Please help. Losing my mind ~5 months after LSD bad trip

[sanexz]

This post may be a little big because I will try to tell everything that happened. Please read and try to help me if you can. I saw this forum while researching ptsd kind of events after LSD and decided to tell what happened. (sorry for the bad english, I dont want to think too much because just writing about this just scarres me)

So, I'm 17 years old, never took or had took any drug and I was stupid enough to try LSD to "see how it looks like".

I bought them at a darknet market and they were being sold as 2 x 115ug LSD (or something like this). P.s: I can't confirm that it was really LSD.

So, I started the trip by taking the 2 115ug while I was going home. I arrived at home and wasn't feeling anything, so I just turn on my computer and joined my friend's Discord so we could mess around. After a few minutes, I started to feel it and was seeing patterns in the wall. My friend put some "rave" music at the music bot and I started to feel awesome with the music energy flowing through my body. It was awesome for 30~50 minutes until one of my friend's friend joined the server. He was ok but my friend told him I was tripping and he was like "enjoy. this will be the worst 2 hours of your life". After he said that, I felt a bit bad but I remember correctly, nothing super bad happened.

Then, something started to happen. Not more than 10 minutes later I started to see everything normally (no breathing walls, no "typical lsd effects", etc) but I was feeling bad (anxiety, fear..) and the world had this "yellow contrast" (lets call this my "panic mode"). The wall had kinda of a bad demon face and my room had this bad vibe. ~ a lot happened here but the post will get even bigger if I tell, so skipping a little bit... ~ I ran outside and started thinking that the whole world was a lie. That it was like a "reality show". I must have did something because the next thing I remember is that the security of my condominium was attacking me. I fall in the ground and saw the face of a guy (janitor maybe?) turning bad and smiling at me. ~ skipping a little more ~ I was going to the hospital in an ambulance with my mom and a doctor. I though the doctor next to me was the devil and he was like trying to take me to hell like the ambulance was driving to heaven. So I kinda was "judged" by him to see where would I go.

~ a lot happened ~, I arrived home and was a little bit scared for the next few days.

Everything was normal for 4~5 months, until last friday I was going to school in my bus and was thinking about something related to god like "god does the good" but couldn't finish my line of thought like the word didn't want to come. I forced a little bit and finished my thoughts. 3 seconds later I started to have my "panic mode". My heart starting to race as fuck and I thought I was going to have a heart attack right there. I imagined like everything got quiet and I was paranoid with my friend (like he was fake and was mocking me with his "are you ok?"). My heart was following the bus and everytime he stopped or brake abruptly, my heart was like this. And I thought everybody would just look back at me and start staring at me while I died there.

I had to go home after this and since that day (1 week ago), I'm feeling anxiety, sadness and sometimes fear and tired.

Yesterday night, I was in the car trying to relax (with the eyes closed) from the anxiety I feel almost everytime when my mom forgot to change the gear and let the car die (idk how is it in english). Then, I got scarred and opened my eyes. I think I heard a bad song (like slow and bad) and got scarred of my mom who was saying like "what happened" (again, like she was bad and was mocking me). I got "better" kinda quick by telling her to stop talking and just trying to look at the window and breath. I got scarred and almost didn't sleep.

Today, I went to school with the normal anxiety. When I was coming back home, I started to think about bad things (like, if I'm thinking about my friend, I imagine him getting stabbed), and I was like "no, I don't want this to happen" and did that thing in the name of the Father and of the Son... etc (idk how is that in english). Immediately, I got the same panic mode that I previously had in the bus 1 week ago. When I arrived home, I left the bus and the world had the same "yellow color" from before. I was scarred of everything and even the sound of the old gate closing was "bad".

I entered my home, told my mom that I had another attack and started hugging her. I may have imagined like she was hugging me stronger and got the same paranoid that I had with my friend and maybe I suggested my mind that she was looking at me with a bad face (like just a little bit). So I just told her to stay away from me for a few minutes (I didn't scream, just told her). 10 minutes later here I am writing this. I'm not that bad right now but I'm feeling the anxiety, even the sound of cars going fast right next to my room windows is a little bit scarry and give me anxiety, and if I hear a sound of "something dying" I start feeling terrible, with a super bad sensation in my chest.

