Staying off opoids feels impossible???

[GetMeOutOfThisCRAP]

It's just been a crazy spiritual journey this year constantly being clean for week stunts at a time and then relapsing and bringing back WD all over again. Whenever I quit it's darker than pitch black and I think it's time to just accept that I have a pretty big problem staying clean. If I don't quit right now there's no way I can keep everything in tact at this point. The WDs have crushed my soul down and I've been so emotionally unstable lately after going through so many mini ones over and over. And whenever I am clean it's literally the only thing I can think about. Walking around outside I am just plagued by the thought of scoring some good oxy and relaxing away. I would have to say that even though opiate WD cannot kill you it definitely does permanently crush you from the inside out. So much suffering... idk what to do, as my confidence is shredded from the inability to quit and oxy's/perc's power over me. I've always considered myself an emotionally strong person but not anymore since this addiction started. Part of me wants to be clean and the other half insists on continually using.

I just ate the last of my stash before writing this. So time to go through it all over again.

 

[Beenbetter]

We’ve all been there my friend.
Its a lifelong beast we will all be fighting and hopefully whipping.

 

[tathra]

quitting is the easy part, the hard part comes after, staying clean. the only way to do it is one day at a time. you have to be determined that you want it, and then do whatever you have to in order to stick to that - cutting off friends that use, avoiding stuff you associate with getting/being high, even moving to a different city/state to get a fresh and clean restart.

 

[MrRoot]

Have you considered opiate replacement therapy (ORT)?

I wasn't able to live well after quitting oxy seriously for the first time and felt the need for opiates to live "normally" so I entered into Suboxone replacement therapy and was able to jump off opiates 1.5 years after starting ORT.

During that time I was able to find more healthier ways to cope in life than opiates and get some basic stuff together so I could manage without opiates.