Mental Health Chronic depression (17 years, I am 31), and handling people who don't understand

[Ignio]

Hi.

I was visiting my parents yesterday and told them that I had get the message from work that with my current mental health, they do not believe I will be able to make it.

Later my father - due to some comment I don't remember - said yeah but at least he have a job. My father is not a bad man. But I have lived with such comments for as long as I remember. My father is of the belief that depression is laziness and can be curred with working.
My mother have tried being depressed herself and my brother have tried to kill himself due to depression, so I just don'y know how to get my father to understand depression and many other people in general.

I LOVE this job, so it hit be like a brick wall when I got the message and I have been struggling very much with telling it to even the people with whom I am closest. So my fathers comment made my so angry that I lost my temper (I NEVER loss my temper) and screamed at him that I hope you get a depression that last the rest of your life. And I would not wish that for my worst enemy.

I have said many times that if I got offered five years of happiness followed by death I would take that offer without doubt. And I also know that I am not here on earth for my own fault anymore, I am here because I refuse to hurt people around me as well as I refuse just the principle of wasting a life. But sometimes when I read about a five year old child dying from cancer I would wish I could give him/her my life.

How do you explain to people how it is never to be happy?
I mean, of cause I laught and can enjoy things and so on, but HAPPY. Exiting about life, instead of having a life where the best time of the day is when you sleep or are so high that you isnt you anymore.

 

[Tubbs]

I can relate man, I've suffered from severe depression since I was about 13 years old, I'm almost 21 now. None of my family understand it, I doubt they ever will.

You pretty much hit the nail on the head though, no one understands what it's like unless they've been there.

 

[mal3volent]

My dad never understood either. Like your father, he thinks working fixes everything and if you're sad you just aren't trying hard enough. When I was 14 or 15 I took probably two dozen assorted pills, got scared, threw up...he just didn't get it. Didn't try to get it. Didn't want to get it. My older brother is more like him. He likes him better and has flat out admitted to me when asked.

my mom is depressed too. She's on pain meds from back problems and surgeries. Muscle relaxers too. She sleeps most of the day. When I was younger and tried to talk to her about shit, she would get mad and turn it into me being unappreciative. That or she would make it into how her problems growing up were so much worse than mine.

I love them but I am a disappointment in their eyes. I'm gay and addicted to drugs and alcohol. I failed at college and multiple jobs. I'll be 30 this year and have very little to show for it. But my brother is married with a great job and great wife and a baby on the way. He was raised pretty much like me, so it must be a fault of mine.

We all would love to be loved and accepted by our parents but we just have to deal with the reality and try to make the best of it.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

You're going to have to take a big responsibility in this, friend.

Was this not a recent post of yours in DC, pertaining to what you were currently on:

180 mg Methadone
160 mg OxyContin
1200 mg Pregabalin
1000 mg Tramadol
10 mg Diazepam
4 mg Clonazepam

So you've steadily increased your tolerances to these substances, and now take very high doses...but you're still very unhappy, if I'm reading right.

You're case is in point: drugs don't make people happy. No matter how much access you have to opioids and benzos, true happiness is never discovered in a pill. It is in delaying the inevitable.

 

[Kratom777]

Yeah dude I would stop a lot of the drugs but not the klonopin (if you have anxiety); but a lower dose. SSRI's never worked for me but they may work for you. Maybe replace the opiates with some kratom for now and starting weening. Do you go to the gym?

Dude, I've been depressed for almost 8 years, (actually 8, tomorrow). Year by year things got worse until 2 years ago and they are starting to turn around. I went from being very social and to spending my time chasing random women. A lot of my friends have moved on, moved out of state or do nothing so I realize I need to get out there and make new friends. I might even go to some meetup's which I am not too crazy about. I have a job which I plan on doing for another 6-8 months and I have a small business. I did graduate but still haven't found (beside my online business which does make money) what I really want to do; unless I can expand my business. Sorry to talk about myself but I know about major depression. I still haven't found that right girl because of a few missed opportunities due to major depression and anxiety and chasing the wrong women.

Do you go to therapy? A right therapist that specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy could help you with your thought process that might lead to depression. I think the drug abuse is making the depression worse as well.

I hope you can remain positive. I know even going to the gym is a good way to get out and do things. I really wish you the best. Depression can be beat or controlled. Also, if you are like me;try not to look into everything so much. This is where CBT comes into place.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I think this sort of story that the OP is relating is a testament to, no matter the amount, euphoric drugs simply cannot pass for medicinal ones.

 

[Larimar]

Also the drug use is prob what made him lose the job not just being depressed. If I was you op I would try to cut back on the drugs, get out in nature , eat whole clean foods . You are still young and have time to turn your life around before it's too late . Good luck

 

[MayBug]

Hey there, I'm interested in knowing how you're doing now
I don't know if you've managed to explain it and how much you struggle, but I emphasize and understand 'cause I go through the same thing.
One of the means through which I try to convey my feelings is through writing and sharing poems and such 'cause voicing it just hasn't done it justice.
I wish you well