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Dating After College

M

Michael_25

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 19, 2009
Messages
703
Hey fellow Blers,

I'm in a pickle right now, dating-wise. I've finished college some time ago and squandered all my opportunities to meet girls there. I'm 33 now and work in a office (shitty administration assistant). I don't want to pick up girls at my workplace, For one, most are married; for two, I shouldn't "shit where I eat". (Besides, most of my female colleagues are not exactly attractive.)

I have hobbies, but these prove to be of no avail when it comes to meeting girls, as most of my hobbies are solo hobbies, and most girls would regard them as "geeky". So there is no luck on that front. I've been to meetup.com groups which involved meeting other people at bars and clubs. Unfortunately, I have a propensity to drink to excess; once I start drinking I have great trouble trying to stop. Presumably girls don't won't someone who is so inebriated that they reek of booze, slur their words, and sway whilst standing on the spot.

Furthermore, I suffer from social anxiety, which is, in part, why I drink so heavily when in the presence of others in social situations. Alcohol induces dis-inhibition, thus making me a little more social. I get nervous talking to girls when sober. I feel as I'm imposing on them when I attempt to make small talk. The final kicker is that I'm not what one would consider traditionally handsome, and there is no real way to circumvent this. Sure, I go to the gym four days a week but you can only improve your aesthetic appeal so much. However, I'm not aiming for model-looking girls, just down-to -earth, somewhat cute girls.

Any ideas on ways to improve my situation. I'm getting older and it's making me more and more despondent.

Thank you, guys.
 
Dang man, you sound like me. You should try OkCupid. I met this girl from there the other night. I have crazy social anxiety and when it comes to girls in an obvious romantic situations I completely lock up.

The first time i hung out with her we met at a bar and I had 3 drinks over 2 hours. We talked. She was nice. She texted me later basically saying I should've tried something. The 2nd time we met for a drink and she invited me back to her place. I panicked, had like 6 drinks over 2 hours, smoked weed, secretly, and I was half conscious and making little sense by the time we got to her place. For an hour she sat next to me on the couch while I ran circles in my mind about how good she looked and how I easily could kiss her. We ended up just cuddling which was actually really nice and she was very forgiving about how goddamn awkward I was. Even so, when I got home I ended up spending all night swirling in the memories of my inadequacy.


TL;DR You'll find some very nice, nerdy, genuine girls on OkC if you live in a good sized city. Message me if you want some tips for profile layout and such. As for the drinking... if you can't limit yourself maybe just don't drink at all. Find a girl who likes your awkwardness and just practice failing until you succeed. That's what got me (moderate) success in college and I figure the same things apply at 26.
 
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bro i was JUST LIKE YOU too OP... the guy above me has the right idea, the dating sites fucking work dude... i used tinder... found the love of my life.. all within 2 months of knowing each other got her pregnant, she miscarried it, it actually brought us closer together and we r in love now

enuf about me, I'm telling you man try tinder thats where i met this girl.. before i met her for years i had very little contact with females, maybe sometimes having sex with BP prostitutes.. i was really sad and lonely for so long... what do u have to lose honestly? just fucking make a tinder, ut up a few decent pics, swipe right on everybody and bro you gotta lower your standards a bit... a cute girl will come to you trust me...

also the most important piece of advice i could give you is have fucking CONFIDENCE even if you hate yourself deep down just put on an act for the women.. act like you are the best looking smartest man in the world... just to impress the females, just lie to them i used to get off on that pretending i was this macho tough guy then going home and retreating to loneliness and sadness hahaha... you get what i mean hopefully... have confidence and you will attract a women
 
Dating sites works, when it come to dating, hookup sites works TOO when it come to casual sex... Think: what all those people (members on those sites) are doing there? I am talking about millions from all around the world when it come to such sites and/or apps?

If someone can't find partner, it is not problem related to app or site it is more to persons aproach. People (especialy) man are not very patient becaus they want all now. Women don't like such approach. But if you know how to approach than you can be very succesful in online dating / findsin casual sex partners / whatever...

Personaly had few LTRs (meet them online) and have many hookups again found them online, so in those days, one of best (and cheapest) way to find date/soulmate/sex or whatever is "online" but just if you learn how stuffs work. Just my 2 cents.
 
Tinder. Bumble. Work on taking good pics. Work on a funny and intelligent bio. They work. I met my current boyfriend from there. :)
 
Thanks for the replies, guys. I should have mentioned that I already have tried online dating. I've tried OKcupid, POF and Tinder. My success rate has been zero. There are far more males than females on such sites so girls can afford to be picky. As I said, I'm not handsome and as such sites/apps such as Tinder do not work for me. Tinder is all about physical appearance. I've swiped over 1,000 times but to no avail.

