- Joined
- Jun 30, 2015
- Messages
- 1,594
55mg - Acacia confusa extract extract (NMT largely removed, so mostly DMT)
3.74g - Peganum harmala seeds (aka Syrian rue), ground
Background:
Experienced with many classical and modern psychedelics. Last meal of broccoli, rice, carrots, and shrimp at 2pm. I skip dinner. Mood is good, but I have a little pre-flight anxiety, as I hate vomiting.
Prep:
Peganum harmala simmered in a cup of distilled water for 10-15min.
A. confusa full-spectrum alkaloidal extract added to hot water and stirred.
Tablespoon or two of lemon juice added, then stirred for for a few minutes to ensure dissolution.
Timeline:
6:40pm 2 drops of lemon oil taken alongside the brew. I sit cross-legged, and meditate motionless.
6:45 Onset of rue is apparent. Slight heart flutter and head tension, body fuzziness apparent. Almost a throbbing sensation in head, but mild.
6:55 Truly dream harmel headspace now
7:05 First aya alerts
7:08 It starts. I feel her (DMT's) presence, and her energy in my genitals, her embrace in my arms, chest, forehead, fontanelle, and the nape of my neck.
Within a few minutes, a streamer or two of Persian carpet patterned colors made entirely of numbers faintly stream by behind my eyelids. Rainbow, Persian carpet serpent streams up and past me against a field of black, eyes closed. It pronounces to me that it is ayahuasca, wordlessly. It's appearance is intimidating, but not foreboding or scary in anyway. Kind of like a jungle version of the terrifying Tibetan protector spirits. It's not Quetzalcoatl, but the iconography is similar. It quickly streams by and leaves me with my experience. With my eyes open, there is mild visual warping.
7:35 There is no nausea. I still sit cross-legged and motionless. Leaning forward to write produces increasing salivation and a feeling of a race against time, as though the distraction of writing and moving will soon bring on nausea, and eventually the purge if I'm not careful. I get up to pee and return without incident, and lay down on the divan.
I get a better understanding of the consciousness of the cat, and how he "thinks" and feels.
[I think around this point I decide that I haven't taken enough, so I smoke some changa. Bad idea.]
With my eyes closed, the visuals approach breakthrough levels of intensity. Rather than geometric patterns, I see detailed interior landscapes. I see a house, full of people, fully-realized. The interior is entirely white and unfurnished, except for some white geometric architectural accents and a set of stairs to a second story. I move to another indoor scene, and it is populated with a writhing array of entities, music is playing, there are voices, and there are several pitches of the keening, metallic harmala buzz, creating an unintelligible hubbub. The intensely populated space makes feels a little intense and a little unpleasantly overwhelming. It has a feel of salvia space when she's not feeling forgiving. There is less aggression, though--the circus- or harlequin-like entities are good-natured at heart, even of they are obliged to unleash their mischief upon me, and I recognize this throughout the experience. The realism is cinematic. At times, the closed eye visions and their themes were so emotional for me that I I had to "turn away" from them by opening my eyes. Tryptamine rushes and zings are quite pronounced.
[I think that the changa started wearing off at this point, and what I interpreted from the experience to be the harmala/DMT ratio balanced out.]
My cognition is relatively unaltered at this point, and my body feels delightfully warm and at peace. While able to move, the pleasant heaviness and warmth makes me feel as though I'm couchlocked from the combined effects of the harmel and the Acacia. The harmel muds, softens, clouds, and smooths everything--not a negative thing to knock the edge of or to add some earthiness.
Somehow, I'm still feeling peckish.
7:45 The DMT effects feel gone. I've felt this once before, but was quickly washed back into the dream, unaware that I had been feeling sober seconds before. The waves are not like psilocin waves, where you can feel each crest and trough. Perhaps they are gone for good this time.
7:50 Subtle effects remain. Tracers are basically gone.
The OEV visuals are odd. It's as though there is a clear, shimmering cellophane fabric draped in front of my vision. Every eye movement creates a chang- chang- chang-ing pulse of clear light emanating outward from the center of what I'm looking at. It's constant, like non-stop ultra-fast strobing or scenery slicing in a box emanating from the center of my visual field. Tracers are very, very noticeable. This effect lasts for a looong time, and may be related to the dose of harmala.
Insight: I had a thought that perhaps the arc of traditional spiritual paths were different, that the parth that tried to ascend to divinity/godhead was shaped like a bell, ascending to its zenith. Nirvana, on the other hand, shoots up and out of the model entirely, single-pointed in it's escape of samsara entirely. It doesn't want to play the game at all.
