Oxyscotsman
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2018
- Messages
- 6
Hey everyone
Just signed up to the site after finding it searching about oxycodone withdraw and abstinence.
I'm a 40 year old male who is currently addicted to oxycodone. Here in the UK, it's branded as Shortec, which is the immediate release version, and longtec is the oxycontin, extended release version.
The Beginning
I've been addicted to opiates/opioids for about 10 years. After injuring my back, my parents gave me two 30/500 codeine/paracetamol tablets, and immediately caught the high from them. Because my two parents had the tablets, my dad in particular who had about 20 boxes (no joke) I used to come round in morning for coffee, take two and head off to work happy as can be.
This of course, gradually increased to 3 at a time, then 4, then 5 which I used to take about 3-5 times per day. This carried on for about 2 years. I eventually went on to get my own prescription from the doctor, after my parents confronted me after their supply quickly dwindled.
As usual, I had went to the doctor many times saying I had left my prescription at work, or lost it, but couldn't keep that up, and I was surprised when they just cut me off, no support or help.
I eventually did cold turkey, right when my baby daughter was born, so it was a couple of weeks of hell, no sleep, physical and mental torture, all whilst trying to act as if everything in my life was great, and it should have been when becoming a dad for the first time.
Once 'clean' I informed my doctor, who then sent me for a liver test, stating the constant exposure to so much paracetamol could have damaged me, but was given the all clear.
Introducing Tramadol
I felt energised following my abstinence, but it was to be short lived, as 2 months later I would innocently bend over to lift something and my back went completely, I couldn't even straighen up, and after a stint in hospital, I was prescribed tramadol, as a non addictive alternative to the previously prescribed codeine based medication.
F+#k me, if I thought codeine was bad, these mofo's would introduce me to a world of pain I'd never thought of!! I got energised from them, coupled with a smoke of some weed and I was flying man. I'd eventually work my way up to about 12 a day, and of course, the lying to my GP would start again, lost them at work, left them on holiday.
Then came the shameful part, stealing them from family. The withdrawal from these were brutal, but the physical part I could just bout handle, it was the brain zaps and psychological issues I hated. But stealing from family was new low for me, had my wife found out, I'd have been out on my ear.
When I stole, I always put back the amount so as not to be found out, but sometimes I couldn't because it meant going without, which meant days and sometimes weeks of expecting a phone call to ask about missing medication.
I continued like this for about 6-7 years, but during this time, I still managed to hold down a job, and even completed a business degree at university. To the outside I was prospering, but inside I was dying. I'd confessed to my wife about the codeine addiction, and was warned she wouldn't support me again.
Around the 5-6th year, I had managed to get my useage down to 3-4 pills a day. I would need them immediately upon waking, like seconds of getting downstairs, but figured with such a low amount, I was managing it.
Then came about 2 years ago. A nasty nasty vehicle accident burst 4 discs in my back, and I was prescribed a new hellish medication Shortec, aka oxycodone.
Introducing Oxycodone
Now I should say, at this point, I should have known better. I had not long read a book called dying for triplicate by Todd zalkins, a fellow who had become addicted to oxycodone,amongst other things, and wrote in explicit details, the horrifying effect they had on a person, as well as the withdrawal he experienced.
I actually had the privilege to speak to him via email, whilst going through withdrawal from tramadol, and unfortunately,whilst caring for my dying mother (has now passed), and he is a nice guy, particulaly drawn to me calling my mother mum, as we do here in the UK.
But, honestly, a particular part in his book which describes his first use of oxycodone intrigued me, the way he explained the feelings just appealed so much, but I figured this was a USA drug, not available here in the UK, so never expected to be seeing it around here.
After coming out of hospital, I had my usual prescription of tramadol, which I now had an over supply of given I was prescribed it 2, 4 times a day, 8 a day total, but was only using 4.
On an innocent visit to my GP sometime later, the usual conversation ensued, how was I doing, how was my pain, and I did say sometimes the breakthrough pain was very sore, but I'll tell you now, I never asked for any other medication. But, she said there was an alternative, which I could use alongside my tramadol, which was Shortec.