Sometimes, I also feel like my head/mind and my ears are "full" and there is no space to think. Sometimes the anxiety even start getting better with this sensation (which isn't a super good thing because the sensation is also horrible). I don't really know how to explain that.

(Sometimes I also feel like a sensation next to my hear ear like the sound of something going fast next to it. But idk if thats relevant)

I don't know what to do. I feel terrible living this every day. Please. Think before saying anything. If you are going to say something that is going to make me feel sad (like: 'you are going crazy'), warn first with a bold text. I may not want to hear something bad and start feeling worst and desperate.

 

[Mafioso]

I don't have time at the moment to read all the way through, but would like to help and listen if I could.

A couple questions for you to maybe help summarize your situation a little bit...

Were you taking any drugs before the trip? Prescription & illicit.

Any history of mental health problems? Family and personally.

How much did you take on said trip?

No drugs since said trip?

You can answer briefly, I will take the time to read through your post another time.


Another very important thing to consider is the possibility that what you consumed was an unknown substance and not LSD at all. There are a lot of research chemicals going around that will give the user a similar experience but do not carry the same safety profile as LSD and may possibly carry some more dangerous or severe consequences. There is no use in worrying about what if's, just it might be wise to accept the possibility that you are dealing with unintended consequences of taking an unknown substance.

Another possibility is that the substance, be it LSD or RC, could have triggered an episode of some sort. From what I scanned, it seems pretty evident that you are coherent and not crazy. Even if you are crazy I am here to tell you that it can get better. I've talked to myself for weeks on end, hearing voices and having dreamlike dellusions. I came back. Mental health is not all or nothing. If you were not taking care of yourself mentally prior, that might have been enough to make you vulnerable.

Don't worry about what's behind you. Focus on what is ahead.



Have you spoken to a professional or anyone who is close to you about this?

 

[sanexz]

This sort of after trauma from a bad trip overall tends to get better the further on in time you are from your bad trip. You'd like some relief immediately though. Make sure you get good sleep, good nutrition, and good exercise, there isn't any profound immediate relief method I know of, things get better slowly and gradually by what I know. If you find a method with super quick profound benefits please post about it everywhere.

Thank you for your reply! That's what I'm trying to do. I started working out and stopped eating so badly. I actually feel like I'm getting better with time. I still have some panic episodes but I made some friends and being with them make my anxiety stop.

---

I don't have time at the moment to read all the way through, but would like to help and listen if I could.
Were you taking any drugs before the trip? Prescription & illicit.

I never took any kind of drugs.

Any history of mental health problems? Family and personally.

AFAIK no one close in my family has mental health problems. My aunt had some anxiety and panic attacks some time ago but that was all.

How much did you take on said trip?

If I recall correctly, it was something like 2 x 115 ug, so ~230 ug.

No drugs since said trip?

No.

Another very important thing to consider is the possibility that what you consumed was an unknown substance and not LSD at all. There are a lot of research chemicals going around that will give the user a similar experience but do not carry the same safety profile as LSD and may possibly carry some more dangerous or severe consequences. There is no use in worrying about what if's, just it might be wise to accept the possibility that you are dealing with unintended consequences of taking an unknown substance.

That's an possibility. I can't say if it was really true LSD.

Another possibility is that the substance, be it LSD or RC, could have triggered an episode of some sort. From what I scanned, it seems pretty evident that you are coherent and not crazy. Even if you are crazy I am here to tell you that it can get better. I've talked to myself for weeks on end, hearing voices and having dreamlike dellusions. I came back. Mental health is not all or nothing. If you were not taking care of yourself mentally prior, that might have been enough to make you vulnerable.


Don't worry about what's behind you. Focus on what is ahead.

