Hi there,
I'm writing to seek advice about an issue my family is dealing with right now that we have not been able to solve. My brother started his doctorate studies in another country in 2014. He's always done well academically and everything seemed to be going well up to the point when he left. However, since then things have progressively been getting worse. He failed his exams twice, got into some kind of disciplinary issues at uni and then dropped out. This happened in the course of a year. He suspended all communication with me with no explanation back in 2015 but has stayed in touch with my parents. He's behaved erratically on the phone with them multiple times, saying that people were spying on him or trying to track him etc. He accused them of betrayal, spying etc and would give them very disjointed information (such as telling them that police came to his home or that he had a disciplinary hearing at uni etc) but would never tell them why or give them any details. In his calmer moments, he assured them saying he would get a job after his MSc, but wasn't able to find one, probably because he has no references to support his application, among other things. But he blamed my parents for calling up his potential employers to badmouth him! There was a very long period when he cut off all contact from my parents and my mom was heartbroken. He got back in touch with my parents in October via email last year saying that he still doesn't have a job, has racked up a credit card bill of over $20,000 and had to flee his place due to non-payment of rent. He left all his stuff (expensive stuff too like a big screen TV, a gaming console, printer etc along with clothes and other necessities). My parents are retired people of limited means (I live in another city in a new job and barely managing to support myself). He told them that somebody is helping him with debt settlement and until that comes through he cannot leave the country and return home. He won't share any specific details with my parents, is paranoid that he's being watched/tracked and is not willing to talk or skype because of this. He's living in a motel now while my dad has returned to work supporting his huge expenses. This latest bit has been going on for five months.
I don't know what to do. It seems like my brother has had/is having some kind of a mental breakdown but I'm no mental health professional. I'm also quite worried about my parents. They are in their sixties but tension and constant worry about their son is making them age faster than ever. Both of them don't know what to do and keep sending him money in the hopes he'll come back. My brother and I have not spoken in years and honestly, I don't know what to say to him that has not already been said by my parents.
I'm posting here in the hope that someone can possibly identify something that I may not have realised. Both my parents and I are worried that he's going though some mental health issues but he just explodes when it's suggested as even a remote possibility.
I'm not sure this is even the right forum to post about this strange situation but if you have any advice for someone who's completely clueless about how to deal with this, any advice would be gratefully received.
I'm writing to seek advice about an issue my family is dealing with right now that we have not been able to solve. My brother started his doctorate studies in another country in 2014. He's always done well academically and everything seemed to be going well up to the point when he left. However, since then things have progressively been getting worse. He failed his exams twice, got into some kind of disciplinary issues at uni and then dropped out. This happened in the course of a year. He suspended all communication with me with no explanation back in 2015 but has stayed in touch with my parents. He's behaved erratically on the phone with them multiple times, saying that people were spying on him or trying to track him etc. He accused them of betrayal, spying etc and would give them very disjointed information (such as telling them that police came to his home or that he had a disciplinary hearing at uni etc) but would never tell them why or give them any details. In his calmer moments, he assured them saying he would get a job after his MSc, but wasn't able to find one, probably because he has no references to support his application, among other things. But he blamed my parents for calling up his potential employers to badmouth him! There was a very long period when he cut off all contact from my parents and my mom was heartbroken. He got back in touch with my parents in October via email last year saying that he still doesn't have a job, has racked up a credit card bill of over $20,000 and had to flee his place due to non-payment of rent. He left all his stuff (expensive stuff too like a big screen TV, a gaming console, printer etc along with clothes and other necessities). My parents are retired people of limited means (I live in another city in a new job and barely managing to support myself). He told them that somebody is helping him with debt settlement and until that comes through he cannot leave the country and return home. He won't share any specific details with my parents, is paranoid that he's being watched/tracked and is not willing to talk or skype because of this. He's living in a motel now while my dad has returned to work supporting his huge expenses. This latest bit has been going on for five months.
I don't know what to do. It seems like my brother has had/is having some kind of a mental breakdown but I'm no mental health professional. I'm also quite worried about my parents. They are in their sixties but tension and constant worry about their son is making them age faster than ever. Both of them don't know what to do and keep sending him money in the hopes he'll come back. My brother and I have not spoken in years and honestly, I don't know what to say to him that has not already been said by my parents.
I'm posting here in the hope that someone can possibly identify something that I may not have realised. Both my parents and I are worried that he's going though some mental health issues but he just explodes when it's suggested as even a remote possibility.
I'm not sure this is even the right forum to post about this strange situation but if you have any advice for someone who's completely clueless about how to deal with this, any advice would be gratefully received.
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