I never clicked till I got home, and even then it wasn't until later in the evening did I open the prescription. There, the green and white box said Shortec...then I read, oxycodone hydrochloride. I'm being honest, probably for the first time in a long time, but i got a nervous excited feeling in my stomach. I immediately opened my Kindle book, skipped through the pages, and sure enough, I now had the same medication mentioned in the book.
I can tell you exactly where i sat in my house when I took this 10mg pill for the first time, and I also weirdly knew, although it didn't stop me, but I immediately knew this would be a pivotal moment in my life. I took the pill, and around 15-20 mins later I felt the most AMAZING feeling of well-being I've ever experienced.
It was so good in fact, that about 1 hour later I took another, except this time I felt sick and scared, I thought I'd od'd. It scared me a little, but I had a full box (56) as well as my tramadol and I vowed to take it easy with them.
Over the coming months, I'd take my 2 tramadol in the morning, and I was to take 1, 10mg immediate release oxycodone capsule 3 times a day for breakthrough pain.
Of course, pretty soon I wasn't taking it for the pain, it was all about the rush I got, and 1 pill at a time jumped to 2, and then 3. Pretty soon, I was back at doctors asking forore, but they wouldn't prescribe both the tramadol and the Shortec, it was one or the other.
So for a few months I'd drop back and forth, Shortec only for a month, then back to the gp stating it wasn't helping and go back to tramadol, and this continued for a while. But pretty soon I deduced I only wanted the Shortec (oxycodone) as it gave the best buzz.
Naturally, my usage increased, I'd take 3 first thing in the morning, then 1 pill every few hours to top up the buzz, resulting in about 80-130mg per day. The lies then begun to my GP, but they would only issue a maximum of 6 per day, and by now alarm bells started ringing with my doctor, so much so, that I was put on weekly dispense.
This was ok for a while, but I was taking 90-120 mg everybfay, and of course, this meant running out, and having to go days waiting for Tuesday to arrive when I could collect my prescription.
By now, I had begun sourcing online for oxys, and by pure chance found someone who lived an hour drive away. I was only taking the 10mg immediate release oxycodone at this point, and the guy selling them was doing so at ?10 a pill, (around $12-15) and so for my habit, it quickly became expensive.
Around the 4th or 5th time of buying, he mentioned he had the longtec (oxycontin) 80mg time release which he sold for ?50 a pill, stating i was getting basically 8 pills in one. So i bit the bullet one day and bought a couple, scraped the green coating off, crushed with a razor and although I tried sniffing it only once, I always just wrapped it in a rizla paper and swallowed it.
It never gave me the same rush as the immediate release, but it did stop me going into withdrawal.
The guy I bought from was I guess, a stereotypical drug addict, in the sense that it's what I believed a drug addict was, he spoke slow, slurring his words, his eyes rolled all the time, clothes were filthy, unwashed, someone I wouldn't normally interact with, let alone speak to except to drop change into a cup had he been sitting in town.
The trouble with this guy, was that he was so unreliable. He'd go AWOL for days, sometimes weeks on end, which, when your an addict in withdrawal, is absolutely terrible.
He pissed me off, when a few weeks ago, i drove to meet him and he didn't turn up. This was on a Saturday, I'd collected my weekly prescription and tore through it heavily, and by Saturday morning, I had just taken my last 3 at 6am (I'm an early riser unfortunately), and by 1pm I was already withdrawing.
Now, the physical aspects of the addiction I can handle, but I can't do the mental part. I'm an impatient person anyway, I mean really badly, just waiting for the pharmacy to open at 9am when I've been up since 5/6 am is torture, so the thought of having none from Saturday morning till Tuesday morning was horrific.
And it's this point, I knew things had to change. He constantly ignored my phone calls all weekend, when I bought another similar card and called from another number he answered immediately, so this pissed me off, I'd done nothing bad to him, so why wasn't he meeting me?
By this point I had lost it mentally, I told him I was going to come to his house and confess all to his family if he didn't meet me with my much needed pills. This scared me, what had I become??
Of course, I never did, and come the Tuesday, when I collected my prescription, I knew things had to change. I asked the pharmacy to dispense it daily that week, and all was good till the Friday. I couldn't collect it on the Saturday, so given that my daily dispense was voluntary, I asked for my weekend doses to be issued on the Friday just before it closed.
