How to be more likeable and make friends

[EP158207]

I am a very unlikeable person it seems. I am a female, erly 30s and an only child. I legit have 2 friends. No coworkers have ever liked me. I am not liked onsocial media and even here I dont get much engagement out of people.

How do I go about making friends?

 

[Trajal]

A good start seems to be just to talk to people and try to find common ground. I'm a bit of a loner at the moment, most of my old friends are closer to you than me (as far south west UK as it I should possible to get) . Problem I have is that I really struggle to find the energy to expend on friends, and if you want to keep them, it does take energy.

ive got some exes and honestly I get exhausted just thinking about them now because of all the random parties, functions etc that they went to, that I got dragged along to, and probably ended up shooting up in someone's bathroom, alone, lol.

what brought you to blue light in the first place anyway?

 

[pofacedhoe]

co-workers are the worst source of real friends. the best source is living in a shared house

hands down

 

[spacejunk]

^ i tend tro agree with that.

i think it's important just to show a little interest in people. talk about them, ask them questions, and listen to what they say.

beyond that, i don;t think there is a 'silver bullet'. just a bit of luck and chemistry.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

co-workers are the worst source of real friends. the best source is living in a shared house

hands down

Really? After living with five other dudes in college, I only talk to one still. Hate the crap out of the others, they were pigs. Well, so was the one I like, he's just cooler lol.

Try joining clubs or activities or groups that center around topics you enjoy. I make friends via shared interests; cars, dope, video games, etc. The bonds of friendship are always formed upon mutual interests.

 

[spacejunk]

share-houses are pretty much the norm for most of the people i mix with, and it's definitely a good way to meet people.
recently a super cool girl moved into my house, and i've been enjoying hanging out with her and her boyfriend. recently made some new friends with people that lived with some other friends of mine etc etc
it's one of the better ways of "getting to know" someone (ie you don't really know someone until you've lived with them) -and if someone you know has lived with a friend, or whatever, i tend to just trust that they're good people.
that sort of thing is pretty common where i live, anyway - lots of artists and musicians that share houses together and all moved here for the same reason, so we all have common ground to begin with.
might be a bit different to roommates at college or whatever, i'm not sure - but i would certainly agree that i've made a lot of good friends through random shared-housing situations, although it wouldn't necessarily come to mind as a good way to meet people, in my experience it definitely is. some of my dearest friends are people i've shared lodgings with.

 

[pofacedhoe]

share-houses are pretty much the norm for most of the people i mix with, and it's definitely a good way to meet people.
recently a super cool girl moved into my house, and i've been enjoying hanging out with her and her boyfriend. recently made some new friends with people that lived with some other friends of mine etc etc
it's one of the better ways of "getting to know" someone (ie you don't really know someone until you've lived with them) -and if someone you know has lived with a friend, or whatever, i tend to just trust that they're good people.
that sort of thing is pretty common where i live, anyway - lots of artists and musicians that share houses together and all moved here for the same reason, so we all have common ground to begin with.
might be a bit different to roommates at college or whatever, i'm not sure - but i would certainly agree that i've made a lot of good friends through random shared-housing situations, although it wouldn't necessarily come to mind as a good way to meet people, in my experience it definitely is. some of my dearest friends are people i've shared lodgings with.

this^

all my friends where i live are people i lived with in this one house i stayed in apart from 1 i know from school who moved here.

the thing is that when u live with them and its a big metropolitan city (lonely and isolating) you have regular intimate moments of just chilling and having a laugh with the guard down

this week a friend is coming to visit from wales. i lived with her 10 years ago

how many co-workers am i friends with? 0 and i have had loads of actual co-workers over the years. but those friendships are built around you both getting paid when u are together so it can feel off outside of work

how many from shared hobbies? 2 but those friendships are heavily linked to this shared hobby

 

[Trajal]

Hmm, I'd never thought of this. I've never shared a house other than with a sexual partner tho, even at university I had my own flat.

 

[Tranced]

^ i tend tro agree with that.

i think it's important just to show a little interest in people. talk about them, ask them questions, and listen to what they say.

beyond that, i don;t think there is a 'silver bullet'. just a bit of luck and chemistry.

Yip, this. Op you could just be genuinely unlucky, or not making enough 'moves'.

My advice to anybody wanting to be liked would be to try to avoid negative attitudes... which come more freely than a lot of people realise. You've got to be really aware of what you're doing/saying, even very slight subconscious stuff can make people uncomfortable.

You've also got to be prepared to be quite forgiving. Even my closest friends have fucked me over, and they're good people, just not perfect. Anyone who's a dick though, they don't get a chance, but that goes both ways.

 

[pofacedhoe]

yeah everyone is not perfect and wont meet all that you want

appreciate them for what you do enjoy from them.

also you have to make an effort to talk to people.

the world wont make friends with you if you dont bother trying it on with the world

 

[zephyr]

You have 2 friends now right? How about going out and socialising with them and expanding aquaintances into it by inviting ppl over for a get together? Just a few and bit by bit.

 

[Shady's Fox]

My guess is that you didn't experience much of/from this life. Every advantage has his disadvantage. There is a problem when you try to be likeable because you forget about your person and try to change your personality for something that come and go but at this point when you ask this, we can put into the pen that you don't have a self-esteem respect and can't love yourself. Now if you don't have friends and want to make something start out by evaluating yourself A-Z, an little example to start from would be social skills and stop being sensitive. Remember there is a long dark hard road full with traps, challanges, bridges, forest and nails to become an alpha.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

Here's a practical suggestion: make an effort to remember people's names. Allocate some of your brain power towards that task. It is so common today to always hear "I'm bad with names", and a suprising amount of people put 0 effort into remembering names and associations, so I think it registers subconsciously in a flattering way and makes a good impression when you remember people & their names, etc.

