Those Suffering From LTC (long term MDMA related symptoms) A Few Questions..

[Cotcha Yankinov]

^To be fair though, I've seen people taking ridiculous amounts of MDMA in the UK (and generally non-eu posters seem a lot more conservative/careful in their MDMA use from what I've read on here over the years), and I've never in all my years of being heavily involved in ecstasy sub-culture heard of anybody claiming to have an "LTC"... my personal experience is that it's entirely a bluelight MED phenomenon.

Here in Washington state back in 2010-2012 or so, people were getting a lot of nasty pressed pills that were supposedly coming down through Canada. Those blue dolphins yknow I'm not quite sure what was in some of them (the assumption was piperazines back then, however some of them gave 4 day rides) - some of those pills left some of the people I know quite affected for a long time.

We of course didn't have a term like LTC, everybody just said "E-tarded", but adverse effects from those batches of pills weren't uncommon and the adverse effects are similar to what we hear in the "LTC" community. Visual disturbances, depression, anxiety, depresonalization, insomnia, and brain zaps. Not that those symptoms are specific to MDMA (except brain zaps I think). Also the low blood pressure stuff, which hit me and my sister particularly hard but I think there's a deconditioning component to that.

However, what I witnessed personally seemed to be more of a chronic abuse type problem than a "LTC from one pill" type problem, which I'm still conflicted as to how separate those are. Theoretically, given vulnerable genetics and predispostion, extenuating circumstances like overheating and possibly a more harmful substance than MDMA, a person could get to an "chronic MDMA abuse" type brain with only one pill.

It could be that some substituted amphetamines/cathinones carry higher risks for the same set of side effects as MDMA, but ultimately the mechanism of action (monoamine releasing agent) is the same so the difference could just be to do with things like the level of serotonin depletion, the level of coincident dopamine release along with serotonin release et cetera.

Some of these substances that people have a hard time with sound a bit more speedy-ish to me judging by their reports over the years, and what we know neurologically would say that increased dopamine/norepinephrine release alongside serotonin would increase the likelihood for problems. MDMA doesn't really release dopamine directly, so there's a big divide there between MDMA and some similar substances that actually release dopamine. However, there may not be a world of difference in terms of subjective effects - a person who has only taken a couple pills may still believe it was actual MDMA.

CY

 

[Tranced]

It could be that some substituted amphetamines/cathinones carry higher risks for the same set of side effects as MDMA, but ultimately the mechanism of action (monoamine releasing agent) is the same so the difference could just be to do with things like the level of serotonin depletion, the level of coincident dopamine release along with serotonin release et cetera.

I've recently been pondering if people who have claimed to have developed tolerance since the 2010~ MDMA drought could have actually developed some kind of weird tolerance from experimenting with some of the cathinones/newer phen empathogens. Just a thought, given there are people like me who consider MDMA no different and have zero tolerance, even after sixteen years of use. Or possibly some kind of acquired metabolic issue.

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

I have a feeling that the specific substances used contribute to this but its possible that some people are just more vulnerable to losing the magic as well. A lot of euphoria really has to do with novelty, and some brains may be more quick than others to lose the sense of novelty.

Dopamine especially is kind of a novelty related transmitter, maybe drugs that release more dopamine cause more perturbations in the novelty systems (while all of MDMA's dopamine increases are mediated by serotonin). In a simple sense, dopamine receptor downregulation et cetera. In a more complicated sense, cell network wide compensations that act to oppose the euphoria and decrease the sense of novelty.

If our brains were easily led into a euphoric state that could be entered over and over again with no desensitization, something tells me things could go wrong and our reward/reinforcement systems may not be as helpful. So I think our brains may have evolved to be careful about letting itself repeatedly enter a euphoric state using the same stimulus - on the extreme end, being able to super easily enter a euphoric state using the same stimulus could be very harmful to our survival

For example, eating the same food over and over again. We may come across a certain food in the wild, and it'll taste really good at first, but eventually some people may lose their taste for it. The advantage to this is that then we go on to seek other foods which results in a variety of nutrients, rather than just e.g. blackberries 24/7 which may result in a very limited nutritional intake. So variety is the spice of life, MDMA repeatedly isn't much variety I suppose.

