Experience with hydro (enduring withdrawal)

[lilnorco]

I?ve been reading posts from this website for the past year now, ever since I started just smoking weed. Convinced myself I wouldn?t do anything else because it didn?t interest me. Few months down the road and I?m on here searching up acid, shrooms, and plenty others.
Anyways, I recently had surgery just for a problem with my foot, and like I knew would happen, I was given hydrocodone 5-325. Before this, my only experience with pills were Xanax (which I had tried 3 times, the first two were fake and the third didn?t reallt effect me) and two 7.5-325 (I believe) hydro pills that I found in my house left over. It had been a while since I took the hydros so I don?t remember the high too well, besides it didn?t last that long and all I got was I couldn?t stop smiling, and I felt light.
From the moment I got the pills I knew I?d end up abusing them. The first day I took 5 over a period of 6 hours, mixed with the anesthesia from the surgery I was loopy, so I couldn?t mark off what I felt from the hydro and what I felt from the surgery. But I have a video of myself shoving a tack in my nose (my piercing had closed up due to taking out the stud during surgery) with no reaction on my face, as well as me walking on my foot (the one I had just had surgery on 7 hours prior! Jeez I was fucked up) and not even stumbling.
In the morning, I woke up with unbearable pain and popped two more as I couldn?t even think. Even then, the pain was still there. I stayed taking two for the first couple days due to the pain, but after then is when I took them for fun. I found that 3 put me at a decent place, happy and content. I got much more open with my emotions and would message my friends cute things just to remind them I loved them.
And then before that bottle even ran out, I was able to get a refill (20 more).
Since I knew it?d be my last bottle, I did my best to save it. Took 3 before on a concert (on an empty stomach) I had, since it had only been a week after my surgery, and I remember feeling more drunk than anything.
After that, I tried to only take it when I needed it. Taking off for a few days during school and then repeating when I had time or wanted to be high. I figured since I wasn?t taking them every day, it wouldn?t avoid an addiction (silly me). For the most part I stayed to taking 3 at a time, taking 4 on a whim when I really wanted to feel something, but they still didn?t get me feeling ?fucked up?.
Then a weekend came and shit went down in my life, I had plans to hangout with a close friend (ironically we planned on taking a few hydros and smoking) and yet I was bailed on. Ended up taking a two hour train ride home and after getting home, I locked myself in my room and once the time reached around 3am, took 4 hydros. I got happy, carefree, and couldn?t give a fuck about my shit day. As i tend to be with alcohol, I feared the feeling would go away too soon, so I thought one more couldn?t hurt. It had been an hour since I took the 4, and taking 1 more ended up being 2 more.
The high wasn?t really something I remember. Granted it was 3am, but the hydro definitely had me nodding off. I was the only one awake so I?m unsure how delirious I was, but I remember only wanting to sleep, but also wanting to ?not waste? the high.
Now, I waited about 5 days before taking anymore, but at the time I didn?t think I was addicted, so if I was withdrawing at the time I don?t remember.
Last Wednesday I was hanging out with some people and found myself irritatable, and not wanting to be, I took 3 hydros. I did it moreso as whenever I smoke with that particular group of people, I find myself pissy, paranoid, and just in general not good.
This is where my withdrawal begins (as I can remember). The days up until now I have had incredibly painful stomach cramps, bad shits, and insanely nauseous. As well as I was having bad depressive episodes and was more irritable than usual (my friend finished my soda and I told him to go fuck himself...) I had just gotten off my period roughly a week before, so although it was weird to me that I was STILL having cramps (which I usually get BEFORE my period), I passed it off as nothing. I am highly addicted to my vape but hitting it on an empty stomach or too much tends to make me nauseous, so I thought nothing of it. The entire break I had been having mental breakdowns due to some shit going on in my life, and I am currently in therapy for my depression, so the fact that it was getting worse wasn?t soemthing new.
It wasn?t until yesterday that I got really worried about all these symptoms. The cramps weren?t going away. I tended to wake up and first thing in the morning it was unbearable cramps. I mean SOBBING pain. I thought back to when my last dose was, as well as a comment a friend of mine had made that Saturday (around the peaking period... about how I looked pale and like I was dying) and quickly did a google search and found all my symptoms matched it up perfectly.

Now, my biggest question is, how do I endure this? The only symptom I haven?t had is a drug craving, although I will admit that I still have 6 pills left, and I wish to get them over with as soon as possible. I know the best decision is throwing them out, but to be straight forward I plan on taking the last bits this weekend. My original plan was all 6, but despite it seeming that I have a higher tolerance, because it has been so long since I took them, I fear 6 is risky. My plan is to take 5 and save the one in case of an emergency.
My biggest problem with the withdrawal (besides it fucking SUCKS) is having to experience it all, and completely alone... My drug ?buddy? (the one I was supposed to dose n toke with) isn?t really around anymore, and very few of my friends know I take hydros. My sister does but she worries too much, will probably send me to the ward, and even some of my friends that I did smoke with have distanced themselves from me ever since my mental health (as well as drug habits) have gotten worse. I have no idea how to go through this not only mentally alone, but physically. As the pain nor depression isn?t going away and people are constantly asking what?s the matter with me. Sometimes I just want to scream that I?m withdrawing and to leave me alone. All of this plus the fact that I am nearing graduation and the stress is at an all time peak.