Now, out pharmacy isn't open on a Sunday, so you get dispensed your weekend allocation in the Saturday, however as mentioned, I couldn't collect it, so on the Friday I collected 10 pills, and took 5 of them that night. I woke up at 4am on Saturday morning, and by 9am I was out.
Pure and utter panic ensued, and I nearly got sectioned under the mental health act, as I was losing it by now. And very nearly went to hospital to ask for help.
Come Monday morning, I couldn't wait another day to collect my prescription, and so I made an appointment with my doctor that morning and as much as it felt like I was cutting off my nose to spite my face, I confessed everything.
Where I am Today
So starting this week on Monday, I am down to 5 per day, issued daily. My 3rd day in today. I wake up early as usual, and am pacing the floor till the pharmacy opens. On Monday, I decided to see if I could wait before taking the pills. So started small, yes, a measly 5 minutes was my goal, which I achieved.
Tuesday I waited 10 minutes, and today (Wednesday) I waited 15 minutes before taking them.
So, I guess I'm hoping, that this is the start of a new beginning. I have a beautiful family, a stunningly beautiful wife, 3 gorgeous kids, a well paying and respectful job. My wife owns her own business, we own 2 cars, our own home, and to the outside you would never know my struggle.
But i queue in the morning with the methadone addicts in my local pharmacy, except I wear a suit, hair done, cleanly shaven, and exit to a brand new BMW, and leave to a well paid job.
But in truth, I'm not different to the other drug addicts, except I hide mine very well.
I've started this as it helps me, purely selfish I know, but addiction I've discovered, doesn't discriminate, and.i wanted to highlight this.
The main reason I approached my GP if I'm honest, was that I noticed how badly depressed and anxious I have become. It's took me a while to make the connection, but I never felt like this till I begun taking oxycodone. From 2pm onwards I'm severely depressed, im talking, suicidal!!.
I can't continue like this, so I'm hoping I've taken the first steps. I'm going to write everyday and let you all know how I get in, maybe I can do it, and in the process help others, that would be fab...
Thanks for listening to my rant, it's helped me feel better getting it out.
Just signed up to the site after finding it searching about oxycodone withdraw and abstinence.
I'm a 40 year old male who is currently addicted to oxycodone. Here in the UK, it's branded as Shortec, which is the immediate release version, and longtec is the oxycontin, extended release version.
The Beginning
I've been addicted to opiates/opioids for about 10 years. After injuring my back, my parents gave me two 30/500 codeine/paracetamol tablets, and immediately caught the high from them. Because my two parents had the tablets, my dad in particular who had about 20 boxes (no joke) I used to come round in morning for coffee, take two and head off to work happy as can be.
This of course, gradually increased to 3 at a time, then 4, then 5 which I used to take about 3-5 times per day. This carried on for about 2 years. I eventually went on to get my own prescription from the doctor, after my parents confronted me after their supply quickly dwindled.
As usual, I had went to the doctor many times saying I had left my prescription at work, or lost it, but couldn't keep that up, and I was surprised when they just cut me off, no support or help.
I eventually did cold turkey, right when my baby daughter was born, so it was a couple of weeks of hell, no sleep, physical and mental torture, all whilst trying to act as if everything in my life was great, and it should have been when becoming a dad for the first time.
Once 'clean' I informed my doctor, who then sent me for a liver test, stating the constant exposure to so much paracetamol could have damaged me, but was given the all clear.
Introducing Tramadol
I felt energised following my abstinence, but it was to be short lived, as 2 months later I would innocently bend over to lift something and my back went completely, I couldn't even straighen up, and after a stint in hospital, I was prescribed tramadol, as a non addictive alternative to the previously prescribed codeine based medication.
F+#k me, if I thought codeine was bad, these mofo's would introduce me to a world of pain I'd never thought of!! I got energised from them, coupled with a smoke of some weed and I was flying man. I'd eventually work my way up to about 12 a day, and of course, the lying to my GP would start again, lost them at work, left them on holiday.
Then came the shameful part, stealing them from family. The withdrawal from these were brutal, but the physical part I could just bout handle, it was the brain zaps and psychological issues I hated. But stealing from family was new low for me, had my wife found out, I'd have been out on my ear.
