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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Xorkoth

Psilocybin mushrooms (Golden Teacher) 4.5g - Somewhat experienced - Journey Inwards

Voidd

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 26, 2018
Messages
1
2/24/2018.
Dosage: 4.5g of psilocybin mushrooms

Preface: The use of the word ?I? in this trip report is only for convenience. It is more helpful to think of ?I? not as a physical form, but as all existence. After all, the self is an illusion. The word ?my? is also used prolifically, but it is not as if there is an ?I? to own anything, it is again a social convenience.

The experience began with meditating in bed to maintain a strong presence during the come up and spend as much time as possible in the first Bardo, where the self has completely disappeared. I am not particularly sure if I remained in it for long as my experience was quite different than the acid trip. During the come up my body had a tremendous power pulsing through it, similar to the kundalini where in your chakra travels up from the base of your spine into the crown of your head. However, I fear that I lost my presence due to the intensity of the trip as the mind kept grasping for concepts and repeating instructions to itself. A reminder that I must cultivate my presence much more before my next trip. Lying down was the best option after that due to the intensity of the experience and this strong urge I felt to move around in this physical form. I was attempting to remain an observer, but the urge to move around was so powerful I figured there was a reason beyond my understanding that the mushroom was giving me these signals. My eyes remained closed during the majority of this experience to intensify the other senses and remove any sense of self.

As I lay there I noticed a loss of presence happening and a tumbling of my thoughts into a lower realm. Yet, as if there was an ancient knowledge guiding my actions I immediately attempted to bring presence back through resonance. Lying there making these deep guttural sounds (think tibetan chanting) was incredible, as if the vibrations coming from this body were pulling my consciousness deeper and deeper into a supersonic void. It felt as if ancient ancestors were speaking through my body, a communication unfathomably older than the spoken word. Knowledge conveyed through a tempo and frequency that every cell of my body immediately understood, conveying deep meaning. This sense of understanding completely shifted my conception of what knowledge is. It is not something linear to be collected, eventually leading to some great understanding.

That static idea of using the mind to collect enough knowledge to reach true understanding is wrong, there is no ?thing? to understanding, life is a process. No intellectual babble holds a candle to tuning into the wisdom inherent in every cell of our bodies. It also turns out that ancient wisdom lies deep inside all of us, true knowledge is in a realm of its own, not attainable as some logical understanding, and it cannot be conveyed through language. Access to this knowledge is in fact only muddied through the minds activity and conception, even after only a short period of access to ?it? the realization ame that any conceptual grasping of ?it? is a useless endeavor. Through these noises an understanding of the intensity of the human experience and a new realm of depth came into awareness. As I listened and felt these intense guttural sounds interspersed with slow deep breaths I tuned into biological processes that are billions of years old. The vibrations pulsing from my chest became so powerful that all sense of self disappeared, at that moment all that existed was this ancient ability. Resonance.

A vision soon appeared, I was on a vast open plain and huddling in a fetal position (I was lying fetal in my bed at this point). However, the body huddled on the ground didn't feel like ?me?. I don?t recall huddling with any other humans specifically, but I felt this ancient connection, there was nobody around but I was not alone in the least. Bursting to the seems with an ancient sense of belonging, my physical form was connected to a vast consciousness. Roots grew from my body connecting me to world, and as the roots continued to grow they engulfed the world and went out into the universe, connecting with all that is. Again showing that alll existence is void. It is all the SAME thing.

Simultaneously it was as if my hands each had a life of their own, they separately explored most of my upper body and thighs, but not in the sense that ?I? was controlling them. Each hemisphere of my brain seemed to be operating independently through my hands. Touching my diaphragm, face, hair, chest, throat and tapping certain spots. The exploratory systems in my body reached acted as if I was a newborn again. I had completely forgotten what it was like to be a child exploring the physical capabilities of a brand new body with a consciousness that didn?t have a sense of self. Reborn into this world with my eyes closed only exploring with the sense of touch and sound. It was strange having no conception of myself yet exploring a physical form. Tears made their way into my eyes along with a deep seated sense of joy that this incredible experience we call ?life? exists.

I then moved into the bathroom, pitch black, door closed, sitting on a meditation cushion. At this point I was pulsing back and forth between the Second and First Bardos. While not as intense as earlier, the lower intensity allowed my mind to rest and stop it?s strong urge to grasp onto concepts or directions. I became more tuned into the trip, allowing the mushroom to be my guide and not attempting to conceptualize where ?I? wanted the trip to go. Instead of breaking it up into bits and pieces and confusing myself trying to figure out if I was in the right Bardo I realized that wherever this trip was taking me is exactly where I need to be. The conscious agent of change ingested by my body knows what direction is best.

