Mental Health What to do when NOTHING makes you feel rewarded for completing a task?

[ThomasD]

People always be saying 'you've got to work really hard to enjoy life sober' but what happens when you've been sober for a while, but even goals you make for yourself don't get you motivated? I have no sense of self and do not do anything to take care of myself whatsoever because when I do I just feel the same. I stopped smoking bud for a while, started washing and cleaning myself more, doing more exercise, making myself goals to be proud of, etc. People say this should help, but it isn't. In fact now without weed I just hate everything and feel no love, empathy, sadness happiness or whatever. I thought weed was making me dull and emotionless, but it wasn't at all. I feel so much worse now i've quit.

How the fuck am I supposed to quit when I get literally NOTHING out of being sober? How am I supposed to quit when the only real drawback it has on my life is using all my money? I'm so close to fucking giving up. I just sit here all fucking day reading reddit and bluelight posts from years ago and literally do nothing else except piss, shit and sometimes eat. When I smoke I have the motivation to go outside, communicate with others, I feel love and I don't feel angry. I've tried working on myself but it's not fucking working! And if its supposed to take a lot longer than this I just can't do it, I don't care if it means i'm pathetic anymore. I'm literally nothing without weed, I'm just an egotistical arrogant piece of shit who hates the world without it, who doesn't even move.

What am I supposed to do when I have literally NO self care? All I care about is trying to make my mind feel better and at peace, but I CAN'T look after myself physically, because most people feel rewarded for doing so, but washing just annoys me. Why do people feel motivated to get wet and feel sticky and humid for hours after washing? TO FEEL CLEAN. But It doesn't make me feel clean for some reason. Same thing with exercise, I don't feel good afterwards or the days after so whats the fucking point? Whats the point being creative when I gain no pleasure from that either? All I enjoy is reddit and bluelight and i've lost all connection with my S/O and I don't care about jack shit.

I feel hopeless. I'm fucking 19 and I already feel like an old man. Sometimes I wish guns were legal in the UK so I could off myself in 5 seconds.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Well how long have you given it? Different people as we are, different time frames as their will be.

My aim isn't to argue, but if we're to understand that we're all unique and that we're being classified into really reductive types, then the same goes for how long it takes, and what it takes, to live our lives with fresh breath.

A lot of the time after people stop drugs, they expect happiness to come in the same sort of way--its hard to describe. Things are different. There are a different set of (unwritten) rules to happiness while sober, which is true happiness, I contend.

So if you made an actual effort to do something fun but productive and at least not destructive, then you would feel better. You went ahead and said it yourself, you see? No one could be happy in that lifestyle.

You don't need to convince us about smoking weed. When it comes down to it, it's just you answering to you. Again, people have to work at building themselves, which includes patience, and ultimately greater happiness. Drug abuse doesn't require that kind of patience. It's your call. It's you taking care of you. No one can make you do anything.

As implied, the drug-abuse mindset and the sober mindset are different. The latter is ultimately much more preferable, but you have to actually work at it. There's no free pass for the beauty of natural joy.

Suicide isn't a resolution. What it does is pass on the negativity to your loved ones, times 100. This means that people love you, too.