microdosing for anhedonia/depression/compulsory behaviours

[magniloquentcunt]

Hi everyone

I was wondering if microdosing LSD and microdosing Ibogaine is comparable, and if so, how. And which one would fit my picture better.
Thanks a lot for your help, below a "picture" of myself


I suffer from anhedonia, attention deficit, maybe depression (not melancholic).
those are all nice words for saying that im a bit of a weird loner. I feel like ive been given a lot in life, but my engine is defective.

fundamentally i have an extreme low drive. i dont enjoy most things and its making my life worse and worse.
im at the point where i have extremely impaired memory, making decisions is hard, i do not have any desires so i can not make true choices.
ive tried different antidepressants and stimulants but they only helped marginally. Seriously, i tried almost everything. ssris, nri, ritalin, modafinil, reversible MAOI, tianeptine l-dopa metergoline etc etc etc. some of those have helped marginally, but they did not allow me to grow or to get to a "new place"

i'm also stuck with post ssri sexual dysfunction, meaning that my erection has remained impaired. we're now 8 years after my last SSRI intake and its still lingering around.

anyway, im at a point where i am simply unhappy with who i am. mentally i would want to do certain things, to be creative and paint more, do some personal projects (im an artist/illustrator). but the spark has been progressively gone out in the past years. i do not have the discipline to do so with myself, and its killing my self esteem and the love for myself. i never manage to build anything serious

i feel like a husk, completely sterile, just waiting for the days to pass.
as i mentioned already, my cognitive faculties are taking the toll of the depression.. i only took mdma a couple of times in life, dont drink too much, dont smoke more than 2-3 joints a year. I really do think its the years of depression.
Another habit i have is, when at home, to watch porn, masturbate, and play videogames. those two things kind of go hand in hand and i believe they soothe me and allow me to turn off.

anyway, i may sound a bit emotional right now, and i do have the feeling that i am being a bit emotional these past days, but usually it is not so, its mostly simply apathy

 

[Xorkoth]

Wow, you sound like my girlfriend right now. :/ Same symptoms. The erectile dysfunction at this point is almost surely caused by the depression though.

Microdosing can help, it doesn't really help my girl but at the same time she hasn't really given it an honest try. You should give it a try, what do you have to lose? Whenever I've been chronically depressed, it helps me, particularly LSD.

Can I ask you a question? Do you have something in life you love doing, or that you used to love doing? What's your job situation? Do you hate your job? Are there other things in your life that cause you unhappiness (besides the depression itself)? Although sometimes depression is clinical/an imbalance in the brain (like one of my best friends), usually it's your brain's way of telling you that some thing(s) in your life are not working for you. In my experience, it's important to not have untenable situations (like bad relationships or miserable jobs) in your life because these things will cause you constant misery. It's also important to have things in your life that make you feel passionate, so you can spend your time doing things that fill you up and make you feel good.

Do you have childhood trauma or other trauma? My girlfriend's issues stem from childhood PTSD that she has never dealt with. Now in her thirties she's at the point you're at, her memory is shot, she basically waits around for days to pass, she isn't in touch enough with herself to even admit what it is she loves, let alone to seek those things out.

You have my sympathies, man... depression is a hell of a thing.

 

[magniloquentcunt]

Wow, you sound like my girlfriend right now. :/ Same symptoms. The erectile dysfunction at this point is almost surely caused by the depression though.

Microdosing can help, it doesn't really help my girl but at the same time she hasn't really given it an honest try. You should give it a try, what do you have to lose? Whenever I've been chronically depressed, it helps me, particularly LSD.

Can I ask you a question? Do you have something in life you love doing, or that you used to love doing? What's your job situation? Do you hate your job? Are there other things in your life that cause you unhappiness (besides the depression itself)? Although sometimes depression is clinical/an imbalance in the brain (like one of my best friends), usually it's your brain's way of telling you that some thing(s) in your life are not working for you. In my experience, it's important to not have untenable situations (like bad relationships or miserable jobs) in your life because these things will cause you constant misery. It's also important to have things in your life that make you feel passionate, so you can spend your time doing things that fill you up and make you feel good.