Insight: Harmalas humanize, enchain the alien DMT to power its engines. Harmala provides real vision whereas DMT provides the energy under the structure. It doesn't take a lot of DMT for the engines of the harmala to provide vision, insight, and photo-realism. I feel like it may be time to court rue alone, to try to cultivate a relationship.
Imagery of beautiful women predominate. I've been seeing them throughout this experiece. The visions, closed eye, are all artwork. They are paintings done in pastel, sketches done in the smoothest charcoal. The visions are nothing like any those of other entheogen at all.
I'm at a ++ and I feel like this dosage is great for learning and taking the ideas back. Higher doses could lead to difficulty with that. Of course, if you were looking for a transportive experience, for entertainment or to test the boundaries of the experience, this level could be quite boring. I ate a box of triscuits with no issues. I probably drank some water, too. Side effects are totally absent.
Insight: No surprise here, but I realize that I should exercise HARD, and do it A LOT MORE! It provides me with youth, vitality, vigor and health, and yet don't do it.
Insight: The closed eye visions during the moments of the greatest intensity that I found made me turn away from them by opening my eyes all had one theme. The one thing I always turned away from was group ridicule leading to social rejection. That apparently is a sticking point in my psyche, one of the most painful things. Not entirely surprising--it is for a great many people--but it wasn't something that I had been aware of acutely, although it was formative for me in my early youth.
Insight: Our brains are being rewired by the phones in our pockets and the screens in our homes. The constant attention swithching and dopamine seeking has given us all ADD. I'm going to start doing concentration meditation.
Insight: About the nature of cognition - my thinking was unsymbolized as a child; however, as my familiarity with unsymbolized concepts increased over decades, I stopped making adjustments to the boundaries. My idea of what "red" meant, what "sweet" meant, what "friend" meant became more complete and more concrete. As concepts solidified, assignations to them stuck, eventually supplanting the more nebulous unsymbolized concept. That's why I now think primarily in language.
Insight: Also no surprise, but my sexuality is really complex and inscrutable, even to me. Calling it bisexuality, while technically correct, is just a vague descriptor, and does not place the emphasis in any of the right places or communicate any of the most relevant information.
I've learned to accept the boredom of the spaces in between, knowing that that it comes in waves. The experience will be back, without me even knowing that I've been carried away again. I feel like I'm on a tour, trodding through my thoughts. These perambulations are useful and insightful. Earlier, I noticed that the interactions I had with some of the consciousnesses present were in fact projections of certain aspects of myself. I was talking to myself, learning and exchanging and gaining perspective, using the differences between my perspectives to enrich my understanding of certain issues. The knowledge comes from within, guided from without by the rue. It's very reflective.
I realized that after the experience, I would need to take time to reflect on my insights, then come up with a strategy for action, then make up my mind--commit to acting on it!
Insight: Ayahuasca was helpful in helping me work out how to have a difficult conversation, that I had been thinking long and hard on how to have.
Insight: I am un-stimulated by life in this town, and it is making me feel rigid, inflexibe and old.
Insight: Think of how much good you can do just by living a bit more frugally, saving up a little bit each pay period, then giving it to fund good works. In the past, you donated your time. Now, you can live frugally and donate your money to make a big difference in the world.
9:36 - I decide to emerge from the experience.
9:45 - I eat some ice cream. I was peckish the whole time. There were no side effects throughout, which is just amazing. I never even experienced actual nausea, although that may have been due to my motionlessness and the lemon oil. My verbal fluency is excellent and I'm able to read dramatically from texts like I could as a child easily effectively, and without inhibition. I feel like analysis and understanding is improved quite a bit--it's really quite nootropic. That's unexpected! Smoked DMT always leaves me feeling dumb for a while afterwards. I wonder if that's the harmalas, something I need to investigate at a later date. I also feel like classes of serotonergic psychedelics should include harmalas alongside phenethylamines, tryptamines, and ergoloids. Perhaps like this:
A circle between Phens, then ergolines, then harmalas, then tryptamines?
It's not perfect. 2c-e probably doesn't fit in here. DMT and DPT belong with ketamine, salvia, and nitrous. It's all really fluff and silliness anyway. I'm already passing out of the realm of clarity and insight and into the mundane if I'm coming up with inanities like this.
Timeline, tl;dr:
- Harmala fuzz
- Gradual DMT onset, some distortion
- Head clear, but crazy DMT-breakthrough CEVs
- Bored after ~1-~2hr maybe??, so smoked some changa.
