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Mental Health Laziness vs depression and withdrawl

saramajara

saramajara

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 8, 2012
Messages
63
I'm dealing with major depression combined with methadone withdrawal. ( and recently moved to the other side of the country alone) Most days I can't get out of bed, I'm suicidal and can't handle life. But most of all I have this feeling of extreme guilt for my laziness. I feel like I should be doing SOMETHING, when I feel like I can't do anything. My personal hygiene has gone to shit. It's a good day if I brush my teeth. probobly been a month since ive had a proper bath. (gross) But I can't shake the feeling that this is all because I'm just plain lazy, and feel like everyone in my life is mad at me for being a sloth. Does anyone else get this guilt complex when depression is at its worst. What can I do? What do you do? Am I just lazy and terrible? Please help me make some sense of these feelings!

edit:

the methadone withdrawal is ongoing, as i'm detoxing slowly going down, and my dose doesn't hold me for 24 hours. If it weren't for the methadone, id be a psych unit pronto. but i wake up every morning in bad withdrawal, about 3 hours later its calmed down to a runny nose. I just upped my dose (another source of guilt) and still getting bad withdrawal.

I feel like ive lost the prime of my life, and all good has passed. im 29. terrified of turning 30. no friends to speak of. no job. no money. The only thing i have left is my wonderful dog, who i feel so guilty for being a bad mom too. she needs more walks but i'm literally incapable of going out for a stroll.
I cant sleep. i cant eat. i cant seem to do anything but complain and watch tv.
i live with my dad and i feel like he just thinks im a lazy peice of shit. and i feel that way too.
i have all these little plans on how to kill myself, but i cant leave my dog and im too much of a coward.
am i just lazy like everyone thinks? how to i help myself. im at the end of my rope.
 
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The psych. ward isn't realistic? I'd imagine you'd get on your feet the soonest that way. I get it: it confines you. It's horrible in that respect. But it's a blip in time compared to how it will set you in position for greater recovery. This is what I would do, and I absolutely hate the psych. ward. It's about doing today what will help you that much more tomorrow.

Maybe you don't need that sort of help, The best way to tell, is to simply go to the emergency room and get interviewed.

Please at the least contact your doctor and tell him what you've told us. We can't help you that much.

Suicide Hotline in the states: 1-800-273-8255
 
Unfortunately I can’t check myself in and won’t risk an ER interview on the chance I get stuck in there. They don’t give you your methadone or benzos in the psych ward, so I’d be going through terrible prolonged withdrawal while trying to be diagnosed. If I feel crazy now imagine how I’d be locked in a ward on cold turkey methadone and benzo withdrawal.
I’ve tried to get admitted threw the er once before, and I literally had to escape a locked ward and run 8 miles from security while in withdrawal bc they wouldn’t give me my medication.
I really wish that inpatient was an option for me, but I can’t find a hospital that will continue my methadone :/
 
In my experience and from what everything ive heard they have to continue giving you methadone in jail and the hospital, both of which I've been stuck in and gotten dosed. In fact the prison made me take my methadone when I tried to refuse my meds, they didn't force my psych meds on me though. Just my experiences
 
In my experience and from what everything ive heard they have to continue giving you methadone in jail and the hospital, both of which I've been stuck in and gotten dosed. In fact the prison made me take my methadone when I tried to refuse my meds, they didn't force my psych meds on me though. Just my experiences
 
smallengine01 said:
In my experience and from what everything ive heard they have to continue giving you methadone in jail and the hospital, both of which I've been stuck in and gotten dosed. In fact the prison made me take my methadone when I tried to refuse my meds, they didn't force my psych meds on me though. Just my experiences
Click to expand...

I know in the regular medical hospital they do, and jails in major cities usually do to. But I?ve been stuck in rural jail w no meds as well as the psych ward. Every single inpatient psychiatric hospital I?ve called says no on the methadone. I wish it were otherwise. Maybe it?s a difference in the areas we live. But I?ve checked both the Baltimore and Denver areas. Thx for your reply
 
Ho-Chi-Minh said:
Maybe they use Suboxone instead?
Click to expand...

Probably.. I?m allergic to suboxone or something. It?s not precipitated withdrawal. Makes me puke me guts out n feel like dying. For dayyys. Worse than opiate withdrawal, but prolly not be worse than methadone withdrawal. Honestly too scared of the switch to try. Besides subs can only ?cover? up to 30mg methadone transfer successfully. I?m on 50 currently. Good idea, but unfortunately not for me
 
are you able to leave the state to get treatment somewhere else? the west coast seems to have a lot of good treatment centers (ive been to some)
 
i've called all the hospitals in the baltimore area (where i used to live) and prolly about three in denver (where i live now).. every answer i've gotten is "dont worry about it we have a detox center" (aka you wont be given your methadone), or we do not give psych patients methadone. and i've called a couple local and national suicide hotlines, none of them can find a hospital that will continue my methadone. but there has to be one somewhere, right?
when you're in the hospital for medical reasons they continue your methadone, i just don't understand why the psych wing of the same hospitals has a different policy. hell, even some jails give you your methadone.
maybe outpatient is the way to go. i just know myself and i would go once then never go back.


im thinking of trying to orchestrate this all through my psychiatrist, so she can say "these are the drugs she needs to be on to be admitted" that way they'd be more likely to give her a straight answer not a "dont worry about it" and i can get my benzos and psych meds for sure too. the problem with doing this all through my psych dr is im scared to tell her how bad it is for fear that she has me unvoluntarily committed.

i just so scared of trying to go somewhere for help like i did before and being cut off from the daily drugs i need. it happened before, it was terrifying and im incredibly lucky i got the change to escape. it was just coincidence that i got out and i felt like i was running for my life.

when i started this thread i really wasn't looking for help finding an inpatient program. i really just need validation that what i'm going through isnt just me being a lazy piece of shit. because that's how it feels. like im using my depression as an excuse to lay in bed for days in the same clothes and not take care of anything including myself because its just too much work.

maybe does anyone have any suggestions on how to get myself going again? ive been trying to make a list of little thing everyday, 1. brush teeth 2. eat something 3. take dog out 4. stretch 5. try to talk to a friend on the phone
but thats as far as i can get. i had a surge of good energy before and after a tinder date last weekend and washed and folded all my clothes, washed my bedding and made my bed, took a shower and shaved my legs and washed and dried my hair. but then he texted me the next day and told me he couldnt see me again, and i was back to being just as down as before. i just dont know how to break this cycle. im so lonely. im so sad and hopeless, but most of all i just want validation that im not making it all up.
 
depending on your budget i can recommend the ones ive been to in PM. I know 1 rehab that will push the recovery and AA/12 steps onto you, whereas I know another one that lets the person decide if they want to participate.
 
Thx chompy, but I?m looking for a psych ward that will keep me on my methadone. I don?t think anywhere recovery based will let me do that.
I?m looking for help with psych problems and depresssion, not recovery. Done the whole rehab thing - was bad news for handling my psych issues
 
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