Using drugs too often, thoughts please

[SuperUltraMega]

Hi all,

(This is is not only my first post on Bluelight, but also my first post on any forum, so apologies in advance if I?ve done anything wrong here.)

I wanted to to ask for some thoughts / advice on my drugs use because it?s starting to concern me a bit.

Backstory: until about this time last year I was 100% against any illegal drugs. You could?ve given me stuff for free and id?ve thrown it away. But as some of my friends started to experiment and I became exposed to it, my intrigue grew and I began to do my own research, eventually deciding that the actual risk with some things was small enough to give it a go.
Starting with weed, then after a particularly spectacular and life changing trial-experience with lsd, quickly got in to other psychedelics and stimulants.
I?ve always been extremely careful with my use, and very conscious of how easily things could go wrong which has kept me safe. But I wouldn?t call myself responsible anymore.

Im not addicted to any particular drug, and I certainly don?t *need* to take anything, but I probably take on average a drug of some sort every day or two.
In my mind that?s because I enjoy feeling different (just like I enjoy drinking), I frequently have spare time in which to do it, it?s not inherently dangerous or damaging my body, so I choose to do it just like I choose to buy food from McDonalds on some days.
However I don?t want to use drugs this often. I don?t want it to take over my life, and I feel like it kind of is at the moment. Ive tried to challenge myself to go a week without doing anything, but I always start thinking ?there?s nothing wrong with it, it won?t hurt, it?s just a bit of fun etc.? I don?t have that will power because I don?t feel like there?s any real importance to slowing it down, but taking a step back I?m not happy with my frequency of use.

Any advice that might help me to understand or achieve something would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hello mate, what kind of drugs are you doing every couple of days?

 

[SuperUltraMega]

Cannabis, amphetamine, 2cb, dmt, alprazolam, more rarely lsd and coke. Never the same thing in quick succession, but always something from that list.

 

[Pill2Chill]

If you're using 'a' drug daily, you're a poly drug addict. Basically. If you don't have the willpower to stop for a single week to prove something to yourself, because 'insert random excuse' - it's abundantly clear to me. Don't try the most addictive drug / drug classes - amphetamines is definitely a risky drug, what kind of amphetamines do you use?

Benzos are addictive too and dependency develops fast and once you're stuck with that you're really fucked.

By the way, that week without drugs challenge wouldn't prove that you don't have a problem. If you were to lay off for one week one time, and then go straight back to using daily. It would only serve to give you a false sense of reassurance (IMO). And if you really think about it without lying to yourself, can you say that it is your firm and honest belief that 1 week would truly prove anything if your behavior persists and remains unchanged afterwards? Would the willpower you'd need for that one week (which, honestly, to ppl who don't have a problem should be less willpower than is needed to run 50m).

The only form of refraining from using that would be useful in regaining control would be a continuous engagement. For example; 'only use on weekends' or 1 week with, 1 week without drugs and so on.

And you should be able to admit to yourself that you are losing control if you fail to keep whatever resolution you decide to make. Or don't decide to make, it's up to you 100%. I'm merely trying to help by saying what I wish someone had drilled into my skull when I was still at that stage.

And if you fail you promise yourself you will seek help (I'm not talking about rehab, your abuse isn't that bad yet either. ), what, or rather who I mean by that is someone you trust implicitly and doesn't use him/herself - a trusted sibling would be ideal. But only if you know they won't just involve your parents (unless you want to tell them should you fail at decreasing your use - maybe your parents are cool and open-minded people who've experimented their fair share when they were younger. If neither of those (I say these first because they are available to talk most of the time). Or how old are you? Do you live at home?

A good friend would be next. But make sure there's a consequence for failing. And don't let 1x failure mean giving up on it entirely. Maybe make 'seeking help' something that you won't resort to unless you fail 3 times
And the first two, don't use hard drugs the next period it is 'okay' to use.

That's all I have tor now. Hope it's at least a little helpful.

Edit:

Im not addicted to any particular drug

Maybe not but you already sound addicted to psychoactive substances (like I mentioned at the top of my post 'poly-drug addiction'). If you can't leave it be for 1 week that's no overstatement I'd say.

and certainly don?t *need* to take anything, but I probably take on average a drug of some sort every day or two.

That's a rather obvious contradiction. You might mean physical dependency by 'needing to take something', but the psychological aspect of an addiction is the real danger I've found.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

You sound predisposed to being a drug addict to me...welcome to the club

 

[SuperUltraMega]

Thanks Pill2Chill, that?s just what I needed to hear.