Thank you for that! This makes me feel better and feel that there is hope

Have you spoken to a professional or anyone who is close to you about this?

My mom knows about this and is helping me. I also talked with a psychologist and started working out and trying to do more stuff since them, but I'm planning to go to the psychiatrists and a few doctors (It has been a few years since I did this kind of exams).

Thank you for your reply and for your time! This means a lot for me.

And don't worry about taking time to answer.

 

[Mafioso]

Ok so I just took the time to read through your original response, and based off of the information there and the questions you answered, I would say that you took unknown substance believed to be LSD, but appears to have had an atypical response and sounds more likely to be one of the many RCs. This substance led to the "bad trip"/possible mental breakdown.

Your current symptoms do not seem to be drug related, given that you are not a heavy, chronic, or prolonged drug user, this appears to be very infrequent behavior, and that you went 4-5 months without any symptoms. There isn't a real way to know for certain if it's even possible whether the substance played a role, and at this point it seems irrelevant and pointless to worry about if it did. Although I can understand wanting to pinpoint a reason for this onset of symptoms.

Chances are a doctor will likely accept it as one possibility of many. The truth is, it could be completely unrelated to drugs. Most mental disorders don't really show up until late teens and early 20s.

Would you consider yourself an anxious person in general? Do you worry about things a lot? Does your anxiety seem to be related to anything in particular?

Speaking to a counselor or therapist might help greatly. Often doctors are quick to throw a medication at the problem and treat the symptoms because in situations like this it is much easier and quicker than to take a more holistic approach and really dig in. Most health care systems do not allow the time or attention it takes to deal with sensitive and complicated matters like these. It is much more profitable and "efficient" to throw prescriptions at the symptoms and ignore the root cause. Medication may serve as a temporary fix in emergency situations, but if the deeper issue is not addressed then you will become dependent on the medication along with a list of other problems.

Do you practice any relaxation techniques? Sometimes it takes mental focus to relax. We can still be stressing out even when we are laying back watching netflix. Things like stretches with breathing exercises can be a good way to force yourself to control your breathing and relax the mind.

 

[Iliketacostoo]

Please try to plan your experiences in a more constructive way in the future. Doing them at home is fine, but simply planning on chatting to your friends online does not seem to be a proper setting to get anything meaningful out of the experience, and could easily go downhill.

Time will heal everything and you will be okay. It's your responsibility to, well... be responsible with these strong substances you are taking. I also wouldn't recommend taking such strong chemicals at your age. Just give it a couple more years, but the stress and uncertainty of puberty, beginning to question life and the status quo, and the emotional hormone fueled teenage years are going to lead to a higher chance of things getting out of control while experimenting with psyches.

You've got a long, long life ahead of you. Don't rush things.

 

[richardj]

I overdid it on a certain psych in the past and had a trip where I was sure I was going to die.

Afterward, I started having panic attacks and suddenly running out of breath/heart racing when going for walks and stuff. I had a bunch of tests done on my heart and some some forum members educated me on possible explanations for what I was experiencing. After about 6 months I was back to normal and never touched that substance again. So as others have stated, these things are usually temporary. Good luck.

 

[NicoOregon]

These feelings Visions will go away I promise you it may take a year but they will always remember that it's all in your head. I had a very bad Acid trip a long long time ago and it was very similar to what you were explaining about people comforting you but you thinking it is just fake and manipulate. it's your ego that got messed with from the chemicals somehow rest assured it will go away and know that you're a good person because you're conscious of the fact that you're worried about your feelings.
Remember you were created to be perfectly imperfect. You are not evil. You have a soul therefore it's impossible.

Stay well.

 

[Half Price Mice]

I agree that it's very possible that what's happening is NOT related to the trip.
That being said, if it is, it will likely get better. I ate about 20 doses of liquid acid in my early 20s and I wasn't right for 6 months. I even wound up going to the mental hospital for awhile.
But yeah, you may just have an anxiety disorder. You may just need a little medicine.

You are going to be ok man.