Stimulants I think I masturbated too long on too much adderall.

[Out_of_Frame]

Idk if we're doing the SWIM thing here or not. <We are not doing the SWIM thing here>I've only read threads here. I just registered a few minutes ago. I guess it doesn't matter because I had a prescription for adderall. I was taking way too much of it though. I was on a prescription for thirty 15mg XR pills a month. They would all be gone in 3 days. I would take like 90mg and start masturbating. Then I would take like a pill every few hours or so. For most of my habit I was doing about 120-135mg per masturbation session, and these sessions would last 14 - 20 hours. I guess at the worst I would do 150mg total (not all at once though. again, this was starting at 90mg and doing a bump later with a pill or two, etc.). At one point I remember this sort of rainbow effect. Maybe I fucked up a lot of brain cells at that point. I think I might have basically drown my cells in dopamine and activated them way too much. I know this can be a problem. I'm embarrassed to say this, but I was actually a neurosci and psych major and know about my brain a little bit, but I've been so fucking depressed lately. This was my only escape. The world is fucked. I feel like I've gone too far down the rabbit hole and I'm too sensitive.

Anyway, I stopped taking the adderall about 3 months ago. This habit lasted about 8 months or so...but before that I would do it with maybe 60mg or something. I don't think that was harmful to my brain at all. But now I'm experiencing mild parkinsonism....slight tremors anywhere on my body. Sometimes at the mustache area...sometimes in my feet....a finger...and even a sudden involuntary breath (like a spasm or tremor) that might happen once or twice a day. It happens more frequently in my sleep. I will snort and wake up suddenly. I feel like I can feel my heart beat more without having to really focus on it or feeling it. And when it beats sometimes I can feel the pulse in my head at the same time. It almost seems like my heart has expanded or something and that its pulse is so much stronger that blood in my head moves more immediately after a beat in my heart.

There's also been some rigidity when turning my head. I'm still able to play piano and video games normally. I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and tried to recover and if they did recover, how long did it take?

EDIT: I also want to leave a note here for anyone who might be Googling around and questioning this habit that they have. I believe it's possible that the dose might not be the problem so much as sitting there constantly masturbating. If you're addicted and trying to get over this habit, try your best to take breaks. You already have tons of amphetamine in your system activating dopaminergic neurons. The fact that a specific set of neurons involving excitement or reward involving sex are going to constantly be stimulated is what's worrisome more than the amount of adderall. Dopamine is also the neurotransmitter involved in movement (in the brain as opposed to acetylcholine in muscles) so using your hand to do the same motion over and over again won't be good either.

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

You should start by getting checked out by a doctor. They might be able to set your mind at ease about some of these health issues, plus theyll be able to prescribe something to keep the twitches down.

Your body will heal with time. It sounds like you started out going pretty hard with those high doses but luckily you got off of it shy of a year. Definitly see a doctor because stressing about what might be wrong with you is only going to make you anxious.

 

[Lorne???]

I'm Well I thought this was going to be ridiculous, though those symptoms seem legitimate

In any case, go to a doctor, get checked out l-probably be honest, although describe the symptoms first and let them run basic tests-you could have a severe form of anxiety, which causes legitimate physical symptoms because of chemical imbalances and somatic symptoms and makes you panic and that makes them worse

Or, it could be something else-I have a funny feeling a couple of Valium would do you wonders though I am no am not in any position to make that judgement-although it seems unlikely that the adderal usage you described-and certainly not the other thing-would cause Parkinsonism or syndrome, however other conditions could have similiar symptoms and anxiety is unfortunately often accompanied by another medical disorder, and they just have a feedback loop and it makes both worse

Anyway, just try to stay calm, get to a doctor as quickly as possible, and try slow breathing through your STOMACH, then gradually let your body take back to doing what the autonomic nervous system should be in control of-call an ambulance if it gets that bad-nite that that involuntary breath feeling can also be caused by certain medications like anticholinergic and also from hyperventilating, anyway good luck man/woman

 

[Scrofula]

Never noticed Parkinson's manifest as a trembling upper lip before while sparing the fine executive motor control needed to play piano.

So your theory is that abuse of your medication (sin #1), plus the med. being psychotropic (sin #2), not for mere digital (I assume) penis stimulation (sin #3), but in fact sustained, artificially enhanced penis stimulation (sin #666)--has caused irreversible damage to your brain, which you deserve. Jesus may have intervened personally in your substantia nigra in fact.

(Little known fact: Jesus more famously intervenes on the optic chiasma, but not by making boys go blind: he bent it to make a big Greek Letter Chi in your skull--add a Rho for Christos--just to remind you he was in a pre-MBA frat and could totally have sold out.)

Which habit are we questioning more, OP? Which one of your many sins? Probably the sin of prescribing amphetamines to children, which granted you didn't do, except the ones you sold.

I don't know where I was going with that. Anyway, coming off a speed habit causes some brief but intense depression, which may return weeks later in a more subdued but pernicious way. Both times you are at risk for a very D2 receptor-mediated delusion of complex injury. Maybe your ventral tegmental area is actually recovering and hypervigilant for predatory neurotoxins.