I never intended to return to the same frequency of use after a week of abstinence, I hoped it would be a good start for reducing it. Or maybe that i?d then abstain for longer. I just struggle to get that far because the temptation is there.

I?ve tried keeping it to the weekends before but my schedule varies ever week, so I can?t necessarily commit to that. Instead I started taking every opportunity I had. Clearly that was a bad move and I should?ve been thinking more ?if I can?t do it this weekend then I?ll leave it until next weekend?.

what kind of amphetamines do you use?

Speed (as in the UK one, I?m led to believe in some countries speed is meth?). That?s not a frequent one, doesn?t really do anything for me besides not feeling tired for a while. More a utility than recreational.

As an aside: speed feels to me like caffeine feels to most people. I don?t feel any effects from caffeine, other than maybe a little drowsyness. Both have always been the same; it?s not a tolerance.

you already sound addicted to psychoactive substances

That?s a fair way to put it. I hadn?t considered that to even be possible but absoloutly. That?s very helpful to hear.

That's a rather obvious contradiction. You might mean physical dependency by 'needing to take something', but the psychological aspect of an addiction is the real danger I've found.

I meant so more in terms of, my thinking is similar to someone who has a glass of wine every other evening - It?s a nice thing to do in an otherwise unproductive slot of time, and there are no immediate consequences - rather than not being able to function/enjoy oneself without doing so.

 

[belligerent drunk]

I meant so more in terms of, my thinking is similar to someone who has a glass of wine every other evening - It?s a nice thing to do in an otherwise unproductive slot of time, and there are no immediate consequences - rather than not being able to function/enjoy oneself without doing so.

Welcome to the forum!

What you said in that quote is technically correct, but only as long as you have extremely strong willpower. What P2C and others are trying to emphasize is that with polydrug use/cycling/whatever, physical dependence (using to stave off feeling shit) is not as immediate of a danger as is psychological dependence. In essence, there's nothing dangerous about having a glass of wine (using your example) every other evening to relax. The thing is, though, life is long, and as years go by you may start giving more room to your drug use. I had this with a lot of drugs such as codeine, alcohol, and dissociatives. What once may have been a glass of wine every other evening, became every day. Then, as I figured out that I can function pretty well on some substances, the "logical" question arose: why not have some with/around lunch? And then perhaps breakfast too?

Lacking or low level of physical dependence can give you a false sense of security in that you feel like you can stop at any time, and yet for some reason you never seem to. There's always that next "opportunity" and as time goes by, they tend to get closer to each other.

Just some food for thought. I don't like making assumptions, but judging by the way you talk about your view of drug use, you may have a predisposition to psychological addiction. I definitely am psychologically addicted and also a polysubstance user, and the way I used to/still think of this stuff is pretty much exactly as you wrote. It all becomes that much worse when you also develop physical dependence.

I don't want to sound hypocritical because who am I kidding, I'm the exact opposite of what I'm preaching. My main advice is to be completely honest with yourself about your level of use. Try to develop a habit of examining your level of use as objectively as possible. If you find that you're using more than you are comfortable with or that you're already making more room for using at the expense of other recreational activities, it may be time to sit down and re-think the situation, and if you feel like you can't do it alone, seek help.

Perhaps you want this thread moved to The Dark Side which is better suited for serious questions as this?

 

[hoffsteader]

It can be hard to cut down when you don't have a specific reason to. To me what matters most is always whether or not the drug use is interfering with a person's life and causing them problems. If it is just used as a source of fun here and there then a person can still continue to pursue goals and achieve whatever it is that they want to achieve in their life.

Do you feel that it is taking over your life at the moment, so that can be a good enough reason. You might never reach the point where the drug use is really damaging you a lot (or maybe you will), so it seems like you might have to make your decision while things are not at a terrible point.

 

[SuperUltraMega]

Welcome to the forum!
Then, as I figured out that I can function pretty well on some substances, the "logical" question arose: why not have some with/around lunch? And then perhaps breakfast too?

I must admit I had already started thinking along those lines at times...

I've taken on a lot of responsibilities over the last week that prohibited me from using any drugs (had to drive every day; be on top form from for long working hours), and for the first time in a long while I got to the end of the week and realised I hadn't even considered doing anything . Didn't have the time to.
I think just being sober for even those few days has made it easier to look at it more objectively, or at least it's helped me think of it as something for special occasions again instead of something I can do more often than not. That way all those slots of time where I have nothing better to do can be used for something productive instead.
Will see how the next few weeks go.