Other than that, I guess just be secure in who you are as a person and hope people gravitate towards that? I don't know, I don't think that there's any particular secret to it, you gotta find out who you are and what you're into, then hopefully attract some other people who are into that same shit *shrug*

I'm an only child too, and it has really led me to value and cultivate friendships and social relationships...as far as personality types go I'm an introvert but I still need & crave regular interaction with other people (like everybody does). Feeling isolated or lonely sucks...it's even worse if you live in certain regions where there simply aren't many people, period. But you just gotta get out there and make the rounds I guess...it's partly a numbers game of coming into contact with a bunch of other people, and hoping that at least a few of 'em will like or tolerate you

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

I am a very unlikeable person it seems. I am a female, erly 30s and an only child. I legit have 2 friends. No coworkers have ever liked me. I am not liked onsocial media and even here I dont get much engagement out of people.

How do I go about making friends?

Don't worry about it I say, I swear to God I have no real friends & I don't want any if I am honest. I find dogs a lot more nicer than people.

I have had many people come & go in my life that I called "friends" & every single one of them at some point has shit on me, I swear when you really need someone for something important you just see how many are there for you to help.

I don't mean to sound misanthropic but I am so that's how it comes out I guess.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

Don't worry about what people on social media think. Social media is full of a bunch of phonies trying to make their life look better than it actually is. Also, trolls who have nothing better to do except talk down to others.
The best thing I did was delete Twitter last year. Never looked back. Not on any social media. Good riddance!

Don't get caught up looking for validation from people you'll never meet anyway.

 

[treezy z]

I don't have a huge number of friends (and don't want them.) I have about 50 relatives in my state though which is who I prefer to spend time with. (My sister just had a girl, my first niece, been spending a lot of time over there. Babies are awesome when in the family, don't give a damn about other non family kids though.)

Most of the people I see outside the family I work on music with. If you have a hobby that is social or you can make social great way to give the gathering a purpose/activity. (A lot of people are content to sit around with friends and smoke and watch movies, I'd rather see family for that. Friends there has to be some type of point for me to see them.)

 

[EP158207]

Hey guys thanks for all your advice. I am overly sensitive, and being a right wing, conservative in London or even in Europe sucks as everyone thinks I am an asshole. I am going to take on board the tips about remembering names ( I am guilty of being forgetful, mind you I am addicted to pregabalin which kills brain cells) also one about being negative, which means I will sort of not mention the being right wing conservative (republicanesque to my USA forum peers). Yes I have two female friends, my husband, my ex and thats it. I have been forced to make friends with my parents to pass the time. But a baby is on the way, so I will be going to mummy, baby things and hopefully make friends that way.

 

[Tranced]

I am overly sensitive, and being a right wing, conservative in London or even in Europe sucks as everyone thinks I am an asshole.

I think it's important to remember that its healthy to somewhat regulate your political views in certain environments, and not in some kind of censorship of self kind of way i.e you can still be you, you just don't necessarily need to shout it from the rooftops. In certain environments, especially a working environment, you could find yourself disagreeing with pretty much everything anybody says, especially if you feel marginalised or righteous, and this can manifest as overt offensiveness/agitation/aggressiveness, whilst everyone else is thinking '... whatever', or "jesus, here we go again".

I can by nature be a very disagreeing & contrarian person, and find it quite easy to contradict people/argue a point, but I often let things slide by. Why? Because if you contradict/disagree with people on everything they say, people will just become defensive and think you're a dick, and rightly so. There is no one unique political view, and it's important to remember that not only are their shades of grey, but two people can actually both be right with opposing view points.

I often find it's important to adopt that laid back attitude I was referring to earlier and be the one to just laugh and literally say "whatever", and just let stuff slide. There's nothing worse than people disagreeing with you at every opportunity (I know one too many people like this), or adopting a consistent tone of disapproval. I've met loads of right wing conservatives who I've got along with just fine, because we both realise the futility of changing the others view, and find the other qualities/attributes far more important/pleasing.

Anyway, political views are often just other peoples opinions adopted over the years and reinforced by self-imposed cognitive bias. It's just cultural baggage and I wouldn't waste too much time identifying with it all too much; we're our own personal echo chambers. And certainly not at the detriment of the social dynamics/relationships you have to navigate every single day as a person.

I saw this recommended by firefox earlier which might be interesting, How Do You Make or Maintain Friends? Put in the Time

Also, this is a very interesting article about how the word 'but' can make people sound incredibly negative. It's got very interesting implications.

P.s mindfulness/meditation is great for this kind of stuff. It's important to remember that you are in control of your mind.

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

, and being a right wing, conservative in London or even in Europe sucks as everyone thinks I am an asshole.

My God you make it sound like you belong to National Action or did in Joe Cox yourself, I am sure you don't have 18/88 as a tattoo on your head so relax.

I've known some folks in my time & come across some groups shall we say & I'd really like to hear what makes you so "right wing, conservative" trust me you really won't upset me with your views.

 

[treezy z]

I would say the most important thing in building relationships is being assertive and honest. Ask for what you need, say no if you don't want to do something, and if there's a problem address it. This will make people respect you.