 

[Xorkoth]

Hey there, you haven't been taking them for very long, so the withdrawal should pass after a week at most, a week from the last time you dosed. You may have some residual periods of discomfort for a little while too, maybe some difficulty sleeping and restlessness and anxiety, but those should come and go after the acute withdrawal is over and will not be nearly as bad. You might just feel great after the acute withdrawal is over, too, since it hasn't been long that you've been taking them.

To be honest, it sounds like you're right at the beginning stages of addiction, and I strongly suggest you throw the rest of the pills away right now. You say you don't have cravings, but you're planning to take them this weekend, and save one "in case of an emergency". This is dangerous thinking (and besides that, you'll probably be past withdrawal by the weekend but taking more will bring it back and you'll have to go through it again). It's the way I started out thinking in the beginning of my 10 year long opiate addiction (which thankfully I finally got past 4 years ago). Everyone thinks they can control it, everyone thinks it'll be one last time. But think about it, if you're already saying you know you should throw them out, but you're planning another time against your better judgment (and actually you're planning 2 more times, the "in case of emergency" is creating yourself an opportunity for another time after the next one)... what makes you think there won't be another "one more time"? And another? You know how many times I told myself I would just do it one more time while I was addicted? Once I decided it was bad for me and I had a problem, and decided I wanted to quit, I told myself every single day that it was my last time. But it only actually was one time.

The good news is that it's early, you can just leave it behind now and never have to experience the soul-crushing burden of an opiate addiction that has gotten deep. If you keep going, a year down the line you're going to be looking back and thinking that you'd give anything to have just thrown those pills away. Stopping now is the easiest it will ever be to stop, and every time you keep doing it, and every time you break a promise to yourself, it gets harder and harder, and you'll respect yourself less and less. Not throwing away those last pills is a very slippery slope, it's laying the mental groundwork for rationalizing and deluding yourself in the future.

If you want to read a pretty in-depth description of the progression of my opiate addiction, from the honeymoon stage, through first time I withdrew, and so on, I wrote something about it here: http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/835049-Opiates-Retrospective-Description-of-the-Opiate-High. It may help you to put into perspective how important it is for you to understand the danger you're in right now.

 

[lilnorco]

Thank you for this. Haven?t made a decision yet to be honest. If I said this immediately changed my mind that would be naive and a lie. But I really do appreciate it. I will definitely give your post a read, as the last thing I want is to continue down that path.
My only hope in me quitting after I (if I) take the last ones I have is my lack of ?plugs? as well as money. I remember when I really wanted bars it took me over three months to find anyone that would sell me them, due to no one in my city wanting to take the risk of selling them, as well as good friends that refused to watch me go down that path. Again, I know it?s naive to think I won?t find the motivation to find a way to get them, and I sure as hell am not putting all my hope into it (as the mind is a tricky thing and those are thoughts to justify taking them) but still.
I congratulate you on four years though! Especially after a 10 year addiction. You are incredibly brave.
I can imagine that me, who is on the early stages of addiction, sitting here and still debating whether or not to take them as you sit there and tell me all the chaos it caused you is about as bad as a punch to the gut, so I apologize for that.
Thank you, I really don?t want to go down that path.

 

[Xorkoth]

No need to apologize, I just try to intervene as much as I can when I see this sort of thing because it really was the worst experience of my life, eventually I wanted to die every day, my entire life was pain, I didn't even get high anymore, I just staved off the worst feeling imaginable by taking opiates. That's where it leads unless you can manage to just do them occasionally. But no one ever gets into thinking they're going to end up in a bad place, but most people who are drawn to them and keep doing them eventually ruin their lives with them, at least temporarily. I got out but I almost didn't, I actually took ibogaine for it which worked... I don't know if I would have been able to do it without that. Maybe, who knows?

But, I definitely could have stopped any time in the earlier stages... I just didn't want to. If my then-self would have been able to see the future, I would have dropped opiates and never looked back.

 

[lilnorco]

I know this took a while to respond to, I just kinda wanted to run from it if I?m honest. I didn?t take them but I held onto them. I held onto them and kept thinking ?I won?t take them anyyyy time soon.? I kept thinking that maybe I?d take one and toss the rest.
Well today I was having a good day. I?ve been working on myself mentally all week. And I sat down to write some things in a planner I just got and all the sudden I felt it.
I can proudly say, I stood up, walked to my closest, grabbed all fucking 6 pills and threw them down the toilet.
Fuck norco, and every fuckin opiate. May they never enter my life again.
Thank you so much. I don?t think I would have had the courage to do it without you. I had plenty of people tell me to get rid of them, but it never hit me. After reading your response your words were always in the back of my mind when I wanted to take them.
Thank you.

 

[herbavore]

Wow, that's really great news that you went that direction. You were right (and lucky!) to nip it in the bud.:D

 

[Xorkoth]

I'm so glad to hear this! That was an awesome and brave thing you did. Throwing them away is hard, but it means something. For me, I threw away my opiates one time ever, and it was the last time I ever had any. The symbolic gesture of throwing it away tells you, deep down, that there are no more excuses.

I'm so glad I could have an impact on you, it really means a lot to me when I find out something I said on here affects someone positively... it's why I've been moderating here for like 12 years.