missed a part of a nasty old cotton shot and it just went nuts, way deep in the ditch of my arm. Docs were all freaked out telling me I could lose my arm or my elbow joint, it's healing good tho. They did a number on my tattoo I can't hide my past anymore. Thank you. I don't hang out w anyone except my kid anymore. Good luck to you and stay clean/at least don't shoot up (and if you do don't shoot cottons and don't miss

 

[endlessnameless]

You've received some great advice so far, certainly try to follow it.

To answer your question: Yes, I've done this and no, you wont be back in full withdrawal at all. The worst you'll feel is a twinge of pain in the lower back and a little down for 3/4 days but most of that psychological misery, if indeed any, will be due to you feeling as though you've failed yourself. Please don't worry yourself. However you must get to the root of what caused you to use again. Something triggered you to use and its imperative you attend to whatever that circumstance.
The worst thing you can do is to hate yourself for this buddy. You had a little slip - as did I - and that's all it was: a slip. That is not a full blown relapse.

My own experience is not dissimilar, though I'll need to give a little background info. I was almost three months off heroin following a very intense at home cold turkey which I began around last February 5th. On the 15th of February I had a seizure due to extreme dehydration and only getting a few hours of sleep over that 10 day period. My brother found me foaming at the mouth in the porch of my parents house and after calling the ambulance I was admitted to hospital where I had a psychotic episode involving visual and auditory hallucinations.

They kept me in for 12 days in total, gave me an anti-psychotic in the evening which got me to sleep and killed the hallucinations and 30mgs of valium a day for the horrendous anxiety - but heres the part I'm a bit pissed at. By day 8 I was feeling fantastic. Back to my good old self again...however, as my mind began to clear I realised they had been giving me 20mls of methadone since day 5. I began to get very angry as I was on methadone for 2 years from 2013-2015 and everyday of that time was spent in hellish depression. Predictably enough, by day 11, as the methadone was really sinking into my system, I was absolutely miserable.

Anyway, my father came to visit me one evening and we came to an agreement where I promised him that I'd stay on the methadone on two conditions: that it will absolutely not be raised above 20mls, and that I will initially stay on 20mls for two weeks but then I will be decreasing 5mls a week there after. I successfully did this and jumped off at 5mls last Sunday.

Since the doctor provided me with some medications (20mgs Valium daily - barely takes the edge off but certainly beats nothing, 7.5mgs Zopiclone/Zimmovane nightly for sleep - useless, and 10mgs Cysterin for the sweats - which work wonderfully) in order to take the edge of the potential withdrawal, the physical withdrawal has been greatly reduced...so far at least - remember, I'm only off the methadone three days) but the depression has been BRUTAL. I ended up having my own little slip yesterday with a .2 of North Inner City Dublins finest brown. It took the depression away for the day and allowed me to get some things done but its not something I want to do again. I whole heartedly regret the entire experience.

Anyway, I have quite a bit of experience spanning 7 years but I feel like I've ranted away here but please do ask me anything you want and I'll be here to answer anything you need to know as helping people out here on BL keeps my mind occupied and (strangely enough) away from scoring.

How are you feeling today Snitts? Hope to hear from you. Again, please don't hate yourself - you're not a bad person, you're merely still psychologically habituated to the ritual. I'll bet you didnt even particularly enjoy it, right?
Anyway, congrats on 20 days and keep pushing forward - you're nearing a major turning point. PM me anytime you need some support.

Peace, Love and Light friend.



PS: I'll update tomorrow and the day after to report on whether or not I do feel any worse.

 

[Jabberwocky]

once you've had a proper gear habit using after you've finished your rattle gets dicier and dicier.

i've found i can basically get away with once every 3 days. i feel like shit after, but its a bit sweaty, v tired and thirsty, not a full rattle. but, if the gears too strong, i smoke over too long a period, too much, or just get plan bad luck, you can still get slightly sick off just this after you've had a full habit for a decent length of time . it didn't used to be like this, just the longer you have a habit the less you can do without getting one.

sometimes i can use every day or 2 for a week and be fine, but don't count on it.

guess i'm saying yes you can use once but take i've been on/off for 5 years now with much longer on than off and the price you pay for 'just the once' increase over time.