Here are the facts: I'm ugly, I'm tall, I'm pale, I'm socially inept (as much as I've tried to improve on this), I'm not in the best shape and I can't even get a girl to have a coffee with me, let alone date me. Oh, I also forgot: I haven't had sex in 9 years.
 
lower your expectations, stop giving such a shit, go to college dive bars and hook up with girls ten years younger than you...... take a viagra and a valium for some confidence , maybe do some zumba lol
 
Michael_25 said:
Here are the facts: I'm ugly, I'm tall, I'm pale, I'm socially inept (as much as I've tried to improve on this), I'm not in the best shape and I can't even get a girl to have a coffee with me, let alone date me. Oh, I also forgot: I haven't had sex in 9 years.
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You reek of nonexistent self-confidence and desperation. Those traits are to women what fear is to dogs. They can detect it on you a mile away and will react accordingly. Come on man, you live in Gainesville. There are approximately 20% more women on campus than men. And UF is not a bad school. There have got to plenty of women on campus with the smarts to appreciate geeky, nerdy and/or quirky. They can't all be sorostitues. And I'm not a big fan of online dating, but I dated a college math professor off OkCupid. There may not be very many of them, but there are women on there who don't care for shirtless bathroom selfies and dick pics and appreciate intelligent conversation.

My advice to you: 1. figure out how to be comfortable in your own skin first. When you're not working so hard it, you'll come off as less desperate and more attractive. Most of the times I ended up with a gf is precisely when I wasn't out there pursuing relationships. 2. Get out in the sun and get some exercise. That'll take care of out-of-shape and your complexion. 3. Stop saying and acting that you're ugly. If you think it, others are going to think it, too.
 
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Michael_25 said:
Thanks for the replies, guys. I should have mentioned that I already have tried online dating. I've tried OKcupid, POF and Tinder. My success rate has been zero. There are far more males than females on such sites so girls can afford to be picky. As I said, I'm not handsome and as such sites/apps such as Tinder do not work for me. Tinder is all about physical appearance. I've swiped over 1,000 times but to no avail.

Here are the facts: I'm ugly, I'm tall, I'm pale, I'm socially inept (as much as I've tried to improve on this), I'm not in the best shape and I can't even get a girl to have a coffee with me, let alone date me. Oh, I also forgot: I haven't had sex in 9 years.
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I'm not the best looking either, and as I said above about as far from smooth at it gets. I've been told my attractive qualities are that I'm incredibly positive and caring. Everybody has some quality people/girls will love. You just need to find and develop yours. How you lay out your online profile and send messages makes a huge difference. There are subtle ways to do things that can make or break you.

Between 2011 and 2018 I had sex with one girl. And in the last 6 months I easily could've done 3-4. Luck shifts, people change and grow. Don't give up buddy. I never thought I'd meet a girl again after a 7 year drought. But I did.

Quit with the self deprication. Girls sense that shit even if you don't say it and for 90% it's a big ladyboner killer. I generally hate myself too, but am working on not caring, and someday, to like the way I look and think. Weight lifting/bodybuilding helps me a lot with my confidence. If you don't like your body type and your pale skin, hit the gym and tan. It may seem shallow but it sounds like that would make you your best self, what's shallow about that?. Plus feeling better about your body works wonders for sexual and social peformance. P.s. being tall is a definite plus for girls, just saying, if you're tall and you gain a little bit of muscle you'll be unstoppable.

Let me know if you want advice on lifting/nutrition. I have
7 years experience with it, and could make you look however you want, if you spend 5 days a week lifting 1 hour. I bet there are days you spend 5 hours watching netflix. Its much easier and less time consuming than people think. Also let me know if you want tips on online dating.
 
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Also OP, you sound like an established professional. I've seen your post in SL and the fact that that you're trying to get sober counts for something. There are women out there that will respect that you're not a broke ass deadbeat only interested in partying all the time. Quit selling yourself short. If you don't, others will be less likely to do so too.
 
motiv311 said:
lower your expectations, stop giving such a shit, go to college dive bars and hook up with girls ten years younger than you...... take a viagra and a valium for some confidence , maybe do some zumba lol
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First part is very good advice, second (about viagra) also :)
 
exy34 said:
First part is very good advice, second (about viagra) also :)
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Lower my standards? They are already quite low. I go for very plain-Jane girls. And I do take Valium, but I've been on it for half a decade and thus it's lost its main property.
 
Michael_25 said:
Lower my standards? They are already quite low. I go for very plain-Jane girls. And I do take Valium, but I've been on it for half a decade and thus it's lost its main property.
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i just dont think regular benzo's long term actually imporve a persons anxiety

after years people are more anxious on them than they were before they started taking them unless the dose is constantly escalating
 
motiv311 said:
lower your expectations, stop giving such a shit, go to college dive bars and hook up with girls ten years younger than you...... take a viagra and a valium for some confidence , maybe do some zumba lol
Click to expand...

Exactly! :) :)
 
Dating sites, trying new hobbies, friends, going to networking style events?
 
Forgot to say, best place: summer vacations, literaly best place! In past 10 years I meet/been/f****d many girls in those ocasions...
 
Can you send me a pic? I'm sure you can find someone... just need to find a good angle and well not be too weird on the first date.
 
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