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Has anyone ever done so much drugs they broke their brain?

M

mewkittyblu

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 25, 2018
Messages
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In the last two years ive done a lot.. was trying to deal with some stuff, the wrong way obviously, and i had enough money to buy basically as much dope as i wanted.

Im afraid ive permsnently fried my receptors and ill never be happy again. I cant FEEL anything. I see a cute guy or think of my bf-i cant get turned on. I listen to music-which slways would make me feel-now nothing. Find out im going on a trip to see my bf (we're long distance right now), i mean im happy, but i dont feel that spark, that joy. I dont want to watch tv... i used to get into certain books and lose myself in that world.. nothing.

I very clesrly remember a few years sgo, waking up, enjoying getting ready and putting on my makeup and trying on a cute outfit to wear.. hopping in my car, blasting my fsvorite song, and feeling good. Enjoying life, feeling happy. Getting a txt from man msn, my heart doing a little happy jump. Him saying something sexy to me, me getting turned on. Coming home, cleaning with the music up, looking for wsrd to sering him later, imagining what we're going to do..

I get none of that now. I just feel numb and dead.

Im trying to taper off heroin right now-thats my drug of choice and the only drug i do.

Im just wondering.. has anyone else felt this way? Did getting clean help?
 
My friend recently told me he purposely fried his brain with all the RCs and hard drugs he did, I don't remember the reason. Something like hating having too much brain power. But yeah people do it.

But you just have derealization. Most of the time it passes on its own. Antidepressants sometimes help.
 
What makes you think its derealization? I mean as opposed to me doing so much drugs that a: my body forgot how to make any feel good chems at all, and b:(this sucks but i have to admit it) i just started doing drugs all the time as the answer to everything. Like instead of having a bad day and playing with makeup, or listening to music, or exercise, or working on cosplay, or daydreaming, getting really into a movie, going out ect ect-instead of any of those, id just shove H into my system. So ive forgotten HOW to make myself happy.

Like, i think its those two things... what makes u think its not? Just curious.
 
I'd say you are experiencing the chronic anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure) that becomes commonplace after chronic opiate abuse. Your brain isn't really fried, heavy opiate abuse just takes away that spark or zest for life. You sort of become zombified and feel very little emotion.

After some serious clean time your brain will largely repair itself and you will likely enjoy a lot of the things that you used to. It takes time, patience, and commitment to get that zest back though. I don't know what kind of stuff that you are trying to deal with using dope but obviously you should try to deal with these things in a more healthy manner.

I was opiate free for years and I just recently went back to daily kratom use. It definitely kills my sex drive and any desire I have to get a girlfriend. I'm trying to use it as a means of temporarily dealing with some longstanding chronic pain issues. But it makes me content to just sit around doing nothing. I only look forward to my daily doses.

I've suffered with addiction issues to many substances over the years, heavy speed use, opiates, alcohol. The brain has an amazing ability to repair itself if given enough time.
 
Thank you. I hope i can get it back. I miss enjoying life. I miss just putting on music and just livibg in the moment. I miss being happy that its sunny, or raining. I miss my sex drive sooo badly. Life is dull and gray without it.

Im hoping to be tapered off H within a month. Im taking vitamins and supplements and getting some exercise in, too.. i just want to feel something again, something good.
 
mewkittyblu said:
TI miss enjoying life. I miss just putting on music and just livibg in the moment. I miss being happy that its sunny, or raining.
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I feel this so hard. I've been clean from opiates for--- well about a year since my last relapse, but in that time I've taken up a pretty serious dissociative habit. It's my way of doping myself up without going back to dope, as if that somehow makes it that much better. The only difference is I'm not running the risk of OD or physical w/d. But the days when I don't have my dissos, I don't enjoy almost anything. All of my favorite music, the writing I do that I pour so much feeling into, my partner of >4 years. It's like, I know I'm "enjoying" them in one way, because I'm not downright miserable all the time, but nothing lights me up, that fire inside me that really CARES about shit.

But I will say this: as bad as my disso habit may be, it's nothing compared to the pain and anhedonia that came from tapering and quitting opiates. It took a while to want to do anything, but it did happen, and despite the place that my dumb ass landed at now, I consider myself far better off than I was. Tapering off drugs (opiates and benzos are what I've known best and worst) doesn't seem like anything is changing from one day to the next, but at some point something will make you smile so big that you remember what every real smile ever felt like. It's not gone. I promise. If the old addage "like riding a bike" holds any weight here it's like–– You're brain hasn't even found the bike yet. But when you find yourself with a bike, you're body will remember what to do.