Another example would be screwing the same person over and over again, lol. It could be advantageous in terms of increasing the amount of kids produced for e.g. a guy to get tired of screwing a specific gal, because once he gets that one girl pregnant any further screwing is essentially wasted energy (in terms of producing kids), it could increase his chances of having kids if he starts screwing other girls rather than just one girl repeatedly. Unfortunately may explain why some guys tire of their girls.

"Show me a beautiful girl and I'll show you a guy who's tired of banging her"

It could also be that some serotonin cells just aren't able to release as much serotonin as they first were, for a multitude of reasons

Pharmacokinetic tolerance can result in upregulation of transporters that remove substances from the CNS but I have a feeling this doesn't account for magic loss

CY

 

[Dany657]

I think it's interesting that the beginning of this thread mentions 'dutch mdma' as potentially being the issue since my ltc causing seven tomorrowlands were touted as dutch mdma. You're definitely onto something with identifying the source of the impurities.

 

[ZeroLuck]

Mine were Pink Red Bull 220 - 270mg. Again dutch pills... don't know if it's a coincidence because the majority of pills are coming from there or there's an actual clue.

 

[G_Chem]

Been awhile since I've checked this thread but definitely finding it interesting..

I'm curious if it's known what percentage of BL's users is European and what percentage is US?

-GC

 

[Tranced]

^There's no way to check this really. Perhaps when we upgrade the forum platform to XenForo some kind of analytics plugin could be obtained.

I'd say that there are traditionally a lot more American posters, followed by British and Australian. Very few non-british EU people in comparison, but likely a lot of lurkers. Literally 1-2 people I've noticed from the entire continent of Asia, and the same from South Africa.

 

[ASX]

I?m from the U.K. No idea on dosage, was my second time taking MDMA at a house party with friends. It was a brownish Crystal. We bought a gram from a shady dealer, and I took around 60% of it. Could have been 400-600mg. No surprise I have LTC to be honest. The comeup was extremely scary, I thought I was dying. Once the roll hit it felt amazing, probably the most comfortable and chatty I have ever been. Three days later I woke up at 3am in the middle of a panic attack and have been suffering ever since. That was 8 months ago.

My lifestyle was fairly active beforehand. Gym 3-4 times a week, diet very good. Mostly meat vegetables, nuts, fruit etc.

I was in a very happy place at the time, no personal or mental issues.

30 years old.

 

[adumbral]

I?m from the U.K. No idea on dosage, was my second time taking MDMA at a house party with friends. It was a brownish Crystal. We bought a gram from a shady dealer, and I took around 60% of it. Could have been 400-600mg. No surprise I have LTC to be honest. The comeup was extremely scary, I thought I was dying. Once the roll hit it felt amazing, probably the most comfortable and chatty I have ever been. Three days later I woke up at 3am in the middle of a panic attack and have been suffering ever since. That was 8 months ago.

My lifestyle was fairly active beforehand. Gym 3-4 times a week, diet very good. Mostly meat vegetables, nuts, fruit etc.

I was in a very happy place at the time, no personal or mental issues.

30 years old.

hi mate, just curious. what symptoms have you been suffering with specifically? have you seen any improvement over the 8 months?
im just coming out of my second month.

 

[ASX]

hi mate, just curious. what symptoms have you been suffering with specifically? have you seen any improvement over the 8 months?
im just coming out of my second month.

Hey man.

Month 1 - 3 was intense anxiety and paranoia. I was living in a nightmare.

Month 4 - 5 I felt relatively normal so to speak but with lingering anxiety and intrusive thoughts.

Month 6 to present I started getting eye floaters and paranoia. Also some memory problems. I feel like I am nearing the end of it now as my anxiety is very manageable.

The symptoms mirror Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, where symptoms change loosely on a 3 month cycle. I feel that I am nearing the end of this phase and will either recover or start new symptoms. Either way I am feeling pretty optimistic at the moment.

I went through a phase of deep depression about a month ago. Wasn?t suicidal, but felt like if someone was holding a gun to my head I wouldn?t beg for my life.

If you are going through what I am, support is your best bet. Luckily my parents are understanding and I can vent to them. I also have my girlfriend who is my rock. Things will get better over time my friend keep your head up.