Do you have childhood trauma or other trauma? My girlfriend's issues stem from childhood PTSD that she has never dealt with. Now in her thirties she's at the point you're at, her memory is shot, she basically waits around for days to pass, she isn't in touch enough with herself to even admit what it is she loves, let alone to seek those things out.

You have my sympathies, man... depression is a hell of a thing.

Hi Xorkoth and thanks for your answer

at the moment im half freelance and half unemployed, so to say i've quit my job half a year ago and im transitioning to freelance. i dont have enough clients for now to make a complete living out of it so im enrolled in a sort of unemployment program about 50%. The job i had previously was not what i had expected it to be and was not creative enough. i kind of hated it to be honest and it is a good thing that i quit, albeit risky. the problem is i had big plans for my new future but its all fizzling due to the situation i mentioned. the past 3 years ive been taking antidepressants and stimulants to stay afloat but i am tired of it, as they're just a "get through band aid".
I dont think ive had any childhood trauma, at least none i can remember off. used to bully a bit, then got bullied a bit, i guess its fairly normal childhood. I was always shy and fearful of strangers as a kid though, im pretty sure theres a bit of social anxiety trait to it.
I dont think theres something that i really enjoy doing, maybe painting and playing videogames, thermal baths and hiking? lol idk! anyway one issue is my attention span is literally 1 minute. past that i find myself tabbing in chrome or looking at my cellphone etc. This is probably because, not enjoying anthing, i can not enter in a state of flow. I remember how beautiful it is to enter that state of productive trance, and it has not happened in a long time. I've also tried with a mindfullness course and it did not do much (walking meditation is the only thing that helps a bit)

anyway, it might be a bit off topic, but you could try talking your girlfriend into trying some natural supplements or even some antidepressants (steer away from ssris).. ive found gingseng ginkgo and maca to help, both with drive, energy and sexuality. bacopa monnieri for memory etc. or if shes not afraid of antidepressants, vortioxetine is good for intellectual deficits..

fundamentally i would like to feel my old passions and be driven to invest in them and bring myself further in that path. By consuming porn, videogames, and just rotting in front of my pc, i enter a vicious cycle of wasting time and energies in something i feel ashamed about and that i regret. ive tried multiple times to quit but i am always drawn back to it. there is little that i enjoy more probably, so in that sense i feel it is an addiction.


i have never done lsd or iboga or any other dissociative besides some thc and ketamine, but from what ive gathered about iboga and lsd microdosing i could formulate the following:

im wondering if i should first aim at treating these addiction components and therefore do a session of ibogaine microdosing,
or
if i should aim at finding the beauty again in what i once loved doing and the world in general, which could in turn make me turn away those compulsive behaviours?

 

[Xorkoth]

I think ibogaine microdosing is likely to be more effective for you. I took a flood dose of ibogaine for opiate addiction years ago and it changed my life. You could even try microdosing, and then if you feel up to it in the future, take a flood dose (but this takes lots of preparation and supervision). My flood dose left me feeling like I had woken up from a 10 year long process of slowly hating myself and my life and my life has been different ever since.

It definitely sounds like the root of your problem is that you are no longer seeing the beauty in life, for whatever reason. You're using porn and video games to distract yourself which is a vicious cycle because it makes you feel even worse in the end.

I assume you've done therapy or are doing it because of the medications you mentioned... but if not, you should try that.

 

[magniloquentcunt]

thank you for your time and opinion I was thinking about microdosing only, to be honest im a bit scared of full blown dissociatives. everyone says you need to be in a good mindsef for them and i dont believe im in that place now.. maybe in the future! Ive tried therapy for a little but to be honest i always felt there was not much to say, and i still believe that it is the case.. the situation is what it is and i can not see any particular reason for it being so... it is probably that i just cant see and think clearly, tough

 

[Xorkoth]

I'd venture to say that with ibogaine most people who undertake it are in a very bad place, which is why they took it. I found iboga to be one of the least threatening feeling psychs/dissociatives I've ever done. It felt very kind. It was overwhelmingly intense but I wasn't afraid. I was VERY afraid before I did it though. Ibogaine is not like classic psychedelics and dissociatives at all, it's very unique.

 

[pupnik]

I wish you could like making art.

filling sketchbooks with ideas using different kinds of dry or wet pigments is not only time consuming, you end up with terrific souvenirs that you can hide or share, which is a complete extra dimension that once having opened up for you could do wonders.

another side effect is money that may come in due to art, well certainly for some larger pieces it can.
( I often sell half what I make on spec within 10 years - and that leads to commissions and licensing too)

I got into painting canvases with acrylic 18 years ago, sold quite a few of them, then ran into a storage issue, but a friend opened up her apartment to rent, and (after one large canvas sold) the rental agency sent me a release to sign to use a photo of that apartment featuring another one of my paintings in an ad they want to promote ($500 US is supposed to becoming for that right)...

for me hard times and depression led to drawing and then painting which turned into social support and finally some money as well, but I draw and paint just to get grounded, just for CONNECTION. Also there are several places that artists can post for like Flickr.com and this makes for semiproductive time investment as well.

microdose lysergamides - my fave.

 

[Crashing]

Ive had very similar experiences. Microdosing seems like a miracle cure, and can be done on occasion for important dates, but slowly just makes the depression worse.

For SSRI induced or any chemically induced ED, I believe the chemicals are causing muscles in the root chakra/pelvic region to become weak and deteriorated. Serotonin manipulation can actually cause one to lose touch with this intricate muscle systems that we may have never been conscious of before.

The depression is from serotonin imbalance, which causes erectile dysfunction and then more depression etc. The imbalance is something that Doctors are still trying to figure out, it's likely that individuals who focus all their energy into self healing with entheogens and psychedelics have a vastly greater understanding than the medical industry, which relies on subjective accounts to gather information.

I think that the hobbies and activities we get into as we age will unravel symptoms from basically performing a single task for too long too many times. For example, if you got really into video games, computers, writing, reading etc.. basically anything that calls for sitting long periods, you may develop a pinched vertebrae in the lower spine, this leads to blood loss to specific minor areas within the pelvis. The pelvis is full of energy centers and small A to B glands and such. Lack of blood leads to lack of oxygen and lack of neuro-chemicals, leading to a serotonin imbalance in specific areas by default, which manifests consciously where it is allowed to grow infinitely.

I can recommend 3 exercises that helped me incredibly. I will find pics so that it is easy to understand. I have found that about 99% of information regarding these topics seems very misdirected and in many cases completely off base with very chaotic success rates.

 

[Crashing]

These exercises are fundamental to rebuild your core, foundation for power, emotion, sexual energy, creativity, everything... it's the focal point of the human.

Hip thrust, pushing your pelvis forward while clenching your buttocks as hard as possible, holding as long as possible. Repeating several times, then resting a few hours and doing it again. I can get a stronger one standing, by clenching the butt and pushing pelvis forward and bending it outward on each side.

Second is the belly raise. Best on an empty stomach. As you exhale you pull your lower stomach in starting with your anus
. Huge problem with this is people tend to start it at their stomachs, which means they have raised there fundamental energy to the lower stomach. NOT GOOD! Anything below that is suffering in this case, which is pretty much all of America at the least.

It is important to suck in the anus, and then roll the hip forward a slight bit while moving up the belly until your belly is sucked in as much as possible (after you exhale) Hold the exhale and bend back a bit, push chest out, roll shoulders back, and point head slightly upward as if extremely proud. Then release everything and inhale deeply.

Do that as hard as you can, for a long as you can, a few times, couple times a day.

The last is a full body flex. Easier while laying down if you're weakened. Just exhale slowly and by the time youre done have every muscle in your body fully CLENCHED. While clenched, become aware of what you aren't clenching and clench. Start at the buttocks and move up the torso and down the legs at the same time.

Keep in mind all the muscles in the body work in harmony. The only way to play in harmony is to first play in unison. This is why Concert Band directors will have the orchestra first play a 'Tuning note' before the concerto. These exercises are like that tuning note. If the foundation of the sound itself is out of tune, the song will be shit. Just like if your pelvic muscles aren't all equally tuned, your entire existence will be tragic.

 

[magniloquentcunt]

I wish you could like making art.

filling sketchbooks with ideas using different kinds of dry or wet pigments is not only time consuming, you end up with terrific souvenirs that you can hide or share, which is a complete extra dimension that once having opened up for you could do wonders.

another side effect is money that may come in due to art, well certainly for some larger pieces it can.
( I often sell half what I make on spec within 10 years - and that leads to commissions and licensing too)

I got into painting canvases with acrylic 18 years ago, sold quite a few of them, then ran into a storage issue, but a friend opened up her apartment to rent, and (after one large canvas sold) the rental agency sent me a release to sign to use a photo of that apartment featuring another one of my paintings in an ad they want to promote ($500 US is supposed to becoming for that right)...

for me hard times and depression led to drawing and then painting which turned into social support and finally some money as well, but I draw and paint just to get grounded, just for CONNECTION. Also there are several places that artists can post for like Flickr.com and this makes for semiproductive time investment as well.

microdose lysergamides - my fave.

thank you for your opinion i used to draw because i really liked to, entered a flow state probably, which by itself is a healing activity. unfortunately its not working anymore... it could be that ive just changed passions or it could be that theres something else at work...

 

[magniloquentcunt]

Ive had very similar experiences. Microdosing seems like a miracle cure, and can be done on occasion for important dates, but slowly just makes the depression worse.

For SSRI induced or any chemically induced ED, I believe the chemicals are causing muscles in the root chakra/pelvic region to become weak and deteriorated. Serotonin manipulation can actually cause one to lose touch with this intricate muscle systems that we may have never been conscious of before.

The depression is from serotonin imbalance, which causes erectile dysfunction and then more depression etc. The imbalance is something that Doctors are still trying to figure out, it's likely that individuals who focus all their energy into self healing with entheogens and psychedelics have a vastly greater understanding than the medical industry, which relies on subjective accounts to gather information.

I think that the hobbies and activities we get into as we age will unravel symptoms from basically performing a single task for too long too many times. For example, if you got really into video games, computers, writing, reading etc.. basically anything that calls for sitting long periods, you may develop a pinched vertebrae in the lower spine, this leads to blood loss to specific minor areas within the pelvis. The pelvis is full of energy centers and small A to B glands and such. Lack of blood leads to lack of oxygen and lack of neuro-chemicals, leading to a serotonin imbalance in specific areas by default, which manifests consciously where it is allowed to grow infinitely.

I can recommend 3 exercises that helped me incredibly. I will find pics so that it is easy to understand. I have found that about 99% of information regarding these topics seems very misdirected and in many cases completely off base with very chaotic success rates.

thank you for your extensive reply (with pictures!) i agree that muscular training of the pelvic floor region supposedly works wonders for erectile dysfunction, i have been seeing this topic popping up with increasing frequency in my researches... although a problem i have is that of genital numbness, meaning that i dont "feel" much there... maybe it is because due to the ED theres not enough blood/pressure down there, i dont know. anyway i will start training that region for sure, but for the spiritual part, ill need other approaches

 

[Crashing]

It's possible that SSRIs deal with selectively blocking serotonin that is responsible for blocking blood flow to glands in that area, so they can be reverted to happy chemicals elsewhere. This is what I call "The Camel Crush" -

Instead of each energy point being in a straight line like a street light skeleton lamp up and down the body, you end up with the chakral arrangement of a "rest sign" -

As if facing to the left. Energetically speaking, Shoulders forward, upper stomach out, lower stomach back and pelvis crunched back. Our goal is to straighten this out like being held up by a string.

 

[trogere]

I'm taking sananga since a couple of weeks. It's an amazonian medicine, traditionally people put drop in their eyes, but I've taken it orally. I've noticed some nice changes already. The first few days, I had a rush of energy and a stoned feeling a couple of hours in, and I was tired a few hours after. Now, I'm more calm, more energy, I enjoy more the time with my family.
I'm planning on a kambo session with a professional in a few months, and I might be looking into microdosing iboga in the future, but I'm really surprised by sananga at this time.

Crashing: the breathing technique you explained reminds me a lot about one I read about in a kundalini yoga book.

 

[danielsomers]

Hello Magniloquent, I thought I'd offer a few things in case you are still following this thread, as I've had a very similar situation to yours--left a job that was on paper great but that I did not like, slid into semi-employment and unemployment, and into isolation, and just a hell of a time coming out of depression and dysthymia as you recount. And I'm not there yet, but I think I've learned a few things--or I hope so!

First a couple of technical things. I feel quite sure, after a lot of reading, that depression is not caused by a chemical imbalance. Even psychpharm researchers are now admitting it was an interesting idea but that there is zero empirical evidence for it, and also there are numerous high-level medical researchers now saying the research behind it is totally unreliable, if not downright corrupt. (Search "Peter Goetsche" and "John Ionnides" and "SSRI"; these guys are very heavy hitters in the evaluation of medical research and pretty much say it's bullshit. Or Johan Harri's book "Lost Connctions" has a good recent summary of this.) And yet, the idea persists in a big way, which is a mark of how effectively the pharm industry sold it.

Second, it is possible the SSRIs are still causing sexual "dysfunction," since it sounds like you were on them fairly recently. I had it for about six months after I came off them, and there are accounts of it lasting much longer for people who took high doses for a long time. Hang in there, it will change.

There are two main things I would recommend. I of course cannot know, but I would look more carefully at childhood trauma. When things happen early in life they can be deeply repressed and I think it's fairly common for men especially. In my case, about six years ago I wrote in my journal that things were really tough, but at least I didn't have any of the awful trauma you hear about. Boy was I wrong! And note that trauma is not always acute or glaring, like violence or sexual abuse, but can be relatively subtle but still devastating over time. Many consider neglect and psychological trauma to be worse than violence, because they become normalized so easily and you can't get any traction on it and it is easier to repress. Exploring this can take careful work with a therapist you trust completely. Work with psychedelics can also help a lot, ideally ongoing work with someone very skilled who, again, you trust completely. (This stuff is all about the severing of relationship and about isolation, so relationship and trust is crucial as a container for holding the work.) But also therapists who work with EDMR and somatic experiencing can be very helpful because they go deeper than just talk and into the body.

The other is connection and relationship. That "should be" simple, but can actually be really hard if you have dysthymia and are, like me, reactive. But find some way, as we are fundamentally social beings and in need of meaningful work (work being a form of connection--including art, as you suggest). We literally, over time, wither and die, mentally and physically, without connection.

On the addictive stuff, read "Botany of Desire," a recent book, and also check out some videos of Gabor Mate. It is not most fundamentally a chemical problem, but a matter of learned habit, usually in response to trauma, and you have to consciously learn and practice new habits to get out of it. Mate is also a big believer in Ayahuasca, used to lead retreats in Mexico though I think has stopped.

I really do think psychedelics can help, but they can also be a diversion and even a rabbit hole. Microdosing seems to help some a lot, but use them as a way to move out of your current habits and situation, not as a solution of themselves. Higher doses can be great, but in terms of frequency, less is more--embed them in a program of life and learning, which should be the main thing, not relying on the drugs.

Again, I can not know, but most likely for most people with this, it is not a matter of having something defective in your brain but of having been injured and finding a way to heal. It truly is a hero's journey, as they say, and I wish you the best of fortune in moving through it and finding peace and joy.

 

[pupnik]

well thought through comment, Daniel!

 

[magniloquentcunt]

Hello Magniloquent, I thought I'd offer a few things in case you are still following this thread, as I've had a very similar situation to yours--left a job that was on paper great but that I did not like, slid into semi-employment and unemployment, and into isolation, and just a hell of a time coming out of depression and dysthymia as you recount. And I'm not there yet, but I think I've learned a few things--or I hope so!

First a couple of technical things. I feel quite sure, after a lot of reading, that depression is not caused by a chemical imbalance. Even psychpharm researchers are now admitting it was an interesting idea but that there is zero empirical evidence for it, and also there are numerous high-level medical researchers now saying the research behind it is totally unreliable, if not downright corrupt. (Search "Peter Goetsche" and "John Ionnides" and "SSRI"; these guys are very heavy hitters in the evaluation of medical research and pretty much say it's bullshit. Or Johan Harri's book "Lost Connctions" has a good recent summary of this.) And yet, the idea persists in a big way, which is a mark of how effectively the pharm industry sold it.

Second, it is possible the SSRIs are still causing sexual "dysfunction," since it sounds like you were on them fairly recently. I had it for about six months after I came off them, and there are accounts of it lasting much longer for people who took high doses for a long time. Hang in there, it will change.

There are two main things I would recommend. I of course cannot know, but I would look more carefully at childhood trauma. When things happen early in life they can be deeply repressed and I think it's fairly common for men especially. In my case, about six years ago I wrote in my journal that things were really tough, but at least I didn't have any of the awful trauma you hear about. Boy was I wrong! And note that trauma is not always acute or glaring, like violence or sexual abuse, but can be relatively subtle but still devastating over time. Many consider neglect and psychological trauma to be worse than violence, because they become normalized so easily and you can't get any traction on it and it is easier to repress. Exploring this can take careful work with a therapist you trust completely. Work with psychedelics can also help a lot, ideally ongoing work with someone very skilled who, again, you trust completely. (This stuff is all about the severing of relationship and about isolation, so relationship and trust is crucial as a container for holding the work.) But also therapists who work with EDMR and somatic experiencing can be very helpful because they go deeper than just talk and into the body.

The other is connection and relationship. That "should be" simple, but can actually be really hard if you have dysthymia and are, like me, reactive. But find some way, as we are fundamentally social beings and in need of meaningful work (work being a form of connection--including art, as you suggest). We literally, over time, wither and die, mentally and physically, without connection.

On the addictive stuff, read "Botany of Desire," a recent book, and also check out some videos of Gabor Mate. It is not most fundamentally a chemical problem, but a matter of learned habit, usually in response to trauma, and you have to consciously learn and practice new habits to get out of it. Mate is also a big believer in Ayahuasca, used to lead retreats in Mexico though I think has stopped.

I really do think psychedelics can help, but they can also be a diversion and even a rabbit hole. Microdosing seems to help some a lot, but use them as a way to move out of your current habits and situation, not as a solution of themselves. Higher doses can be great, but in terms of frequency, less is more--embed them in a program of life and learning, which should be the main thing, not relying on the drugs.

Again, I can not know, but most likely for most people with this, it is not a matter of having something defective in your brain but of having been injured and finding a way to heal. It truly is a hero's journey, as they say, and I wish you the best of fortune in moving through it and finding peace and joy.

Hi
thank you for sharing your experience!
I agree about the chemical imbalance aspect of things. while increasing serotonin seems to stabilize or even ameliorate mood for most, it leads to existential apathy in the long term. I believe the only recognize symptomd of depression is reduced BDNF, and fundamentally that is what one should aim to stimulate. meditation, sleep, sports and a balanced lifestyle. sport helps quite a bit in my experience and its the aspect i have most struggle with.
I have started with ibogaine microdosing and fundamentally im very skeptic when it comes to "healing plants of the lost tribe" type of mumbo jumbo. I kept reading that "iboga will show you" around and i thought it was all weird talk. I was wrong! It does detach you from your typical tought (and patterns) and allows to see some things youve always given for granted in a different light. It reminds me remotely of the effects of bacopa monniera. or the newer antidepressant vortioxetine, but more remotely so. If there is any childhood trauma hidden, im fairly sure this will help I agree that probably part of who i am today is a direct consequences of the coping mechanisms ive acquired and settled in over the years, and unraveling those will take time and luck (I cant sit down at a table and think hard, either the memory pops back or not..)
also acquiring and maintaining new habit is hard! but i think im doing a good job over the past 3-4 years, ive been much much more phisically active

 

[danielsomers]

Thanks, M, for the good words!

The ibogaine sounds really interesting. I've wondered about it myself. It looks like perhaps it can be gotten from Canada? Feel free to PM, I think can be done here?

Yes, exercise and BDNF seem to be very important--you are absolutely right that it is not entirely a historical trauma problem, though I expect to a large degree the two are related. Curcumin also can increase BDNF, fairly high doses I think, and also intermittent fasting, which is also good in many other ways--somewhat like exercise, in that a certain amount of stress invigorates the body at the cellular level. About six months after I'd started IF, and lost 10 pounds easily, I suddenly realized I'd not had an inclination to take a nap for months.

On serotonin, do we know it affects mood, or have we been told it does and so believe it to be so? I don't assume I know for sure, but consider that the pharma industry has spent many, many millions to show SSRIs work, and even with deeply biased and really corrupt practices, even the largely discredited research shows only a very small effect. Here's a recent review from someone outside the pharma-industrial complex: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2017.00275/full

But I sure hear you on the existential apathy! Whether that's caused by serotonin shift or by other effects of those drugs (they effect a lot of things), I don't know, but I lost a great deal to that over the course of years and am glad you have been able to spare yourself.

Peace, and be well!

 

[magniloquentcunt]

Thanks, M, for the good words!

The ibogaine sounds really interesting. I've wondered about it myself. It looks like perhaps it can be gotten from Canada? Feel free to PM, I think can be done here?

Yes, exercise and BDNF seem to be very important--you are absolutely right that it is not entirely a historical trauma problem, though I expect to a large degree the two are related. Curcumin also can increase BDNF, fairly high doses I think, and also intermittent fasting, which is also good in many other ways--somewhat like exercise, in that a certain amount of stress invigorates the body at the cellular level. About six months after I'd started IF, and lost 10 pounds easily, I suddenly realized I'd not had an inclination to take a nap for months.

On serotonin, do we know it affects mood, or have we been told it does and so believe it to be so? I don't assume I know for sure, but consider that the pharma industry has spent many, many millions to show SSRIs work, and even with deeply biased and really corrupt practices, even the largely discredited research shows only a very small effect. Here's a recent review from someone outside the pharma-industrial complex: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2017.00275/full

But I sure hear you on the existential apathy! Whether that's caused by serotonin shift or by other effects of those drugs (they effect a lot of things), I don't know, but I lost a great deal to that over the course of years and am glad you have been able to spare yourself.

Peace, and be well!

intermittent fasting and eating habits is also something that has been on the "to investigate" list for a long time, thanks for reminding

i am in no way a lover of pharmaceutical lobbyism! far from ever having been one! But i have to admit prozac, almost 10 years ago, gave me motivation and energy i had never seen since i was a kid/teenager.
Anyway, when i speak of "increasing serotonin", i mean also in different fashions than simple reuptake inhibition, which in my experience is the worse: i have tried Moclobemide, a reversible type of MAO-A inhibitor, which blocks the maoa enzyme which in return means you have more serotonin and norepinephrine that does not get deaminated. the feeling is completely different to that of a SSRI, it is much cleaner and somehow it feels *right*. It is an outdate and fairly unmarketed antidepressant, and it has my sympathy
anyway, i ordered the iboga in drops form from netherlands, there is a very well recognized supplier that has TA 1:50 tincture for sale, i have no doubt youll have a easy time finding it with the infos i provided, but in case just PM!

i will update this thread a bit with how its going during and after the month im going to take it. so far so good, fair antidepressant effect and i overall like how it makes me feel a bit sharper, somehow. In the latest years my intellect is what is suffering the most from the dysthimia/depression. besides the sexual aspects of course

 

[magniloquentcunt]

i have been experimenting with iboga for a month and recently started lsd microdosing
i find myself extremely tired recently... is this something related to the microdosing or is it just spring?

 

[danielsomers]

Hello M. Micro LSD did not do anything for me, just made me feel a little weird and off-kilter. But of course others find it helpful. I wouldn't think it'd make you tired, but spring shouldn't either--lighter, brighter, birds singing, etc. Whatever the cause, I hope it shifts for you.

One other possibility might be uridine, or what the nootropic crowd calls a "uridine stack," which includes DHA, choline, b vitamins. Supposedly it helps heal or invigorate dopamine receptors and can help with anhedonia, among other things. It's a nutrient, not a drug, which is always nice.

Also check out a recent book by Diana Nakazawa, "Childhood disrupted," which focuses more on the physiological and neurological legacy of trauma, and on ways to work with brain plasticity to heal, and that I think can be helpful even if there isn't acute trauma in your background.

For me, in the end, I'm pretty darned sure the answer is human connection, community, purpose in life, and working with brain plasticity (yoga, meditation, chi qong, etc.) I spent a month in a Zen monastery last winter and it was extraordinary. Something about the combination of meditation (2-3 hours a day), chanting, daily routine and productive work, and community. I really felt like I could feel myself healing and coming alive in profound new ways. Then some hard things happened... I'm seriously considering 4 - 6 months residency in a monastery in New Mexico. Sort of like rehab without the addiction problem. In the meantime, I'm gradually rebuilding community after too many years of isolation. It's slow. It ain't easy. I think it's the answer.

So that's just me, for what it's worth--after reading the above I thought I'd just toss it out. Good luck to you, my friend.