- Whoah. Unchained. Entities overpower the rue. Realize that they are... Well, I have an experience like a carnival fun house that turns out to be a haunted house ride. The entities running the show are not malicious, but the whole point is to give you a tough time, so they do. It's done in the spirit of mischief, but it's still tough, and it's the social rejection visuals that always get me. The zings and rushes are pronounced, the unchained DMT drowns out any insight. With my eyes open, it's entirely fine. Not much going on open eyed, though, making the experience kind of boring and now a little dysphoric, as I can't go deep in it anymore. Listening to music is nice, shifting my mood back to the positive. It subsides in what I feel like was about an hour.
- The experience begins again, with the DMT mostly gone, but back in the structure of the harmel. It is milder now, more like a gentle ramble through my ideas. It comes in waves, where the DMT is absent and nothing happens, then I stumble upon an idea. I explore the idea, then I record it. The act of recording breaks the spell, and it takes time to re-enter the magic again. I repeat this until it fades to the point where it finds its own conclusion, and I decide to emerge.
Conclusion:
Short acting, healthy feeling, no side-effects at all, and a unique way of providing insight. I see finally why this is good medicine. It's not soul cleaning or interpersonal-insight clarifying as like mescaline/MAL/2C-T-2, nor is it crazily psycholytic like psilocin. Instead, it's almost as though my self fragmented into many of its component selves, each offering me clear, direct, and indisputable advice--all of which I could easily understand, remember, and integrate. It doesn't create tolerance, either. All this exploration, and the only thing to add to the list of true allies tricks of mushrooms and cactus is another classical: ayahuasca.
Retrospective:
Looking back on this years later, I remember this experience clearly. I took its lessons on board and implemented them in my life, joining community organizations, volunteering weekly with local non-profits helping the needy, regularly exercising, going vegetarian, starting a meditation practice, and donating to causes I want to support. Far from mystical, the experience was profoundly mundane, direct, and practical. For me, it was good medicine, and I've taken it twice since with similarly positive results. Still, with as much powerful content and transformitive potential on the table, it takes a lot of cajoling to get myself to go back to that space.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_ayahuasca
substancecode_dmt
substancecode_maois
substancecode_tryptamines
substancecode_dmt
substancecode_tryptamines
_combo_
explevel_firsttime
exptype_positive
exptype_glowing
exptype_spiritual
exptype_lifechanging
roacode_oral
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled
3.74g - Peganum harmala seeds (aka Syrian rue), ground
Background:
Experienced with many classical and modern psychedelics. Last meal of broccoli, rice, carrots, and shrimp at 2pm. I skip dinner. Mood is good, but I have a little pre-flight anxiety, as I hate vomiting.
Prep:
Peganum harmala simmered in a cup of distilled water for 10-15min.
A. confusa full-spectrum alkaloidal extract added to hot water and stirred.
Tablespoon or two of lemon juice added, then stirred for for a few minutes to ensure dissolution.
Timeline:
6:40pm 2 drops of lemon oil taken alongside the brew. I sit cross-legged, and meditate motionless.
6:45 Onset of rue is apparent. Slight heart flutter and head tension, body fuzziness apparent. Almost a throbbing sensation in head, but mild.
6:55 Truly dream harmel headspace now
7:05 First aya alerts
7:08 It starts. I feel her (DMT's) presence, and her energy in my genitals, her embrace in my arms, chest, forehead, fontanelle, and the nape of my neck.
Within a few minutes, a streamer or two of Persian carpet patterned colors made entirely of numbers faintly stream by behind my eyelids. Rainbow, Persian carpet serpent streams up and past me against a field of black, eyes closed. It pronounces to me that it is ayahuasca, wordlessly. It's appearance is intimidating, but not foreboding or scary in anyway. Kind of like a jungle version of the terrifying Tibetan protector spirits. It's not Quetzalcoatl, but the iconography is similar. It quickly streams by and leaves me with my experience. With my eyes open, there is mild visual warping.
7:35 There is no nausea. I still sit cross-legged and motionless. Leaning forward to write produces increasing salivation and a feeling of a race against time, as though the distraction of writing and moving will soon bring on nausea, and eventually the purge if I'm not careful. I get up to pee and return without incident, and lay down on the divan.
I get a better understanding of the consciousness of the cat, and how he "thinks" and feels.
[I think around this point I decide that I haven't taken enough, so I smoke some changa. Bad idea.]