 

[lionheart90]

1. If you don't mind saying, where specifically are you from (country/state)?
2. If you know, where did the product come from?
3. Also was the product tested via reagents and/or lab? Which?
4. What kind of lifestyle did you live up until that point (i.e. Diet, exercise, etc)?
5. What was your prior usage of MDMA like leading up to the incident which gave you said symptoms?
6. What was usage of other drugs like?
7. How old are you?

1. Im from washington state, united states of america (pacific northwest)
2. It came from Seattle washington.
3. It was pure mdma crystals, tested and confirmed.
4. lifestyle was typical college student lifestyle, daily cario and minor resistance training but ate a lot of junk food. typically read a lot for classes and kept brain in good shape. went out with friends from time to time but mostly stayed indoors after work/college playing video games.
5. I had tried MDMA about 5 times and MDA about 5 times leading up to my first panic attack. Most doses were 100mg-150mg but had a few in the 200 or 250mg range. maybe even higher. My second to last trip was probably a 300mg mda trip which fucked me up hard, I wasnt very euphoric (also was on mda and acid). and i remember feeling very depressed as soon as I finished peaking. I should have quit then but I dosed again 2 weeks later and also did coke that same night. after about 1.5 hours I got a migraine and panic attack which que'd a 13 month LTC (still on it, idk when Ill recover).

also I was dosing LSD every week or every other week for about a year before I got into mdma. when I started with MDMA I didnt know to wait 3 months so I was doing it every 2-3 weeks. Did that for a period of about 3 months or 8-ish trips before I finally got fucked up.

I'm a firm believer that the LSD was making me pretty dysregulated and the MDMA/mda/coke just pushed me over the edge. I also drank 2 liters of water on the night of the LTC and was convinced for the first 3-4 months that I had caused brain damage because of hyponatremia.

6. smoked weed daily for 8 years leading up to the ltc. did acid every 1-2 weeks for about a year leading up to ltc. did MDMA about 2 months leading up to ltc (every 2 weeks). Also did a total of like 3-4 lines of coke. The last time I did coke happened to be on the night of my LTC (did about 100mg mdma, 1 line of coke (100mg)).

Oh and I've done ketamine probably about 10-15 times. which btw is probably one of my favorite drugs. It's so fucking weird but I just love the things it does to you. Gives you access to this weird part of reality that you never thought existed.

did salvia maybe 4-5 times and fucking hated it. Salvia taught me a lot about reality but it also hurt. I did salvia around the first time I tried acid so it was a long time before the ltc. Broke through once, learned a lot but it fucked me up for a few weeks after. shook me to the core.

did DMT 3-4 times. had one amazing /best of my life kind of experience. one kind of neutral. 2 absolutely horrifying experiences. all the DMT was either years before LTC or post LTC so I dont think it has anything to do with the LTC.


7. I'm 28 now. was 26 when the LTC started

also relevant information. I've had trauma since I was a child and had several instances of trauma throughout my life. By the time I got to the LTC I had done a ton of work and was feeling pretty damn good. Still had minor anxiety and depression but pretty manageable. The worst years of anxiety were 13-21. at 21 I had a spiritual awakening and life got pretty fucking amazing.

about 3-4 months before the LTC life started to get pretty shitty. Work stress was unreal, and I think the frequent acid trips were starting to wear me down. When I started using MDMA to cope shit got wayyyyy worse. I was feeling absolutely miserable while recovering from the weekend binges but by 4-5 days out (aka just in time for another weekend bender) I was feeling great again so I thought I was good to trip again. Took about 2 months of that cycle before I crashed hella hard.

basically life was going great up until about 3 months before the LTC. (which may have been a warning sign that a crash was coming soon, but I just ignored it because I didnt have the awareness or experience to recognize the warning signs). Instead of slowing down I just did what I always did, use drugs to medicate. that caused me to crash even harder.

about 1 month before I completely crashed I was feeling VERY BAD. Like I would begin to get very acute depression basically as soon as I stopped peaking. In hind sight I can tell that was a huge red flag. at the time I just thought "this is what mdma comedown is like". I didnt think "this is a very severe and unnatural reaction, this isnt a comedown, this is a red flag!".