Meditating in complete darkness was fascinating, my eyes were completely open yet had nothing in front of them to grasp. Floating in an abyss of darkness brought awareness to the infinite depth of consciousness usually hidden by our thoughts, which often arise due to association with objects grasped by our sight. However, when nothing is available to look at or grasp with sight, the nature of sight remains. That is what I truly am. The nature of sight, always reflecting, yet always the reflection. There were no visuals at this time as I think I had moved back into the second phase of the first bardo where no conceptions means no visuals, yet a strong connection with the One Life (also called the Void, God, Dao; it is all the same thing).

Soon my hands started to explore again as if they were two separate entities (bicameral brain have anything to do with this?). Soon an urge to create a rhythm arose, this beat felt sacred. As if it was a rite of passage guiding my awareness into a new realm of ancient understanding. I again found myself making these powerful and transformative guttural noises while tapping with each hand all over my body. The beat was pulsing through every inch of my body. It was as if I was possessed by ancient and wise spirits who appreciated this physical vessel. Using the vessel as their own, my hands started to move in concentric circles, yet in opposite directions. Paying attention to the smooth movements of all the joints, my body felt light and airy. Over and over I kept creating these concentric patterns with my body. Arms, hips, and head all moving in a circular pattern. I am not sure what the circle represents, but it seems symbolic of something ancient. The ouroboros as well as mandalas come to mind. My arms moved of their own accord, making motions which I could not recreate if I tried, something akin to an ancient ritual, like a dancer creating an array of complex patterns. There was a slight visual sense of these concentric rings I was making with my body being streaks of light.

I had absolutely no conception of time during this trip so I am not sure how long I was doing each of the previous things, but the next part involved standing up and moving into the darkest corner of the bathroom to completely absolve my vision of any light. As I stood there a vision came of myself being a great monolithic statue standing hundreds of feet tall watching over a vast and empty plain, carved by an ancient civilization long gone physically, but still remaining spiritually. Just as the Sphinx in Egypt remains observing over a landscape which has experienced a history unknown to modern people. I wasn?t sure if this vision had anything to do with my ego reinserting itself and forming a conception of ?me? again, but this vision felt highly sacred and important. Roots grew from the monolithic statue that was ?me?, the mushroom seemed to be acting as a reminder that there is no distinction between the universe and myself.

The vision went away and I found myself merging into a void. Hands still feeling the need to explore as if ancient spirits within me were attempting to gauge whether or not this body was a worthy specimen to absorb sacred knowledge. My mind was quiet and my body with an accord of its own again created rhythmic beats interspersed with periods of absolute silence. During one such period I remember having what felt like a revelation about what true knowledge is, how wisdom is shared, and what the nature of consciousness is. I remember the something appearing to me conveying an idea along the lines of ?knowledge is not linear?. Like discussed above, as I tuned into the wisdom flowing through me the conception of learning and absorbing knowledge as if it was something outside of myself to be gained disappeared. True understanding is inwards, and not even remotely fathomable by the mind. It isn?t gained piece by piece as if putting together a puzzle. It is an all or nothing understanding that is already within us, using mental conceptions is helpful to move towards it, but at the end of the day to finally understand what we truly are we must no longer make any attempt to grasp or conceptualize at all. When the truth is seen it is known. There is nothing to be attained. Wisdom seems to manifest itself through the body as a sense of meaning. Deep deep meaning, something billions of years old that has remained present inside everything, yet will always be inaccessible by the mind.

After that lesson I went downstairs to grab some fruits. It had been about 4 hours. I recognized the beauty of something as simple as an orange. The way that this fruit develops thousands of these fibrous sacks all containing a delicious liquid was mind bogglingly impressive. Never looked that closely at an orange before. I took 8 grams of red strain kratom because my body was sore from working out the previous day and within thirty minutes felt myself in a world of physical euphoria. However by this point I seemed to have lost touch with the ancient wisdom from earlier as the ego began to reinsert itself. I could tell because it brings with it this characteristic feeling of ?oh, so that's all??, pretending to have grasped the lessons previously shared and inserting a judgement upon them. When that sense of meaninglessness arose the Third Bardo had likely approached, the trip had brought enough knowledge for the day and it was time to let things be. A bit more meditation to step away from the egos judgements allowed peace to arise so I could enjoy the beautiful day ahead of me. At this point I experienced interesting visuals of my body merging into the world around me, but this time externally. It wasn?t as intense as the internal experience previous. There was no attempt to think about or explain what was experienced much at all afterwards. I wanted things to soak a bit deeper and wait until this morning to write down the experience. I am sure within the next month or so the lessons will continue to be absorbed and applied unconsciously through life experience.

Note: Parts of the experience I have trouble recalling and seem to be inaccessible by the mind. The reason for this seems to be that when there is no ego to tell a story or remember things as it becomes absorbed by the great unconscious, memories don?t form on a level readily accessible consciously. If there is no self to relate to the events, they are not always remembered. This is exactly what Erich Neumann hypothesised in ?The Origins and History of Consciousness?, it seems he was correct.



Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_mushrooms
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_inexperienced
exptype_positive
exptype_glowing
exptype_spiritual
roacode_oral
 
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Beautifully written report, thanks for sharing! :)
 
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