When I stole, I always put back the amount so as not to be found out, but sometimes I couldn't because it meant going without, which meant days and sometimes weeks of expecting a phone call to ask about missing medication.
I continued like this for about 6-7 years, but during this time, I still managed to hold down a job, and even completed a business degree at university. To the outside I was prospering, but inside I was dying. I'd confessed to my wife about the codeine addiction, and was warned she wouldn't support me again.
Around the 5-6th year, I had managed to get my useage down to 3-4 pills a day. I would need them immediately upon waking, like seconds of getting downstairs, but figured with such a low amount, I was managing it.
Then came about 2 years ago. A nasty nasty vehicle accident burst 4 discs in my back, and I was prescribed a new hellish medication Shortec, aka oxycodone.
Introducing Oxycodone
Now I should say, at this point, I should have known better. I had not long read a book called dying for triplicate by Todd zalkins, a fellow who had become addicted to oxycodone,amongst other things, and wrote in explicit details, the horrifying effect they had on a person, as well as the withdrawal he experienced.
I actually had the privilege to speak to him via email, whilst going through withdrawal from tramadol, and unfortunately,whilst caring for my dying mother (has now passed), and he is a nice guy, particulaly drawn to me calling my mother mum, as we do here in the UK.
But, honestly, a particular part in his book which describes his first use of oxycodone intrigued me, the way he explained the feelings just appealed so much, but I figured this was a USA drug, not available here in the UK, so never expected to be seeing it around here.
After coming out of hospital, I had my usual prescription of tramadol, which I now had an over supply of given I was prescribed it 2, 4 times a day, 8 a day total, but was only using 4.
On an innocent visit to my GP sometime later, the usual conversation ensued, how was I doing, how was my pain, and I did say sometimes the breakthrough pain was very sore, but I'll tell you now, I never asked for any other medication. But, she said there was an alternative, which I could use alongside my tramadol, which was Shortec.
I never clicked till I got home, and even then it wasn't until later in the evening did I open the prescription. There, the green and white box said Shortec...then I read, oxycodone hydrochloride. I'm being honest, probably for the first time in a long time, but i got a nervous excited feeling in my stomach. I immediately opened my Kindle book, skipped through the pages, and sure enough, I now had the same medication mentioned in the book.
I can tell you exactly where i sat in my house when I took this 10mg pill for the first time, and I also weirdly knew, although it didn't stop me, but I immediately knew this would be a pivotal moment in my life. I took the pill, and around 15-20 mins later I felt the most AMAZING feeling of well-being I've ever experienced.
It was so good in fact, that about 1 hour later I took another, except this time I felt sick and scared, I thought I'd od'd. It scared me a little, but I had a full box (56) as well as my tramadol and I vowed to take it easy with them.
Over the coming months, I'd take my 2 tramadol in the morning, and I was to take 1, 10mg immediate release oxycodone capsule 3 times a day for breakthrough pain.
Of course, pretty soon I wasn't taking it for the pain, it was all about the rush I got, and 1 pill at a time jumped to 2, and then 3. Pretty soon, I was back at doctors asking forore, but they wouldn't prescribe both the tramadol and the Shortec, it was one or the other.
So for a few months I'd drop back and forth, Shortec only for a month, then back to the gp stating it wasn't helping and go back to tramadol, and this continued for a while. But pretty soon I deduced I only wanted the Shortec (oxycodone) as it gave the best buzz.
Naturally, my usage increased, I'd take 3 first thing in the morning, then 1 pill every few hours to top up the buzz, resulting in about 80-130mg per day. The lies then begun to my GP, but they would only issue a maximum of 6 per day, and by now alarm bells started ringing with my doctor, so much so, that I was put on weekly dispense.
This was ok for a while, but I was taking 90-120 mg everybfay, and of course, this meant running out, and having to go days waiting for Tuesday to arrive when I could collect my prescription.
By now, I had begun sourcing online for oxys, and by pure chance found someone who lived an hour drive away. I was only taking the 10mg immediate release oxycodone at this point, and the guy selling them was doing so at ?10 a pill, (around $12-15) and so for my habit, it quickly became expensive.