So yeah, after that first red flag of super depression (while still high on mdma, but not peaking). I dosed another 2 times and noticed the same trend. Super depression right after 1.5 hours into the trip. The last trip (the LTC inducing trip), i took some coke about 30-45 min into the trip and the LTC began about 1.75-2.25 hours into the trip. meaning my MDMA comedown coincided with the coke comedown.

ya know I never realized that until just now. and this was some shittttty fucking coke too that I had back then. the comedown was fucking brutal, wayy more brutal than some other coke that ive gotten since (only did 0.4g, dont worry folks).

so yeah, there was 3 factors that I think were important. 1. history of trauma, anxiety, depression, and dissociation as a method for dealing with that trauma. 2. long term abuse of psychedelics (aka not using them as a sacred sacrament to connect with the divine, meaning i just used them to get high and feel happy). 3. abuse of mdma/dosing too high and dosing too frequently. pair all of those factors with me accidentally coming down off some bad coke and some good mdma at the same time = LTC as fuck.


Heres my theory about what caused my LTC.

I was abusing MDMA and MDA so much that it fucked with my serotonin system (evidenced by the trend of a feeling of super depression as soon as I wasn't peaking anymore, meaning I'd feel sad while still high. I'd feel great for 1.5-2 hours then would crash for the next 5 hours until sober again). I did coke on the MDMA come up, probably around the 0+45 minute marker. The LTC started around the 2.5 hour mark. so I was probably coming down off the coke when the mdma peak ended. So the super depression I was experiencing anytime I finished peaking was combined with a nasty coke comedown. That caused me to get a migraine and panic attack. Then I just freaked out for an hour or two but never came down. The LTC started for me.

Sounds like a lot. and some might think "if you had trauma, it shouldn't take you so much suffering before you get a panic attack". but its because of the trauma that I learned to not panic, because I'd been panicking all my life. So it took a super super nasty episode before I got a panic attack and que'd my LTC.

for someone who lived a much more pleasant life I can see them getting fucked over by less terrible circumstances.

edit:

ok sorry to add this but I just checked my journal and apparently I did some LSD on my LTC trip too. that probably didnt help things haha. Journal says 10:30 lsd (2 tabs). 11 pm molly - 100mg. 11:30 coke (1 line/0.1g). 1:10 headache/water chugged (LTC began here about 5 min after water). then "nightmare trip for the next 7 hours until I crashed at 8 am".

My journal entries over the next couple months were usually kind of optimistic or centered around what I can do to heal the trip. I remember feeling very depressed and totally fucked up, but I would always be fighting that by focusing on what I could do to heal rather than lament about what I'd lost or could never get back. I remember it feeling like the world was ending while going through it, but looking back at my journal entries I was taking it pretty well. I kept my job and was working full time but that was about all I did. Just passed time until I started to feel better which was about 10.5 months into recovery.

 

[mnet]

MDMA can cause hormonal imbalances but also theres something called BPC-157 which I used that effectively ended my LTC along with TRT therapy.

Can you provide more info please? How long have you used each? Where did you obtain them? What were your symptoms prior? Were your issues resolved 100%?

 

[JK25]

It is 12 years after my 4-month, 16-30 MDMA pills per weekend, every weekend binge and I have never been the same since.

 

[psyloq]

JK25 - could you say more on why you have never been the same since?

 

[psyloq]

Is it possible to test for the presence of acrylamide and other neurotoxic substances in molly? Given everything that's been said on this topic, it seems fairly evident that testing for neurotoxic substances is just as critical, if not more so, as making sure it really is molly, right?

 

[G_Chem]

^^Unfortunaty currently, no.. (As far as I know, but I?ll look around.) Although we need to figure out a way. I think the first step would be finding a test for heavy metals, specifically mercury, and then going from there.

That brings up another question too, I?d be curious to see if anyone has had heavy metal tox screen during LTC to see if mercury may be the cause.

-GC

 

[lionheart90]

@jk25 - I can imagine how that heavy of usage could lead to some serious long term effects. I developed panic disorder with heavy anxiety and depression for about a year after I took MDMA every friday for 3 or 4 weeks in a row. I think I'm lucky to have developed panic disorder because it caused me to quit taking MDMA immediately and I haven't touched it ever since. Enough about me though, I'm wondering whats different about you now, when you did the binge vs your current age, and any health habits you've picked up since then. I'm also curious if you've ever taken a 1-3 year cycle of antidepressants or other medicine for anxiety/depression like an atypical anti anxiety medication (some anti seizure medicine was a godsend for me when I was about 24 for anxiety).