With my eyes closed, the visuals approach breakthrough levels of intensity. Rather than geometric patterns, I see detailed interior landscapes. I see a house, full of people, fully-realized. The interior is entirely white and unfurnished, except for some white geometric architectural accents and a set of stairs to a second story. I move to another indoor scene, and it is populated with a writhing array of entities, music is playing, there are voices, and there are several pitches of the keening, metallic harmala buzz, creating an unintelligible hubbub. The intensely populated space makes feels a little intense and a little unpleasantly overwhelming. It has a feel of salvia space when she's not feeling forgiving. There is less aggression, though--the circus- or harlequin-like entities are good-natured at heart, even of they are obliged to unleash their mischief upon me, and I recognize this throughout the experience. The realism is cinematic. At times, the closed eye visions and their themes were so emotional for me that I I had to "turn away" from them by opening my eyes. Tryptamine rushes and zings are quite pronounced.
[I think that the changa started wearing off at this point, and what I interpreted from the experience to be the harmala/DMT ratio balanced out.]
My cognition is relatively unaltered at this point, and my body feels delightfully warm and at peace. While able to move, the pleasant heaviness and warmth makes me feel as though I'm couchlocked from the combined effects of the harmel and the Acacia. The harmel muds, softens, clouds, and smooths everything--not a negative thing to knock the edge of or to add some earthiness.
Somehow, I'm still feeling peckish.
7:45 The DMT effects feel gone. I've felt this once before, but was quickly washed back into the dream, unaware that I had been feeling sober seconds before. The waves are not like psilocin waves, where you can feel each crest and trough. Perhaps they are gone for good this time.
7:50 Subtle effects remain. Tracers are basically gone.
The OEV visuals are odd. It's as though there is a clear, shimmering cellophane fabric draped in front of my vision. Every eye movement creates a chang- chang- chang-ing pulse of clear light emanating outward from the center of what I'm looking at. It's constant, like non-stop ultra-fast strobing or scenery slicing in a box emanating from the center of my visual field. Tracers are very, very noticeable. This effect lasts for a looong time, and may be related to the dose of harmala.
Insight: I had a thought that perhaps the arc of traditional spiritual paths were different, that the parth that tried to ascend to divinity/godhead was shaped like a bell, ascending to its zenith. Nirvana, on the other hand, shoots up and out of the model entirely, single-pointed in it's escape of samsara entirely. It doesn't want to play the game at all.
Insight: Harmalas humanize, enchain the alien DMT to power its engines. Harmala provides real vision whereas DMT provides the energy under the structure. It doesn't take a lot of DMT for the engines of the harmala to provide vision, insight, and photo-realism. I feel like it may be time to court rue alone, to try to cultivate a relationship.
Imagery of beautiful women predominate. I've been seeing them throughout this experiece. The visions, closed eye, are all artwork. They are paintings done in pastel, sketches done in the smoothest charcoal. The visions are nothing like any those of other entheogen at all.
I'm at a ++ and I feel like this dosage is great for learning and taking the ideas back. Higher doses could lead to difficulty with that. Of course, if you were looking for a transportive experience, for entertainment or to test the boundaries of the experience, this level could be quite boring. I ate a box of triscuits with no issues. I probably drank some water, too. Side effects are totally absent.
Insight: No surprise here, but I realize that I should exercise HARD, and do it A LOT MORE! It provides me with youth, vitality, vigor and health, and yet don't do it.
Insight: The closed eye visions during the moments of the greatest intensity that I found made me turn away from them by opening my eyes all had one theme. The one thing I always turned away from was group ridicule leading to social rejection. That apparently is a sticking point in my psyche, one of the most painful things. Not entirely surprising--it is for a great many people--but it wasn't something that I had been aware of acutely, although it was formative for me in my early youth.
Insight: Our brains are being rewired by the phones in our pockets and the screens in our homes. The constant attention swithching and dopamine seeking has given us all ADD. I'm going to start doing concentration meditation.
Insight: About the nature of cognition - my thinking was unsymbolized as a child; however, as my familiarity with unsymbolized concepts increased over decades, I stopped making adjustments to the boundaries. My idea of what "red" meant, what "sweet" meant, what "friend" meant became more complete and more concrete. As concepts solidified, assignations to them stuck, eventually supplanting the more nebulous unsymbolized concept. That's why I now think primarily in language.
Insight: Also no surprise, but my sexuality is really complex and inscrutable, even to me. Calling it bisexuality, while technically correct, is just a vague descriptor, and does not place the emphasis in any of the right places or communicate any of the most relevant information.