The fact that you're still engaging in life at all is a sign that you haven't given up. The fact that you have hopes and miss things at all shows that your lust for life is not gone! Trust in that, in yourself.
 
Soul137 said:
. It's like, I know I'm "enjoying" them in one way, because I'm not downright miserable all the time, but nothing lights me up, that fire inside me that really CARES about shit.
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Yes. Thats exactly it. I know im enjoying it on some level.. but i cant really feel it.

It's not gone. I promise. If the old addage "like riding a bike" holds any weight here it's like?? You're brain hasn't even found the bike yet. But when you find yourself with a bike, you're body will remember what to do.

The fact that you're still engaging in life at all is a sign that you haven't given up. The fact that you have hopes and miss things at all shows that your lust for life is not gone! Trust in that, in yourself.
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Thank you ♥️ it helps hearing that. Im still tapering-its now been 48 hrs since i actually got high. Now im just doing enough to function, and letting myself feel as sick as possible as much as possible. Im hoping to be done in a month or less, but honestly i didnt realize what a big habit i have. Because im doing less theres less in my bloodstream and i woke up this am SO sick. It makes me so frustrated and annoyed and sad that i did this to myself.

Im going to get through it though. I WILL be clean this summer.
 
Yeah it's anhedonia and it was horrible for me and I went on meth binges and still the anhedonia from H was worse for me and not mention I wasn't able to sleep for weeks on h maybe 1 hour at most a night and there is nothing worse then laying in a dark, cold room alone with anhedonia stairing at a wall with a blank mine. What a dark place. Glad I got through the withdrawals of H.
 
Well to be honest I'm not trying scare you here but I was regular iv user 4 years and I'd say a month until my sleep was back to normal and the anhedonia never really stopped I still feel it today sometimes it's not as bad but I think I've just learned to accept it I guess I don't really think about it anymore or I maybe I just don't let it cripple me. But I definitely don't feel I enjoy things as much as I did before I started using.
 
Hi mewkittyblu!

I had the same when I tapered out opiates during this winter and although it is three months or so after quitting them I am starting to have the same spark I used to have before I started taking opiates.

Each day is better and for example I am able to enjoy long walks in the springtime sunshine as well getting good feeling from exercise.

I am currently on a rehab and been there for five weeks so I haven’t had any mind altering substances at all during that whole time (+some abstinence before entering rehab) and it has the longest break I have taken in seven years. I am taking my psych meds of course as I have bi-polar type 2 and need Abilify and Cymbalta currently but those aren’t really CNS affecting drugs.

Yesterday we decided to get back together with my fiancee and she is coming to visit me tuesday and I am so excited to see her again. I must say that being in love while sober is something totally different than what it is while using drugs. It is in whole different level compared to how I remembered it and I love the feeling of having butterflies in my stomach.

Trust me things gets better every day especially when you have tapered out.
 
One weekend I did so much mdma and lsd that I could literally not put two words together. I got on a bus and tried to ask if it went to the stop I wanted to go, and I just couldn't speak. Plus I Was in bensonhurst, brooklyn, an area where I don't know much about. It was so embarrassing. It was mostly the acid, i just did it the whole weekend. after a rave, me and my friends went to this girl's house, i had popped 2 pills in the party and a tab. but he had so much acid that we just kept popping it. I Was 17 and I think ever since then, I haven't been the same. lol
 
Yeah man, me here, did them since I was a young retard, started with pills then proceed to smoking/snorting and then to IV. Now see, in my brain there isn't much serotonin left.. tried a ayahuasca/dmt ritual with some shamans up in Peru and recovered a bit and since then I use it in order to keep something on the line somehow someway. I have loss of memory, eyesight problems, see visuals and dimensions.. tho you know what's funny with the brain damage? it's like the drugs are already in it so you don't really have to take them anymore kinda thing but see drugs fucked me up, my soul has been eaten by them.
 
Yes.. I have.
I can't work, i can't take care if myself 100 %. ( Practical) My appartment is always a mess, i can just barely get Wash my clothes.
My father helps me now and then.


I make a lot of bad choices now.
I have taken so much, my brain cant heal.
its fried.

Its been 10 years since i have taken uppers.
Now and then i take benzos and opiates.
Right now i om methadone. 75 mg a day from the clinic..
Harm reduction is what my doc says it is.. Thats why im getting it.
So i can function just enough to get by.
 
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