@g_chem - I did some heavy journaling a few weeks ago and realized that I've always had anxiety and depression. It's 14 months now since my LTC experience and I think I've been back to normal for a month or two now. I thought I was still under it because of the remaining health anxiety, however when I journaled I realized that I've had health anxiety since before the LTC. My anxiety before the LTC was varied, including social anxiety, health anxiety, generalized anxiety, and existential anxiety. During the LTC it morphed into primarily health anxiety. In the beginning of the LTC i had a bit of social anxiety but I always had that. I also had agoraphobia or agoraphobic tendencies before the LTC so I can't say the LTC caused it. It seems like the only thing new about the LTC was that it added dissociation and panic disorder (the dissociation probably came from or with the panic disorder).

In hind sight, the only thing I can honestly associate to the LTC was a panic disorder which primarily took the form of health anxiety. In other words, the LTC was just panic disorder. With health anxiety being present before the LTC, but heightened during the LTC.

I consider myself to be out of the LTC now and dealing with things I've dealt with my entire life. So I do feel kind of shitty still, but I've always felt this shittiness. I remember that I used to have periods of optimism, perhaps when I was able to forget about the anxiety by drownding it out with weed and video games as well as fantasizing about how great the future will be. The LTC seems to have given me a much more realistic view of my life, meaning I'm not blind with optmism and thinking that I'll someday soon have everything in the world that I want or need and without effort. I still have dreams but I now know I have to work for them and they won't come easily. Oddly enough I now work harder than ever before, perhaps because of the reality check the LTC gave me.

I know someday I will be able to beat the anxiety. I might need the help of medicine to give me a few years relief from anxiety so I can reset my brain, but I've done it before with 18 months on an atypical medicine for anti-seizures. I forgot what it was called but it really helped. I thought at first I may have caused depression and anxiety with the LTC but I realize now that it was a few years after the medication that I had the LTC. so I think now that the LTC/anxiety disorder just sent me back to the state I had before the medication. I think if I got back on a medication that works for me it would bring me back to the place where I can begin to live without anxiety. First I need to get a few years relief from anxiety so I can establish a new physical foundation for a life without anxiety and depression.

 

[Needhelp123]

I think LTC is caused by individual predisposition. I was one of 6-7 people that took crystal E from same batch. I took 300-320 mg, most of others took same amount or even more. And only I had severe LTC. One guy, who took same amount as I (but he weight ~25 kilos less than me) had only mild depersonalization for a month, and then was perfectly fine.

Here is quotation from pubmed that support this hypothesis:


https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20962361

Also, not only Europeans suffer from LTC, here is post from guy from Brasil:

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...ME-I-GOT-BETTER-(good-to-be-fixed-in-the-top)

Do you know how to tell if you have this gene? I have 23andMe

 

[sick_guy]

@Needhelp123 dunno, u should make some genetic tests, I suppose, and make some research what is the exact name of that gene.

 

[ThirdEyeSurvivor]

I’m from the United States (Illinois). My mdma came from the deep web. I did not test my mdma at all but it was bought from a very reputable seller with great reviews and looked, and tasted like high quality mdma. I lived an average teenage life, went to high school every day, ate better than the average teenager i believe and rode my bike and skateboarded a lot. I’ve only done mdma twice, this being the second time and some experience with other drugs such as doing LSD about 15 times, and have been smoking weed for about 7 months up until my LTC happened. I was a 18 year old man when this happened. Now here’s my story.