As in, just like when you were using, and got a little too vigilant, and started seeing the things you were vigilant for. If you never stopped jerking you might not have noticed some of those psychedelic flavors. You imagine what the damage to your brain would be and how that would manifest. So you understand dopamine is a central player and picture Parkinsons' and tremors. But not, say, downregulated dopamine receptors leaving you looking like you were doped on Thorazine.

Or the reality that most of the brain damage from stims is more general and associated with hyperthermia. Or that all the adrenergic overstimulation was not kind to your heart or the chronic high blood glucose began a path to metabolic syndrome. But you probably didn't notice any of those. Because you didn't think of them. It's just more of the game your brain plays when Jesus tells it to fuck with you.

 

[Out_of_Frame]

You gotta be kidding me with the Jesus stuff. And I mean that literally, not rhetorically. Yes, I'm a guy. I'm not familiar with Thorazine. I should add some more details though. Sure, maybe some of my side effects are related to anxiety. I'm actually taking 300mg of Wellbutrin daily right now. I needed to quit smoking and felt I should address what I believed to be depression. One way to help me quit Adderall would be to just get on Wellbutrin because I just wouldn't be comfortable taking two medications, let alone staying on Adderall. I'm pretty confident my problem is not some delayed response to anxiety, for the most part, because the first symptom I had was the breath spasm while I was masturbating and high.

Also, I've noticed that running sort of attenuates my symptoms for a while. I figured maybe I should do stuff that I know is good for the brain, and perhaps meditation. I believe that can grow white matter in certain areas. I have no idea which areas this happens (I forgot). I guess I can look this stuff up, but idk I suppose I'm kind of in doubt of how much any of that can help given the unique situation and how little is known about the brain. And tbh I sort of fear looking into it. But I guess I'm here. So maybe I'm getting over it.

I wasn't thinking about the heart in terms of overstimulation of epinephrine damaging the tissue, if that's what you mean. I was thinking more along the lines of damage to the cranial nerve (vagus nerve? I forgot them...). I was also thinking about possible damage to the medulla because of the breathing problem. That might be too extreme though. I believe any damage there might be more pronounced.

 

[Lorne???]

Yes, that is pretty fucking extreme- however Wellbutrin isn't the friendliest drug-and you are really analyzing things, man m
I. Oils be wrong, or, I could be right and yet you could still likely have co-morbidity (something else wrong likely) however anxiety seems key here-if your that worried you'll focus on it-cut your Wellbutrin dose in half, and take what would equal ~1mg xanax, and simply distract yourself-you may be surprised
Ok low power mode though others will uh, help with your white matter-good luck in any case

EDIT: PLEASE GO TO A DOCTOR-if you are this concerned don't just talk about it in a forum-you need a medical checkup, ekg, tests and blah, you have a Wellbutrin RX? Great you're not smoking(presumably)!' However you think you need white matter - either your condition is extreme and shall continue to detoriatewas you grow more anxious, or you have a heart problem etc. and need treatment. Either way that is the very simple solution, unless am missing something- OK Good Luck again

 

[Out_of_Frame]

Well, I mean how bad do the side effects have to be to believe that I need white matter? I don't the amount you're thinking of. All of these are just guesses, but if something's wrong and white matter is a guess then how extreme does that mean it is? It merely means that I feel something off and I've proposed that I might need to restore some connections. Basically, to assume that I need white matter, I only need to feel a symptom at all because it's a total guess. Like I said, I can play piano. My symptoms can't be detected by anyone else. They're very minor, but they only need to be minor for me to know something's off and to come to a board and ask. They're just annoying. I think about them. I could be spending that time thinking about other things.

I know...you're right. I need to see a doctor. Maybe I will. Maybe not. I don't think it's serious and want to wait to see what happens.

 

[Out_of_Frame]

I should also add that the 'rainbow effect' was something I saw while masturbating that lasted like 10 seconds at most and was very slight. It was just like literally seeing a rainbow glare on a screen.

 

[Backfromthebrink]

Shit dude, did I just read that you've been popping adderall and bashing the bishop for UP TO 20 HOURS AT A TIME???

Man, your cock must look like Nikki Lauder's face after all that...

Seriously bro, do you not have a girlfriend?

Or even a dog (for walks obviously...not bestiality)

That's majorly unhealthy mentally...

 

[MrRoot]

20hours at once? That must be exhausting and grinding for your cock.

For me 3hours worth of threesome last night was enough to leave my cock feel like it has been shoved in and out of few holes for enough time.

 

[Out_of_Frame]

I be bashin that bishop, yo.

I actually googled my problem and was led to this board. I've been here to read before. There was another topic about it so it's not like I'm the only one:

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/747620-adderall-amp-masturbation

I don't have a girlfriend. I'm pretty introverted and at this point I've just kinda given up on looking because well I guess I'm not as curious about sex as I used to be because I've had quite a bit of variety (partners and positions) and most people are idiots in my country. I live in the US. So I guess I kind of just browse Tinder and other sites sometimes to see what's out there but idgaf right now. I'm worrying about other things. But I gotta tell you, nothing comes close to watching a good compilation porn video on 150mg of Adderall with new scenes flashing before your eyes every 5 seconds. It's like extreme shots of sexual/visual novelty pounding your consciousness at euphoria to the euphoric power miles per hour.

