Mental Health Please read in urgent need of advice

[Sillygoose42]

Hi, im 17 years old and started smoking weed when i was 14. I was also diagnosed with aspergers syndrome from a young age. one day I had a really bad experience after i smoked way too much and felt as if i was alienated from reality and everything was like a dream. When i sobered up everything was pretty normal i was just a bit traumatised about my experience and started getting random flashbacks of my experience whenever i would do something such as sit down or walk around etc. this freaked me out enough but one day out of nowhere at school it hit me again and I had no idea what to do. Soon after this i was in a state of crisis for quite some time and sought psychological treatment after about 6-8 months of suffering. I was put on SSRIs about 6 months after i started seeing psychologists/psychiatrists. I was on them for about 6 months when i made the decision to wean myself off them as i was feeling a bit better and often found i was unable to drink with my mates because I was on them. Anyway things started getting a lot better for me and this illness became something i could control and cope with. Anyway roughly a year later I did what I do best and ruined my life once again by experimenting with weed again. since april fools day 2017 I have had derealisation probably worse than the time before and being in such a low state of mind and being dissatisfied with my life at the time in an attemp to try have some fun and get away from my problems i experimented with ecstacy at a party, which i can say was actually a positive experience for me in which i had a lot of fun, however the next time i had some which was at leavers after id finished high school, i inhaled a line of ecstacy up my nose at a rave and noticed that by brain felt a little bit funny almost like it was actually cooking. to this day i have this feeling along with the derealisation. as i also smoked at leavers, which made things worse yet again. i have also experimented with nangs and these left me feeling cooked in the head aswell. Im in a very low state of mind and feel as if my life has been altered in such a way and that im so out of this world that i cant perform well in my new job that ive just started. ive also been sick on an off multiple times within the last year and have a cough that wont go away so on top of all this my physical health is poor as well as my mental health. I just want this nightmare to end and get on with my life but sadly i think that this isnt going to end due to my reckless and poor choices with substances. Personally i believe i have done permanent irreversible damage to my brain and am unsure what i should do. If someone could please give me some advice it would be appreciated.

 

[Sillygoose42]

Thanks for your reply, i haven?t touched any drugs except for alcohol since last year, it?s safe to say that i will never touch them substances again. like the old saying goes fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. I guess the real thing i?m trying to find out is if there?s any way that i can check to see if i?ve done any damage to my brain, such as a CT scan or MRI. I?m most likely going to look into getting my issues rectified by a professional but i?m really just asking opinions from people at this point who may have gone through similar things to what going through. I hope i?m not going to be this way forever but sadly i do think i will and i can only pray it doesn?t cause me dramas for my new job.

 

[Sillygoose42]

i can 100% relate to you on hanging out with friends, it?s like all the pain and suffering you go through diminishes for the split second you make the bad decision to go back to your old ways and give it another crack. I can safely say i would not go near substances if it weren?t for these peer situations.

 

[Shedaeza]

First thing - it's incredibly unlikely that you've done permanent damage to your brain, especially given such a low dose and infrequent use. Brains are incredible and a lot more resilient than we realize. I've seen studies with scans of the brains of some people who have extensively abused harder substances like MDMA and there's no permanent damage.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. I also have aspergers. I can relate to telling myself I'll never do something again, and then getting caught up in a moment and doing it anyhow.

I think you are really wise to stay away from all of those substances. Your experiences aren't typical to the doses/frequency it sounds like you took, so the fact that you are experiencing these symptoms so intensely after such limited use tells me that these substances just don't mix well with your brain chemistry and it will only get worse with continued use.

How often and how much are you drinking alcohol? It'a possible that could be worsening your symptoms. Have you tried quitting for any extended time in the past year? If so, for how long?

So, your primary symptoms, even a year later, are an on-going sense of derealisation and like your brain is cooking? Can you expand more on what you mean by that, what does that feel like for you? Does it come and go or is it constant?

A thought - and I'm not doubting your experiences are very real - I just know how my aspergers can affect me: I know that we have a tendency to become obsessive and fixated on details, we are highly anxious, we have a tendency to fear change, etc etc and sometimes our brains can become 'stuck' on something. Do you think it's possible that you are fearful of the (unbelievably low) possibility of these things being permanent, and therefore you are hyper aware and focusing in too much on little things that lead you to feel like these things are more intense than they really are? I know I can be that way, and I will get paranoid almost, and be hyper alert for any tiny thing that confirms my worry or anxiety. Just a thought, but I'm not doubting you're experiencing something real.

Do you have any personal or family history or mental illness?

If you're up to answering my questions, it would help me to give better possible answers/resources. Otherwise, based on what you've posted so far, I would look at your alcohol intake and maybe consider seeing a mental health professional and telling them your symptoms, and then the usual - tons of vitamins, sleep, eat well, exercise etc etc.