I've learned to accept the boredom of the spaces in between, knowing that that it comes in waves. The experience will be back, without me even knowing that I've been carried away again. I feel like I'm on a tour, trodding through my thoughts. These perambulations are useful and insightful. Earlier, I noticed that the interactions I had with some of the consciousnesses present were in fact projections of certain aspects of myself. I was talking to myself, learning and exchanging and gaining perspective, using the differences between my perspectives to enrich my understanding of certain issues. The knowledge comes from within, guided from without by the rue. It's very reflective.
I realized that after the experience, I would need to take time to reflect on my insights, then come up with a strategy for action, then make up my mind--commit to acting on it!
Insight: Ayahuasca was helpful in helping me work out how to have a difficult conversation, that I had been thinking long and hard on how to have.
Insight: I am un-stimulated by life in this town, and it is making me feel rigid, inflexibe and old.
Insight: Think of how much good you can do just by living a bit more frugally, saving up a little bit each pay period, then giving it to fund good works. In the past, you donated your time. Now, you can live frugally and donate your money to make a big difference in the world.
9:36 - I decide to emerge from the experience.
9:45 - I eat some ice cream. I was peckish the whole time. There were no side effects throughout, which is just amazing. I never even experienced actual nausea, although that may have been due to my motionlessness and the lemon oil. My verbal fluency is excellent and I'm able to read dramatically from texts like I could as a child easily effectively, and without inhibition. I feel like analysis and understanding is improved quite a bit--it's really quite nootropic. That's unexpected! Smoked DMT always leaves me feeling dumb for a while afterwards. I wonder if that's the harmalas, something I need to investigate at a later date. I also feel like classes of serotonergic psychedelics should include harmalas alongside phenethylamines, tryptamines, and ergoloids. Perhaps like this:
A circle between Phens, then ergolines, then harmalas, then tryptamines?
It's not perfect. 2c-e probably doesn't fit in here. DMT and DPT belong with ketamine, salvia, and nitrous. It's all really fluff and silliness anyway. I'm already passing out of the realm of clarity and insight and into the mundane if I'm coming up with inanities like this.
Timeline, tl;dr:
- Harmala fuzz
- Gradual DMT onset, some distortion
- Head clear, but crazy DMT-breakthrough CEVs
- Bored after ~1-~2hr maybe??, so smoked some changa.
- Whoah. Unchained. Entities overpower the rue. Realize that they are... Well, I have an experience like a carnival fun house that turns out to be a haunted house ride. The entities running the show are not malicious, but the whole point is to give you a tough time, so they do. It's done in the spirit of mischief, but it's still tough, and it's the social rejection visuals that always get me. The zings and rushes are pronounced, the unchained DMT drowns out any insight. With my eyes open, it's entirely fine. Not much going on open eyed, though, making the experience kind of boring and now a little dysphoric, as I can't go deep in it anymore. Listening to music is nice, shifting my mood back to the positive. It subsides in what I feel like was about an hour.
- The experience begins again, with the DMT mostly gone, but back in the structure of the harmel. It is milder now, more like a gentle ramble through my ideas. It comes in waves, where the DMT is absent and nothing happens, then I stumble upon an idea. I explore the idea, then I record it. The act of recording breaks the spell, and it takes time to re-enter the magic again. I repeat this until it fades to the point where it finds its own conclusion, and I decide to emerge.
Conclusion:
Short acting, healthy feeling, no side-effects at all, and a unique way of providing insight. I see finally why this is good medicine. It's not soul cleaning or interpersonal-insight clarifying as like mescaline/MAL/2C-T-2, nor is it crazily psycholytic like psilocin. Instead, it's almost as though my self fragmented into many of its component selves, each offering me clear, direct, and indisputable advice--all of which I could easily understand, remember, and integrate. It doesn't create tolerance, either. All this exploration, and the only thing to add to the list of true allies tricks of mushrooms and cactus is another classical: ayahuasca.
Retrospective:
Looking back on this years later, I remember this experience clearly. I took its lessons on board and implemented them in my life, joining community organizations, volunteering weekly with local non-profits helping the needy, regularly exercising, going vegetarian, starting a meditation practice, and donating to causes I want to support. Far from mystical, the experience was profoundly mundane, direct, and practical. For me, it was good medicine, and I've taken it twice since with similarly positive results. Still, with as much powerful content and transformitive potential on the table, it takes a lot of cajoling to get myself to go back to that space.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_ayahuasca
substancecode_dmt
substancecode_maois
substancecode_tryptamines
substancecode_dmt
substancecode_tryptamines
_combo_
explevel_firsttime
exptype_positive
exptype_glowing
exptype_spiritual
exptype_lifechanging
roacode_oral
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled
Last edited by a moderator:
