5 months, time to leap back in

[cyberius]

So I made it five months sober from meth. I'm amazed I could do it. I had reached the point of recovery where I was just constantly depressed and unsatisfied with life and my complete brain chemistry. I just picked up again though, met some really nice tweaker guys and had a fucking blast the past four days.

Why TF would anybody ever want to quit? Meth makes you feel so alive and happy, life is so much more meaningful and real when you're using. I never want to quit again, I want to use every day and dive in. Why is this so wrong? Why is it we have to fight for our mild contentedness when junkies just blast off to Mars on the daily?

I just don't get it. Fucking social pressures by people I don't even honestly care about are the only reason for sobriety.

 

[jdfisse]

It was always the first one that was killing me. Unfortunately it wasn't until I was doing the last one that I realized I was dying...godspeed.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I think it should be legal. Just as strongly as anyone can.

But it ruins a lot of people.

Even if it doesn’t harm your mind, it is still illegal. Many people where I live end up in jail or prison for meth possession, intent to distribute etc.

It is also neurotoxic, and can be physically harmful (stroke, heart attack, death is possible).

 

[jdfisse]

All Enforced Morality. Enforced Morality lacks the power... Concerns over legality never stopped me for any meaningful amount of time. Concerns over relationship boundaries ("If you do that again I am leaving!") never stopped me for any meaningful amount of time. Your concerns over my health never stopped me for any meaningful amount of time. Society's rules, yours and theirs, lack the power to keep me stopped. If Cyberius believes his purpose on this planet is to go 150 miles an hour with his feet nailed to the floor, little reasoning will impact him. Cyberius, I believe you are here for something bigger, but what I believe matters nil in your life.

 

[lazydullard]

I plan to do some methamphetamine when I'm in a healthier place. But years away from now. Not until I'm financially secure and independent.

I always go overboard and end up street trash when I do methamphetamine, but I can't escape the feelings of perfection. If I can succeed in keeping it safe, I'll pick up methamphetamine when I'm older.

If it destroys me once again, it'll be the last time. I'm sure I can turn my back to it if I lose sight of myself again. Sometimes I even think of maintaining my sobriety and not trying again. The longer you're sober, the easiest it gets to turn away from chemical nirvana.

Don't hate on the social pressures. They can do a lot to keep you sober if you're having problems using. Social pressure is an important part of being a part of society. I'm glad for it. It keeps me from shoplifting and stealing.

The way I rationalize it, is that I'm leading my 2nd most ideal life. The ideal life would be to get high without caring who I hurt, but that was unsustainable as gauged by jail-time. The second most ideal life is sober, where I realize my pre-drugs dreams.

I used to be jealous of all the tweakers experiencing uncut raw pleasure. But one day I realized I had had enough pleasure. Why do I need more? Because there's someone happier than me right now? Bless the tweakers, but I don't have to blast off. There's a special contentment in sobriety, which is less intense admittedly, but it does come and it's enough to live on.

 

[Grinders Kiefers]

This might sound harsh, but if you don't care, then why post here? I support whatever it is you're looking for in recovery, sobriety, or whatever you want to call it, please just be honest about what that is. There are plenty of places on Bluelight to talk to similar-minded folks who are having fun with meth, this forum is for people who want help.

 

[sonicwhite]

Cuz it?s going to kill you. You need to realize that your life is more important than a make believe high. Life isn?t all frootloops ya know?

I stopped the meth by my faith. It is the only thing that has sustained me.