 

[HoldBack]

I?ll do meth maybe once a year for this purpose. I really think the sexual aspect is what really gets people hooked on speed.

Amphetamine is typically a safe drug even in the doses you were taking.

Get checked out if you want but I?d guess it?s your mind playing tricks on you.

 

[CFC]

I don't think your sexual behaviour is particularly extreme. I've gone for many days before and I know plenty of others who've done the same. Once you get into the habit, it becomes pretty inevitable for it to extend and extend (especially if you have plenty of PDE5 inhibitors and decent lube around).

As for your conditions, give it a few months. You can sensitise the SA node, which is a thing. And of course you can become more aware and sensitive/paranoid to things like your heart beat and minor tremors that you had little awareness of before. Which is not to say that you're just imagining it, but that it could be anything at this point really.

What I will say is, cancel your script if you can. It seems like you're never going to be able to use the adderall therapeutically after this.

BTW Scrofula's post is very insightful imo.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

*shrug* I've known people who have gone a LOT harder than you on speed (both pharma speed & street meth) and have come out on the other side OK...

And honestly the penis is probably one of the most durable parts of the male body lol...there are stories of tweakers holing up with a wifi connection & a teener of shard and jerking off for DAYS, and being none the worse for the wear...that's not to say that speed isn't bad for you, or that an extended period of abstinence isn't appropriate, but I would definitely try to chill out and take a breath

 

[JoeTheStoner]

omg meth and fappin LOL. you good tho, just chill.

 

[Scrofula]

Two thousand years, the Good Lord Jesus still causing trouble.

OP, give me a day or two if you haven't heard an unsolicited meth-and-jerking story from me already. I wasn't making fun of jerking off, I take it very seriously. As a single tweaker of 41 it's probably going to be my best companion here on out. (Every time I try to introduce meth to my latest Jdate--in the Witness chat room right after I say hi--it just turns out poorly for everyone.

I was making fun of your guilt over it. You got symptoms that might as well be hairy palms. Or, you have real symptoms that are totally unrelated to abusing stims. Or masturbation. I am doing one and about to engage in the other (I'll let you picture which), but tomorrow, much less a month from now, an odd spasm in a muscle somewhere will not make me think it must be complex form of neurodegeneration from the meth (depending on which muscle; some will be kind of obvious).

I only brought up some odd symptoms, like apparently sinus bradychardia is common among amph abusers in Tehran, while aortic root diameter seems a better indicator of mortality on admission to the hospital, because I'm willing to bet you never felt your aorta's root swell (maybe at the time it felt like that). (Also, in Iran, over 18% of young adults who patronize shady coffee shops are known to abuse drugs.)

My point is to relax, you stopped using, soon you'll stop smoking, and go back to the Zendo even though they only meet Sat. at 9am. And get a real job. Fuck you probably have twenty years on me too. Anyway, if you relapse, skip the porn, its really a distraction. There are schools of Eastern mysticism devoted to this very subject. You can get your meditation and masturbation in at the same time.

 

[Steady Scootin]

Not interested in sex, yet beating off like you're polishing a podium in Pyeongyang... I think you mean not interested in sex with those other than those likely cracked and calloused, kumite level chi emitting cranks that all that amphetamine have transformed into Pamela Handerson who's always hassling the Hoff. Gotta agree about seeing a doctor, a real one, not Dr. Feelgood aka the guy with the red right hand Nick Cave mumbled about.

 

[Out_of_Frame]

Yeah, of course I'm interested in sex, but I guess the situation is that I don't really want to work for it. LOL...I'm just tired of the whole going to the bar thing and having to approach a bunch of women and getting rejected. There's also a part of me that doesn't like that women go after money. While perfectly reasonable, especially in the recession, it's just unfortunate. I feel like all the good looking women go for sugar daddies because why wouldn't they? And I feel like I can satisfy my appetite for intellectual discourse on the Internet. I don't want to have kids and have little desire for a family. So, yeah...I guess there aren't many things supplementing my drive. I really only have drive for sex. But still, I don't even know if it would be possible to maintain a boner on 120-150mg of Adderall even with the finest woman in all the land. It's about visuals...and...if I want to rival that experience with porn, the woman I'm with would have to basically be as crazy as a pornstar.

 

[Out_of_Frame]

There are schools of Eastern mysticism devoted to this very subject. You can get your meditation and masturbation in at the same time.

Are you implying meditation is a hoax? LOL, I've experienced very mild effects post-meditation that resemble the effects of a low dose of X.

 

[Steady Scootin]

I can't imagine taking that much Adderall, I don't care for it much anyway (prefer Dexedrine and meth), but a dose like that would have me sonjittery and dirty feeling I don't even want to think about it. Man, wish I could find some Dexedrine...