I did mdma one time before this which was a high quality 300mg ecstasy pill from the deep web (shipped from the neatherlands), I did half (150mg) and my brother did half and we walked to the Park and talked and had the most magical happy day of my life. Everything was great and no negative side effects the next day except for slight derealisation and just feeling off which went away the following day. 3 months later I got some really pure mdma from the deep web and wanted to do some, I didn’t have a mg scale so I used my brothers weed scale which only read ‘0.0 grams’ so I I weighed out 0.2 grams and then cut that in half and then took a little more off so I had what I thought was about 80mg or so of mdma. I mixed it with orange juice and then waited. 40 minutes later nothing, then instantly I started felling happy so I stood up and then within a few seconds I suddenly started panicking for no apparent reason, the only explanation a could think of was I did too much and I was overdosing and dying, I got so scared I felt my heart beat and I swear it was beating 7 beats a second. I ran into the bathroom while my brother was trying to calm me down. I took out my phone to look up if this is normal but I stopped myself because I knew I would read something scary and it would make it worse so i set a stop watch on my phone and told myself I have to stay alive for 4 hours until the mdma wears off, then still freaking out I ran into the bathroom and prayed to god for help me and keep me alive and instantly I looked around and suddenly all of the panic and anxiety slowly started to go away and within maybe 2 minutes I was consumed by a wave of love and happiness form the mdma, I left the bathroom and went into my brothers room and spent the next 5 hours talking to my brother about how magical the world is and feeling so happy. The next five hours I remember every once in a while feeling a mini panic attack coming back but it would only last like 5 or 10 seconds then would go away. Then before I knew it I realized I started to feel sober so I lookedat the stop watch and it was at 4 hours and 45 minutes. I was so happy I didn’t die. Fast forward to the next day I woke up for school and felt emotionless, depressed and did not want to go but still went, half way threw lunch I suddley had a mini panic attack, myheart started beating really fast and I felt scared for no reason, the rest of the day I couldn’t stoo feeling anxious and just wanted to go home so bad, the next day the feelings stayed andthe next day I began to feel That spark of happiness again but everything else remained, I went on amazon and bought a really good 0.000 gram scale and I weighed the left over mdma I had to see how much I actually did. I had 780mg left so 1000 - 780 = 220, with some stuck to the bag that means I did about 200mg if super pure high quality MDMA in one dose. here’s a list of all of my symptoms...

Derealisation (Feeling if living in a dream)
Depression
Anxiety
Severe dizziness when standing up (for about 3 weeks)
Paranoia
Slight memory loss
Random panic
Heart palpitations (which have improved but I still have 8 months later)
Head tingling
Nightmares
Feeling physically sick (for three days at the beginning)
Ears ringing
Random muscle shaking
Feeling like I’m not breathing
Chest and rib pain
Awareness of my own heart beat
heart beating slower or faster than normal
Flash backs of panic attacks
And Rarely but recently feeling faint and nauseous.
And more I’m probably forgetting

After two months I had my first major panic attack where I suddenly felt weird and slowly started to feel weirder and weirder and feeling like I wasn’t breathing I freaked out thinking I was going to pass out or die not knowing it was a panic attack. My heart was beating really fast, had tons of anxiety and felt dizzy and light headed, saw globe and stars in front of my vision. After that I slowly started to feel better but had lingering anxiety and fear. I stopped smoking weed because every time I did I would get flash backs to when I thought I was dying and that would cause me to panic more and I couldn’t enjoy the high anymore. I’d say I started to feel noticably better after about 4 months wheremy anxiety and derealisation was noticeably improved. It’s now been a little over 8 months and my anxiety and derealisation are almost fully gone, I feel slight anxiety and derealisation at times but for the most part it’s gone. I still have heart palpitations, about 5 a day, sometimes more, sometimes none but I feel likeots improving a lot right now. I still get that tingling in my head some days but only when im stressed out about something and usually goes awayquickly for the most part. The last month I started getting pain in my ribs and chest area and a stinging sensation in my ribs and also I felt faint on two separate occasions and last week I had a really weird experience where my vision was kind of weird and I got chills and felt nauseous for about 15 minutes after drinking an energy drink with 100mg of caffeine which isn’t that much, it went away but really scared me so my mom made an appointment to see the doctor which I’m going to tommorow. I hope it’s not something with my heart, but getting back on topic, it’s been a little over 8 months and I feel almost fully recovered from the anxiety, panic attacks, derealisation, and other effects I had. I feel like by the 12 month mark I’ll be fully 100% recovered but well just have to see. If your going threw a long term come down from mdma just know time heals everything. Take a break from all drugs, getgood excerise, eat good foods like fish, fruits and vegetables and drinks that have antioxidants and keep telling yourself it will get better. I had that fear that I would be stuck like this in the back of my mind which just made my anxiety worse, after the 3-4 month mark when I noticed I was recovering I felt so much better and by 5 months I was starting to feel so much normal again. Trust me, you will get better, it may take a few months and you may feel extenuating depressed or worried but keep telling yourself it will get better. Peace out.