Around the 4th or 5th time of buying, he mentioned he had the longtec (oxycontin) 80mg time release which he sold for ?50 a pill, stating i was getting basically 8 pills in one. So i bit the bullet one day and bought a couple, scraped the green coating off, crushed with a razor and although I tried sniffing it only once, I always just wrapped it in a rizla paper and swallowed it.
It never gave me the same rush as the immediate release, but it did stop me going into withdrawal.
The guy I bought from was I guess, a stereotypical drug addict, in the sense that it's what I believed a drug addict was, he spoke slow, slurring his words, his eyes rolled all the time, clothes were filthy, unwashed, someone I wouldn't normally interact with, let alone speak to except to drop change into a cup had he been sitting in town.
The trouble with this guy, was that he was so unreliable. He'd go AWOL for days, sometimes weeks on end, which, when your an addict in withdrawal, is absolutely terrible.
He pissed me off, when a few weeks ago, i drove to meet him and he didn't turn up. This was on a Saturday, I'd collected my weekly prescription and tore through it heavily, and by Saturday morning, I had just taken my last 3 at 6am (I'm an early riser unfortunately), and by 1pm I was already withdrawing.
Now, the physical aspects of the addiction I can handle, but I can't do the mental part. I'm an impatient person anyway, I mean really badly, just waiting for the pharmacy to open at 9am when I've been up since 5/6 am is torture, so the thought of having none from Saturday morning till Tuesday morning was horrific.
And it's this point, I knew things had to change. He constantly ignored my phone calls all weekend, when I bought another similar card and called from another number he answered immediately, so this pissed me off, I'd done nothing bad to him, so why wasn't he meeting me?
By this point I had lost it mentally, I told him I was going to come to his house and confess all to his family if he didn't meet me with my much needed pills. This scared me, what had I become??
Of course, I never did, and come the Tuesday, when I collected my prescription, I knew things had to change. I asked the pharmacy to dispense it daily that week, and all was good till the Friday. I couldn't collect it on the Saturday, so given that my daily dispense was voluntary, I asked for my weekend doses to be issued on the Friday just before it closed.
Now, out pharmacy isn't open on a Sunday, so you get dispensed your weekend allocation in the Saturday, however as mentioned, I couldn't collect it, so on the Friday I collected 10 pills, and took 5 of them that night. I woke up at 4am on Saturday morning, and by 9am I was out.
Pure and utter panic ensued, and I nearly got sectioned under the mental health act, as I was losing it by now. And very nearly went to hospital to ask for help.
Come Monday morning, I couldn't wait another day to collect my prescription, and so I made an appointment with my doctor that morning and as much as it felt like I was cutting off my nose to spite my face, I confessed everything.
Where I am Today
So starting this week on Monday, I am down to 5 per day, issued daily. My 3rd day in today. I wake up early as usual, and am pacing the floor till the pharmacy opens. On Monday, I decided to see if I could wait before taking the pills. So started small, yes, a measly 5 minutes was my goal, which I achieved.
Tuesday I waited 10 minutes, and today (Wednesday) I waited 15 minutes before taking them.
So, I guess I'm hoping, that this is the start of a new beginning. I have a beautiful family, a stunningly beautiful wife, 3 gorgeous kids, a well paying and respectful job. My wife owns her own business, we own 2 cars, our own home, and to the outside you would never know my struggle.
But i queue in the morning with the methadone addicts in my local pharmacy, except I wear a suit, hair done, cleanly shaven, and exit to a brand new BMW, and leave to a well paid job.
But in truth, I'm not different to the other drug addicts, except I hide mine very well.
I've started this as it helps me, purely selfish I know, but addiction I've discovered, doesn't discriminate, and.i wanted to highlight this.
The main reason I approached my GP if I'm honest, was that I noticed how badly depressed and anxious I have become. It's took me a while to make the connection, but I never felt like this till I begun taking oxycodone. From 2pm onwards I'm severely depressed, im talking, suicidal!!.
I can't continue like this, so I'm hoping I've taken the first steps. I'm going to write everyday and let you all know how I get in, maybe I can do it, and in the process help others, that would be fab...
Thanks for listening to my rant, it's helped me feel better getting it out.
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