Recovery Baby steps

[Desp71]

Day 2...no pills. I am a 46 year old wife, mother of 1, and yes an addict...i didnt plan to be this way. It happened just like alot of you. Started with a couple lorcet here and there. Then 3-4 on weekends, then 3,4,5 a day, etc. I take anything i can find for sale. Perc, oxy, vicoden at whatever mgs. To feel completely normal 60-80mgs a day. Some days less...some days more...depends on whats happening day to day. Nobody knows...NOBODY! Well, now you all know. 2 days ago i was called out by my husband. I spent 1200 in a month. A.MONTH! All so i could put that pill under my tongue and become a better wife, a better mom, more patient and energized human being. Of course i lied. I got out of it this time..but what about the next time? My husband and son are not worth losing to my shaameful dirty secret. I have to stop rationalizing my drug use. This has to be my last day 2. My 1st baby step today, friend calls with some vic 5s for sale....as much as i want them...i said no. Ive never said no before. Baby steps..we have to start somewhere..right? Good luck to everyone on this journey......i know i need all the strength i can get!!!

 

[jdfisse]

Welcome Desp71! There is no shame in being an addict. The only shame is in refusing to do something about it. If somehow you are able to enter and exit your own personal hell without anyone finding out more power to you. I am not ashamed of who I am today because I am actively doing something about it. In the end, the most important admission is internal and it sounds like you may be at that place. You have people pulling for you!

 

[LeeroyJnkins]

your going to need a detox from that level of use, I would come clean to your family and ask for help. We cant do this alone, and we need you. Never Alone, Never Again

 

[Desp71]

Thank you both for the replies. Today is day 3..and believe me i am detoxing. Not horrible. The hot and cold flashes, diarrhea, and a killer headache are still in full force but not unbearable. Taking immodium as needed. Gabapentin 300mg 2 times a day. Ibuprofen for headache. Day 3 is usually my make or break day.... i havent seen a day 4 in i dont know how long. I have alot of things to do to keep me busy today so thats what im going to do. Oil change, laundry, start dinner. Ive been researching addiction recovery services too this morning. Keeping this journal has been a huuge step for me. Ive never admitted my problem anywhere...to anyone. This is the 1st time ive havent rationalized my drug use. I am what i am...a pill head. Im going to do my best today...get through every min, every hr. Thanks to all for reading, encouagement, and well wishes.